North of Heartbreak (4 page)

“In the dispensary, which is locked.” She gave him a wan smile and left him standing alone in the waiting room. She gave herself a dose and locked up the dispensary. Wonderful, more paperwork to fill out.

“Did you find it?” he yelled.

“Yeah, I’m okay. But I’ve got to get this work done. Thanks so much for bringing the food.” If she went back to work maybe he’d leave. She needed some time to think, to decompress. She moved to the exam room and started a quick inventory of the supply cupboard.

“Anything I can help you with in here?”

“No, no I’m fine.” With her shallow breathing and lips pressed together in a white line, she was far from fine. She prayed he wouldn’t notice.

“Listen,” he began, stepping into the small room. “I know we don’t know each other well, but if you ever need anything, someone to yell at or a shoulder to cry on, just let me know.”

She stared at him, her eyes and jaw wide. “I beg your pardon?”

“Hey, I know shi—” He coughed and took a step closer to her. “
Stuff
happens. Talking about it might help.”

She inched backward until the exam table was between them. “That’s very…nice of you, but I’m okay.”

He took another step toward her.

Too close, too tall, too much, way too fast.

Her face numb, she backed up even farther into the corner.

Liam stopped cold, his face going slack for a second. “Are you afraid of me?”

She didn’t want to answer, didn’t want to admit the truth.

For some people, monsters looked like snakes, alligators or things with fangs. Hers were handsome with all their sharp edges hidden inside. She wished she could trust him, lean on him, but wishing wasn’t going to change a thing.

“Willa…?”

“Please,” she whispered. “Just go.”

“You look like you’re going to pass out.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“When you’re as white as a sheet?”

“I can’t…can’t do this with you.”

“Do what?”

One tear tracked down her face. “You have to go.” Her voice was almost inaudible.

She was barely keeping it together and rather than helping her through it by leaving, his staying was making it worse.

He sank to his knees, putting his head and shoulders above the exam table while the rest of his body remained hidden behind it.

She blinked a few times. “What…what are you doing?”

He tilted his head to one side. “Who did this to you?”

“What?”

“Who made you this afraid?”

Fear closed her throat until all she had to breathe through was a straw. “I…I…”

“I won’t let anyone hurt you.” He said it as if it was a vow he’d take to his grave.

The room ran out of air. She crouched down and bowed her head, hoping to stave off unconsciousness.

She heard him move and held up a hand with her palm facing him. “I just need…”
Breathe, in and out. In and out.
“…a moment.”

“Okay.” He sounded like he was talking to a panicked little kid.

The room slowly came back into focus. “M-my ex-husband.”
Breathe.
“He…he’s dead.”

She glanced up. Liam was back behind the exam table. “He was drunk and crashed his car.” She slowly straightened up. “It was after our divorce was final. He’d threatened to kill me. I believe he would have, if he hadn’t killed himself.” Her whole body shook and she pressed her back into the corner. “Please come out from behind the table. Please leave.”

“I’ve made myself nonthreatening. See.” He scrunched himself down. “I’m shorter than you. There’s no way I could catch you if you decide to run away.”

Was he serious?

From the smiling, hopeful expression on his face, he was very serious.

She had no idea how to respond to any of it.

“So,” he began in a breezy sort of way. “What do you want to do? My knees are going to get sore if I stay down here for much longer.”

“Stop trying to be funny.” Tears clouded her vision.

“All right. What do you want to do next?”

It took her a moment to come up with any kind of plan. “How about we both go home?”

His smile was bright enough to make her squint. “Great idea.”

“You first,” she told him.

“Wow, you are a tough crowd.” He sighed. “Okay, but I’m not giving up. I want to help. I want to be your friend.” He got to his feet, nodded politely and left.

It wasn’t until she heard the door close that Willa finally came out of the corner. She grabbed a garbage can to clean up the Chinese food in the waiting room. “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

Chapter Four

Willa wiped a weary hand over her face. Between her work schedule and a certain perky pilot, she was exhausted. Ever since Liam left her shaking, scared and hiding in a corner a week ago he’d become a fixture in her clinics.

