Authors: Janet O'Kane
Peter lifted a buff folder from the desk and took out several pieces of paper. He gave them to Zoe without a word.
She unfolded the uppermost plan. Produced on a computer, it laid out her entire kitchen, complete with storage and work areas, an Aga – of course – and a huge island in the middle. Other sheets were hand-drawn representations of sections of the room, showing different features and finishes.
‘It looks beautiful,’ she said.
‘You’ve got the measurements for everything on there. So now you can go off and buy a flat-pack from one of the DIY sheds.’
Zoe laughed, then saw the look on Peter’s face.
He wasn’t joking
.
‘Why would I want to do that?’ she asked.
‘It would mean you’d stay away from Neil.’
‘Maybe I don’t want to stay away from him.’
‘That’s obvious.’
‘Are you telling me to stop seeing your brother? If so, I want to hear what he’s got to say about it.’
‘You’re making a big mistake if you take him seriously. You’ll only get hurt.’
‘My relationship with Neil is none of your business.’ Zoe returned the plans to the desk, hoping he could not see her hand shaking. ‘Please tell him I stopped by and ask him to phone me.’ She started to walk towards the door.
Peter grabbed her arm.
‘Let go.’ Zoe tried to pull herself free. ‘Ow, you’re hurting me.’
He stared at her, jaw clenched, then thrust her arm away from him. ‘It’s for your own good,’ he said, and turned his back on her.
Zoe slipped twice going up the stone steps in her hurry to reach Larimer Hall’s front door. Once in the car, she took several deep breaths and rubbed at the red mark on her arm.
What just happened?
She wondered if she had overreacted, misinterpreting Peter’s warning about Neil as a threat. He was reserved, happy to play second fiddle to his boisterous elder brother; she had never seen him get cross with anyone. Maybe he knew Neil was giving her the run-around and this was his clumsy attempt to tell Zoe what Neil would not: she had been dumped.
Yes, that must be it
. She did not want to consider the alternative, that Peter resented her relationship with Neil, that he had caused her car crash.
For the first time, she allowed herself to think the unthinkable: coming to the Borders had been a mistake.
What was it Neil said? Some incomers can’t hack it and soon leave. Was she one of those?
As she approached Keeper’s Cottage, she saw a vehicle parked outside the front door: Kate’s Volvo. She nearly drove on, unable to face another argument today. But that would be ridiculous. This was still her home, even if not for much longer.
Kate walked towards the garage as Zoe swung the hire car into it, and stood waiting at the door. As soon as Zoe got out she rushed up to her.
‘I’m so sorry for what I said.’
Not knowing how to respond, Zoe stood with the car door open, her handbag still on the passenger seat.
‘I felt so awful about how things were left between us that I dumped the bairns on Mum as soon as they got home from school and came round to see you rather than texting.’ Kate hugged Zoe tightly.
‘It’s okay,’ Zoe said into Kate’s hair, then pulled back so her friend could see her face. ‘It’s okay,’ she repeated. ‘You were right. I do have to trust someone. And there’s nobody I’d rather confide in than you.’
She took a deep breath. ‘So why don’t you come inside and I’ll tell you about Russell and how he died.’
Kate and Zoe stood in the hundred-watt brilliance of the cottage’s hallway, taking their coats off.
‘You’re as white as a sheet,’ Kate said. ‘What’s happened?’
‘It’s this light – I really must buy a shade.’ Zoe bent down to pet Mac, who had rushed into the hall to greet them.
Kate’s silence indicated the huge effort she was making not to press for the truth.
Zoe went to make tea, leaving Kate curled up in Mac’s chair and stroking the dog’s head. While she waited for the kettle, she rooted about in the Pickfords’ box in the hall, finding what she was searching for just as the water came to the boil.
Kate barely noticed the mug of tea being set down next to her as she stared at the photo album under Zoe’s arm. Zoe sat in her own chair, flicked through a few pages then handed the open album to Kate.
‘That’s Russell and me the day we got married.’
Kate studied the photograph and a confused expression spread across her face. ‘But he’s –’
‘In a wheelchair. Yes.’
Maybe it was unkind to spring it on her in this way
. ‘He was injured playing rugby.’
‘Oh Zoe, that’s terrible. For both of you.’
‘It happened before I knew him. As you can see, he was quite a bit older than me.’
