No More Wasted Time (27 page)

“Do you want me to drive?” Tracy suggested.

“Did you seriously run over your phone?” JC asked in pure
shock.

“Yep!
Just look at the picture, Tess
,” she mocked.
“Fuck him!”

As Tess drove down the highway, her head was a mess. She’d
run her phone over and was freaking out, realizing she wouldn’t be able to talk
to him or even hear his voice.
I’m so pathetic!
Now she was furious with
herself for still yearning to hear his voice. She was so hurt and angry, but
still wanted him and missed him and loved him. Nevertheless, seeing him again
was not an option.

They were an hour from the college when Tracy’s phone
started chirping. “It’s him.”

Tess answered the phone. “What do you want?”

“Jesus, Tess, did you really run over your phone? I need to
talk to you.”

“Yep, I did. You know what, Tracy is awfully fond of her
phone and I’d hate to have to run it over, too.”

“I need you to listen to me for one minute.”

“I can’t, the pain I feel right now is more than I can take.
I can’t believe you would throw us away.” She hung up and turned off Tracy’s
phone.

When she arrived at their hotel, Tess asked for two rooms.

“Mom, why are you getting two rooms?”

“I need to be alone tonight.”

Tess lay wide-awake inside her own personal nightmare.
Why
didn’t he just let me go? Why did he ask me to stay with him, to be his
girlfriend and then screw me over? Fucking pussy. So scared of commitment, this
is how he handles it. Inner demons my ass, he’s chicken shit! He should’ve just
said goodbye.

Tess’ mind was exhausted, her body numb, and her heart
damaged. The heartache she endured over the last year almost killed her, and
this wasn’t going to be any easier. She cried herself to sleep.

The next morning, Tracy arrived at her door with muffins and
coffee. Tess was supposed to be having fun with her girls and she was angry at
Tom for ruining her time with them. They went shopping and Tess pretended to be
much better, but it was only for show. They set up the girl’s dorms so they
could sleep in their rooms that night.

Back at her hotel, feelings of anger, pain and confusion
consumed her. How could she still miss him after what he had done to her? Tess
had loved him deeper than she realized. 

She drove to the dorms the following morning. “Tracy, do you
want to run with me?”

“Mom, I’d love to, but I can’t. I have too much to do.”
Tracy said regretfully. “There’s a track and gym on campus you can use.”

Tess ran, pushing past her limits, punishing herself for
being a fool. She hoped kicking her own ass would make her feel better, but it
didn’t. She found the campus gym, in hopes of finding a way to pound out her
rage. As Tess looked around, she spotted a heavy bag hanging in the corner of
the gym.
Perfect. I need something to beat the shit out of.

Tess hit the bag, kicked it, kneed it and punched it again
and again until her hands were numb and sweat ran down her body. She was
furious at Tom for hurting her, and even more livid with herself for trusting
him and allowing herself to fall in love. 

Her mind and body were completely worn out. Tess headed to
her car to drive back to her hotel so she could shower and crash before taking
the girls to dinner. People glanced at her strangely as they walked past. She
must’ve looked like a complete disaster.

She reached for the car door.

“Tess,” Tom said in his slow, deep voice that made her
stomach lurch.

Enraged that he would still use that tone on her, Tess spun
around to see Tom leaning against a tree next to her car. He wore dark
sunglasses that hid his eyes from hers.
Chicken shit can’t even look me in
the eye.
Anger rocketed through her core.

“Don’t say my name like that anymore. What are you doing
here?” she snarled at him. “What do you want from me?”

“We need to talk.” He stepped toward her, but she pulled
away from him. Tom looked devastated by her reaction and reached out to touch
her again.

Tess backed away, shaking her head. “Don’t you fucking touch
me.” Her lip quivered as she growled.

Tom’s face drained of color as he raised his hands and
stepped back a half a step.

“How long have you been here waiting for me?”

“I don’t know. Hours. Can we please go for a drive? People
have been coming up to me since I got here, and I can’t deal with that shit
right now. I need to talk to you. Alone.”

Through broken sobs Tess choked, “I don’t want to go with
you. I don’t trust myself and I sure as hell don’t trust you.”