She expected him to be wary or perhaps concerned. Instead, he was cheerful, witty and altogether too helpful. It was as if that first day had never happened and he hadn’t seen the scars she carried on her soul.

She didn’t know what to think or do about him, but she was going to have to do something.

The locals had taken to him right away, as if he were one of their own returning home from a long absence. Strangely, none of the single girls had shown any interest in him and as far as she knew he hadn’t gone out on a single date. He spent all his spare time with Jason or with her.

She couldn’t figure out why he was bothering; she’d made it clear she wasn’t interested. A relationship was too big a risk for her to take. She’d been bruised and battered beyond repair, her heart broken into too many pieces for even Liam’s playful laughter to make whole again.

Even if she did let her guard down she had nothing to offer him. Her ex-husband had seen to that. He’d taken away her unborn child and any chance to conceive another with his fists and feet. Guilt tugged at her conscience. She deserved some of the blame. She should have left him sooner. Should have made sure not to get pregnant in the first place.

Liam isn’t him
.

Willa closed her eyes. She’d never forget the expression on Liam’s face when she asked him to go. Surprised and hurt. She shook her head. It was probably for the best. He’d last six months then move on to fly somewhere else.

She handed her last patient of the day a package of prenatal vitamins and a sterile cup. “All I need is a urine sample, Lisa, and you’re done.”

“That won’t be a problem. I have to go every five minutes anyway,” the young pregnant woman said with a rueful grin.

“That’s normal I’m afraid. The joys of pregnancy.” A joy she’d never experience. Willa’s smile died as Lisa laughed and disappeared into the bathroom.

Willa opened her chart and recorded the results of the prenatal visit. The baby’s heartbeat had been easy to find, strong and well within normal limits for a mid-third trimester fetus. Her pen paused as the sound of another fetal heart echoed in her mind.

With a swift shake of her head she pushed the memory away. She could wallow in regret later alone in her apartment.

So many regrets.

She put the chart aside then bent down to freshen her supply of sterile urine collection containers from the stock box in the cupboard below the desk.

“Anybody home?”

The deep male bass voice had Willa jerking her head out of the cupboard.

Liam stood on the other side of the reception desk, a pleasant smile on his face.

She groaned. “Don’t sneak up on people like that. I nearly knocked myself out.”

“Sorry.” He craned his head over the desk. “What are you doing down there?”

“Restocking sterile containers. What are you doing here?”

He leaned against the desk on one elbow and stretched his legs out. “It’s three o’clock on a Saturday afternoon. I’ve got no flights and I’ve finished all the maintenance.” He grinned. “I got bored so I thought I’d come bug you.”

She snorted. “At least you’re honest.”

“Honesty is my middle name.”

“Right.” She shook her head and went back to counting cups.

“Here you go,” Lisa said, coming out of the bathroom.

Willa stood and took the container from her. “Thanks.”

“Hi, Liam,” Lisa said, smiling at the pilot. “How are you?”

He released a long blustery sigh. “Bored.”

“I can fix that,” she said with a laugh. “Come and play with my kids, or better yet, clean my house.”

He chuckled. “Nice try, but I’ve decided to follow Willa around the rest of the day. She’s far more entertaining.”

“More entertaining than two kids under four?” Lisa gave Willa a considering look. “I had no idea. You two been dating long?”

“No,” Willa promptly replied.

“Yes,” Liam said at the same time.

Lisa gave them a confused look. “Which is it?”

“He’s just picking on me. Don’t believe a word he says.”

He grabbed his chest and staggered back. “You wound me, madam.”

“I’ll wound you a lot more if you tell anyone else we’re dating.”

“A guy can dream can’t he?”

Willa pretended to consider it for a second then said, “No, actually, you can’t.”

“You two sound like you’ve been married for years,” Lisa said as she donned her coat. “Better watch out, Willa, or before you know it you’ll be picking his dirty socks off the floor—”

“Not in this lifetime,” Willa interrupted.

“—and alternating midnight feedings.”

