Nobody True (33 page)

“I tried, I tried to forget about you. You were such a bastard to me and Jim was so caring.”

“I did my best to forget about us too, Andrea. I honestly wanted to stop loving you. Unfortunately, I couldn’t pretend for very long. I gave in to my true feelings. And eventually, so did you.”

“I couldn’t help myself. I missed you so much, despite your cruelty. I thought my love for you would fade in time, but it never did. I could only cope with my life by seeing you again. I should have been happy with Jim, and then Primrose, but it was never complete. Part of me was missing.”

“Then don’t let guilt spoil everything now.”

“Now that we’re both free? You honestly believe I can put my feelings to one side just because he’s gone? It isn’t possible. He was a good man, a loving husband and a wonderful father. He deserved more than that.”

“You have the right to be happy again, Andrea.” Ollie’s sincere client voice again.

“I would have been happy with Jim. I was happy with him.”

“But a moment ago you said something was missing from your life…”

“Because I still loved you? That was the missing ingredient I could have managed, Oliver. I’d have got by if only you’d kept away from me.”

“All those wonderful times we had together. You can’t ignore them, you can’t pretend they didn’t happen.”

“In hotel rooms, your car? In your flat? Sneaking around, telling lies. I despise them.”

“You gave yourself to me completely. You wanted me as much as I—”

“No!”

“—as much as I wanted you. We’re still in love with each other, don’t you see that?”

For a while there was no response. Then: “How can you be so callous? How can you say these things knowing my husband—your best friend—was brutally murdered only days ago?”

“Because I’m speaking honestly and you have to listen to me. Okay, we can give it a while, that’s probably for the best anyway. But I’m not going to let you get away from me again. We don’t have to live a lie anymore, we—me, you, Primrose—can become a real family.”

“I had a real family.”

“Please believe me, I don’t want to sound harsh. But you’ll have to face the truth some time. If I thought you didn’t want me, I’d get out of your life for good. But we both know how it really is, don’t we?”

Smooth-talking, convincing Oliver. How I detested the bastard.

There was some hesitation before Andrea said, “No. I do love you, Oliver, but you have to understand…”

“I do. Honestly, I do understand. I’m aware of how difficult it is for you. It’s the same for me, you know.”

“How could it be? You were only his so-called friend.”

“I still loved him.”

“You betrayed him!”

“We both did. And there’s nothing either of us can do to change that. Look, you need time to grieve, and I’m prepared to wait if that’s how it has to be. I won’t give up, though. I’ll be there for you whenever you need me. Is that okay with you? I’ll stay away for a while, but sooner or later—it really depends on you—I’ll come back.”

I heard more muffled weeping.

“You should go now,” Andrea said between sniffles. “You should go home.”

“I have to go to the agency.”

“This time of night?”

“Sydney’s working overnight to get the books ready for audit and examination. Blake & Turnbrow have the right to check them before the merger can progress.”

“You’re going through with it—the merger, the buyout?—even though Jim was against it?”

“It’s the right move.”

“Doesn’t it give you another motive for murder? The police are aware that Jim was fighting it.”

“I’m prepared to risk that. My idea has always been to build up a small but lucrative agency, gain some blue-chip or at least prestigious accounts, then sell for a large amount and perhaps get out of the business altogether. Big agencies have always liked swallowing up the smaller fry, especially if their creativity is exceptional, as ours is.”

“Was. You’ve lost Jim.”

“I always had the best ideas. Jim was just the art man.”

In the hall, I couldn’t feel any more devastated than I already felt, but a seething anger was pushing its way through once again.

Andrea came back at him. “You know that’s not true. You were a team—Jim always came up with wonderful campaign ideas.”

“Okay, we both know that, but Blake & Turnbrow don’t. Sydney and I have had numerous meetings with their people that Jim knew nothing about, and others, that pressure of work prevented him from joining. The art director is always the last in the chain as far as preparing for presentations is concerned. I think the other agency assumes I’m the driving force behind our creativity.”

“If Jim had only realized how devious you really are…”

“That was one of his faults, wasn’t it? He always trusted people, always thought the best of them. You see, Jim had two main faults. The first was that he was gullible; the second that he wouldn’t admit it, especially not to himself.”

“And this is meant to make me love you more?”

“It’s all for you, Andrea. You and Primrose.”

If I’d had any doubts about Guinane having killed me (see that? I couldn’t bring myself to call him Oliver or Ollie anymore) they had all gone by now. How had I ever believed in him? How had I ever thought I truly knew him? I mean, here was a scumbag who’d wanted to wreck my business life, who had planned to steal my wife, and now, perhaps worse of all (yeah, worse to me than screwing my wife, because she had played a voluntary part in that), he wanted to claim my daughter as his own, so what would be so hard about murdering me? Oh yeah, he did it all right. Tonight my ex-partner had revealed things about himself that I would never even have guessed at a week ago. God, give me the means, give me the means to hit back, to avenge myself. Vengeance might be Thine, but hey, throw me a crumb, let me help out just a little bit.

I forced myself to listen on.

“Why tell me all this now? What’s your point, Oliver? You can’t make me feel any lower than I do already, so why make me finally see exactly what you are?”

He sounded anxious, yet there was still that arrogance in his voice. “Because I want honesty between us after all these years of deceit. I want you to know how much I’m prepared to do for you.”

“For yourself, you mean.”

“No, so we can have a good future together. You, me and Prim. I’ve had enough of the rat race, darling, I want out. With the money I’ll make from the merger I can leave advertising behind me. We’ll have time for ourselves, Andrea. No more deadlines for me, no more distractions, no more stress. And of course, eventually my inheritance will come my way and it should be quite substantial.”

