Nightstruck (30 page)

Luke regretted kissing me. So much for Marlene's story of unrequited love. It shouldn't hurt so much, not compared to everything else I'd been through lately, but the pain of rejection took my breath away. How stupid and naïve had I been to think he'd want
me
after he'd had Piper?

“I didn't mean to make things all awkward and complicated between us,” Luke continued, and he finally turned his head to look at me. When he got a glance at my face, his eyes went wide with alarm. He reached out and took my hand, which was clenched into a white-knuckled fist as I tried to reel in all my raging emotions. I couldn't have forced a word out of my throat if I'd tried.

“Shit,” Luke said. “I'm screwing things up again.” I shook my head in denial. “Yes I am,” he said, squeezing my hand. Then he took a deep breath. “I'm sorry I made things awkward. I assumed that was because I kissed you and it made you uncomfortable. I'm not actually sorry I kissed you.”

“You're not?” I asked in a breathless whisper. A fragile hint of hope sparked in my chest. Hope had been in short supply lately, and I hardly dared allow it into my life.

Luke reached up and brushed the fingers of his free hand down my cheek. “Not if you're not.”

My throat was still all tight and achy. I swallowed hard to try to push the lump down and moved a little closer to him on the couch so I could let him know without words how not sorry I was.

He leaned into me, eyes locked with mine. My heart did a happy little skip. I'd gone from gloomy to giddy in no time flat. When his lips brushed tentatively across mine, all coherent thought fled my mind, replaced by sensation and awareness.

There was tension in that first kiss, as if he couldn't quite believe that I had no objection, but the little sigh that escaped my lips clued him in fast enough. He gathered me into his arms, holding me close, sharing the delicious warmth of his body as he deepened the kiss. It felt so good it left my senses reeling, as every nerve in my body came tingling to life all at once.

The rest of the world ceased to exist. All the pain, all the fear, all the stress—they all fell away as I lost myself in the press of his lips, the stroke of his tongue, the caress of his hands. I had wanted this for so long, dreamed about this for so long, but had never really believed it would happen.

Hope crept around the barriers I had built to protect myself. Hope that maybe, somehow, things weren't as awful as they seemed, that my capacity for happiness hadn't been completely destroyed. Hope that there was a future, one that was infinitely brighter than the miserable present.

Bob interrupted our kiss before it had a chance to get too hot and heavy, his cold wet nose nudging at us in an uncharacteristic demand for attention.

“Not now, Bob,” I said, trying to push him away. He whined softly and pawed at my leg, making himself impossible to ignore.

Luke sighed softly, but instead of getting irritated, he reached out and scratched behind Bob's ear. “Poor guy. There's been an awful lot of change in your life and you don't have the benefit of understanding what it's all about.”

I was super disappointed that we weren't kissing anymore, but I swear I could feel my heart swelling. There was something about Luke showing compassion for my dog that just made me want to burst.

Luke put his arm around me and settled me close by his side. Bob tried to wriggle his head in between us, but Luke's compassion didn't go quite that far. Bob had to settle for laying his head on our legs and looking up at us with sad, soulful eyes.

“Why do I have a feeling we're being played?” I grumbled, but the sad dog eyes were a weapon I'd never been able to resist.

Bob sighed in bliss when we both began scratching his ears. We shared a little smile that warmed me from the inside out. My pulse was still pattering from the kissing, and I very much wanted to do more of it. But there was something surprisingly romantic and intimate about snuggling on the couch with him like this, even if we did have a furry chaperone. I wasn't sure if a couple of hot kisses made me Luke's official girlfriend, but I was pretty sure the way he was holding me did. For the moment, at least, that was all that mattered.

 

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

Luke's mom usually came home from her megashift at about eight
A.M.
It had become my habit to fix her a light meal, either breakfast or some leftovers from the night before, so that she could get something nutritious into her system before crashing for the day and then repeating the whole process the next night. It's not like I'm a wannabe chef or anything, despite the amount of cooking I'd been doing lately; it was just that there was so little I could do to repay the Gilliams for everything they were doing for me, being my surrogate family and even giving me a home when Piper had trashed my own. It felt like the least I could do.