‘But you still married him.’
‘I can’t believe you said that, Kate. You of all people.’
‘You know what I mean. It must have been a lot to take on.’
Zoe shrugged. ‘It was part and parcel of who he was.’
‘Even so . . . ‘
‘He was a man. They’re never easy to live with. I don’t need to tell you that.’
Passing up this opportunity to disparage her ex-husband, Kate asked, ‘How long were you married?’
‘Eight years. But we were together a long time before that.’ Zoe tensed as the inevitable question drew nearer, wishing she had kept her mouth shut.
‘His death . . .’ Kate hesitated.
Here it comes
.
‘Was it because of his disability?’
‘No.’
Kate stayed silent.
‘No,’ Zoe repeated. ‘He killed himself. After I left him.’
‘Oh my God!’ Kate’s hand flew to her mouth.
‘You’re always saying you hate how people only see you in terms of your disability. I haven’t been able to tell you before how much I agree. Because he was unable to walk, Russell had to be a nice guy. And me? I was a saint for marrying him. We couldn’t simply be a normal couple with normal problems.’
‘So it wasn’t a happy marriage?’
‘I wouldn’t say that. Most of the time we got along fine. But then I– ‘
Zoe’s mobile rang. She paused and said, ‘Phone,’ to Kate, but didn’t move. When it stopped, she went on. ‘I started to realise I’d been too inexperienced to marry. And his feelings had changed as well, although he wouldn’t admit it.’
‘Did you meet someone else?’
Unused to confiding in anyone like this, Zoe felt grateful for her friend’s prompting. ‘No. He did.’
‘Oh.’
‘See what I mean about people’s expectations? You’re surprised it was that way round, aren’t you?’
Kate nodded.
‘He said it wasn’t serious, and knowing the woman – or, more accurately, girl – he got involved with, I believed him. I suspect she slept with him out of curiosity rather than anything else. If I’m honest, it wasn’t the end of the world, but it gave me the excuse I needed.’
‘So you moved out?’
‘Only after we’d sat down and discussed the situation. I thought we were handling it an adult way. We told everyone it was a trial separation, though I knew our marriage was over and I thought he did too.
‘But he didn’t?’
‘I should have spelt it out, made sure he felt the same. But it turned out he thought my leaving was a knee-jerk reaction to him being unfaithful. He expected me to move back in once I got over the initial shock.’
Kate snorted. ‘Typical man.’
As she failed to leap to Russell’s defence, Zoe realised she was finally coming to terms with what happened. It wasn’t entirely her fault, regardless of their friends and his family thinking otherwise.
‘I only found this out when I tried to raise the subject of how to divide our possessions.’ She spread her hands in a gesture of helplessness. ‘He was angry at first, then he calmed down and started begging me to give him another chance. And when that didn’t work he got nasty, called me names and told me to get out of the house. We never spoke again.’
‘Oh Zoe, you’ve told me enough. Stop now and I’ll make us some more tea.’
Zoe clasped her hand round her mug. It was half-f and stone-cold. ‘That would be nice, thanks. But I haven’t finished yet.’
‘We both need a break.’ Kate picked up their mugs and made for the kitchen. While she was out of the room, Zoe retrieved her mobile from the bookcase. The missed call was from Neil, no message left.
Typically bad timing
.
The sound of cupboard doors opening and shutting was explained when Kate returned with their tea and a plate of shortbread. ‘Hope you don’t mind,’ she said, dunking a piece into her mug.
‘Of course not.’
‘Are you sure you want to go on?’
Zoe rushed to continue, scared she would lose her nerve if she didn’t. ‘I couldn’t leave things unresolved, so I went back to the house a couple of days later. I had to let myself in. Russell was dead. From an overdose.’
‘Shit,’ Kate said, sending out a spray of buttery crumbs.
‘To make matters worse, the coroner recorded an open verdict at the inquest.’
‘Why?’
‘Because the police weren’t convinced it was suicide.’
‘Didn’t he leave a note?’
‘Yes, but – ‘
Zoe took a sip of her tea.
‘But what?’ Kate asked.
‘It was addressed to me and said such hurtful things that I destroyed it. Stupid or what? It’s not like I didn’t know the police would need it.’
‘But if he didn’t kill himself, what did they think had happened?’