“I only want to explain. Please. I promise I won’t try to
touch you.” He sounded sickened by his own words.

She couldn’t bear the tenderness in his voice or her aching
need to feel his arms around her. Adrenaline sizzled through her veins and her
chest heaved up and down. She began pacing with heel-digging strides.

Hesitantly, he stepped toward her and held his hand out
asking for the keys.

Before she realized what she had done, she was sitting in
the passenger seat.

Tom drove as they sat in silence.

“Tess, it’s not what you think. The picture isn’t real.”

“Again with the fucking picture! Why don’t you just pull it
up on your cell phone so you can rub it in my face? I told you in Greece, if
you change your mind and want to see other women, then tell me. You didn’t have
enough respect for me to tell me first!”

“Tess, stop and listen to me.”

“No, maybe you should listen to me. I would’ve let you go,
but you asked me to be your girlfriend. I wouldn’t have chased after you. It
might have killed me, but I would’ve let you go. You gave up on us after one
week. One fucking week. The photo looks damn real to me!”

“Will you just look at the magazine, maybe-”

“No, I won’t.”

Tom’s phone rang, and he handed it to her. “It’s for you.”

Tess could hear Tracy on the line. “Tom, she’s really
pissed, you-”

“It’s me, Tracy.” 

“Oh. I heard kids saying they saw Tom on campus. I wanted to
warn him you’re upset. Are you okay?”

“We’re going for a drive. I’ll call you in a while.” Tess
looked at Tom and her heart beat faster, fueling her with rage. She didn’t want
to be attracted to him. She didn’t want to be in love him.

“Wait, Mom! I need to tell you something. John left a
message on my phone.”

“What’s wrong with him?”

“Tom went to our house two days ago, and…well… John kind of
kicked his ass.”

“What did you just say?” Tess asked in shock.

“Well, actually it wasn’t a fight, Tom wouldn’t hit him
back. John’s message said you need to listen to Tom.”

“Great, just great!  I’ll call you or find you later.”

No wonder he looks like shit.
Her fingers trembled,
afraid to touch him because she still wanted him so badly. She carefully
reached over and lifted Tom’s sunglasses off his face, revealing a huge black
eye.

“I’ve been dreaming of doing that for two nights,” she
snarled, shaking her head in disgust.

“Very funny, Tess. Are you going to let me explain?”

“What we had was special. Something
you
just wouldn’t
understand. How could you even want to be with her? She’s nothing but an
irritating, play-toy.”

He tried to talk, but she cried harder now.

“You know, Tom, I made my husband deliriously happy for
twenty-five years, twenty-five long years, and you can simply throw me away-”

Tom jabbed himself in the chest with his finger. “
I
understand
exactly
what we have together. More than you realize.” His
voice raised, full of pain and anger. “And don’t you
dare
compare me to
your husband.”

“There is no comparison,” she snapped.

Toms face fell heartbroken as the words left her lips. They
had come out different than intended, and Tess colored with shame, watching Tom
turn ashen white. 

“I was better with you. You don’t fucking get it, do you? If
I made him incredibly happy for twenty-five years, I sure as hell know I could
make you happy because I was better with you! You made me a better woman! You
brought things out in me I didn’t know existed. I’m different with you. I
didn’t think that was possible. You let me go. For her? You’ve got to be
fucking kidding me. You’re a fool.”

“Are you going to be quiet now?” Tom asked rudely, almost
yelling at her. “Tess, I’m begging you, look at the damn picture. I haven’t
thrown you away. I didn’t do anything wrong.” He tried to hand her the magazine
again, but she refused to touch him or look at the picture. He reached for her
hand, but she yanked it away.

The pain in his eyes made her stop resisting. He held her
hand, but she stared straight ahead with tears streaming down her face. Tom
tried to kiss her and she turned her head. “I want to kiss you so badly, but I
can't.”

“Damn it, Tess, I wasn’t with her. Yes, I was in the picture
with her. Yes, the picture is real! The fucking picture is old.”

“What? Oh bullshit! You really expect me to believe that
shit? How gullible do you think I am?” 

“If you were quiet for one fucking minute, I could’ve
explained this to you two days ago.” He held up the magazine in front of her
face, poking it with his finger. “Do I look familiar to you in this picture?”
He sneered through gritted teeth.

