Nobody Likes Fairytale Pirates (5 page)

He’d take her anyway.

Because he wanted her and he was
selfish and he simply didn’t give a shit about anything but that.

She pounded in his blood. 

An instant violent need, burning in
the heart like madness.

He wasn’t sure why and he didn’t
care.  At all.

The Grizzwood was ruled by The
Right of the Meanest.  Whoever was toughest, was in charge and could
take
what they wanted.  If you won the fight, you won the right.  It was their only
real law and their principle form of social cohesion.

And at the moment, Uriah intended
to follow that law to the letter.

But that didn’t mean he had to be
happy about it.

“Crap.”  He said under his breath,
feeling sorry for himself and cursing the woman for being so appealing.  Why
couldn’t she have been a bartender or something?  Why did she have to be an
enemy soldier?  It made this so much more complicated for him.

Rowland glanced up at him, still rummaging
through his desk looking for the letter which put him on the trail of the
Adithian ship to begin with.  “Something wrong?”

“I want the girl.”  Uriah blurted out,
trying to keep the desperation from his voice.  He tapped a finger against his
chest.  “She’s mine.”

Had Rowland had any experience with
the Grizzwood folk, he would have immediately recognized the
horrifying
implications of that simple statement and apologetically handed her over.
Immediately.

Sadly, he did not, and Rowland
chuckled like the colossal asshole that he was.  “You’ll get your turn.”  He
assured him, which made Uriah’s skin crawl. 

He shook his head.  “No, no, you
misunderstand me.”  He turned around and met the other man’s eyes.  “I don’t
mean I want to rape her, I mean I
want
her
.”

“You want
the girl
as your
5%?”  Rowland shook his head.  “Sorry, she’s worth more than 5% of this haul.”

“Then I’ll
buy her
.”  Uriah
squared his shoulders.  “Name your price.”

“I’m not going to sell her!” 
Rowland sounded genuinely insulted.  “She killed half my crew!”

“So, get a new crew.”  Uriah
snapped.  “They were bested by a
woman
anyway, how good could they
possibly have been?”  He tried to play into the man’s natural sexism, hoping
Rowland was stupid enough to fall for it.  “I’ll pay you double her worth and
you can use that money to hire men of
ten times
their skill.  It’s
win-win for you.  Keeping the girl gets you nothing.  She’s just some Adithian
archer who’s more trouble than she’s worth.  If it’s simply revenge you’re
after, I can assure you, I have
plans
for the girl.”

True, his plans involved “getting
to know you” brunches and gifts of colorful flowers, but those could possibly
be torture for the girl, right?  It wasn’t like being around Uriah was a
pleasure for anyone.  He was a selfish, drunken asshole.  And those were his
best
qualities.  Being forced to endure him during their hypothetical picnic
brunches would probably drive the girl over the edge anyway.

Rowland shook his head.  “I
couldn’t even if I
wanted t
o, Uriah.”  He sighed.  “I need her.  There’s
all sorts
of red tape with this job, you know that.”  He shrugged, as if
helpless.  “She’s not mine to give.”

“
Triple.”
  Uriah retorted
immediately, undaunted.  “She’s just a little thing anyway.  You and your men
could find some other
sturdier
girl to keep you company.”

“You know, ordinarily, I’d jump at
an offer like that, Uriah.”  Rowland soothed.  “I respect the fact that you…”

“…and my ship.”  Uriah all but
whispered, then repeated more forcefully, cutting him off.  “I’ll pay you
triple,
and
give you the
Whore
.”

Uriah loved that ship.  But he’d
toss it aside if it got him the girl and kept him from doing what he knew he’d
have to do in a moment.

“I can’t, Uriah.”  Rowland spread
his arms helplessly.  “My hands are tied here.  I need her.”

Uriah moved towards the door again.

Outside, the woman’s screaming and
thrashing was growing weaker.

Uriah stood in the doorway, at the
turning point of his past and future. 

And it was never any choice at all.

Not even for a moment.

“I understand.”  Uriah nodded, his
voice even.  “That’s what I thought you’d say, Rowland.  But you know I had to
try.”

