Night Terrors (Sarah Beauhall Book 4) (13 page)

“Fair enough.”

She hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. “We are sisters now, you and I. There is much we need to discuss.”

And she turned, walking toward the restaurant.

“And my family,” I called after her.

She paused, looking back.

“My mother, father, and sister,” I said.

She nodded and went in the restaurant.

“Maybe some more people,” I mumbled. “I’ll get back to you.”

I stood in the fading light, thinking about the totally psychotic world I found myself a part of. I just wish I could talk about all this to Katie. She’d help me sort through it all.

And why not? She may be in a coma but I could still talk to her. Maybe she’d hear me. It was a possibility, and it sure beat crying myself to sleep later.

I drove out to the hospital and sat with her, listening to the machines and the monitors and spoke to her in hushed whispers.

“You are not going to believe this,” I began, toying with the ring. “No chance at all.”

Nineteen

I was thinking that Qindra’s trip to the hospital had helped Katie, but I had no real proof. As it was, she was stable enough to be moved to a private room. It was nice to have a place without all the chaos of the ICU. This way, we could settle into a normal routine, for what it was worth.

I stayed out at Circle Q most nights, giving Jai Li as much attention as I could. I even brought her to the hospital a couple of days a week to see all the stuff going on. She was pretty insistent—made sure there were plenty of pretty pictures in Katie’s room so she’d know she was loved. Then, she would sit and wait, doing embroidery or more drawing. She had the most patience of any kid I’d ever known. Had to do with all that time at Nidhogg’s knee, I’m sure.

The hospital staff loved Jai Li. She drew pictures of each of them as they appeared. Her drawings started showing up at the nurse’s station. The staff was amazed at the girl’s talent, as I’d come to expect. Jai Li didn’t want for attention or treats.

Some days she stayed out at Black Briar playing with my kobold buddy Bub and the troll twins—Frick and Frack. On those days, the staff was visibly and verbally disappointed. That girl had a way of getting under your skin.

Basically we all put our lives on hold. Even Flight Test was on hiatus while Carl and Jennifer tried to figure out what to do about the movie. JJ’s death was hard on everyone, but they had an obligation to keep the business running. They agreed to hold a wake out at the studio for the crew and any family that wanted to come. Apparently, JJ’s parents were coming back up from Portland, and Wendy would have her parents there as well.

Clyde texted me daily with updates on Wendy. He had begun to think of her and JJ like his own kids. The poor guy was devastated.

Skella visited us every day, either at Circle Q or the hospital. Frequently she talked about the Bellingham kids. She was hanging out with them more and more, pretending to be normal. She couldn’t just step into a mirror with them around or anything, so it put a crimp into her mirror taxi services. I was just thrilled she’d found friends outside her own community. They had always been an insular bunch, and with Gletts in a coma himself, she’d been lost.

Between the hospital where Katie was improving, if not actually conscious, emergency meetings with Carl and Jennifer on movie matters, smithing and Jai Li—May slid into June in a haze of unexpected laughter, crazed boredom, and never ending pain.

Julie picked up more and more of my share of the farrier work without me even asking. It made me happy to see her growing stronger—finding her way back to her old life. Mary and Edith were also great, mothering Jai Li and me like we were their own. I guess that’s the lesson I was learning. Our capacity to love and envelope others into our circles of protection had no real limits. I don’t know how I would have made it through without them.

The whole time I carried that damned book in Katie’s purse. Jimmy asked me why I suddenly decided to carry a purse, smirking. Deidre told him it was Katie’s purse and that he should just let it go. For a moment he looked at me with an odd expression, then he hugged me. He didn’t mention the purse again.

I didn’t mention the book.

During the days I tried all I knew. I held Gram, searching for answers, cut myself and smeared the blood over the runes on my body, looking for a flash of understanding. I talked with Bub and Anezka, Gunther, Stuart, Trisha, Jimmy, and Deidre. Consulted our doctor friend, Melanie, and even called Rolph, thinking the dwarves may know something. Skella spoke with her grandmother, who only sighed and offered her sympathy. Gletts was in the same state.

