Nobody's Sorry You're Dead: A Hadley Pell Cozy Mystery (14 page)

“
Y
ou did what
!”

It was Maury. Hadley phoned her after she and Rayna had finished discussing what this year’s theme for the bazaar would be.

“Hadley! You could have killed yourself,” Maury said. “What were you thinking? What if that thing had stalled in midair? What if you’d ran out of fuel? Oh, dear me. I get weak just thinking about all the things that could go wrong. What if I’d needed you? Oh, Hadley! You’re aging me with worry worse than Bill and Skip!”

“Mary Maureen, take a breath. Bill is a good husband, and Skippy is a good son. Don’t worry. Stop making mountains out of mole hills. I was perfectly safe in that plane. Anna flew overseas. She’s a really good pilot,” Hadley said.

“You sound like you liked it,” Maury said. “I would have fainted dead away. Whatever possessed you to climb up in that contraption in the first place? You’re not a child, anymore. You could have broken something.”

“The only thing I popped was the button on my jeans. I think the back seam split a few inches when I crawled over into the plane, but it’s nothing I can’t fix with a needle and thread.”

“Hadley! I ought to have Bill come over there and lock you up. For your own safety! I will not sleep one wink thinking of this! You were always too impulsive for your own good.”

“Maury, stop. You’re making me woozier than the flight. It really was a special feeling flying all over the county like that. It all looks so different from above. I could never have imagined it. You have to experience it, Sis.

“Everything looked so clean from up there. And you can see for miles. The orchards laid out in neat patches, the dense woods clustered here and there. The toy houses. The dirt roads crisscrossing the landscapes. It such a peaceful feeling soaring high above it all. It was amazing.”

“Hadley Jane, I am not believing my ears. I cannot be hearing what I think you are saying. You sound like you liked flying!”

“Well, I think it’s something that can grow on you,” said Hadley, sipping her coffee.

“Like a wart,” said Maury.

“Are you going to stop fuming and fussing and let me tell you what we got done on the bazaar,” Hadley said, to change the subject.

“Did you get a lot done?” Maury asked.

“We did. Rayna’s a dynamo. But there’s still tons left to do. Maybe you could come over next week and help us out.”

“Sure, sis,” Maury said. “I’d be glad to.”

Hadley hung up the phone.

There was a knock on the door. It was Anna. She’d promised to come by and show Hadley how to hook up her camcorder to her TV.

“Gee,” Hadley said as Anna finished quickly, “I was expecting weeping and gnashing of teeth. That took you all of a couple of minutes.”

“Let’s see what you shot,” Anna said.

The end product was not as good as Hadley hoped. She jostled the camera. Luther looked like a scary monster on video. Hadley had not adjusted for the outside light, and Luther looked like a ghost.

Oh, well, she thought, that was before she got the instruction manual out.

“So much for my first adventure in epic picture making,” Hadley said. “Sorry to disappoint you, Anna. It wasn’t very good.”

“Nonsense,” Anna said. “Don’t worry, Hadley. You’ll get lots better with practice.”

“Guess I shouldn’t expect any calls from Hollywood, soon. Thanks for your help in showing me how to set that thing up.”

“Glad to help. Call me anytime. I don’t mind lending a hand. Don’t be intimidated by technology. It may seem daunting at first, but remember, we all start at ground zero and learn from there.”

“I guess. I’m just so afraid I’ll break something or crash it.”

“I know. But remember, any time. I’ll be glad to drop by. Call me when you get your new tablet.”

“You mean one of those pads of paper with pale blue lines, right?”

“No. Call me if you need me, Hadley,” Anna said.

“Thanks. I’ll do that,” Hadley said.

Anna left. Hadley replayed her video again, but it was no better the second time than it had been the first. Onus walked by, hardly looking her way.

“Maybe,” Hadley said, “Anna’s right. Practice will make perfect. At least the shots from Eustian’s weren’t so shaky. Hey, Onus. Maybe there’s hope for me, after all.”

Reeeeoow.

It was not an encouraging sign.

Hadley decided to put in a few more hours upstairs. If she didn’t, she feared her attic would come to look like Eustian’s house. Scary.

When she looked outside, it was dark. The time had slipped away.

“Shoot,” she said, “I still have to eat supper.”

Didn’t matter, she guessed, if it was seven or midnight or two in the morning. That was one nice think about living alone. No scheduled meal times.

Hadley stepped outside to the garage to open a can of corn and a can of peas for her supper. If anyone had seen her, she was sure they’d have her committed. Probably, nobody opened cans of food in the garage.

No one except Hadley, that is. But there was a good reason she kept the can opener out there.