“That’s my boy.”  Rowland clapped
him on the back.  “Now, let’s say you and I…”

The rest of his words were cut off
as Uriah turned in one fluid motion and plunged his sword straight into the
man’s stomach.  Rowland gave a gasping cry, which Uriah stifled by covering the
man’s mouth with a hand.  “You r
eally
should have just given her to me,
Rowland.  I
told you
she was mine.”  He whispered as he stabbed the man again
and dropped the body to the floor.  “You’ve made this
so
much more
difficult, you stupid bastard.”

Uriah looked up at the ceiling of
the dead captain’s cabin, praying to the uncaring gods of his people.

At this point, as long as the girl
lived, it would be worth it.

That was his “best case scenario”
here, since this was a really, really bad situation to be in.

Long-term planning had never been
Uriah’s strong suit, sadly.  His people weren’t known for their patience or for
their tactical minds.  Mainly, they just bludgeoned their foes until one of
them stopped moving.  Any sort of “plan” was the antithesis of the spirit of
the Grizzwood.

If he had been born with the
ability to strategize, he could have undoubtedly gotten out of this situation
with the woman intact.  Sadly, Uriah had been taught from an early age to think
with his fists.

In this case though, it had gotten
him into
serious
trouble.

He wasn’t going to live through
this.

No chance.

But the good thing about never
thinking things through was that he didn’t have to think about
that
either.  All that mattered was that he was one step closer to getting the woman
and what he wanted.  And it was time to move.

“Root, hog, or die.”  As his mother
had often said.

He hurriedly stuffed the dead man
into one of the wardrobes and made his way back to the door to the cabin.  He
took a deep breath and strolled out into the sunlight, laughing. 
“...and
then she stepped on the ball!
”
 
He laughed uproariously at the
punchline to a joke he didn’t know the setup for, hoping that it sounded
sufficiently drunken and relaxed.  “Oh, that one is my favorite!”  He chuckled
again.  “Okay, okay, be right back.”  He told the dead man conversationally in
case anyone was listening, then made his way across the gangplank to the
captured Adithian ship.

It was an utter w
arzone. 
A
pile of dead Adithian soldiers littered the deck, and s
tacks
of dead
pirates filled the spaces between.  Most of the corpses were killed with
expertly placed arrows, piercing armor, flesh, and bone.

Uriah tried to suppress his smile
of pure respect.

The woman was a
master
at
her trade, whoever she was.  Personally, Uriah had never had any skill with the
bow, but that just made him appreciate the girl’s artistry all the more.

One of the pirates gave the woman in
question a swift kick and Uriah struggled not to rip his throat out.  “Enough,
enough.”  He called to the man, hoping that his absolute rage boiling below the
surface didn’t show.  “Rowland wants to see his new prize.”  He was silent for
a beat.  “See
all
of her.”  He gave a forced chuckle and tried not to be
sick.  “So I think that’s about as much as he’d like her bruised.”

The men didn’t look too happy about
being called off the woman, since she’d spent the better part of the morning
making them look like complete assholes and cutting down their friends like
cordwood.

“Come on, now,” Uriah shooed the
men away with his hand in mock good-natured comradery, “stand aside, stand
aside.  We’ll all have a chance to make our guest feel…
welcomed
.”

The men laughed.

Uriah’s fist was clenched so tightly
that his fingernails dug into his palm hard enough to draw blood.  It was sheer
force of will which kept him from killing them where they stood.

Instead, he cleared his throat. 
“Doesn’t look so tough
now,
does she?”  He proclaimed loudly, kneeling
down to her and leaning forward to whisper to her.  “Miss, I know you…”

His words were cut off by the
woman’s fist slamming into his face, hard enough to knock him back onto his
heels.  “O-o-ow!”  He stammered in surprise and pain. 

She’d just damn near broken his
nose.

Wow.

That was so hot.

She tried to start crawling away,
but lacked the strength and ended up merely clawing at the wooden deck with her
fingernails in an attempt to pull herself along.

Uriah wiped the blood from his face
and resumed his whispered introduction.  “Now then, as I was saying before you
interrupted: I know have no reason to trust me, but I’m
begging you
to
walk quickly and quietly back to my ship with me.” He said softly.  “Because in
a minute, they’re going to kill the both of us.”

