Authors: Zane
jonquinette
Ever since the onset of my integration, I must admit that it’s been difficult to accept that I am all alone now. It’s weird because I never really knew them. I just knew that sometimes I simply wasn’t there.
I was finally able to become strong enough to stand alone. A lot of it had to do with making sure that Flower didn’t suffer the same fate as me. All those years, Jude and Jetta existed to protect me. Now it is my time to protect Flower.
Daddy is getting the help that he needs. It is still difficult to forgive and it is impossible to forget. So much pain was caused by his actions—a chain reaction to pain that he endured at an early age himself.
Flower’s mother won’t allow Daddy to see her at all. She said that, in time, she might agree to supervised visits. I decided not to press charges. There was nothing to be gained by that because Daddy has an illness. He’s not a criminal.
Mason and I are still going strong. He has hinted around about marriage but I’m not ready. I have so much more I have to figure out about myself, now that I’m in complete control of
all
of my actions. Darnetta is still mad at me and not speaking but that’s her prerogative. There will be no more apologies coming from me and I refuse to allow her to make me find another job. If she truly hates me, she can find one because times are hard.
I still go to see Dr. Spencer. I plan to keep my weekly appointments for as long as necessary. Marcella said there is a chance that one or more alters might surface again, but only for a little while and not to the degree that they did before. They would not have the same hold on me. She was honest with me by saying that it could take several years for me to become fully integrated. She said that my alters are still present but all of us are just living together in harmony. I found that difficult to comprehend but I didn’t doubt it. I let her know that I was in it for the long haul. Too many people think they don’t need counseling, when it’s obvious that they do. It is not a sign of weakness, like so many tend to think. It is a sign of empowerment.
Jude and Jetta, wherever you may be, thank you from the bottom of my heart.