New Beginnings (5 page)

Her eyes flashed with anger. “Don’t say it like that, like I don’t have the right to be happy.”

He sighed, frustrated that everything he said incensed her. “Of course you deserve to be happy.”

She scoffed, bitterness flashing in her eyes. “Just not with any other man, is that it?”

He chuckled, in spite of his foul mood. “Hell no, I don’t even want to picture you with another man. It makes me crazy.”

She gave him a half-smile. “You always were a jealous, possessive, overprotective jerk.”

He shrugged his shoulders, unable to deny the claim. “I guess some things never change.”

“How do you think I felt?”

He frowned. “What do you mean?”

She closed her eyes and leaned her head against the back of the chair. “Seeing your face with countless women, each more beautiful than the last, splashed across the cover of every magazine in the country weeks after I left.” Her voice broke. “You said you were glad to be free. That you weren’t cut out for marriage.”

He leaned forward in his seat, knowing how important this was. He had made so many mistakes. He couldn’t afford to screw this up. “I’m so sorry for the things I said back then. I was drunk every day for almost a year after you left. I couldn’t form a coherent thought. Every statement I made to the press was just the ramblings of a drunk, bitter man who was destroyed because the woman he loved more than life itself dumped his sorry ass.”

She opened her eyes and smiled through her tears. “Thanks for saying that. I needed to hear it. I hated believing that our marriage meant so little to you.”

“Our marriage meant everything to me,” he whispered.

She brushed away the tears. “Then why didn’t you fight harder to try to save it? Why did you refuse to even acknowledge me after Callie’s death? God, Trey, I felt so alone.”

He got up and moved to the edge of her chair, pulling her into his arms. He didn’t know if she would let him console her now, but he had to try. “I’m ashamed of the way I acted after Callie’s death. I hated myself and I just assumed you hated me too. It was my fault.”

She leaned into him, resting her hand on his thigh. “No, it wasn’t your fault. It was an accident. You have to forgive yourself, or you’ll never be able to move on with your life.”

He moved to sit on the coffee table in front of her. He needed to look into her eyes, try to read her reaction. “What if I don’t want to move on with my life?”

“You have to move on. You have to get past all this anger and self-loathing, Trey. We both made mistakes. Maybe I should have stayed, tried harder, insisted we get counseling.”

He grabbed her hand and he was relieved when she didn’t pull away. “Why didn’t you?”

“I’d already lost you to the bottle. I didn’t know how to fight that. I just got so tired of trying.”

She glanced at their joined hands before meeting his eyes. “You knew that my father was an alcoholic. I couldn’t go through that again.”

“I know, Sierra. I’m so sorry. God, you deserved so much better than that.”

“Now I’ve found it.”

He hated that she’d moved on, found someone else, but he couldn’t begrudge her happiness.

“I’m glad.”

“You deserve to be happy too, Trey.”

He rolled his eyes. He knew there were special places in Hell for self-centered, egotists like him.

“You do, but you’ll never find it at the bottom of a bottle.”

He got up and crossed the room. He was ashamed of himself, his weakness. “How did you know I was drinking again?”

“Your sister told me.”

He eyed the liquor bottles on the side table. “Marisa should learn to mind her own damned business.”

She crossed the room and grabbed his shoulders to turn his attention away from the bottles. “She’s worried about you. So are your parents.”

He felt her hands slide down his biceps and it took everything in him not to draw her closer, press her body against his. “How do you know so much about it?”

“I’ve kept in touch with your family, Trey.”

She was close enough for him to inhale her fragrance, a hint of sultry perfume and her. The heady scent that had always aroused him still had the power to bring him to his knees. “God, you’re beautiful.” He caressed her cheek with the back of his hand and watched with satisfaction as her eyes drifted closed.

“Trey, please,” she whispered, flattening her palms against his chest. “Don’t do this.”

“I can’t help it. I was never able to get close to you without wanting to touch you. We used to be so good together, remember?” She stepped out of his embrace and he cursed himself for having said too much.

