Annie was glued to my side as we pushed our way through the crowd. She had loosened up a little since we'd left the dorm, but she still looked ready to make a run for it at times.
“This way!” I called.
I ducked under the arm of a drunk guy dressed like he was on a cruise. Annie's hand slipped from my grasp, but I kept my eyes on the back of Chris's head so I didn't get lost. It wasn't until we got to the table that I noticed Annie wasn't behind me. I spun around to search the crowd for her, but Mitch was in my way. He had me backed up against the bench and was trying to maneuver me into the booth.
“I lost Annie!” I called to Ryan, who was still about four feet away.
He waved me aside and headed back through the crowd, and I was finally able to relax and allow Mitch to push me into the booth. Ryan would find Annie, so I didn't need to worry.
Mitch settled in next to me, flashing me a smile. His hand ended up on my leg. I was in the middle of debating how long I should let the whole thing go on when Ryan showed up with his arm around Annie, who looked a little shaken.
“What happened to you?” I yelled across the table as Ryan shoved her into a chair next to Chris.
“I just saved Buttercup from being accosted by a very drunk frat guy.” Ryan took a seat on the other side of Annie and put his arm on the back of her chair. He winked.
Holy shit! I felt like such a jerk for losing her in the crowd. “Are you okay?”
Annie nodded, but her response was lost when Chris said, “Buttercup?”
“Just a nickname.” Ryan squeezed the back of Annie's neck and her cheeks got even brighter.
“What time is your first class tomorrow?” Mitch asked.
“Um . . .” I tore my eyes away from Annie so I could focus on him. “Too early. Eight. I think it should be a crime for school to have classes so early.”
Mitch grinned and his hand moved up to my thigh. He gave it a little squeeze. “You plan on turning in early?”
“I didn't have any specific plans, really. I like to play it by ear, see how I feel. That kind of thing. But I can tell you that I never go to
sleep
early.”
He grinned when he caught my meaning.
Okay, so leading him on was probably a shitty thing to do, but I really didn't want to pay for my drinks. It's not like I had an ID or anything.
“Well,” Mitch said, “we need to make sure you're feeling good then. Don't we?”
I nodded and grinned just as Annie yelled, “Let's get some drinks!” It was like she had read my mind.
“Mitch,” Ryan said as he got to his feet too. “Amber, you got an ID, right?”
Amber flashed Ryan a sultry look as she got up, then not so subtly adjusted her top until more cleavage bounced out. If any more of her boobs were showing we'd all have an excellent view of her nipples. Ryan barely glanced her way, but Mitch was staring so hard his mouth was hanging open.
I spent the time waiting for my drink eavesdropping on Annie and Chris's conversation. He touched her
a lot
. Like every chance he got. And surprisingly, Annie seemed to be responding to him. It was exciting because it proved there was a flirty and outgoing side to her. Which was going to make my job a hell of a lot easier.
When Ryan showed up with the beer, Annie grabbed it enthusiastically. She held the glass up to her nose and took a little sniff, and I had to bite back a smile. The first sip she took made her mouth scrunch up so much, she reminded me of my great aunt Ida who used to love giving Ryan and me big wet kisses when we were kids. We'd make gagging motions at each other behind her back.
The combination of the expression on Annie's face and the memory of Aunt Ida made me laugh. “First beer?”
“Never had the opportunity before.” Annie shrugged and didn't look the least bit embarrassed. That's what I liked about her. She wasn't afraid to admit who she really was to people. It was something you didn't find very often.
“Were you raised in a convent?” Amber said with a sneer.
“No.” Annie took a big gulp, then said, “My dad is overprotective.”
Amber rolled her eyes and muttered under her breath, “Should have joined a convent.”
I was all ready to jump over the table and bitch-slap her. Honestly, I would have enjoyed it.
“Knock it off, Amber,” Ryan said before I could do anything rash.
Amber slumped back, pouting into her beer while I smiled triumphantly. Maybe one day she'd get it through her head that being a big slutty bitch wasn't going to attract Ryan. It was doubtful, though.
Mitch's hand went back to my legâor more accurately, my thighâand I turned my attention to him. He smiled as he brushed the hair off my shoulder, and goose bumps traveled down my arms. I blamed it on the alcohol, because after kissing him once, I didn't really find him all that attractive anymore. But I flashed him a sexy smile anyway and shifted in the seat so I was closer to him, adjusting my halter top so my cleavage was more alluring. Yes, even
I
used that move.
