Authors: Paige Farmer
“Think it was my dad trying to tell me something?” she asked, laughing along with him.
That
was so much more like her father than the image of an angel lounging on a cloud.
“Maybe so,” Charlie replied. “You know I’m only here for a few more weeks and then I’ll be leaving for boot camp. Who knows where I’ll end up or how long I’ll be gone.”
“Everything feels pretty up in the air for me right now too,” Nan agreed.
“Friends?” Charlie asked, pushing a lock of her hair over her shoulder.
“’Til the end,” she said smiling.
Thunder and lightning followed them home, startling Nan from time to time and she was glad when Charlie took her hand. As they approached her house she saw most of the cars were gone. Although she didn’t want to go back inside, she knew that she’d have to eventually.
“Take care of yourself Nan,” Charlie told her, kissing her softly again, this time on the cheek. “I’ll see you soon.”
“Bye Charlie!” she whispered before letting herself into her house.
It would be more than ten years before she’d see him next at Arthur’s wedding.
Nan awoke to CJ tapping her shoulder.
“CJ,” she said sleepily. “Is everything okay?”
“Grandmama and Papa Joe are gone. Can I have some Cheerios?”
Nan saw by the clock on the dresser that it was just after seven. Becoming a little more alert, she suddenly remembered the night before and sat up with a start. She tried to gather her bearings.
“Yes, of course. Go ahead downstairs and I’ll be right there.”
CJ left the bedroom, and Nan’s mind began to race. What in God’s name had she done? Their dance had taken her and Charlie to a moment they both remembered well and she knew for certain he was thinking of it too. When the music ended they hadn’t noticed at first and continued to dance on until the DJ announced it was time to cut the cake.
“Can we go somewhere and talk?” Charlie asked.
“Down by the water,” she answered quietly. She looked about for her mother and Buddy but everyone was gathered around singing the wedding cake song. It was a good time to sneak away.
Charlie followed her closely as they walked out from under the tent and across the yard, stopping at the iron gate that separated the property from the river’s edge. It was late in the day and shadows were long. The sun was still visible, but it was far to the west and sinking into a sea of orange fire. They both stared out at the water.
“Nan…I uh…I’m not sure how to say this without sounding stupid, so I’m just going to say it the best way I can,” Charlie said without looking at her. “I lied to you earlier.”
“About what?” she asked, starting to worry over a list of possible things. Was he married? Did he have a girlfriend? Did he not want children?
“I said that I thought about home a lot while I was gone. But the truth is it was you I was thinking of.”
Nan tried to sort out her mixed up feelings. What should she say? She knew how she felt, how Charlie
made
her feel, but the voice deep inside her implored her to take it slow. How could she ignore all that had happened during the time he was away? Her life was different now and she was shackled to the past. Dragging Charlie into it wasn’t fair to him. Or to Buddy.
“Charlie…I,” Nan started without knowing exactly what to say.
“Hey,” he interrupted. “Would you, maybe you and CJ…want to go for a picnic? Tomorrow? With me?”
It was on the tip of her tongue to say no. It really was. But something in her took over. Something that was tired of living each day feeling buried alive. So she didn’t say no.
“Yes,” she replied. The smile on his face brought one to her own. “We’d love to. But could we, you know, could you keep this between us right now? My family, well Buddy, looks out for me. With my divorce and CJ and all, Buddy can be kind of, well, kind of over protective.”
Charlie looked confused.
“It’s no big deal,” Nan rushed on. “I mean, well, you know him. Even though you’re his friend, you’ve been gone a long time, you know?”
“Sure, sure, I get it,” Charlie responded with a faltering smile. “I kind of thought he was a little standoffish when I first saw him. That must have been it.”
Nan wanted to feel relieved, but she instead felt bad for painting Buddy out to be so harsh. Sure, he actually was protective of her, that was true, but it was mostly because she needed protection from things she brought on herself.