Liam snorted with such derision both women turned to look at him. “What? I’m doing the honorable thing and
not
reproducing.”

“The honorable thing?” Willa asked.

“I have babyphobia.”

“You’re deathly afraid of babies?”

“They’re so…helpless.” His expression was bleak. “They need constant care and attention. That’s just if they’re healthy. What if they get sick or someone leaves matches on the table where any little kid can climb up and reach them? Good parenting is tough. I don’t think I could do it.”

“You don’t do it alone, is how you do it.” Lisa smiled at them. “I have to go. I think I left some matches on the table. Bye.” She slipped out the door.

Willa glared at Liam. “That was insensitive.”

He glanced at the door. “I don’t know, it looked like she was laughing at me. You know, the whole ‘big strong man afraid of a baby’ thing.”

“Well, I don’t think it’s funny.”

“No?”

“No. You make it sound like babies are nothing but work and worry. They’re love and…” She caught herself before she could say too much. “Every moment with them is joy.”

He stared at her. “Not in my experience.”

She’d never have the opportunity to experience it. She took in a breath, searching for something to say to change the subject when his words registered. “Your experience? You’re a father?”

He didn’t move, didn’t flinch, but his lips and eyes tightened, adding stress lines to his face. “No, I’m not a father.”

His words were filled with pain and grief. Two emotions she was well acquainted with. “Were you a father?”

Blood drained from his face until he looked like a ghost.

“My apologies, it’s none of my business.” She cleared her throat. “Lisa was my last patient for today, so if you’ll go I can lock the door and get to my mile long list of things to do.”

He shook himself as if throwing off a bad dream and crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m here to help.”

“I don’t need anyone’s help. I’m just doing some housecleaning.”

He frowned at her. “When was the last time you took some time out to relax?”

Willa turned and walked away. “This conversation is getting us nowhere.”

“It’s a valid question.”

She stopped and let out a gusty sigh but didn’t turn around. “I can’t remember.”

“No one can work 24/7, 365 a year and not burn out.”

“You think I want to work this much?” She glared at him. “I don’t, but I also don’t have a choice. I’m underfunded and I can’t seem to convince the town council we need a bigger clinic, more equipment and a real doctor.”

“So let me help you.”

She turned away again. “My head’s still above water. I’ll be fine.”

“I’m not asking you to sleep with me.”

She whipped around to face him, her mouth hanging open.

“I just want to give you a hand. That’s all.” He smiled. “I promise to be good. Really.”

She didn’t trust that grin. He was up to something, but what, she couldn’t imagine.

The thought of a couple of hours to do absolutely nothing was very attractive. He was right, she was tired. Tired and lonely. “Okay. You can help.”

Liam grinned, came to attention and saluted. “Where would you like me, ma’am?”

Her eyes narrowed on his face. Was he playing with her?

He met her gaze head-on, and she looked away first.

“You can start by moving those boxes of supplies into the storage room.” She pointed at a stack of medium-sized boxes in the corner near the examining room.

“Right away, ma’am.”

Willa shook her head and retreated into the exam room.

Sounds of work filtered back to her and she began the task of inventorying the drawers and cabinets.

The noise outside the exam room stopped and she glanced up. Liam stood in the doorway, both hands braced on the jamb. “Hey, I’ll be done with those boxes in a minute. Anything I can do for you in here?”

She glanced at him, her eyes lingering on his bare arms. He was nicely muscled, very nice. “Um…you could move the furniture out so I can mop the floor.”

“Gotcha, boss.” He winked and disappeared.

Liam whistling a nonsensical tune gave her a few seconds’ warning before he walked into the exam room to stack, pick up and remove three chairs.

Liam wasn’t wearing a shirt.

Her jaw sagged. Wow. He was solid muscle. Not the overblown kind one saw in gyms, but the natural sort earned with honest-to-God hard work.

She followed him out the door. Damn, she was lucky not to trip over her tongue.

“Where do you want this stuff?” he asked over his shoulder.

She found her voice, though it sounded strained even to her. “Anywhere is fine. Why aren’t you wearing a shirt?”