I spent long hours in Nidhogg’s company with and without Qindra, then hours with Qindra alone.

I even asked Jai Li to draw pictures of Katie awake, just so I didn’t leave any options uncovered.

Nothing worked. No one had answers I didn’t already have. And all the time the book remained a cipher. Twice I reached into the purse to remove it, and both times I withdrew. The magic there caused my runes to light up, and not in a good way. I was missing something here, and I couldn’t figure it out. To be totally honest, the book scared the crap out of me. I was half-afraid that if I handled it, whatever happened to JJ would happen to Katie.

In the dark of night, as Jai Li slept at my side, I would lay and stare into the blackness and begin to imagine what would happen if Katie didn’t come back to me. I’d never felt so desperate in my entire life.

Sometimes, when Jai Li was too wound up to sleep, we’d sit up alone in the kitchen at Circle Q and have cocoa and cookies, just like ma used to do with me when I couldn’t sleep.

There was more than one deep night cookie session where I’d pull my cell phone out and call up their number. I know they’d be asleep, but I thought if I could hear ma’s voice for just a minute, that I could find a bit of peace.

Then I’d look over at Jai Li and wonder how I’d ever merge my new family in with my old. Felt like an either/or choice that I couldn’t find a way to resolve.

In the light of day, I let the old habits take over, and calling home lost its luster. Still, I needed to do something. I wasn’t going to be any good to anyone, including Jai Li before too long.

Then, one night, as I was hovering in that between space where you begin to dream, but know you’re dreaming, I felt her. Katie was there, somewhere in the ether. It was the first breakthrough in weeks and weeks. She said my name, like a prayer, and I sat bolt upright, expecting to see her standing before me.

But I was at Circle Q. Jai Li was asleep at my side, and the house was quiet. Katie was not here.

Eventually I tried to go back to sleep, straining to hear her voice again. The morning came too early and too bright. I don’t think I’d slept more than ten minutes at a time. I kept waking myself up, trying to keep that fugue state. Jai Li knew something was going on, though and tried to let me sleep in. I must’ve dozed a little, but by the time I got up and staggered into the kitchen, the whole house was alert, drinking coffee or juice and watching me like I was going to sprout a second head.

I told them about hearing Katie calling me. They watched me, each of them keeping her thoughts to herself. It was damned frustrating.

Finally, Julie piped up. “Wishful thinking,” she said, patting me on the shoulder.

Jai Li smiled and made the sign for hope in that optimistic way kids have. Soon she and Edith were spinning a tale of daring rescue and Katie waking to my kiss. That morning I had a modicum of sanity, a few moments of light.

Mary hugged me and told me to go kiss Katie again, just to be sure. It was all very sweet. Of course, they damn near drove me nuts. Platitudes were awesome and all, but I needed expertise.

So, I called Qindra. We met for lunch over in Bellevue. For her to make the long trek over the water spoke volumes about her concern for me. I was a little oblivious to most of it, however. While she agreed there was a possibility I truly heard Katie calling me, she doubted it was anything but wishful thinking. Made me consider that Julie and Qindra were talking behind my back. Not that far-fetched.

“There is more to the world than I know about, sister, mine,” Qindra said over her Caesar salad. “Things the wisest only hint at and fools embrace with conviction.” She took my hands when she was telling me this, as if to lessen the pain. “Only you know the truth of it.”

Great, that wasn’t ambiguous or anything. I thanked her and went back to Circle Q more depressed than I’d been. Was I losing my mind here?

Twenty

I took to half-sleeping more and more, so I could search for Katie in that between-space where the conscious mind slips into the deep waters of the great unconsciousness. I knew this term from a poetry teacher I had back in college. She believed that we as a species were all connected in this great underground sea of thought and dreams. It was this place where ideas were germinated and shared; how the same ideas could emerge in the world on different continents at the same time, even back before the creation of high-speed travel.

So I went diving into that metaphorical warm underground lake hoping to find a hint of Katie; another moment where her voice called out to me. It was frustrating at first, just hoping beyond hope that I’d find her in a fictional ocean where billions of other minds mingled and coalesced.