Charlie and Nan finished their cigarettes and walked back up to the party, which by then had hit full tilt. They spent the rest of the evening sitting with Nan’s family talking and laughing, occasionally dancing, but very casually. Buddy was the only one who avoided the two of them, preferring to hover near the bar. Charlie was one of the last guests to leave and Nan, after walking him to the door, found herself kind of wishing that he’d kiss her goodnight. He did, but chastely, on her cheek, promising to see her the next afternoon.
This
afternoon.
“This is impossible,” Nan said out loud to herself. What on earth had she been thinking? She walked down the stairs in a daze wondering what to do. She had no way to get a hold of Charlie to cancel, but she was sort of glad about that. Even if she decided to back out of the picnic, she’d have to do it in person, and would at least still have a chance to see him.
CJ sat at the long dining room table, patiently waiting for Nan. She poured his cereal and fetched him a glass of apple juice. Joining him, she asked what he’d thought of the wedding.
“It was fun,” he said, dribbling a little milk down his chin. “Can we keep the tent?”
“No,” Nan told him. “The men who set it up will come and get it Monday.”
She smiled at the thought of the clumsy movers. It had only been two days since they’d set the tent up for Arthur’s wedding, but to Nan it seemed like decades had passed.
“What would you think about going on a picnic today?” Nan asked nervously.
“Okay,” he said cocking his head. “Where’re we going?”
“I’m not sure. Do you remember the man I was talking with last night? Charlie?”
“The one you danced with?”
“Yup, that’s him,” Nan said, pondering what CJ might have thought of that. He was only days old when his father abandoned them, and hadn’t even reached his first birthday when she married and left town with Heath. CJ had never really seen Nan interact with any man before, other than Joe and her brothers. She didn’t want to venture too far into that on this morning, especially with her four-year-old son, so just moved on to the invitation.
“Well, he asked if we’d like to go with him today,” she said. “Would you like to?”
“I guess,” CJ replied and stuffed another spoonful of cereal in his mouth. When he was done chewing, he surprised her with a question.
“Is Charlie my dad?”
All CJ really knew was that his father had been a sailor who went away. But Charlie was most certainly
not
CJ’s father. Eddie was. Nan knew that someday she’d need to tell her son the truth, despite how badly it might make him feel, but it didn’t have to be today.
“No honey. He’s not,” Nan said reaching out gingerly to brush his hair from his forehead. It came so easy to do it and CJ didn’t seem to mind. He didn’t even seem to notice though it was momentous to her.
“Was my dad nice?” he asked, searching her face. Nan thought about how her childhood images of her own father had been defined by her mother’s anger and animosity toward him. It had been jarring to hear people describe a man so different than the father she’d known and she didn’t want CJ to go through the same thing.
“Of course, CJ,” she lied, hoping he’d feel proud and never resent her for disparaging his father. “Now how about we go get you dressed?” she asked, ready to close the subject.
Nan followed CJ up the stairs, watching his tiny cowlick bounce with every step he took. She wondered if she was really willing to gamble with his trust again, but found it hard to think about anything beyond the picnic ahead of them. It might be, no, it
was
opening a door into part of Nan’s life that she’d been protecting dearly for more than two years, but she felt compelled in some indefinable way. And besides, this was
Charlie.
Nan dressed CJ and then helped him set up a bunch of little green army men on his dresser to occupy him while she got ready. Once in her room, she proceeded to put on and then take off four different outfits before deciding on a pair of black pedal pushers and a bright pink t-shirt. She wove a matching pink scarf through her ponytail and surveyed herself in the mirror. Other than the slight tremor in her upper lip, Nan thought she looked more or less okay. As she applied a touch of coral pink lipstick, she noticed the same tremor in her lip was affecting her hand.