He put the chairs down, turned and stepped close, but not quite close enough to touch. “I got hot.”

She gazed up at him, swallowing hard. “Oh.”

He moved a fraction nearer. Near enough for her to feel the heat radiating from his body, to smell his mouth-watering scent, to need his lips on hers and her name on his breath.

He hovered over her for what seemed like several minutes, his head descending toward her as if he were going to kiss her.

“Excuse me,” he said, his voice a growl, and walked around her.

She stayed where he left her, standing in the middle of the room, watching with wide eyes as he moved the desk, chair and examining table out into the common office area.

She couldn’t have moved if a bomb had gone off right next to her.

After bringing out the last piece, he approached her. “Where’s the mop?”

She blinked. “What?”

“The mop.”

Willa chewed on her bottom lip. “Oh, sorry. I’ll go get it.”

She headed for a small closet, grabbed the mop and bucket and handed them to him, her gaze trying and failing to stay above his neck.

“Thanks,” he said in a low tone. “How about some cleaning solution?”

Willa jerked her gaze off his chest and glanced at the empty bucket. She squeezed her eyes shut. “I’ll be right back.”

When she came back with the bottle of solution, he was standing with his thumbs hooked in his front jean pockets, waiting for her, a grin on his face.

She was making a fool of herself, and unless he covered up, it wasn’t about to end soon.

Willa approached him hesitantly, stopped several feet away and cleared her throat. “Could you put your shirt back on, please?”

“Sure,” Liam said easily. “Does it bother you?”

“Yes,” she burst out then quickly added, “I’m not used to men wandering around half-naked in my clinic.”

“You’re not? Isn’t it hard to do a medical on a fully clothed patient?”

“No, yes…that’s not what I mean.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean men in general.” She waved her arm up and down in front of him. “Walking around without their clothes on.”

“I’ve got lots of clothes on,” Liam said, playing innocent and looking down at himself. “Pants, socks and boots.” He paused. “Underwear.”

“But no shirt,” she said through clenched teeth.

He shrugged, brushed past her, grabbed his shirt and pulled it on. “Better?” he asked as he did up the buttons.

“Yes. Thank you.”

“No problem. I don’t mind sweating a little.” He picked up the mop and bucket from where she left them on the floor.

“You misbuttoned your shirt.”

Liam glanced down. “Oops. I guess I was a little distracted.”

Willa’s face slowly heated.

He rebuttoned his shirt and bent down to grab the mop and bucket again, his face almost grazing her body, and she was too startled to move away. He stopped for a long second as his mouth rose level to hers then he sauntered off into the exam room.

She stood in the middle of her clinic, her chest heaving as if she’d just run the Iditarod without dogs or a sled.

Liam Reynolds was a dangerous man. Half-naked, he was downright deadly to the vow of self-preservation she’d made after her divorce.
Never get involved with a member of the male species again.

She forced her feet to move away from the exam room, even though she really wanted to stalk in there, lock the door and rip Liam’s shirt off along with everything else he wore.

She’d never had this strong of a reaction to a man, ever. She wanted to touch every inch of his muscled body, to feel him pressed against her, his scent and taste swamping her senses.

She shook her head.

“Show off,” she muttered as she knelt down to see how many more containers she needed to fill the cupboard.

“What was that?” Liam asked, poking his head out through the doorway.

“Sterile cups. I need sterile cups.”

“Oh. I saw a box of them in storage.”

“Thanks.”

He grinned. “No problem.”

His smile should be declared illegal along with the rest of his body.

Willa stuck her head in the cupboard more to get away from looking at him than anything else. Every time she saw him, her heart rate went up and her breathing became erratic.

She tiptoed over to peek through the doorway. He had his back to the door, mopping the floor. Unlike other men she’d seen attempt to handle a mop, Liam took meticulous care to wash the entire surface.

She had to give him points for effort.

Willa backed away to go on a cup search, and found a large boxful at the far end of the narrow storage room. She picked it up and carried it toward the doorway, but caught the edge of another box, spilling its contents of bandages across the floor.