Zoe drank her tea, watching Kate over the top of her mug. She caught on after a few seconds.
‘Oh my God, Zoe, they thought you’d killed him.’
‘I was the wronged wife and a doctor with access to drugs. The clincher was the fact I’d been the one to move out. The house was adapted for Russell’s needs, you see, so it made sense for him to stay put. But the police interpreted this as me being forced to give up my home. So I had means, motive and – as I was the last person to see him alive – opportunity.’
‘That’s crazy.’
‘I tried to tell them, but they wouldn’t listen. Claiming he’d left a note but not being able to produce it made matters worse.’
‘Now I can see why you didn’t want to get involved with finding Chrissie’s killer,’ Kate said. ‘What an ordeal it must have been for you.’
‘I have more sympathy now for people who make confessions they later retract. I knew I didn’t give Russell those drugs, but at one point I nearly said I had, just to get it over with.’
‘What eventually persuaded them you didn’t do it?’
‘My solicitor. I was like Tom to begin with, believing only a guilty person would need one. But then a friend, one of the few I had left, put me in touch with his. She’s in her sixties, has long grey hair tied up in a bun, speaks better English than the Queen – and is probably the scariest person I’ve ever met.’
‘And she got the police to leave you alone?’
‘Yes.’
‘How?’
‘Sheer force of character, or so it seemed at the time. There was probably more to it. She challenged them to come up with firm evidence and charge me, or else admit it was suicide. Two days later someone rang to tell me I had access into the house again. I never heard anything more.’
‘So they didn’t admit they got it wrong?’
‘For all I know, I could still be under suspicion and they’re biding their time until I give them an excuse to come after me again.’
Kate pulled a tissue out of her pocket and scrubbed at the shortbread crumbs stuck around her mouth. ‘It must have been a terrible experience. No wonder you came up here to escape from all that.’
Zoe hesitated. This would be the ideal opportunity to share more, to unburden herself completely. But she could not do it.
‘So now you know,’ she said. ‘Believe it or not, I feel better having told you.’
‘And you’re not to worry about me breaking your confidence. It’ll go no further.’
‘That’s not why I didn’t want to tell you. I’m just not good at sharing personal stuff.’
Kate feigned a look of surprise. ‘You don’t say?’
‘Maybe it’s because I’m an only child. My grandmother used to tell me off for living too much in my own head.’
‘She was probably right. But we can’t help how we were brought up. Just remember you’re not alone any more.’ Kate leaned over and patted Zoe’s hand. ‘Let’s change the subject. How are things going between you and Neil?’
‘We haven’t spoken for a while. That was him on my mobile a few minutes ago.’ Zoe forced a casual expression. ‘I’ll ring him later.’
‘So he’s broken down your defences and you two are an item now?’
‘No, not at all. We were supposed to be going out on our first proper date last Saturday. His coming across Brian stabbed to dead put paid to that.’
‘You haven’t mentioned this before.’
‘It was why he went to the shop. To buy me flowers.’
‘How romantic.’
‘His experience will put him off such gestures in the future.’
‘I doubt it. He’s well and truly smitten with you.’
‘How can you tell?’
‘He’s had a few girlfriends since I’ve known him, but nothing serious. And you’ve not exactly encouraged him, have you? Yet despite that, he hasn’t given up.’
‘Some men love the thrill of the chase and lose interest as soon as they get what they want.’ This was the closest to admitting Neil’s hurtful behaviour that Zoe felt able to come. She had done enough soul-baring for one day.
‘That’s a very old-fashioned attitude, if you don’t mind me saying. And I’m sure it doesn’t apply to Neil.’ Kate looked at her watch. ‘Sorry, I need to get back. I told Mum I’d only be gone for half an hour. She’s got the Rural this evening.’
‘Blame me for talking too much.’
‘She’ll never believe that.’
It would be a pity to spoil things now they were back on good terms, but out in the hall Zoe felt compelled to ask Kate if she had carried out her threat to go and see Alice.
‘No, though I still want to, even if Tom has got Chris Kossoff sorting her out. She’s holed up in Horseshoe Cottage, Mum says.’
‘It probably belongs to her now, remember.’
Kate’s face showed what she thought of that. ‘Why don’t you come with me? Then you’ll know I’m behaving myself.’