She stopped trying to move away and
instead tilted her head up at him.  Her face was swollen and looked dazed.  “W-w-w-why?” 
She croaked, surprise in her weak tone, apparently not expecting him to have
such a sudden change of heart.

Evidently, she had never met anyone
from the Grizzwood before or she would have recognized their
suicidal
levels of possessiveness and protectiveness for what was theirs.  If she had,
she probably would have taken her chances with her captors.

No one wanted to belong to someone
from his homeland.

But at least she apparently
believed him, which was good.  Uriah had never met anyone who trusted him
before, so this was a foreign and altogether pleasurable novelty.  Sadly, it
wouldn’t last.

“I’m a dark and sinister man.  But a
woman once baked me a pie.  And I never learn my lesson.”  He pulled her to her
feet.  “Go.”

He all but carried her away, moving
as quickly as he could without raising attention.  They walked back onto
Rowland’s ship and towards the dead captain’s cabin, then tried to subtly make
their way past it.

One of the crewman frowned as Uriah
strolled by with the girl.  “Where you goin’ with the prisoner?”

Uriah shrugged.  “Rowland and I
flipped for first crack at her.”  He informed him nonchalantly.  “Sadly for
him, luck was not on his side today.”

That sounded…
almost
convincing. 
Especially since his audience was stupid.  Lying to stupid people was always
preferable to lying to intelligent people.  It just made the whole process
easier.  Like winning a swordfight against an opponent who wielded only a fish.

The guard nodded and allowed Uriah
to hustle the woman onto the gangplank leading back to the
Whore
.

“Stop!”  The man called a second
later.

Uriah’s hand nonchalantly slipped
down to the sword at his waist, but he kept his voice even and carefree. 
“Yes?”

The man stared at him in silence
for a moment.  “You know you have a fucking arrow stickin’ outta your back,
mate?”

“Yes, I’m aware of that, thank
you.”  He told him, starting to walk again.  “I thought it would be more fun to
have this girl pull it out.”  Why the fuck would
that
be fun?  Think! 
“With… with her teeth.”  Dammit.  He was usually a better liar than this.  “Or
you know.  Whatever.”

The man frowned in confusion,
arching a suspicious eyebrow.

Fuck!

Uriah tried to cover by laughing in
apparent merriment.  “Fella, I am drunk as
shit
right now, so I got no
clue what I’m saying.  And all I want to do is fall into a cool drink and a
warm girl, okay?  So, no offense, I’m sure you’re a super interesting
conversationalist, but I
really
don’t feel like talking to you right
now.  I aim to get drunker and do…umm…” he waved a hand as he thought up another
lie on the spur of the moment, “sick pirate shit to this poor captive woman.” 
He nodded lasciviously.  “You know what I’m talking about.”

The man was silent for another moment,
then started laughing.  “Yeah, I know what you’re talking about, mate.”

Uriah smiled at him weakly, then
hustled the girl onto the deck of the
Whore
.

“W-w-what were you talking about?” 
She whispered to him, her voice slurred and soft.

“I have no idea.”  He told her
flatly.  “For the record, I’m typically a much better liar than that.”

“Sh…sh…should hope so.”  She
finally got out, holding her cracked ribs and wincing as Uriah gently helped
her to sit down on a sack of supplies.

“Forgive me, I’m afraid my
customarily astucious skill at deception is failing me at this critical
moment.”  He straightened.  “I’m having a bad morning.”

“Really?”  She put her head back,
blood marring her bruised face.  “Mine’s been just awesome, pirate.”

He smiled at her unexpectedly dry
tone, finding her sense of humor surprising and delightful.

He glanced around the deck, looking
for his quartermaster.  The man in question was leaning against the railing, as
if he didn’t have a care in the world.  He straightened when he saw Uriah
walking towards him.  “Cap’n.” 

“Get us out of here, Mister Marston.” 
Uriah ordered in a low voice, trying not to raise any sort of suspicion from
their allies. 

Marston frowned.  “But we’re still
hooked up with the
Squid
.”  He gestured to Rowland’s ship, which was
currently attached to the
Whore
by a series of ropes.