“I don’t understand.” She sniveled, frowning through wet
lashes.

“Jesus, Tess. Look how white I am in this picture. Look at
me. Tess…look at me. I’m as dark as you are. I’ve been trying to tell you for
three damn days. The picture is old,” Tom explained, his voice full of hurt and
angry sarcasm. “Did I look like this the first time you saw me? Do you even
remember the first time you saw me? Because I remember everything about you,
from the very first moment I saw your beautiful blue eyes at check-in. I know
exactly what you were wearing, the curve of your lip when you smiled at me, and
how you wore your hair that day.” He asked indignantly, “Do you remember what I
looked like at that moment? Hmmm? Do you, Tess?”

“I remember everything about you!” she cried out, sobbing.
She knew exactly what he looked like that day in Bora Bora. Dark straight
jeans, a white shirt and flip-flops. Tess gasped staring at the magazine. She
turned her head, staring at Tom and how tan he still looked. He wasn’t tan at
all in the picture. Tess realized instantaneously that the photo had been taken
the day he left for Bora Bora over a month ago.

“I tried to tell you, but you ran your phone over,” he said
painfully.

“I think I might be sick.” Everything started to spin. Tom
rolled the windows down. “I don’t understand. Why did you let them put this
picture in this magazine then? Who fucking did this?”

“I sure as hell didn’t do it! I would never hurt you. My
publicist, or I should say my former publicist, purposely released the picture
out without telling me.”

“I think I’m going to puke.”

“I’m almost there, Tess. Two minutes, can you wait?”

“Where are we?” she asked. “Why would anyone do this to you?
Tom, you really haven’t been with her?”

“No, I haven’t. I wouldn’t do that to you. To us.”

“I’m so sorry.” She began bawling. “I feel like I’ve been
dying for three days.” Her hands covered her face. “I’m such an idiot.”

“Yeah, well, I feel like I got the shit beat out of me. Oh,
that’s right, I did.” He smirked. The car stopped and Tom opened her door.
“Tess, you’re breaking my heart. Can I please touch you now?” She nodded her
head. He wrapped his arms around her, embracing her shivering body. “You’re a
mess. Come on.”

“Where are we?”

“This is my cabin. Let’s go inside.”

She sat on a bench on the porch while he found a hidden key.

“Are you feeling better? You’re not going to throw up are
you?”

“I’m not sure. I think I need to eat.” She trembled. “I
really thought you were with her. I felt so used. I’ve been really pissed at
you,” she snarled.

“I’m sorry. I know I hurt you, but I haven’t done anything
wrong. I could never be cruel to you. I was already on my way back to see you
when all this shit happened.”

“What do you mean on your way back?”

“We need to talk, but I need you coherent and you look like
you might pass out.” He led her upstairs to his room.

“Did you just buy this place? Why don’t you have any
furniture?” she asked deliriously.

“Take a shower, you’ll feel better. Jesus, what the hell
have you been doing to yourself?” he questioned sadly. “Running for three days?
You’re all sweaty and salty.” He touched the dry salty residue on her
collarbone.

She sniffled and nodded.

“You look like you’ve been in a fight.” Tom glanced down at
her red swollen hands, one knuckle split open and bleeding. “Please tell me you
didn’t lose your temper and hit a door or wall.”

Tess rolled her eyes. “Just a heavy bag I found at the
campus.”

“Get in the shower. I’ll see what I can find you to eat. Do
you want me to text your kids to let them know where you are?”

“Yes. Did John really do that to you?” She cringed.

“Yeah, he did. Get in, you’ll feel better.”

She sat on the shower floor, crying as the hot water rained
down over her. Everything she’d said to him replayed through her mind. Tess
didn’t want to lose him. She loved Tom. After she saw the picture, she was glad
she hadn’t told him she loved him, but now it was all she wanted to do.

Tom made her some pasta. They sat on his bed, which was the
only thing in his room, and ate. Emotionally drained, she lay back on the bed
and passed out.

Tess could hear the rain on the tin roof during the night
and it was still raining when she woke before sunrise. When she opened her
eyes, Tom lay on his side, staring at her through a big purple and yellow
shiner.