This went on for days. I stopped working, stopped doing much of anything really. I only ate when Julie and them forced me to. There were points where I know I was hallucinating, and Jai Li would wake me up. Eventually she started sleeping in Edith’s room. One morning she refused to hug me, told me she was scared. That almost did me in. Seeing the look on that little girl’s face was almost enough. But I loved Katie more, and I would sacrifice anything to get her back.

I even had a moment of guilt. I’d taken this child in, promised to be a mother to her, to raise her, keep her safe. But without Katie, with this unknown hanging over my head, I wasn’t good for anyone.

Melanie started talking about depression, and Julie told me if I didn’t get my shit together she was going to drag me to therapy if she had to hogtie me. Funny, I believed her. But I had to keep trying.

It was Edith who had the right of it in the end. She was cleaning the house, going through things, dusting and making order of the general chaos five of us had wreaked on the house since Jai Li and I had taken up residence. No one complained, but I could tell we were straining things to their limits. It was inevitable at some point. And I knew it wasn’t even Jai Li. It was me.

They were watching me, pacing me, conspiring against me. I wasn’t exactly paranoid or anything, but when you see people whispering, heads together, then they separate and dodge into different rooms when you show up, it makes you wonder.

Of course, it could also be I was losing my shit. Yeah, that was happening.

It was the middle of the afternoon and I was once again hiding in our room out at Circle Q. We’d had three days in a row of overcast, and I had blankets jury-rigged up over the windows to block out what weak light we were getting. I had the light out and was thinking, wandering in my mind with only the glow of Gram to cut the absolute blackness of the room. Apparently I had been singing something nonsensical loud enough to be heard in the hallway. I honestly have no idea what I was singing, something about apples and pain, I think. I’m pretty fuzzy on the details. As I said, I was searching for ideas, thinking about Katie and letting my mind wander where it wanted, listening to the roaring in my ears.

Edith slammed my door open and stood in the glare of the hallway light with her fists on her hips and a scowl on her face that would make a Navy Seal cringe and call his mama.

“You have to sleep,” she said, her voice stern.

I sat up and shielded my eyes, but couldn’t see her, not with the hallway light creating a penumbra, casting her features in shadow.

“Drink this,” she said, walking into the room and handing me a travel mug full of something warm.

I sniffed it. It smelled like milk with nutmeg and honey.

“No thanks,” I said, holding the cup out to her. “I’m not thirsty.”

She stepped back, her hands up to her shoulders. I couldn’t make out her features, but she came off as smug.

“Drink it anyway,” she said, leaning against the doorframe. “You need to sleep, or I will beat you into unconsciousness.”

My eyebrows darted upward, and I squinted at her.

“You’re kidding, right?”

Mary appeared at Edith’s elbow, both hands on the handle of a broom. “Drink it, Sarah. Just sleep for a little while. You’re driving us all crazy.”

“Where’s Jai Li?” I asked, sitting up straighter and laying Gram on the bed beside me.

“Julie’s taking her to Black Briar for a couple of days,” Mary said. “You drink that and you sleep, or so help me I will hold you down while Edith forces it down your throat.”

This was exactly the opposite of anything I could imagine coming from these two women. Mothering and caring were the first two words that came to mind. Protective and matronly. Thugs threatening a beating was not on my radar.

“Jesus,” I said, sitting up straighter. “I thought you people said I was sleeping too much.”

They looked at each other. Mary spoke first. “You haven’t slept for more than twenty minutes in the last four days. You’re scaring Jai Li. She says you’re losing your mind.”

“Bullshit,” I said, swinging my feet around to the side of the bed.

Edith stepped in and held a hand up. “What day is it?”

I smirked, looking between the two of them. “Thursday.”

Mary shook her head. “Try again.”

I looked at her, really took her in. There was a desperation there that finally got through to my brain. “Friday?”

“Sunday,” Edith said. “Drink this, or so help me god, you can leave here and never return.”

Mary shot a worried look to Edith, but didn’t object.

“Fine,” I said, sagging back. Maybe I was losing my shit after all.

I drank the milk in one long pull. It was sweet, and a little bitter. “How long will I sleep for?” I asked, handing over the mug and wiping my mouth.