"I understand," he said.
"The thing we have to remember-" began the pilot.
"We can stop now," Wilson said.
"Sir?"
Wilson shuddered. "Get out of here," he said.
"Mister Wilson, what-?"
"Will you stop?"
Face whitening, Wilson turned from the pilot and stared out at the wing, eyes like stone.
He glared back suddenly.
"Rest assured I'd not say another word!" he snapped.
"Mr. Wilson, try to understand our-"
Wilson twisted away and stared out venomously at the engine. From a corner of his vision, he saw two passengers standing in the aisle looking at him.
Idiots!
his mind exploded. He felt his hands begin to tremble and, for a few seconds, was afraid that he was going to vomit. It's the motion, he told himself. The plane was bucking in the air now like a storm-tossed boat.
He realized that the pilot was still talking to him and, refocusing his eyes, he looked at the man's reflection in the window. Beside him, mutely sombre, stood the stewardess. Blind idiots, both of them, thought Wilson. He did not indicate his notice of their departure. Reflected on the window, he saw them heading toward the rear of the cabin. They'll be discussing me now, he thought. Setting up plans in case I grow violent.
He wished now that the man would reappear, pull off the cowling plate and ruin the engine. It gave him a sense of vengeful pleasure to know that only he stood between catastrophe and the more than thirty people aboard. If he chose, he could allow that catastrophe to take place. Wilson smiled without humour. There would be a royal suicide, he thought.
The little man dropped down again and Wilson saw that what he'd thought was correct-the man had pressed the plate back into place before jumping away. For, now, he was prying it up again and it was raising easily, peeling back like skin excised by some grotesque surgeon. The motion of the wing was very broken but the man seemed to have no difficulty staying balanced.
Once more Wilson felt panic. What was he to do? No one believed him. If he tried to convince them any more they'd probably restrain him by force. If he asked the stewardess to sit by him it would be, at best, only a momentary reprieve. The second she departed or, remaining, fell asleep, the man would return. Even if she stayed awake beside him, what was to keep the man from tampering with the engines on the other wing? Wilson shuddered, a coldness of dread misting along his bones.
Dear God, there was nothing to be done.
He twitched as, across the window through which he watched the little man, the pilot's reflection passed. The insanity of the moment almost broke him-the man and the pilot within feet of each other, both seen by him yet not aware of one another. No, that was wrong. The little man had glanced across his shoulder as the pilot passed. As if he knew there was no need to leap off any more, that Wilson's capacity for interfering was at an end. Wilson suddenly trembled with mind-searing rage. I'll kill you! he thought! You filthy little animal, I'll
kill
you!
Outside, the engine faltered.
It lasted only for a second, but, in that second, it seemed to Wilson as if his heart had, also, stopped. He pressed against the window, staring. The man had bent the cowling plate far back and now was on his knees, poking a curious hand into the engine.
"Don't," Wilson heard the whimper of his own voice begging.
"Don't.
Again, the engine failed. Wilson looked around in horror. Was everyone deaf? He raised his hand to press the button for the stewardess, then jerked it back. No, they'd lock him up, restrain him somehow. And he was the only one who knew what was happening, the only one who could help.
"God
…" Wilson bit his lower lip until the pain made him whimper. He twisted around again and jolted. The stewardess was hurrying down the rocking aisle. She'd heard it! He watched her fixedly and saw her glance at him as she passed his seat.
She stopped three seats down the aisle. Someone else had heard! Wilson watched the stewardess as she leaned over, talking to the unseen passenger. Outside, the engine coughed again. Wilson jerked his head around and looked out with horror pinched eyes.
"Damn you!"
he whined.
He turned again and saw the stewardess coming back up the aisle. She didn't look alarmed. Wilson stared at her with unbelieving eyes. It wasn't possible. He twisted around to follow her swaying movement and saw her turn in at the kitchen.
"No."
Wilson was shaking so badly now he couldn't stop. No one had heard.
No one knew.