“I don’t want to remember.” She turned away from him. “I can’t live in the past anymore.”

He pulled her back against his chest and felt her stiffen before relaxing into him. He bent down to whisper in ear. “I can’t let go of the past. I can’t let go of you.” His hands spanned her waist and he nudged her against his arousal. “Do you remember what it felt like? How good it was between us?”

She took a deep breath. “No.”

He chuckled in her ear. “Liar.” His hand snaked around her waist and he pulled her body flush with his.

“Is it like this with him?” He knew he was taking a risk, but he couldn’t help himself, he needed to know.

“It was explosive between you and me,” she whispered. “It doesn’t have to be like that to be good.”

“Mmm.” His tongue flicked against her earlobe and he felt her sharp intake of breath as she sank against him. “It was amazing, baby. Like nothing I’ve ever experienced before or since. You?”

She seemed to rally the strength to step out of his arms and took a step away before turning to face him. “You’re an amazing lover, Trey. The best I’ve ever had, but that doesn’t change anything.”

He clenched his fists at his sides, knowing his touch would be unwelcome. How could she belong to another man when she still responded to him as she always had? They were always a word or caress away from hitting the sheets; the sexual tension in the room proved that was still the case. “Did you ever respond to another man like this when you were with me?”

She folded her arms over her chest. “What does that have to do with anything?”

A snap on her shirt had come unbuttoned and he glanced at the swell of her breasts over the cups of her lacy bra. He stifled a primal growl. “Answer me. Did you ever want another man while you were sharing my bed?” He knew he was taking a risk. She could tell him to go to Hell, walk out on him again, but he had to know the truth.

She worked her bottom lip between her teeth. “No, of course not.”

“But you want me now and you’re sharing his bed. What does that tell you?” He knew he was pushing too hard, too fast, but he was suddenly desperate to make her acknowledge they still had a connection. He didn’t know when she planned to marry her fiancé, but something told him he had to act now or risk losing her forever.

She went to the other side of the room to retrieve her purse. She pulled her phone out of an inside pocket and feigned interest in the screen. “I can’t believe you have the nerve to question my relationship.”

He walked toward her, able to read her body language because he knew her so well. Nervous, agitated, definitely aroused. “You’re not sleeping with him, are you?” He saw the truth in her eyes before it was replaced with a flash of anger.

“That’s none of your business.”

He felt like someone had thrown him a lifeline; maybe he still had a prayer of undoing the damage he’d done. “How can you marry a guy without knowing whether you’re compatible in bed?” He grabbed her phone, forcing her to look at him.

“You are such a Neanderthal. Is everything about sex with you?”

He laughed, realizing he’d smiled more in the last hour than he had in weeks. She brought out the best in him, always had. “You have to admit it makes life more interesting.”

She glared at him, clearly not amused. “That may be true for you. Some of us have to be in love with someone before we’re willing to jump into bed.”

Realization dawned as he took a step back, dumbfounded. Was it possible? Had he been her last lover, her only lover? “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“I don’t know.” She pretended to scour her purse. “What do you think I’m saying?”

“Sierra, when was the last time you had sex?”

“I’m not going to answer that!”

He smiled, feeling more satisfied than he had when he’d won his first Country Music Award. She could deny it all night long, but he knew she hadn’t given her body to another man because, in her heart, it still belonged to him. “You don’t have to answer the question. I can see it in your eyes.”

“Fine, believe whatever you want. Can I have my phone now? I need to respond to Eric’s text message.”

He felt the weight of despair begin to lift. Maybe it wasn’t too late to reclaim the life he thought he’d lost. Slipping the phone into his breast pocket, he asked, “Why don’t you come over here and get it, sweetheart?”

“You’re such an ass, Trey.” She pulled on the fabric of his shirt, drawing him closer. Her eyes settled on his as her teeth nipped her lower lip.

A knock on the door prevented him from sweeping his tongue across her lower lip, halting her internal battle.

Jimmy poked his head in the door. “Everything okay in here?”

Sierra turned her head and smiled at Jimmy.