Mitch leaned closer like he was going to try to kiss me or whisper something in my ear, and even though there was a sober part of my brain that was screaming “NO!” I didn't move. He was less than three inches from me when Annie let out a little squeal.
I tore my eyes away from Mitch just as Annie jumped to her feet. Her shorts were covered in amber liquid that ran down her legs, probably leaving a giant puddle between her feet. Chris and Ryan scrambled for napkins, then started blotting at the spot like crazy while Annie tried to push their hands away. The guys didn't stop, though. They couldn't quite understand that she didn't want their hands touching her in
that
area. I doubted anyone ever had.
I shoved Mitch's hand off my thigh and climbed to my feet. “Guys!”
They both froze and Annie squirmed away from them. Ryan threw his head back and laughed in classic Ryan style, but Chris looked like he was thinking about hiding under the table. He acted like he'd just walked in on his parents doing it or something.
“Shit, Annie, I'm sorry,” Chris mumbled.
I climbed over Mitch, who grinned and put his hands on my hips to “help me” along.
“Hands off, asshat,” Ryan snapped. He tossed a salt shaker and it hit Mitch in the head, who chuckled and rubbed the sore spot. Ryan didn't crack a smile when Mitch put his hands up in surrender.
“Forget it,” I said to Ryan as I grabbed Annie's hand and pulled her through the crowd. “Let's get you cleaned up.”
As we made our way through the crowd this time, I held onto Annie tighter than a dog leash with a puppy tugging at the other end. I didn't want to lose her again. We managed to make it to the bathroom without getting separated, and I pushed my way through the line of girls waiting for their turn. They grumbled, of course.
“We're just using the sink!” I snapped, rolling my eyes.
Annie didn't say a word when we stopped in front of the sink so I could survey the damage. Her crotch was covered in a dark brown stain that made it look like she'd had a major accident. The shorts were probably ruined.
“You're a mess!” I said with a huff.
Annie looked ashamed, as if she'd dumped the beer into her lap on purpose. “Sorry about your shorts.”
I waved her off and grabbed a handful of paper towels. “Forget it. Just wipe yourself down so you don't end up all sticky. There's not much we can do about the shorts at the moment.”
“It looks like I peed my pants,” Annie said, blotting at them.
I couldn't really argue since I'd had the same thought, so I laughed it off.
While Annie scrubbed, I replayed the events of the night. Something was definitely going on with her and Chris, but I wasn't totally sure what it was or if she was prepared for it. Plus, I had a nagging feeling there was more to Annie's story than she was letting on. Everything she did and saw seemed so new to her.
“So Chris seems awfully interested in you,” I said slowly.
“I'm sorry,” she mumbled, not looking up.
I almost scratched my head. That's how confused I was. “Why are you sorry?”
“You were flirting with him earlier.”
I threw my hair over my shoulder and crossed my arms. “I was just fooling around. Chris has been Ryan's friend for a long time. I'm not interested in him.” I narrowed my eyes, then asked, “Are you?”
She didn't pull her gaze away from the stain she was
still
blotting. “I guess.”
Seriously? This girl was more mysterious than that stupid island from
Lost
. “What do you mean, âI guess'?”
“I don't have a lot of experience with stuff like that.”
The way she said it made me even more suspicious. Like she was being intentionally elusive so she didn't have to admit to some deep, dark secret that might alter the time-space continuum.
“Okay, confession time,” I said. “You keep saying your dad was overprotective and all that, but I assumed that just meant you had an early curfew. Now I'm getting the impression that wasn't it. Exactly how strict was he?”
Annie clutched the paper towel so tight a few drops of water fell to the floor. Then, her grip relaxed and she tossed it in the trash. I didn't take my eyes off her as I waited for a response.
“I wasn't allowed to do anything,” she finally said.
Anything? What the hell was that supposed to mean? There's no way she wasn't allowed to do anything. Did her dad keep her locked in a tower like that bitch who kidnapped Rapunzel?
Even your parents didn't go that far, did they, Julie?
“Look at me,” I said, waiting until her eyes met mine. “What do you mean?”
“I wasn't allowed to go anywhere without my brothers.”