Suddenly, Wilson bent over and slid his overnight bag out from under the seat. Unzipping it, he jerked out his briefcase and threw it on the carpeting. Then, reaching in again, he grabbed the oilskin envelope and straightened up. From the corners of his eyes, he saw the stewardess coming back and pushed the bag beneath the seat with his shoes, shoving the oilskin envelope beside himself. He sat there rigidly, breath quavering in his chest, as she went by.
Then he pulled the envelope into his lap and untied it. His movements were so feverish that he almost dropped the pistol.
He caught it by the barrel, then clutched at the stock with white knuckled fingers and pushed off the safety catch. He glanced outside and felt himself grow cold.
The man was looking at him.
Wilson pressed his shaking lips together. It was impossible that the man knew what he intended. He swallowed and tried to catch his breath. He shifted his gaze to where the stewardess was handing some pills to the passenger ahead, then looked back at the wing. The man was turning to the engine once again, reaching in. Wilson's grip tightened on the pistol. He began to raise it.
Suddenly, he lowered it. The window was too thick. The bullet might be deflected and kill one of the passengers. He shuddered and stared out at the little man. Again the engine failed and Wilson saw an eruption of sparks cast light across the man's animal features. He braced himself. There was only one answer.
He looked down at the handle of the emergency door. There was a transparent cover over it. Wilson pulled it free and dropped it. He looked outside. The man was still there, crouched and probing at the engine with his hand. Wilson sucked in trembling breath. He put his left hand on the door handle and tested. It wouldn't move downward. Upward there was play.
Abruptly, Wilson let go and put the pistol in his lap. No time for argument, he told himself. With shaking hands, he buckled the belt across his thighs. When the door was opened, there would be a tremendous rushing out of air. For the safety of the ship, he must not go with it.
Now. Wilson picked the pistol up again, his heartbeat staggering. He'd have to be sudden, accurate. If he missed, the man might jump onto the other wing-worse, onto the tail assembly where, inviolate, he could rupture wires, mangle flaps, destroy the balance of the ship. No, this was the only way. He'd fire low and try to hit the man in the chest or stomach. Wilson filled his lungs with air. Now, he thought.
Now.
The stewardess came up the aisle as Wilson started pulling at the handle. For a moment, frozen in her steps, she couldn't speak. A look of stupefied horror distended her features and she raised one hand as if imploring him. Then, suddenly, her voice was shrilling above the noise of the engines.
"Mr. Wilson, no!"
"Get back!" cried Wilson and he wrenched the handle up.
The door seemed to disappear. One second it was by him, in his grip. The next, with a hissing roar, it was gone.
In the same instant, Wilson felt himself enveloped by a monstrous suction which tried to tear him from his seat. His head and shoulders left the cabin and, suddenly, he was breathing tenuous, freezing air. For a moment, eardrums almost bursting from the thunder of the engines, eyes blinded by the arctic winds, he forgot the man. It seemed he heard a prick of screaming in the maelstrom that surrounded him, a distant shout.
Then Wilson saw the man.
He was walking across the wing, gnarled form leaning forward, talon twisted hands outstretched in eagerness. Wilson flung his arm up, fired. The explosion was like a popping in the roaring violence of the air. The man staggered, lashed out and Wilson felt a streak of pain across his head. He fired again at immediate range and saw the man go flailing backward-then, suddenly, disappear with no more solidity than a paper doll swept in a gale. Wilson felt a bursting numbness in his brain. He. felt the pistol torn from failing fingers.
Then all was lost in winter darkness.
He stirred and mumbled. There was a warmness trickling in his veins, his limbs felt wooden. In the darkness, he could hear a shuffling sound, a delicate swirl of voices. He was lying, face up, on something-moving, joggling. A cold wind sprinkled on his face, he felt the surface tilt beneath him.
He sighed. The plane was landed and he was being carried off on a stretcher. His head wound, likely, plus an injection to quiet him.
"Nuttiest way of tryin' to commit suicide I ever heard of," said a voice somewhere.
