Never Enough: A New Adult Romance (13 page)

I turned around so I was facing him. He was so confusing sometimes. First it seemed like he didn’t want to be near me and then for no reason whatsoever he was concerned about the two of us not getting along.

“Why would I be mad at you?”

His hand ran across the back of his neck. I knew what that gesture meant. He was nervous.

“Because I…I left you the other night and didn’t stay.”

My eyebrows met in confusion. “I’m not mad about that, Damien.” I wasn’t mad. Hurt? Yes, but I wasn’t going to let on, so I waved my hand dismissively. “We said we’d keep it casual, and speaking of that…we need to talk.”

His eyes met mine and I made myself stare into their dark depths.
“What? What do you need to talk to me about?” The sexual tension dissipated quickly, leaving apprehension in its wake.

I opened my mouth to tell him that we needed to keep it casual, to keep this just sex, but I couldn’t bring myself to say it. I didn’t want it to be just sex. I wanted to get to know him. I wanted to see what he had to offer. I wanted to be his friend. I doubted he’d want the same thing. I was so confounded that I ended up freezing, unable to verbalize my confusion.

When I didn’t answer him right away, he leaned forward, anxiety spreading across his face. “What’s going on?”
His voice was low, nearly a whisper and the nervousness I heard within made my heart thump painfully in my chest. What was I going to say? Would I set expectations and limitations and make sure it stayed casual or would I break it off to save myself the pain of a broken heart?

Before I could answer, a customer approached the counter.

“Worst fucking timing,” he muttered so quietly I almost didn’t catch it.

“How can I help you?” I asked the older woman
at the counter as I stepped away from Damien. I could seem him purposefully turn so he was no longer facing me. His hand reached up and I was almost positive he was pinching the bridge of his nose. Oh no. Those tension headaches again. The last time he’d had one of those my fingers ended up in his mouth.

I took the woman’s order and made her drink, letting Damien escape to the backroom. He stayed back there for a
while, only returning when the store grew busy and I had to call him to come help me.

When he reappeared, he looked tense and my hear
t thumped painfully in my chest, and I knew. I couldn’t break it off just yet. Not yet. Just a little more time and then we would discuss where this was going. Perhaps by then things would be clearer and I would know exactly what I wanted. Right now, things were just too muddled. And I really didn’t want to stop what we were doing. I liked it too much. Way too much.

The pain in my chest subsided and I felt relieved that I had
finally come to a decision. Even if it was only temporary. I wanted to talk to him right away, to clarify things, but we stayed busy until closing. It was unfortunate really because by the time he cleared out the shop and locked the doors, he was in a foul mood. And I was walking on eggshells, making sure not to disturb the beast lurking inside. He did a poor job containing it, snapping at me for everything I did or brooding in silence. The tension rolling off him was so thick it was almost visible and I was pretty sure the customers felt it as well. I didn’t really understand why he was acting this way. I wracked my mind with what I could have done to make him so angry, but came up short. I had no idea what was going on.

By the time we had turned the light off and made our way to the door, I was ready to scream
out of frustration. Instead, I grabbed his arm and stopped him from leaving the shop.

“We need to talk,” I said grumpily.

His jaw flexed and he glanced down at my hand. “What about?”

“You’ve been a dick all day. What gives?”

He pulled his arm away from mine and rubbed it. “Nothing. Just a headache.”

“You’re a terrible liar. You’ve been giving me looks all night.”

“No, I haven’t.”

I huffed and nearly stomped my foot. He was infuriating. “Yes, you have. So tell me. What. Is. Wrong?”

“Nothing, Temperance,” he barked. “So leave it alone. I’m fucking tired and I want to go home. So if you’re done talking, I’d like to leave.”

My teeth clenched together and I held onto my purse strap so tightly it twisted painfully around my fingers.

“Fine. Let’s go.” I was so mad. Mad he was acting like a dick, that he wouldn’t admit to how he was feeling. Everything was so secretive with him. It would probably never change either. I would always be left guessing.

I pushed past him and strode outside
, walking quickly to my car. I dug around in my purse for my keys but before I could wrap my fingers around them, Damien was at my side. He leaned into me, his right hand pressed up against my car, blocking me from stepping away.

“What were you going to tell me back there? Before that customer came up and interrupted.”

