New Title 1 (31 page)

It had been a full week, seven long and confusing days since Jordin and Julez had crossed the blurred friendship border into lover town. He had called her twice since the encounter and she hadn't answered once. And then he hadn't called again.

It wasn't that she didn't want to talk to him, it was just that she needed this time to be alone. Too many things had gone down, and the last thing Jordin needed was an illicit affair with a man who was still married to her pregnant, former best friend added to her list of dilemmas. It was bad enough that she was homeless, heart broken, and seriously terrified of losing her job, being that she had submitted her long overdue article days ago and hadn't heard anything back from the Caramel magazine director. Had they liked it? Did they want her to change something? Had they hated it? Jordin didn't have a clue.

All she knew was that she had spoken from the heart, everything that she wrote she had felt at that moment, and she had heard that those were the best written works. Well, she certainly hoped so.

She grabbed another Oreo out of the container and took a bite as she sat Indian style on the hotel bed, a large red marker in her hand with her reading glasses on. She was doing some detailed exploring into the Apartment Finder magazine and trying to find the perfect combination of an affordable, safe, and still spacious and well looking place of residence. She knew that Julez had said that he would help her get back on her feet, but she wanted to make sure that she could do it on her own. Messing around with Slim, Jordin saw that you couldn't take a man's word for much. Messing around with Noelle, she realized the same went for women. Jordin would try to do this on her own. She placed a big star next to an ad for an apartment complex located in North Brunswick.

As she placed the cap back on the marker, Jordin had to instantly shut her eyes and shake her head violently when another image of Julez making love to her unwillingly invaded her brain. That's the way it had been happening. Vivid, passionate, colorful scenes of their sex session replaying in Jordin's mind like they were star features on opening weekend.

She'd be reading or watching television, and she'd see his sexy, strong body, and his intense eyes, staring at her while he stroked her and whispered dirty words in his baritone. She'd be in the middle of a conversation with someone at work, and she'd suddenly feel his strong hands rubbing all over her body, his skilled tongue dancing in between her thighs. Jordin actually once had to excuse herself and take a bathroom break. But when she slept, it was the worst. She could smell him, his fresh and masculine scent as he had kissed her tenderly and worked her slow. She could taste him, the sweat from his body when she had bitten down on his shoulder with her legs high in the air, that was when he was working her fast. Everything about that night had stayed in her mind more distinct and dominant than anything in her entire life. It was absolutely one of the most explosive things that she had ever experienced.

Even the conversation they had shared in their afterglow as she had laid in his arms, remained in her thoughts.

She had asked him if he could ever forgive Noelle, and he gave her a pretty convincing 'hell no'. She had also asked if he believed that the baby that Noelle was carrying was his own, and after a long moment of contemplation, his answer had been a surprising one.

“
I wanted to think so, 'cause on the real...that's the one thing I've been wanting for a long time. But...honestly...nah. A baby...that's something that's...” He had paused briefly, and then continued. “That's something that's made out of love...that's what I was always taught. I mean, don't get me wrong, niggas run up in chicks all the time and get them knocked up. But most of the time, it's love involved, even if it's just for that moment...at least that's what I think.”

That had made Jordin smile, listening to Julez get so deep and expressive with his emotions. He had told her that he probably sounded soft talking like that, and Jordin had told him that it was just the opposite. She was impressed. She then had wondered that if Slim was the father, then was that child out of love too? Did Noelle and Slim actually love each other?

Jordin and Julez had lain in bed all through the night, well into the morning and they had talked naturally and freely. He had kissed her tenderly on the forehead before he departed and asked her if she needed anything, of course she declined. He said he would call, and he had kept his word, but Jordin couldn't bring herself to face him, not just yet. She wasn't sure what the next step would be with them. She wasn't sure if there could even be a next step.

“
Stop! Stop it. Stop thinking about him Jordin. It was just...sex.”

Before she could beat herself up even more about her obsession, her cell phone vibrated loudly on the table, interrupting her thoughts.

“
Hello...”

It was her job. They had read the article and they wanted her to come in to discuss it. Jordin agreed and hung up all the while replaying the brief conversation with the editor and trying to feel out the tone of her voice. Did she like it? Or maybe she was disappointed? Maybe they were regretting hiring her?

Her contemplation over Julez was pushed to the back-burner of her mind as she wondered what her future held with her dream job.

Jordin took a deep breath and headed for the shower, knowing soon she would get the answer to her questions.

***

“
Noelle! Get the door!”

Noelle sat on her mother's couch and continued to keep her eyes glued to the plasma television as another episode of the Real Housewives of New Jersey aired. She sucked her teeth and rolled her eyes as they showed a quick shot of one of the character's huge house. She thought about how just a few weeks ago, she had a house that would have shitted on it.

Bigger lawn, way more tastefully decorated, and definitely a husband way finer. Her mother's loud screaming broke her reminiscing.

“
Noelle! You hear the door, answer it!”