Wilson felt the pleasure of amusement. Whoever spoke was wrong, of course. As would be established soon enough when the engine was examined and they checked his wound more closely. Then they'd realize that he'd saved them all.
Wilson slept without dreams.
Granma locked me in my room and won’t let me out. Because it’s happened she says. I guess I was bad. Only it was the dress. Momma’s dress I mean. She is gone away forever. Granma says your momma is in heaven. I don’t know how. Can she go in heaven if she’s dead?
Now I hear Granma. She is in momma’s room. She is putting mommas dress down the box. Why does she always? And locks it too. I wish she didn’t. It’s a pretty dress and smells sweet so. And warm. I love to touch it against my cheek. But I can’t never again. I guess that is why Granma is mad at me.
But I amnt sure. All day it was only like every day. Mary Jane came over to my house. She lives across the street. Every day she comes to my house and play. Today she was.
I have seven dolls and a fire truck. Today Granma said play with your dolls and it. Don’t you go inside your mommas room now she said. She always says it. She just means not mess up I think. Because she says it all the time. Don’t go in your mommas room. Like that.
But it’s nice in mommas room. When it rains I go there. Or when Granma is doing her nap I do. I don’t make noise. I just sit on the bed and touch the white cover. Like when I was only small. The room smells like sweet.
I make believe momma is dressing and I am allowed in. I smell her white silk dress. Her going out for night dress. She called it that I don’t remember when.
I hear it moving if I listen hard. I make believe to see her sitting at the dressing table. Like touching on perfume or something I mean. And see her dark eyes. I can remember.
It’s so nice if it rains and I see eyes on the window. The rain sounds like a big giant outside. He says shush shush so everyone will be quiet. I like to make believe that in mommas room.
What I like almost best is to sit at mommas dressing table. It is like pink and big and smells sweet too. The seat in front has a pillow sewed in it. There are bottles and bottles with bumps and have collared perfume in them. And you can see almost your whole self in the mirror.
When I sit there I make believe to be momma. I say be quiet mother I am going out and you can not stop me. It is something I say I don’t know why like I hear it in me. And oh stop your sobbing mother they will not catch me I have my magic dress.
When I pretend I brush my hair long. But I only use my own brush from my room. I didn’t never use mommas brush. I don’t think granma is mad at me for that because I never use mommas brush. I wouldn’t never.
Sometimes I did open the box up. Because I know where Granma puts the key. I saw her once when she wouldn’t know I saw her. She puts the key on the hook in momma’s closet. Behind the door I mean.
I could open the box lots of times. That’s because I like to look at mommas dress. I like best to look at it. It is so pretty and feels soft and like silky. I could touch it for a million years.
I kneel on the rug with roses on it. I hold the dress in my arms and like breathe from it. I touch it against my cheek. I wish I could take it to sleep with me and hold it. I like to. Now I can’t. Because Granma says. And she says I should burn it up but I loved her so. And she cries about the dress.
I wasn’t never bad with it. I put it back neat like it was never touched. Granma never knew. I laughed that she never knew before. But she knows now I did it I guess. And shell punish me. What did it hurt her? Wasn’t it my mommas dress?
What I like real best in mommas room is look at the picture of momma. It has a gold thing around it. Frame is what Granma says. It is on the wall on top the bureau.
Momma is pretty. Your momma was pretty Granma says. Why does she? I see momma there smiling on me and she
is
pretty. For always.
Her hair is black. Like mine. Her eyes are even pretty like black. Her mouth is red so red. I like the dress and it’s the white one. It is all down on her shoulders. Her skin is white almost white like the dress. And so are her hands. She is so pretty. I love her even if she is gone away forever. I love her so much.
I guess I think that’s what made me bad. I mean to Mary Jane.
Mary Jane came from lunch like she does. Granma went to do her nap. She said don’t forget now no going to your mommas room. I told her no Granma. And I was saying the truth but then Mary Jane and I was playing fire truck. Mary Jane said I bet you haven’t no mother I bet you made up it all she said.