“Okay . . .” I pressed my lips together while I thought it through. So the virgin thing was probably pretty accurate, but what else? “So you've never dated? Never gone to the prom or to a party?” She shook her head in response to all of that. My arms fell to my sides and I took a deep breath. This was all starting to feel uncomfortably familiar. “What did you do in high school?”
“I played volleyball and went out with my brothers and their friends.” She cringed a little, acting like it hurt her to admit it out loud.
“Didn't any of their friends ever flirt with you or ask you out?”
“I was one of the guys. Plus, my brothers never would have let it happen. It was ingrained in them from a young age that they needed to look out for me.”
What? Why the hell would her family treat her that way? It didn't make any sense. Even Julie's parents let her have friends. Something I was positive they had come to regret, but still. “Why? Why was your dad so protective?”
“He just was.”
I ran my hand through my hair while I considered it all. All I could think about was Julie and the mistakes I'd made. Looking back, though, I still couldn't agree with how her parents had tried to shelter her. All it had done was make her rebel.
Pain and remorse and guilt squeezed my chest just thinking about my part in what had happened. I was wrong, and Julie had suffered because I'd been so young and stupid and reckless. But I wasn't sure what to do about Annie. I had to avoid the mistakes I'd made with Julie, which meant I needed Annie to promise me that she'd be smarter. Safer. That I wouldn't walk away from this situation even more broken than I already was.
“I wish I'd known this before we went out.” I tapped my foot against the tile floor while I thought the whole thing through. It wasn't something we could talk about in public. Especially not the women's restroom. “We need to go home.”
Annie's mouth dropped open and she shook her head. A look of betrayal flashed in her eyes. “I don't want to go home!”
I waved her worries off, then grabbed her arm. “Relax. I just think we need to discuss this in a more private place. I'm not going to keep you trapped in a bubble. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.”
4
A
fter we got back to the dorm, we showered and changed. Annie was yawning like she'd never been up so late in her life, but it was only a little after one. I needed to help this girl get a life. And fast!
When I took a seat in my desk chair, I tried to act all grown up and experienced. The poor girl in front of me had never had a fun day in her life, and I knew it was my duty to help usher her into womanhood. Like I was a Jedi Master and she was my Padawan Learner.
Inside, I shook just thinking about what I had to tell her.
“Sit down and let's figure this out,” I said, pointing to the other chair.
She smiled, but I didn't return it. My stomach was in knots as I drummed my fingers on my knee. I couldn't make my mouth move for a whole minute. Talking about what had happened with Julie wasn't something I did often. In fact, it was something I generally tried to avoid.
“I want to get this out there because it's nothing I ever want to go through again, understand?” My serious tone caused the smile to melt off Annie's face. I took a deep breath. “You can't go crazy, okay?”
“What do you mean?”
“I had a friend in high school, my best friend.” I twisted a chunk of damp hair between my fingers, trying to work up the courage to say the words out loud.
God, I miss you, Julie. Why did you have to leave me like this? And why can't I move on? The guilt is killing me. You know that, don't you?
Annie stared at me with her mouth hanging open, leaning forward like she knew something bad was about to happen.
I cleared my throat to break up the tears lodged there, then said, “Her parents were so strict. They were really religious and kind of took it overboard. She wasn't allowed to go to parties and she had an early curfew. She couldn't see R-rated movies or date or go to the prom or do really any of the stuff the rest of us did. They didn't even let her wear makeup. It wasn't a big deal until the end of our sophomore year. That's when she met a boy she liked and started to get really mad.” I paused and swallowed. It wasn't easy. My throat was so tight, I was sure it was going to close. I had to force the next words out. “Then she just went crazy. She was sneaking out and drinking, rebelling. She used me as her cover a lot, and I was too stupid to know I shouldn't let it happen.”
My eyes stung, and I knew any second I would be crying. I looked down and focused on my hands while I waited for the tears to go away. They wouldn't, so I kept my eyes on my hands. “At the beginning of our senior year we went to this party. She was drunk and so was the guy she was dating, but I let them get in a car anyway. They were in an accident. He was killed on impact.”
The next words got stuck in my throat. The ones that would acknowledge what had happened to Julie.
“What about your friend?” Annie whispered.
“She's still in the hospital.” I dug my nails into my hands to stop them from shaking. “Brain-dead, but hooked up to machines. Her parents refuse to pull the plug.”
“I'm so sorry, Cami.”