Onus went berserk whenever he heard it running. To that tabby, the sound of a running can opener was like catnip. Hadley had always fed him from pull-tab cat food cans. She’d never once bought the cans of cat food that needed a can opener to open them. Yet somehow, Onus associated the sound of a can opener with
FEED ME. CAN OPENER = MEAL TIME
.

Anyway that’s what Hadley reasoned. Whatever the true cause of her cat’s obsession with the running motor of a can opener, it had forced her out in the garage, in every season, to open any people can of food she might choose for lunch or dinner.

Hadley was spinning the cylinders under the can opener. Wasn’t going to be gourmet fare tonight. She fixed a quick meal and was just cleaning up when her cell rang.

“Lou Edna, what on earth are you doing calling me at this hour,” Hadley said.

“There was a ruckus down at the jail. Gunn Miller’s been arrested!” Lou Edna said, going off down a long rabbit track of a story, hardly taking a breath in between exclamation points.

“Gunn’s a hot head,” said Hadley. “What’s he done now?”

“Something that tops the all-time worst of the all-time worst,” said Lou Edna. “They got Gunn for Eustian’s murder!”

“What!”

“Gunn threatened to kill Eustian. I can’t blame him. Look at all the trouble he’s caused. But Gunn made the threat in public. Other people overheard! He’s really done it this time. They think Gunn made good on his threat, so he’s locked up, with charges pending. Murder charges! Oh, Hadley. This will absolutely kill Maggie.”

Hadley rang off with Lou Edna. She looked at the clock. Ten after ten. Maury would still be awake. She dialed her sister’s phone, crossing her fingers that Maury would not be on the line with someone else.

“Is it true that Gunn’s been arrested?” Hadley asked.

“Yes,” Maury said. “I’m afraid so. Bill’s not home. Still down at the jail.”

“What do you know, Maury?” Hadley asked.

“Not much,” said Maury. “Who told you? Lou Edna?”

“Yeah,” said Hadley. “You know Lou Edna. She fills up with gossip like a balloon and if she doesn’t let it out, she’ll pop.”

H
adley was vacuuming later
on that afternoon. She’d shooed Onus out of the bathroom sink to clean the bathroom. Needless to say, the orange fluff ball was less than happy with her. But when did that differ from the usual indignation her presence seemed to cause him?

There was a knock at the door.

“Bill,” she said, “surprised to see you. Come on in.”

Bill stepped inside and closed the door behind him.

“Word travels fast,” Hadley said, “I just hung up with Maury not long ago. You two must read each others minds if you know I rode in Anna’s plane this quickly.”

“Hadley,” Bill said, “I need that key.”

“What key?”

“The key to Eustian’s. I just got a call from Bowey Hill. You haven’t started cleaning up the place yet, have you?”

“Bowey Hill?” Hadley said.

“Hadley,” Bill said, “tell me you haven’t started cleaning out Eustian’s house.”

Well, no. We went inside. Checked out the place. But we haven’t started cleaning, yet. Beanie’s been laid up sick. I didn’t want to start without him. You know how he is. I promised him half of what I got to help me.

If I started without him, he’d feel he wasn’t entitled to a cent. Besides, I’ve been busier than a hive of bees with the bazaar and bake sale. And Brinkley needed his truck back. I got my car from the garage. She runs like a top. Beanie’s feeling better. We planned to have a crack at it, tomorrow. Why?”

“Okay,” Bill said. “Nothing’s been disturbed”

“No.”

“Crap. I never should have given you that key. I’ll have heck to pay for that mistake. How in the world was I supposed to know something like this would happen? You’ve seen his place, a garbage nightmare. You didn’t move anything or pick up a souvenir, did you?”

“No. Beanie and I went inside, just to get an idea of what kind of job we were facing, but we didn’t touch much of anything. Other than the doorknob and a string trail we set up to find our way back out of that dump,” Hadley said. “Bill what’s going on?”

“Eustian Singlepenny was murdered,” Bill said.

“Murdered! How?”

“Poisoned with cyanide,” Bill said.

When Bill left, Hadley looked at Onus.

“Guess that means the job of cleaning out Eustian’s just fell through. That old fuddy-duddy was a rat and a poor excuse for a human being, but nobody deserves to be done in like that. What do you think you about all this, Onus?”

Onus peered out at Hadley from a tiny box that had dropped on the floor. How did a full grown cat shrink so much that he could stuff himself inside a cubby hole as small as that? It was amazing.

In spite of the dreadful news Bill had just told her, Hadley could not help but smile. Onus was forever wedging himself into any empty box he found around the house. Whatever trick he used, Hadley thought, I wish I knew it. There were several pairs of jeans in her closet that would dry rot and disintegrate before her thighs were ever that small again.