I placed my hands on my hips, not wanting to tell him, to provoke him like he had provoked me all evening.

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” I said sassily, causing him to frown.

“Don’t mess with me, Temperance. I’m not fucking around. What were you going to say?”

I merely arched an eyebrow at him and tilted my head.
So that was why he had been a douche all evening.

“Were you going to end...” he waved his finger between us. “…this?”

“I don’t even know what this is,” I replied.

“Tell me, Temperance,” he demanded.

“Maybe,” I replied, wanting to torture him a little longer since he’d been such a prick earlier.

“Tell me the truth,” he growled, leaning in closer to me. The proximity of his face to mine just made me want to kiss him. I scooted back until my body was pressed up against my car. I needed space to think clearly.

“Fine!” I threw my hands in the air and met his angry gaze. “I don’t know why you’re so bent out of shape about this. I mean, it’s not like we even had an arrangement. We just slept together a few times, but no, I wasn’t going to end it. I was thinking about it...”

“You were thinking about it?” He seemed more upset than before which made no sense.
I had just said I was thinking about it, not that I was going to do it.

“Yeah, Damien. I was
thinking about it,” I repeated.

He clenched his hands by his sides and took a step back. “Why?”

“Why does it matter? Just drop it, Damien. It’s not a big deal.”

He ran his hands through his hair and took a few deep breaths to control himself. He seemed like he was about to lose it.

“Fine. Fine,” he muttered under his breath, shoving his hands in his pockets and looking back at his truck. His anger seemed to have been snuffed out and replaced by sadness. I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around him and pull him into me, but I didn’t. Instead I watched as he strode to his truck and wrenched the driver’s side door open, jumping inside. A moment later, he was pulling out of the parking lot, leaving me confused and full of apprehension.

Crap. I had to sort this out and soon or else everything was going to go to hell.

Chapter Eleven

Damien

I seriously needed to get a grip, but it was damn hard when Temperance pushed my every button. She was thinking about ending this? Thinking? Just hearing her utter those words had pushed me past the breaking point. I felt like I was spiraling out of control and it was all because we might not be having sex anymore.

If I weren’t so pissed, I’d laugh. Who would have thought I’d be so addicted after such a short time? My plan to just get her out of my system hadn’t worked. It seemed I wanted her more than before. The thought of losing her literally
blurred my vision.

I pulled off the road under a large overhanging tree and rested my head against the steering wheel. The steady rumble of truck engine
vibrated through me, soothing my trembling nerves. We really needed to talk, but before I could do that, I needed to collect myself. I obviously couldn’t keep it together when I’d tried to talk about it a few moments ago. I had acted like a pig, a total creep.

I needed a moment to breathe and let my brain kick in. If I didn’t,
I’d end up either saying things I didn’t mean, or I’d end up taking her wherever we happened to be. The latter seemed more inviting, but I doubted she’d even want to be with me after what an ass I’d been at work. Not to mention last night.

But she had scared me and I had reacted negatively. Sometimes bundling everything up wasn’t the best option. I admired people who could vocalize how they were feeling and not worry
about how’d they be perceived. That was probably why I had initially liked Sophia so much. She had been an open book and she didn’t care if everyone knew how she’d been feeling. I never had to guess what was going on with her because her emotions had never stayed pent up within her and she could always read me. I loved that I never had to explain how I was feeling, but looking back I remember there were times I wished I had the option of keeping my thoughts to myself. That’s what I liked about Temperance. I had some semblance of privacy. Jesus, I was so tangled up, so confused I couldn’t even think straight.

A knoc
k on my window had me peeling my forehead off the steering wheel and glancing outside. The moon had been snuffed out by dark grey clouds, leaving the world dark and dreary.

I could make out Temperance though. I think I could have recognized her anywhere she was. She was like a light in the shadows.
And then she was no longer outside. She was reaching for the door handle and pulling it open. I should have held it closed, keeping her safely on the other side of the dented metal door, but instead I helped her open it, scooting over until she was sitting in the driver’s seat.

“Are you okay? I saw you pull
ed over here and I had to check. I know you had a headache earlier,” she said as she closed the driver’s side door.

“I’m fine,” I said, wanting to reach out and pull her toward me. Instead I shoved my hands in my sweatshirt pockets an
d glanced out the front window.