Noelle stayed seated. She heard the knocking but in her mind, she had a double whammy. She was homeless and dumped, and she was pregnant. She was a victim, she didn't have time to worry about who was at the door. She heard her mother's heavy steps approaching the living room and she regretted not just getting up and answering the door, now she would have to hear her mouth.

“
Aye dios mio Noelle, you are so lazy! No wonder Julez left you!”

Noelle just rolled her eyes again because her mother didn't know shit. She didn't even tell her mother what she had done that made Julez kick her out. She wanted to remain the injured one, she needed some sympathy. She was just feeling way too guilty.

Her mother only shook her head at her daughter, praying that one day she would get it together, although she doubted it.

McKenzie had been in the back bedroom for hours depressed over losing her home and Noelle hadn't went to check on her once. She was too busy feeling sorry for herself.

Marta, Noelle's mother, shot her daughter one last look before she looked through the peephole and saw a familiar face. She opened the door without any words spoken.

Noelle glanced up to see who it was, figuring it would be her grandmother or her uncle. But she got the shock of her life.

“
Hey mami Marta, how you?”

Julez walked through the door, just as familiar with the house as he'd always been as he leaned in and gave Marta a warm hug and a peck on the cheek.

“
Bien Julez, how are you baby?”

“
Maintaining,” he answered.

Noelle smoothed down her wild hair as she suddenly wished that she had showered and changed out of her sweats. She just knew that she looked less than par.

“
Hi Julez,” she spoke up, slight sadness in her voice.

“
Where's Kenzie?” He wouldn't even look at her as he asked that. Marta spoke up and let him know that she was in the back. She went to get her, leaving the two alone.

There was an eerie silence between them and the television was the only sound filling the room. Julez didn't want to sit, so he rested against the arm of the loveseat that sat adjacent to the couch Noelle was seated in.

Noelle swallowed hard and she brought her sad and teary eyes up to where he was, as she took in all of him. How could she have been so stupid, Julez was that nigga. Any girl would want him.

She figured she would say something to him, anything before he got away. She let the words roll off of her tongue before she put much thought behind them, her shaky voice taking him off guard.

“
McKenzie really misses being home, she's depressed you know?”

“
McKenzie can come home whenever she wants; I'm here to let her know that.”

He was so matter of fact, sharp, the emotion drained from his voice and just a cold shell remaining. Noelle looked down before speaking again.

“
What about me?”

Her voice was filled with a devastated hopefulness. Like she knew the answer already but wanted to torture herself more hearing the rejection from his lips.

Julez took a deep breath before responding, half of him not wanting to give her any answer feeling she didn't deserve his words, and half wanting to wring her fragile neck. She had destroyed him, this was the woman he had made his wife.

He finally looked her in the eyes, the hazel and tantalizing eyes that he used to love but now knew he could not trust. He shook his head in disbelief.

“
I coulda killed you, ma. Do you know that?” Noelle's heart sank, never hearing Julez speak so deadly and yet so calm and serious to her. “I still could. I could fucking
kill
you, Noe.”

Julez could see McKenzie making her way from the back with a glum look on her face. Her eyes brightened a bit when they connected with Julez.

“
Daddy!” She yelled, making her way to him.

He got up and started toward her, his arms opened wide.

“
I think it's best you keep ya distance from me yo,” he warned before McKenzie could get close enough to hear.

Noelle didn't even know what to say, so she said nothing as the two embraced. She knew getting Julez's forgiveness let alone coming back home was like a chance in hell, a real slim chance.

She placed her hand on her belly as she watched the two of them head to the kitchen for a one on one and she prayed more than ever that the seed growing inside was her husband's. Fuck a chance, she needed a miracle.

***

“
We sent it straight to print.”

“
H-huh?”

“
It was fantastic, so raw. It really grabbed the reader and it was so relatable.”

“
Really?”

“
You've really got a gift Jordin.”

Jordin was stupefied.

The editor of Caramel was telling her that her tidbit article that she had free wrote half drunk on the hotel room floor was good enough to go straight to print. She was ecstatic. Relieved and thrilled all with a dose of disbelief. Did she really have a gift?

She wondered how many people, if any had read it yet.

They immediately told her that they wanted her to start working on something else. One more hard hitter and she could become the star writer of the magazine and move up to features.

They said she really had to bring it next time around. She wondered if she could.

Had the worst experience brought out the best in her? She wanted to tell someone she was so overwhelmed with happiness. Her thoughts immediately went to Julez and she debated giving him a call. She wanted to share this with him but something was holding her back. Jordin wondered what he was doing at that moment.

***

“
So, remember what I said baby girl. Whenever you need me, you know what to do. I'm only a phone call away and you can come home whenever you want.”

McKenzie nodded as she placed her hands on Julez shoulders, standing face to face with him since he was crouched down to her level.

“
I just can't live there...because you don't love mommy anymore.”

Julez's heart broke as he stared at the closest thing he'd ever had to a child. He knew now with Freckles being dead that he was the only father she had and would ever know. Now he knew why people 'worked it out' for the kids. Seeing the look on their faces was enough to torture someone, but he couldn't see himself working this out with Noe.