“I’m not impressed, Oliver. But thank you for helping me make up my mind. It’s over. I want you out—now!”

“You’ve tried to end it before. More than once.”

“It’s different this time. Jim’s death has made me see what a bitch I am. And what a two-faced swine you are.”

“You’ll feel differently when the grief is over and you can think clearly again.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever be over it.”

“It wasn’t our fault, Andrea. Not yours, not mine. His death was an act of fate and had nothing to do with us. You’ll see that eventually.”

“I’m beginning to wonder about that. The police suspect you, Oliver, and I’m wondering just what lengths you’d go to to get what you want.”

“Don’t lay his murder on me, Andrea. At times this week I’ve felt his death was meant to be, that with Jim gone everything can be as it should.”

“You know what? At last I’m seeing you in your true light, and it isn’t very pleasant. Go and see Sydney at the agency, cook up more of your greedy little get-rich-quick schemes. Just leave me—and Primrose—alone from now on.”

Another creak of the sofa and I guessed Guinane was rising to his feet.

“Okay, I’m going,” I heard him say. “I know you’ll change your mind about us. Sooner or later, you’ll see things clearly.”

“Just go, Oliver. It’s over, don’t you understand? We’re finished.”

Footsteps crossing the carpeted floor. Guinane appeared in the doorway, no more than two feet away from me. I wanted to throw myself at him as he paused there and turned to look back at Andrea.

“I’ll call you tomorrow,” he said.

Her voice was cold. “Please don’t.”

He watched her from the doorway for a moment, but from the expression on his face I don’t think Andrea returned his look.

Finally, he said, “I’m there when you need me.”

With that he whirled around and made for the front door.

I still wanted to hurl myself at him. I wanted to kill him.

And then I remembered.

Suddenly, I wanted him to stay.

Because Moker was on his way.

36

About ten minutes later there was a knock on the door.

37

I don’t know why Moker didn’t ring the bell; perhaps he thought using the knocker above the letterbox was more portentous, more scary, who knows?

I’d gone into our long lounge—it extended to the back of the house since a dividing wall had been taken out—and watched Andrea on the sofa as she wept quietly.

She looked dreadful. Her dark hair was unkempt, her face sallow, sickly-looking. The rims of her eyes were red and looked very sore, while the skin around them was puffy. She seemed frail, as if she had neither eaten nor slept well for a week, and she was hunched forward on the edge of the sofa, elbows on knees, twisting a sodden handkerchief in her hands.

“I’m so sorry, Jim,” I heard her say in a voice that was weak, full of sadness and regret.

For a moment, I wanted to go to her and hold her tight, comfort her with forgiving words, but the thought of her duplicity prevented me (not that it would have been possible anyway). At last aware of all those years of deception and adultery, I raged inwardly, and my pity was limited. Had our whole marriage been a sham? If—I would have screamed my thoughts had I had a voice that could be heard—if Primrose was Oliver’s daughter, then his and Andrea’s affair must have revived itself shortly after we got together, even before we married, so what was wrong with me, how had I failed her? I loved Andrea as much as any man could possibly love a woman, yet it wasn’t enough for her. Dark images of the two of them sneaking around, making love in the daytime, when I was always on photo or film shoots, at night when Andrea had made some excuse of having a girls’ night out, staying with one of her closest friends because it was so late—all those thoughts rushed through my head. Guinane and Andrea naked, together, Guinane touching my wife’s body, entering her. Fucking her. The thought, like the word, was brutal. Brutal and ugly.

But it was the shock of learning the truth about Primrose that subjugated all else. That had finally busted me.

I loved her so much and the thought that she was not truly my daughter broke my heart, my will—my soul. This child whom I’d adored since first she had slid oh-so-easily from Andrea’s womb, all sticky and bloody, but the most beautiful sight I’d ever seen. How nervous I’d been because it was all so new to me, I’d never had someone who would depend on me so much, and how gratifying fatherhood had come to be.

If I were still alive and Guinane suddenly announced to the world that he was Prim’s true father and even took blood tests to prove it, I would fight tooth and nail to keep her as mine. I would never love her any less, to me she would always be my daughter, and I was sure that to her I’d always be her daddy.

I could only look down at the wretched figure of Andrea as she quietly wept and curse her for what she had done to me.

Andrea’s bowed head came up and she looked towards the open lounge doorway.

“Oliver…?” she whispered.

Her sad, tear-stained face took on some kind of firmness, a hard glint narrowing her dampened eyes.

“No,” I heard her say in a voice that was angry as much as remorseful. “I told you, it’s over.”

Three sharp knocks again.

Andrea rose from the sofa and took weary but determined strides across the carpet. She passed right through me and I suddenly felt a mental anguish that was almost a match for my own. It was as if a cloud full of misery, regret, with anger gnawing at its edges, had enveloped me. Only fear—fear for her—sent me after her.

I raced around her as she reached the lounge door and held up my hands as if to block her way.

“No!” I screamed into her face. “Don’t open the door, please don’t open the door.”

Once again, her distress engulfed me, but this time I was ready for it and let it slip through without burdening myself. I went with her, screeching in her ear all the way to the thick oak front door to our house.

“Don’t let him in! For God’s sake, don’t open the door!”

Then it all became like a slow-motion dream: She’s hesitating, as though she’s heard me, but she couldn’t have, because she’s taking another slow, oh so slow, step closer to the door, and she’s lifting an arm, her hand reaching for the latch, and I’m screaming at her—don’t do it, Andrea, please don’t let him in!—and her wrist is twisting as she says Oliver’s name, and now my wife, my widow, is pulling the door open, stepping back to allow it to swing wide…