Temperance peered at me through narrowed eyes.
“You don’t look fine. Tell me what’s going on.”

“Look I jus
t needed space. I feel fine now,” I lied. I’d only feel good once I was buried inside of her or once she told me this little arrangement between us wasn’t ever going to end.

She tilted her
head and watched me. “I think you’re not telling me everything.” She scooted closer and my heart thudded in my chest. Where Sophia could have just glanced at me and known exactly what was going on, Temperance waited for me to explain. I didn’t know which I liked more.

I closed my eyes and rested my head against the back window. I needed to
tell her something because keeping it inside wasn’t going to work. It just made me an ass. “You just…you just caught me off guard with wanting to end this…”

“I never said I wanted to end it.”

“Why were you thinking about it then?” I sounded like a crazy person. One minute I was telling her “just this once” and the next I was getting all butt hurt because she may not want to keep this up. I was turning into a chick.

“Because this can’t end well, Damien.”

I peeked over at her. “You started it.” Great. Now I sounded like a third grader.

“I did and I don’t regret it. I wanted you…”

“Do you still want me?” I managed to ask.

She paused a moment and my heart dropped. “Yes,” she finally said and my heart sputtered back to life. I exhaled deeply and closed my eyes in relief.

“So what’s the problem?”

She plucked nervously at the end of her shirt. “Like I said, this can’t end well. I think…well, I think you’re going to end up breaking my heart.”

Her admission had me sitting up straighter. How did she think she’d be the only one? Not that I’d ever admit that. Not that I ever could.

“Why do you say that? Am I that much of a dick? Do you think I’d do anything to purposefully hurt you?”

“No, Damien. I’m just that much of a sucker.”

“So this…whatever this is…do you want it to be over?”

“Do you want it to be? And tell me what you’re really feeling, Damien. I can’t read you half the time.”

What was I supposed to say? Hell no, I don’t want it to be over? That I’d rather cut off my balls because she’d ruined me for other girls? I couldn’t be that dramatic without giving the impression I liked her. So I opted for something simple.
“No. I don’t,” I nearly whispered.

She seemed relieved, which confused me. First she was afraid that this would end badly (which it probably would because I couldn’t give her what she
’d most likely want in the end) and then she seemed happy it would continue (despite her knowing it couldn’t end well). Jesus Christ. Temperance was as hard to read as I was.

“Then we need to discuss this,” she finally said.

“Discuss what?” It was simple to me. We would keep having sex. Period.

“We need to set boundaries, expectations…”

“Fine,” I replied hastily. “Name them.”

She bit down on her bottom lip and glanced over at me. “Well, I don’t really know.
It was Maggie’s suggestion.”

  I should have known. Maggie was the person who had initially put the thought
that fucking Temperance would be a good idea in my head. Now she was messing everything up with Temperance and me. Figures.

“Maggie should stay out of our business,” I said harshly.

“Hey, she’s my friend, Damien. Just like I’m sure you talk to Jonathan about things, I talk to Maggie. And it wasn’t a bad suggestion. I just don’t really know what to do because our lives are so intertwined. We live together, work together and I may play in your band. How do we keep this casual when our lives intersect in so many areas?” She paused to take a break before continuing. “I was stupid to think we could keep it casual and now I’ve fucked everything up…”

“No, you didn’t.” I was desperate to make this work
, even if it was for just a little bit longer. “How about we just keep doing what we were doing, friends with benefits, that sort of thing. We keep it monogamous. No sex with other people while we’re together.” Like she even had to worry about that. She had totally raised my standards when it came to sex. I probably would never be able to get it up with another girl. I, on the other hand may have to keep my eye out for those losers in her life like Nik who wanted to swoop in and take her away from me.

“What if we meet other people?”
she asked out of the blue.

The thought had me clenching my fists in irritation. “Then we go our separate ways.”

“Just like that?”

I nodded, knowing it wasn’t nearly that simple. “Just like that.”

She swallowed and nodded. “Okay, so no sex with other people, but we can date, right?”

I clenched my teeth.
The thought hadn’t occurred to me. Jesus, I was such a dumbass. “Date?”

“Yeah. You don’t want to be
…you know…in a relationship, right?”

I couldn’t be in a relationship
, even though the thought of being in one with Temperance wasn’t at all disturbing. “No.”