I had set up to make omelets as soon as Dr. Gilliam got home, having beaten the eggs, chopped up some onions, sliced some mushrooms, and grated some cheese. Everything was ready so that I could get started the instant she came in the door. She would be exhausted and longing for her bed, so if I kept her waiting too long she'd skip the meal, as I'd learned from experience.

As I said, usually she got home around eight o'clock, having left the hospital the instant the Transition swept over the city. There was some variation, of course. Sometimes she had traffic or roadblocks to contend with, or she had a patient she couldn't leave immediately. So I wasn't particularly surprised or worried when eight o'clock came and went without her appearing.

“Let me text her and see how long she thinks she'll be,” Luke said, but he got no answer when he tried. Also not particularly alarming. If she was with a patient, she very likely wouldn't answer the text until she was done.

But whether it was intrinsically alarming or not, I think both Luke and I were alarmed anyway. How could we not be, when we both had Piper's threat hanging over our heads? We told each other there was nothing to worry about, each trying to soothe the other, but I don't think my reassurances were any more convincing to Luke than his were to me.

It was almost 8:45 when we both finally heard the sound of a key in the lock. The relief that flooded me was so strong you'd have thought I'd just gotten a stay of execution. If I had had to deal with Dr. Gilliam getting killed by the Nightstruck because of me, I honestly didn't know how I could have borne the guilt.

My relief was short-lived. The moment Dr. Gilliam walked in the door, the blood drained from my face and Luke made an incoherent sound of dismay.

“Neither of you panic,” Dr. Gilliam said, her voice sounding raw and exhausted. “I'm going to be fine.”

Her eye was blackened, her lip was swollen, and there was a sizable bandage on her forehead. Her left arm was in a sling, and her stiff, uncomfortable-looking walk spoke of further injuries we couldn't see.

“What happened?” Luke choked out. He looked like he wanted to hug her but was afraid he might hurt her. I didn't blame him.

Dr. Gilliam's eyes shifted briefly to me, then away. That quick, furtive glance filled me with dread. Whatever had happened to her had to do with me. I was sure of it.

“Why don't we all sit down,” she said, dropping into the recliner with a groan and a sigh.

Luke and I sat on the sofa facing her, neither one of us relaxing into the cushions. Bob sensed the tension in the room and came over to rest his head on my legs. I obediently started scratching behind his ears. I know petting dogs is supposed to help lower blood pressure, but there wasn't much hope of that working here.

“What happened?” Luke asked again, more grimly this time.

Dr. Gilliam grimaced and looked at me. “I almost talked myself into lying about this to try to spare you. I hope I'm doing the right thing by telling the truth.”

“So it was about me?” I asked, my voice going weak. A comforting lie might have been nice, but I wasn't sure I'd have believed it anyway. Maybe Dr. Gilliam realized that.

She nodded. “The Nightstruck kidnapped a man and his daughter. They beat him up and stabbed him, then promised they would let his daughter go unharmed if he came into the emergency room and got me outside somehow.

“There's a lot of security in the hospital these days, of course, but it's almost all focused on keeping the Nightstruck out, not on keeping anyone in. The guy jumped me and knocked me out.” She pointed at the bandage on her forehead. “He carried me outside and handed me over. The only reason I survived is that one of the nurses saw him carrying me out and called security. They were able to chase the Nightstruck away, but as you can see, I'm a little worse for the experience. Still, I'm going to be fine. Nothing's broken, and I'm alive.”

“Well, then, I guess everything's okay,” I said bitterly, my hands balling into fists in my lap. Bob wasn't happy that I stopped petting him and stuck his cold, wet nose against one of those fists. “Stop it, Bob!” I snapped, jerking my hand away. He gave me a reproachful look, but he stopped nosing my hand and lay down at my feet.

“Becket, honey, I know you feel like this is all your fault, but I promise you it isn't. If Piper wasn't fixated on you, she'd probably be fixated on Luke instead. Our family would be vulnerable no matter what.”