“Well, fat cat, I guess that’s the way the cookie crumbles. I’ll let you in on a little secret, Onus,” Hadley said. “I’m sorry for the horrible way Eustian’s died, but I’m glad to be off the hook with cleaning out his house. That was one job I was dreading like a case of the mumps.

I’ll never admit to Maury, but she may have been right. Beanie and I were in over our heads. We’d have needed haz-mat suits and rebreathers to do that job.”

Hadley shuddered at the thought of all the debris that cluttered Eustian’s house. Cleaning it out would have meant she and Beanie would have been breathing rat droppings and dust and mold at least a hundred years old.

“Ugh, Onus. Yep. I’m glad we’re off the hook. Beanie and I could have contracted something that the health department could never get rid of with a shot.

Anyway, the change in plans has left me with some free time. I’ll have to tell Beanie, but I felt like he’ll be glad, too. Beanie was still bothered by images of Eustian coming back from the dead. I know that for a fact.”

Huh, Hadley thought, that old buzzard is toast, by now.

N
ext morning
, Hadley decided to have breakfast at the Greasy Spoon. The local café was neither greasy or a hole-in-the-wall, as its name implied. It served some of the best cooking around. But the owner, Truman Dewitt, was a jokester and thought the name was hilarious and would stick in peoples’ minds.

Next to the Beauty Boutique, the Spoon was the place to haunt if you wanted to keep your ear tuned to the latest goings-on in Hope Rock County.

“Hey, Hadley,” Truman said through the cubby hole in the wall where his grill and griddle were located.

“Hey, Tru. Gimme a couple scrambled, some grits and sausage, toast, and juice,” Hadley said.

“Comin’ right up.”

Truman’s waitress was Delta Arden. Delta had been wiping counters and taking orders at the Spoon from Day One. Hadley liked Delta, a buxom, bleached blonde with a laid-back approach to life.

You needed that, Hadley reasoned, to wait tables here.

The Spoon was about the only decent eating establishment within twenty miles. It was surprising how busy the diner was on Friday and Saturday nights. But Delta didn’t seem to mind the chaos. In fact, the hotter it got in the kitchen, the more Delta seemed to blossom.

“That gal never seems to bust a sweat,” one patron observed. “I’ve seen her sweet talk her way outta a dozen wrong orders from two dozen rednecks.”

“Yeah. They outta hire that girl to be a diplomat or something. The world would be a lot better place.”

“You said it.”

The two old men turned their attention back to their meals, gulping them down before they got cold.

Delta had grown up dirt poor on a few acres of the poorest soil this side of the Appalachians. Any job that did not involve using a hoe in the hot summer sun was a piece of cake. The worst day at the Spoon never held a candle to the hard-scrabble life she had left behind as a young girl.

“Delta,” Hadley said, “tell me when you get a break.”

“It may be awhile, girlfriend,” Delta said. “This place is packed.”

“Figured it would be,” Hadley said. “That’s okay. You just keep the coffee coming, and I’ll wait. I don’t mind.”

Forty-five minutes later, Delta and Hadley were out behind the Spoon. Delta was smoking a cigarette.

“Boy,” Hadley said, “that place is literally humming. You know those things are bad for you, don’t you.”

“I know. But we all have our vices,” said Delta.

“That’s true. You’re a big girl. None of my business, I guess.”

Delta flicked the ashes of her smoke. They floated to the ground.

“All anyone can talk about is Gunn’s arrest,” said Delta.

She drew deeply, exhaling the smoke in curly little clouds.

“You know Gunn and Eustian got into it pretty good that last time,” Delta said.

“Umm,” said Hadley. “I’d heard a little bit. Gunn and Eustian had words.”

“I’ll say,” said Delta. “Gunn threatened to kill that old buzzard.”

“Kill him?” Hadley said.

“Yeah,” said Delta, “but you know Gunn. Short fuse. Burns out before the main explosion. More bark than bite. Still, the way Eustian was carrying on, I just knew there’d be trouble that day. I just knew it. The diner was packed. Eustian came in. Sat down at the front. Ordered the blue plate special and a glass of tap water. Like always.”

“Cheapest thing on the menu,” Hadley added.

“Umm,” Delta said. “Eustian pulled the same stunt he always did to get a free meal. Started complaining half way through his meal. I kept going over to him, asking if he needed anything. Eustian would look at me and frown. The second I walked away, he’d start grumbling. Real low. Hardly hear him. The meal was good, Hadley. It was fine. I’d served several just like it. No complaints from anybody, except Eustian. I like my job, Hadley, I really do. But I always dreaded seeing Eustian walk through the door. That man was nothing but a spiteful, bitter, evil, mean, old man.