I inhaled slowly through my nose, then forced myself to look up. I needed her to know how important the whole thing was to me. “That's why I wanted to leave the bar. I totally get you wanting to go out there and experience new things, but you need to be careful about it. Okay?”
“I don't want to go crazy, Cami. I just want to experience the normal things teenagers experience.
While
I'm still a teenager. I'll be nineteen next month, and I haven't done anything. I have one year.”
I nodded and for some crazy reason that comedy about old men popped into my head. My brain was so clouded with thoughts of Julie and the accident that it took me a second to remember the name, but when I did a slow smile spread across my face. “Kind of like a bucket list for your teen years.”
Annie smiled and nodded so fast her wet hair bounced around her shoulders. “Exactly!”
I perked up. It was a pretty awesome idea.
Yes! That's a great idea, isn't it, Julie? We could have done the same thing for you if we'd been smarter. We could have made it fun, turned it into a game. Then maybe things would have been different. I'll make sure they're different with Annie. I won't let you down again.
I hopped up and started pacing. A list would give us rules to follow, keep things from getting too out of hand. We could do this! “That I can help with. But we should start a list right now. Write it all down, so we can mark it off as we go.”
“That's a great idea.” Annie was beaming.
Her excitement made me even more excited. It also helped push the hurt down. Helped distract me from the guilt that had managed to swim to the surface when I told Annie about Julie. A list for Annie could help us both out. It would help her experience life, and give me something to focus on when I needed a distraction.
I grabbed a notebook and flipped it open, then a pink Sharpie. At the top of the paper, I wrote
Annie's Bucket List
. “Okay, what's first?”
“Let's start small,” Annie said, chewing on her bottom lip. She looked like she was teetering between excitement and nervousness. “Buy makeup.”
That was exactly what I'd wanted her to say. “And some new clothes and shoes,” I said as I wrote the first thing down. “Girly stuff.”
Annie didn't protest, so I wrote
buy a dress and heels.
Already I could imagine taking her shopping. Kind of like that scene from
Pretty Woman
.
“Get highlights,” Annie said as the song from the movie floated through my head.
I giggled, still picturing the fashion show. “With your hair, I'd get lowlights.”
What's next? I peered at Annie out of the corner of my eye. She needed a few holes in her body. Her ears at least. “Get your ears pierced?”
“And something else too!” Annie bounced up and down in her chair like a cheerleader. “Like my nose or my belly button!”
Now she was really into it, and I was getting there too! A belly ring sounded perfect.
“A tattoo?” I asked.
She chewed on her lip and shook her head slowly. “I don't know . . .”
I waved her off and moved on. Apparently she wasn't ready for that one. I couldn't blame her, though: I wasn't sure if it was something I wanted to do either. “We'll put that one on the shelf for now. What else? Just fire them off and I'll write as fast as I can.”
She inhaled slowly, then jumped in. “Go on a date, go to a formal, go skinny-dipping, get drunk, have a first kiss, stay up all night, take a road trip with a group of friends.” I was scribbling away when Annie hesitated. “Have sex . . .”
She acted like I would be surprised, but of course I wasn't. I would have written it down first thing if I wasn't afraid she would die of embarrassment.
“What else?” I asked when I had the last one down.
“I don't know. What else have you done?”
I pressed my lips together and gave it some serious thought. We needed something a little more daring. Something I could benefit from too. “We could do something like get a guy's number in a bar or get a fake ID?”
“Yes! And I want a guy to buy me a drink. Not a drunk one either, a sober one who doesn't have beer goggles.”
I laughed as I wrote it down. “Good idea.”
“What about smoking a cigarette?”
My face scrunched up on its own. Gross. But it was her list, so I wrote it down even though I thought it was disgusting.
Annie peered over my shoulder at the notebook in my hand, then said, “Just three more, then we'll be done.” Three more would make it an even twenty, which sounded like a perfect number to me too.
I tapped the Sharpie against my lips as I thought the whole thing through. What else could I benefit from? What have I never done?
“You could always put tattoo on there,” I said. “I'll even get one too.”
You'd get a tattoo, wouldn't you, Julie? I bet you'd get a tramp stamp. Seems like something you'd do. A big purple butterfly right across your lower back. I can totally picture you showing it off at a party.
A smile crept across my face just thinking about it. Maybe I needed to make my own little list. Things Julie would never get to experience. . .
“Okay,” Annie said. “But we still need two more.”