I got mad at her. I have a momma I know. She made me mad at her to say I made up it all. She said I’m a liar. I mean about the bed and the dressing table and the picture and the dress even and everything.
I said well I'll show you smarty.
I looked into grammas room. She was doing her nap still. I went down and said Mary Jane to come on because Granma won’t know.
She wasn’t so smart after then. She giggled like she does. Even she made a scaredy noise when she hit into the table in the hall upstairs. I said you’re a scaredy cat to her. She said back well
my
house isn’t so dark like this. Like that was so much.
We went in mommas room. It was more dark than you could see. I said this is my momma’s room I suppose I made up it all.
She was by the door and she wasn’t smart then either. She didn’t say any word. She looked around the room. She jumped when I got her arm. Well come on I said.
I sat on the bed and said this is my mommas bed see how soft it is. She didn’t say nothing. Scaredy cat I said. Am not she said like she does.
I said to sit down how can you tell if it’s soft if you don’t sit down. She sat down by me. I said feel how soft it is. Smell how sweet it is.
I closed my eyes but funny it wasn’t like always. Because Mary Jane was there. I told her to stop feeling the cover. You said to she said. Well stop it I said.
See I said and I pulled her up. That’s the dressing table. I took her and brought her there. She said let go. It was so quiet and like always. I started to feel bad. Because Mary Jane was there. Because it was in my momma’s room and momma wouldn’t like Mary Jane there.
But I had to show her the things because. I showed her the mirror. We looked at each other in it. She looked white. Mary Jane is a scaredy cat I said. Am not am not she said anyway nobody’s house is so quiet and dark inside. Anyway she said it smells.
I got mad at her. No it doesn’t smell I said. Does so she said you said it did. I got madder too. It smells like sugar she said. It smells like sick people in your momma’s room.
Don’t say my momma’s room is like sick people I said to her.
Well you didn’t show me no dress and you’re lying she said there isn’t no dress. I felt all warm inside so I pulled her hair. I’ll show you I said you’re going to see my mommas dress and you’ll better not call me a liar.
I made her stand still and I got the key off the hook. I kneeled down. I opened the box with the key.
Mary Jane said pew that smells like garbage.
I put my nails in her and she pulled away and got mad. Don’t you pinch me she said and she was all red. I’m telling my mother on you she said. And anyway it’s not a white dress it’s dirty and ugly she said.
Its not dirty I said. I said it so loud I wonder why Granma didn’t hear. I pulled out the dress from the box. I held it up to show her how it’s white. It fell open like the rain whispering and the bottom touched on the rug.
It is too white I said all white and clean and silky.
No she said she was so mad and red it has a hole in it. I got more madder. If my momma was here shed show you I said. You got no momma she said all ugly. I hate her.
I have.
I said it way loud. I pointed my finger to momma’s picture. Well who can see in this stupid dark room she said. I pushed her hard and she hit against the bureau. See then I said mean look at the picture. That’s my momma and she’s the most beautiful lady in the world.
She’s ugly she has funny hands Mary Jane said. She hasn’t I said she’s the most beautiful lady in the world!
Not not she said
she has buck teeth.
I don’t remember then. I think the dress moved in my arms. Mary Jane screamed. I don’t remember what. It got dark and the curtains were closed I think I couldn’t see anyway. I couldn’t hear nothing except buck teeth funny hands buck teeth funny hands even when no one was saying it.
There was something else because I think I heard someone call
don’t let her say that!
I couldn’t hold to the dress. And I had it on me I can’t remember. Because I was grown up strong. But I was a little girl still I think I mean outside.
I think I was terrible bad then.
Granma took me away from there I guess. I don’t know. She was screaming god help us it’s happened it’s happened. Over and over. I don’t know why. She pulled me all the way here to my room and locked me in. She won’t let me out. Well I’m not so scared. Who cares if she locks me in a million billion years? She doesn't have to even give me supper. I’m not hungry anyway.
I’m full.