It was ten minutes to twelve when Charlie arrived. She took a deep breath before opening the door and took another when she saw him. He stood on the porch holding a bouquet of sunflowers. They were her favorite and she wracked her brain trying to remember when she might have told him so, but couldn’t recall. He was dressed far less formally than the night before, wearing faded blue jeans and a maroon golf shirt. His smile, bright and honest, lit up his face. Any thoughts of cancelling fled from her mind.
They stood grinning at one another until CJ broke the silence from behind Nan.
“Hi Charlie,” he said timidly.
“Hey CJ,” Charlie replied, kneeling down on one knee to look him in the eye. “Are you ready to have some fun big guy?”
Nan found Charlie’s gentle enthusiasm sweet. Anticipation spread across CJ’s face.
“Oh yes,” CJ said, grabbing his jacket and favorite Red Sox baseball hat off the hook by the door.
“Okay, let’s go then,” Charlie said, tugging at the brim of CJ’s cap.
“Are you sure there’s nothing I should bring?” Nan asked.
“I’m sure. Not a thing,” Charlie said with a mischievous smile.
The ride was a short one and Charlie’s sleek black sedan seemed to float on the road as they drove toward town. He invited Nan to choose a radio station, and after twisting the dial up and down the band twice, she settled on ‘
Come Softly
’ by the Fleetwoods. As the words ‘
I’ve waited, waited so long, for your kisses and your love’
played, Nan shifted in her seat.
CJ’s head popped up between them.
“Where we going Charlie?” he asked.
“Yeah,” Nan added, smiling. “Where we going Charlie?”
“You’ll see,” he replied, obviously enjoying their curiosity. Whatever he had planned, it was clear that much thought had been put into it and Nan was touched by his effort. She couldn’t think of any other man in her life, other than Buddy, who’d had the impetus to think of her first. Not even her father had been able to put her before the bottle. But somehow Charlie always seemed to be standing in the shadows, ready to comfort her, to help her, to explore and understand things with her. Although he’d been away for ten years, it felt to Nan as if no time had passed between them.
As they pulled into the small parking lot adjacent to the town common at the riverfront, Nan was still confused about where they were going. She assumed at first that they’d eat on the lawn of the green, and it wasn’t until they descended the boat ramp and were standing in front of a majestic blue and white sailboat that she understood.
“Are we going
sailing
?” Nan asked excitedly. She hadn’t been out on a boat since she’d gone fishing with her father as a child, and never on one so luxurious. The ropes clanged lazily against the mast sounding like a nautical wind chime and Nan could hear water lapping steadily at the sides as the yacht bobbed gently in the waves.
CJ clapped his hands and jumped around. He’d never been sailing before and Nan remembered him saying so to Charlie the evening before. Nan was elated that she could be part of something Elsie and Joe hadn’t already introduced him to. She’d missed out on so many of her little boy’s firsts and was humbled by the opportunity. Not to mention so grateful to Charlie for giving it to her.
“Oh Charlie. I can’t believe you did this. Is it yours?” she asked.
“No, not mine, but we sea dogs, we’ve got connections.”
Charlie seemed delighted by Nan’s reaction.
“Ready?” he asked.
“Ready,” Nan replied beaming.
Charlie helped them up the plank and onto the boat. CJ took a seat on the long blue and white padded bench at the back. On the floor between where CJ sat and the two captain’s chairs in front was a hatch that opened up to a galley below. Nan looked around the deck at the shiny chrome fixtures and the large wooden wheel. Everything about the vessel resonated with her as she breathed in the salty air.
The plan was to ride out into open water and drop anchor for fishing and lunch. If the wind was right, they’d put up the sails and meander between the coast of Portsmouth and the Isles of Shoals. Nan couldn’t believe the magnitude of Charlie’s gesture. He told her the fridge in the galley was stocked with lunchmeat, bread, cheese and olives. He’d brought along two boxes of animal crackers and bottles of RC Cola for CJ. There was also a bottle of wine chilling in a bucket of ice under the galley stairs.