“How about break someone's heart?” I said, laughing. I had a feeling Chris was already halfway there, anyway. “Or better yet, get your heart broken? That's a pretty normal teenage experience.”
Annie gave a little laugh and I was pretty sure she was going to say no, but she didn't. “Write them both down.”
I wrote the final items, then turned the notebook toward Annie. She smiled, and just like that I felt better than I had in a long time. Like I'd taken control. Taken steps to right the past.
We'll do things right this time, Julie. I promise.
Â
The next day Annie agreed to let me take her shopping, and Ryan and Chris were nice enough to tag along. I helped her pick out girly clothes and shoes, and she even got her ears pierced. It was awesome being able to tell her what to wear, and I was thrilled when she listened to what I had to say about fashion. I totally deserved my own reality show on the Fashion Network.
For some crazy reason I wasn't even close to understanding, Annie bolted out of the dorm almost the second we got back. She didn't even stick around long enough to unpack her bags or have a fashion show with me, which was just plain rude.
Luckily, I didn't have a problem unpacking her things for her. I only hoped she got back early enough to let me dress her up and take her out on the town. She needed to show off some of these new outfits before they went out of style.
I watched the clock while I put Annie's new clothes away. The minutes ticked by, then an hour, and I started to get the strange feeling that Annie wasn't coming back to the room anytime soon. Which totally pissed me off. She was missing a golden opportunity.
She still wasn't back by the time I had all her stuff neatly put away, and I took the opportunity to pull out my notebook. With a roommate it was going to be tough finding time to write to Julie, so I needed to squeeze it in whenever I could. For therapeutic reasons, or so I'd been told.
Okay, so Ryan did take me out last night and it was super fun. We went to this awesome restaurant first, and Ryan's friend Mitch bought me all kinds of drinks. He's kind of an ass, so I'm not really into him, but that didn't stop me from doing the most insane thing. You won't believe it even when I tell you. I made out with him in the men's restroom. Insane, right? It totally was not me. It's more like something you would do, isn't it? I still can't believe I did it, but I was kind of drunk. Anyway, he was the worst kisser. Holy shit, Julie! I felt like he was trying to lick my stomach. It was just plain gross. I will not be doing that again.
I put my pen down and read over the note. It was weird, because reading it made me sound happy. Like I thought the whole thing was hilarious. But thinking back to the night before, I didn't feel like smiling. To be honest, the whole memory kind of made me nauseous, and only part of it had to do with Mitch's awful kissing.
I couldn't force myself to write any more, so I put my notebook away and opened my computer to see what was going on in Facebook land. It should have been fun, but all it did was remind me of Julie. All our friends from high school were on there, talking about college, keeping the social media world up to date on the parties they were attending through pictures and drunken status updates. It made me squirm and wish for company, for someone to talk to so I could distract myself from all the painful memories.
I shut my computer and got to my feet. I hated being by myself. Too much time alone was never good anymore. It was too quiet, which always led to thinking about Julie. Then I would start feeling like shit, and the last thing I wanted to do on my first weekend as a college student was feel like shit. I should be out, having fun.
Where the hell was Annie?
I was still pacing when my phone finally dinged. I tore it out of my back pocket so fast it went flying across the room, and I had to dive after it like I was trying to steal home plate in a baseball game. When I saw it was Annie, I let out a sigh of relief that was so loud I wouldn't be surprised if our next-door neighbors had been able to hear it through the walls. Thank God.
Â
A
NNIE
: R
AN INTO
R
YAN
. I'
M AT HIS PLACE
.
Â
My stomach jumped. Ryan's place. Which meant Liam's place too! I hadn't seen him since the day I'd gone over there with my parents, and I couldn't forget the way we'd flirted. Or how adamant he'd been about wanting to see more of me. I was more than ready to show him all of me if he really wanted to see it.
I turned to face the mirror, and the girl looking back at me shook with anticipation. Ryan was right. I did look like a Chihuahua when I was excited. I needed to freshen up my makeup, though. Probably change my clothes. Fix my hair . . .
But why waste the time if Liam wasn't going to be there?
I turned back to my phone and typed a quick response to Annie.
Â
C
AMI
: B
THERE IN
10. L
IAM THERE
?
Â
I held my breath while I waited for an answer, and when it came I cheered to the empty room.
Â
A
NNIE
: R
YAN SAID HE WAS, HAVEN'T SEEN HIM YET
.