Truman tried his best to please the old skinflint. I made sure to double-check his order. The plate looked really pretty. But Eustian ate it and said it tasted like metal. Pitched a fit. Called me all kind of names for messing up his order. Truman came out from the back. He told Eustian that if he didn’t like the fare, don’t come back anymore. Eustian got madder than an old wet hen. Told Truman it was a free country. He’d do as he pleased. Told Truman to fire his dumb blonde and get somebody who could get the orders right.

Gunn was seated at a booth by the door. That last remark was too much for Gunn, I guess. I kept watching him out of the corner of my eye. The more Eustian fussed, the blacker the look on Gunn’s face got. Frankly, I don’t know how Gunn held back as long as he did. He lit into Eustian. He didn’t hit him, but he did tell Eustian to go crawl back under his rock and leave decent folks alone. Told him if he ever talked to me that way again, he’d kill him.

Gunn stomped out. He was obviously upset about the lawsuit and Sandy’s troubles. I can’t blame him. And Eustian just smiled that slimy, old grin of his. Guess he had more ammunition for his side. Anyway, now Eustian’s dead and buried and Gunn’s in jail.”

“Gunn’s always been a handful. I never knew how Maggie and Gil could have two boys who had such different personalities,” said Hadley.

“Umm,” said Delta. “Sandy’s always been the white sheep and Gunn the black. I always thought Sandy hired Gunn to keep an eye on him. Sandy told me Gunn’s got a heart of gold, and he’s a good worker, but even Sandy realizes Gunn races his motor every now and then. Do you remember when Myrtle Peace broke up with Gunn? He took a baseball bat to every road sign between here and the Grand Canyon.”

“I remember that. Gunn was what, fifteen? I know he’s been in trouble, now and then. But murder? I can’t see Gunn doing that. Punching somebody’s lights out, yes. Killing them, no.”

“But Hadley,” Delta said, “you don’t know what trouble that lawsuit has caused Sandy. I hear his business is zero. And the bills he’s racked up! Ben Jamisen doesn’t come cheap. He didn’t get to be the richest lawyer in Hope Rock County by charging his clients pennies on the dollar.”

“More like $20 on the second,” said Hadley.

“But Sandy won’t settle out of court. He’s dead set on fighting that suit, even if it bankrupts him.”

“Poor Sandy,” Hadley said.

“Sandy says that Eustian has blackened the Miller name. It’s not about money, according to Sandy. It’s all about honor.”

“Eustian’s ruined a lot of good names in this valley,” Hadley said.

“Don’t I know it,” Delta said. “Mason Riggs, Blake Kelly, Winston Snead, Jack Willoughby, Larry Steeles, Teddy Croft, Bixby Hawthorne, Garland Vance, Raymond Joins. The list goes on and on. That Eustian kept the good folks of this county stirred up like a stick in a hornet’s nest.

“But I’m like you, Hadley. I really can’t picture Gunn going off his rocker and getting so worked up that he’d knock off Eustian. Eustian was a despicable geezer, but he couldn’t have had much longer on this earth.

He’s gotta be pushin’ 90. Remember a while back? I thought he was a goner when he wrecked that heap he called a tractor. Took a hard-as-heck knock on that mule-stubborn head of his. But he seemed to bounce back pretty quick.”

“I remember that. Bill talked about it. Said Eustian was lucky Yancey Dray happened by. There was an old tree near the road that Eustian was trying to push over with his tractor. Somehow, Eustian lost control and ended up turning the tractor over and the tree fell on top of him. Yancey said he’ll never figure out how the old man wasn’t killed. Had a bruised-up face for the longest time, I remember.”

“Yeah. Too cheap to go to the doctor and be checked out. I heard he sewed his own head up with sewing thread and a needle! Can you imagine! Not that a scar would hurt Eustian’s looks any,” Delta said.

She took another draw on her cigarette.

“Old Eustian walked around town with his face the color of a Concord grape,” Delta said. “Course, your green hair never held a candle to Eustian’s purple face, Hadley.”

“Delta!” Truman bellowed. “I said one cigarette not the whole carton.”

“Gotta run, girl. Truman musta' popped up on the wrong side of the bed. I don’t know what makes him so ill some days. I think he’s got his apron strings tied too tight.”

“Go on in, Delta. We’ll talk later. Tell Truman those grits were excellent today.”

“I will,” Delta said. “He’s got a new sausage supplier. Everybody says that sausage just sets off those grits finer than hair on a frog.”

“My compliments to the chef and his waitress,” Hadley said.

“Later,” Delta said, letting the screen door smack behind her.