She nodded, not as upset by the fact as I thought she’d be.
“That’s what I thought. So this is just a temporary thing, a casual fling and in the mean time we can date other people…”

She seemed way too fucking happy about
dating other people. It pissed me off, but I was going to have to take my chances. If I kept her happy enough, I could drag this on indefinitely. I wasn’t ready to give this up just yet. It was the best thing that had happened to me since Sophia died.

Temperance leaned back against her seat and sighed in relief.
“I’m really glad we talked about this. I was really beating myself up over this, but now that I know we’re on the same page…well, I just feel a lot better.”

“Good,” I said, even though I was still irked that she seemed to excited to date other guys and pissed that I couldn’t give her what she wanted.

We sat and stared at each other and all I wanted to do was pull her onto my lap and hold her, but her phone buzzed and she swiped to answer it.

“Jed?”

I watched her listen to what her brother was saying on the other end of the line and watched as her brows furrowed in concern.

“Yeah
,” she began. “I’ll take care of it. No problem. Please don’t kick his ass. He’s just really sad. He just broke up with his girlfriend…Yes…I know where that is…I’ll be right there.”

She hung up and glanced over at me in apology. “I have to go. I guess Nik’s super drunk and I need to pick him up from a bar…”

Hell no was I going to let her be alone with that creep, especially after we had just discussed dating other people. And he apparently was on the rebound. That little fucker would probably swoop in the moment he had her alone.

“Why can’t Jed pick him up?”
I asked.

“He’s in
Modesto on a job.”

I rubbed the bridge of my nose
, my headache intensifying. “Fine. I’ll drive you,” I offered.

She shook her head.
“You don’t have to do that. He’s my friend.”

“I don’t want you alone in a car with a drunk
guy. I’ll drive you.” For shits sake. I sounded more like her boyfriend than her friend or the guy she had casual sex with.

“Okay,” Temperance said, eyeing me warily. She was confused by my actions. Hell, so was I.

We ended up dropping my truck off at the house and driving her car to a seedy bar on the far end of town. I insisted Temperance stay in the car while I went inside the shithole alone. When I strode through the hazy air, I found Nik slumped over a table. He looked thrashed and completely miserable. For a second, my heart went out to him, but that was before I remembered Temperance liked him and that Nik would most likely fuck her if he got a chance.

“Let’s go,” I said, tapping him on the shoulder.

He glanced up, his dark eyes moving over my face. “Why the hell you here?” he slurred. His accent was heavier tonight, making him seem more ornery.

“I’m taking you home,” I replied.

His brow creased. “Why’d you do that?”

“Jed called Temperance. She’s in the car waiting for you,” I replied.

“Temperance,” he said almost breathlessly as I helped him stand up. He stumbled and fell against me. He was thinner than me, but under his shirt I could feel lean musculature bunching and coiling as I helped him gain his footing. “Do ya know she has a crush on me? Two years ago I could have cared less, but fuck, man, she’s hotter than hell now…”

I crushed my hand against his shoulder and he winced. I didn’t want to listen to his drunken ramblings, especially if they involved Temperance.

“Ouch. Shit,” he muttered as I walked him toward the exit. My silent threat didn’t seem to work. “Jed and I know you two are sleeping together,” Nik continued. “I was pretty sure she was hiding something on her neck…”

I stopped before we made it outside. “I’m not discussing Temperance with you.”

“Just know,” he said, his words clearer than they’d been since I helped him stand up, “Jed and I will kick your ass if you hurt her.”

“Right,” I replied. “When you’re sober we can talk about this.”

This seemed to appease him because he leaned heavily into me. I helped him out of the bar. I could see Temperance standing near her car and when she saw us, she pushed away from it and strode toward us.

“Oh, Nik,” she said tenderly, touching his face.

Nik’s eyes closed as she caressed his cheek and it took everything within me not to slap her hand away from his face.

“Would you mind driving?” Temperance asked
me. “I want to sit in the backseat with him.”

I betted he wanted that too, but I kept my thoughts to myself. Instead I took her keys and helped Nik into the backseat. By the time I’d pulled onto the main road, Nik’s head was in her lap and she was running those long fingers through his hair. He looked pretty damn happy about it too. Jealousy surged through me and I clutched the steering wheel like it was my lifeline.