But I knew she was wrong. It was clear that Piper had lost all interest in Luke the moment she'd been Nightstruck. He was literally too good for her. So if it weren't for me, the Gilliams would be in no special danger.

Not to mention that I was directly responsible for the magic that had entered our city. There was no power on earth that could convince me this wasn't my fault.

Now if only there were something I could do about it.…

“Don't you for one heartbeat consider giving yourself up!” Dr. Gilliam said. “That is not an option. Understand?”

I nodded, because I
did
understand. I didn't know what I would turn into, what I would be like, if I was Nightstruck. The Gilliams were all I had left in this city, and I didn't think my long-standing crush on Luke would go away if I changed. Piper's obsession with me showed me exactly how toxic strong connections could become.

I guess my silent nod wasn't very convincing.

“I can't tell you how much it would hurt me if you gave yourself up when you're under my protection,” Dr. Gilliam said. “I promised your mother I'd take care of you. If I have to worry about you running off into the night while I'm gone, then I'm going to have to stop going to work.”

“I won't run off into the night,” I promised, mentally crossing my fingers, because I wanted to keep all my options open.

I couldn't help noticing that Luke hadn't said a word throughout this discussion. He didn't join in with his mother's pleas, he didn't tell me it wasn't my fault. He didn't even make any comforting gestures, like patting me on the back or holding my hand. Things he'd done easily and often before. I slanted a glance at him and saw that he was looking down and slightly away from me, as if hiding his face and the feelings it might reveal. You would never guess that just last night we'd been cuddled together on this very same couch, kissing.

I couldn't blame him. Not when his mother had been beaten up and almost killed because of me. But oh God, did it ever hurt. I wanted to think this was a temporary setback, that in a few hours—or maybe a few days—he'd find a way to overlook my role in his mom getting hurt, but I found I had no more optimism left in me. In one lightning-swift strike, Piper had taken Luke away from me, just when I'd finally allowed myself to hope he was mine.

I was more alone than I'd ever been.

*   *   *

I hit rock bottom that night. I hadn't thought I could sink any lower than I had right after my dad died, but I'd been wrong. Back then, in the good old days, I hadn't known that I was directly responsible for letting the night magic into the city. Grief is a horrible, miserable emotion, but it becomes downright toxic when you add guilt into the mixture.

I couldn't go on like this. As careful as Dr. Gilliam and Luke and the rest of their family might be, I had no doubt that Piper and the Nightstruck would get to them eventually. I was already drowning in guilt, and it was only going to get worse. Unless I did something about it.

But what could I do? I'd already determined that giving myself up wasn't an acceptable option. I supposed if I killed myself, that might be enough to make Piper lose interest in the Gilliams, but as low as I felt, I didn't feel
that
low. Besides, I couldn't do that to my mom and my sister. They'd already lost my dad—and I knew my mom was hurting pretty bad about that, despite the divorce and the hard feelings—and they didn't need me making things worse. And let's not even talk about what it would do to Dr. Gilliam and Luke, who were bound to feel responsible.

For the first few hours of that night, those were the only two options I could imagine, and they swirled around in my mind on an endless loop. Again and again I rejected them and ordered myself to come up with something better, but my own emotions kept getting in the way, overwhelming me and derailing any potential new chains of thought.

It wasn't until I finally lay down and tried to go to sleep that I realized there was a third alternative. One that made me break out in a cold sweat and made everything inside me recoil.

The Gilliams weren't in danger because of
me.
They were in danger because of
Piper.
And the one sure way to get them out of danger was to get rid of Piper.

I sat up in bed and hugged my knees to my chest, shivering and sweating, both at once.

It was an absurd thought.

Twice before I'd been faced with the prospect of shooting a fellow human being, and twice before I had balked. Sure, I'd pulled the trigger eventually, but it took the extraordinarily extenuating circumstances of my dad being killed before my eyes and of Aleric swearing the bullets wouldn't hurt him before I'd been able to do it. And these had all been strangers.