Her smile hindered Trey’s breathing. He needed to be the man to make her smile, every day for the rest of her life. Engagement or no engagement, he had to get her back.

“Yeah, everything’s fine, Jimmy. We’ll be out in a minute,” Sierra said.

“See that ya are now. That crowd has swelled to twice the size and they’re gettin’ restless.”

Trey couldn’t take his eyes off her. He wanted her, needed her, now. “We’ll be right there, Jim.”

“Okay.” The door closed behind him with a soft click.

“Sierra, I...”

She pressed her fingertips against his lips. “Don’t, please don’t.” She headed to the small make-up table in the corner of the room. “Can you give me a minute alone?”

He wanted to object, but he knew he had no choice. “On one condition.”

She glanced at him in the mirror. “What’s that?”

“We finish this conversation before you leave tonight? I have a proposition for you.”

“Your proposition won’t change anything, Trey.”

“We’ll see about that,” he whispered, closing the door behind him.

Trey knew he was going to have to break down Sierra’s defences to get her to agree to his plan. He had something she wanted, and she had something he needed. He just had to make her believe their partnership could be mutually beneficial.

Despite his reckless lifestyle, he had been raised in a strict Baptist home and he lived his life by the moral code he’d learned at his daddy’s knee. Two of the lessons he’d heeded were to be faithful to your woman and never tread into another man’s territory. God help him, he was about to break one of his daddy’s commandments.  He didn’t give a damn about Sierra’s fiancé. As far as he was concerned, a man who couldn’t satisfy her in the bedroom didn’t deserve to have her in his bed. The thought of crossing that line wouldn’t have occurred to him with any other woman, but with Sierra, all bets were off. His heart and his gut told him she would always belong to him, just as he would always belong to her. Now he just had to make her believe that.

His chest constricted when he saw her making her way to the stage. He loved her now more than ever. It terrified him how much he still wanted her, needed her in his life.

She climbed the stairs leading up to the stage and caught him off guard with a brilliant smile, all bright white teeth and dimples.

“You ready to do this, hotshot?”

He grinned. “Bring it on, baby.”

He’d taken a few minutes to bring the band up to speed on his song choices and, since he hadn’t briefed her, she would have no choice but to follow his lead. He’d purposely chosen songs that she would know. Some of their old favourites, including a song he’d written for her on his debut album.

He addressed the crowd and got them fired up, before singing the first few bars of their song. He saw the silent protest in her eyes as realization dawned. He knew he was hitting below the belt, but if this was his only chance, he was determined to make it count.

She was a professional and didn’t miss a beat. She sang his words back to him with the angst of a woman fighting to hold on to a lost love. He knew her too well to think she was putting on a show for the benefit of the crowd. She still felt something for him and that gave him something he hadn’t had in a long time: hope.

***

By the time their last song ended, Sierra was desperate to escape the haunting memories he evoked. He was like her drug of choice, dangerous, just a heartbeat away from dragging her into that destructive, old pattern that had nearly destroyed her.

He was systematically lowering her defences, drawing her in with familiar words, bone-melting perusals, and intimate caresses. Whatever his proposition, she knew she would have to stay strong to resist him. She wasn’t willing to jeopardize her hard-fought peace of mind for a few all-consuming nights of passion.

She knew he wanted to prove a point. He wanted her to believe that Eric wasn’t the man for her because he wasn’t able to satisfy her in the bedroom. He may have been able to convince the naïve girl he’d married that sex was the foundation of a good relationship, but the battle-weary woman he divorced knew better than to believe that sex, no matter how good, could obliterate all of the problems in a relationship. She and Trey were able to relate on a carnal level up until their last night together, but the emotional connection had died months before. That’s why she now chose friendship before love and passion. She loved her fiancé, not in the same foolhardy way she’d loved Trey, but with the maturity of a woman who’d been married and divorced and now realized that love didn’t have the power to conquer all.

She let him take her hand as they took their last bow for the crowd and tried to ignore the tingling sensation skittering up her arm. She had to get out of here now, before she did or said something she would never be able to forget.