My Soul Laid Bare: Book 4 (The Soul Keeper Series) (5 page)

His lids lower, and his beautiful smile flashes on his face lifting my mood to altitudes where the oxygen levels are low, and I grow dizzy under his playful gaze.
“Your memories deceive you. I wanted you then as much as I do now.” 

His words summon flames to my skin, and I shift in my seat wondering if he plans on putting this fire out anytime in the next few minutes.
“And had you not been under strict hands off orders, what would you have done differently?” My gaze fixes on his darkening brow, moving to his mouth when he draws his lower lips in with his teeth.

His hand brushes across my knee soft as a feather and then hovers over my thigh. I can feel the heat radiating from his palm, and I ache for his touch again even though I’ve only gone seconds without it. I see the hint of satisfaction hiding behind his serious expression.

“I would have found any excuse to sweep across your silky skin because I just needed to touch you. I would have kissed away your tears that day. I would have breathed in the scent of your hair when you hugged me goodbye that night instead of holding my breath. There’s fifty eight things I would have done differently on that day alone. This being one of the many.”

His hand glides in behind my neck and guides me to his lips. Elijah’s kiss rocks all of my senses. I become acutely aware of every cell in my body, wishing it could fuse our bodies together and become one. This desire has been growing stronger with every kiss we share, each touch. I think he must feel it too, whatever this pull is.

We managed to pull ourselves apart and make it to the theater on time. It’s not an easy task to do when all I want is to share every part of myself with him. He is always the one to stop things, to never let it get too far. Elijah can’t break his convictions. They’re hard wired into his soul. He’s careful not to drive me insane with his touch, but that line is becoming grayer by the minute.

We step out of the warm theater, and a blast of Northern wind hits my bare legs. I brace myself for the dash to the car.
“I can't believe you didn't cry.” I shove Elijah playfully on the shoulder. He hugs my waist and looks at me through half lowered lids.

“
Movies do not make me cry, sorry. In Titanic, I was thinking to myself, girl let him on the board, there's room. At least take turns, but no, she let him go, she's watching him sink like a stone while saying I'll never let him go. But I’m thinking, you just did!”

“
I know. You're absolutely right. Rose could have made out with a few less toes, just to save the love of her life.” We share a laugh as we walk to the car. Elijah looks dapper in his pea coat and scarf. I'm in my wool dress coat and black knee high boots leaving a nice vent for all my heat to escape. Every icy burst of air chills me to the core.

“
Aw you're freezing just thinking about poor Jack, come here,” he teases and replaces my glove with his toasty warm hand instead, both go into his coat pocket.

“
Much better thank you.” I say rewarding him with a steamy kiss next to his Mustang. A glimmer of what will be coming tonight, flashes in my eyes, and I think he may have caught on to my plan. An understanding of some sort passes between us with a shared look of desire.

“
Brennen?”

I instantly recognize the hurt in the man's voice before I turn. Sam is standing on the sidewalk with a few guys from his swim team just a few feet away. His eyes turned upward in deep-seated agony as if I held his still beating heart in my bloodied hand. He looks to me and then focuses on Elijah –
– shit.

“
What the hell?” Sam pushes Elijah hard. My adrenaline spikes with fear. Elijah doesn't fight back, not even when Sam cracks him in the jaw with a hard right hook. I jump away. Elijah never flinches. A small trickle of blood appears on his lower lip causing me to cringe. A look of guilt crosses his eyes, and I know he feels terrible that Sam had to find out this way. He knows all too well what if feels like to witness the love of your life in a heated embrace with someone who is not you.

“
Sam, stop!” I foolishly jump in front of Elijah just as Sam rears back again. He stops just short of my head. I glance at his balled fist still held in midair. He thinks the same thing I do,
“I can't believe I ever hit her.”
Elijah pulls me away and places himself between us.

Sam bucks up to Elijah.
“Cousin huh? How long have you been seeing him, Brennen?” His anguished eyes now affixed to me. “How could you lie to me like we don’t even matter?”

His words spear through me like a rusted blade shredding every ounce of conviction I had. What did I do to him? Too caught up in my undying love for Elijah, I was careless with Sam’s heart. He never deserved what I did to him. He’s only ever been wholly good to me.

“Sam you need to go cool off and talk to Brennen when you've collected your thoughts.” Elijah says – always the protector, even when I deserve to be strung up from the branch and branded a liar, a cheater.

Sam's friends try to help him leave the scene, but he brushes them off. 

“No Elijah! I think Brennen and I need to have a serious discussion right now.”

I move out from behind Elijah. Elijah's jaw clenches so hard I fear he may have just shattered every tooth in the process. When Sam see's my face, he reads my grim expression. Every doubt he ever felt that I could ever love him as much as he loves me has just been reinforced with steel. Now that I've deceived him with a lie as audacious as mine and Elijah’s familial bond, he can never trust me again.

“It's okay, Elijah.”

Sam gives Elijah a cold hard glare as I move past him. Sam tells his buddies he'll catch up later, and we move to a park bench. Elijah leans against the car never taking his eyes off of us. The heart of Boston is just as busy as New York City, alive with the sounds of traffic and bustles of people out partying their Friday night away. Vendors every few hundred feet are offering last minute rose bouquets as their fragrant scent fills the
air. It mingles with the exhaust fumes and creates a pungent combination. Sam’s lips form a hard line as he runs through the worst scenarios in his mind.

“
How long Brennen?”

What words will spew from my lips this time. I want to say forever. I want to say since I was that frightened ten year old girl on the plane because that's how long Elijah’s loved me. Not in a romantic way, but in a protective big brother way. From Elijah's journal, I gathered he didn't really know he loved me until that fateful first kiss. So much has happened since then. I don't even know where to begin to explain to Sam.

“Does it really even matter?”

He scoffs at my words, hurt more than anything.
“I thought we mattered. I thought I mattered.”

There was never an easy way to let Sam down. This was always the inevitable. Someone was going to get hurt. Of course Sam meant a lot to me, but I let my feelings for Elijah over run my good judgment. Oh who am I kidding? When Elijah’s involved, judgment is null and void in my mind. Our love is catastrophic to reason and sensibility.

“At least tell me if he was the reason you broke things off with me?” He glances back at Elijah then back to me. The wind catches his honeyed hair and caresses it through her fingers as if she were trying to temper the situation.

“
He wasn't the reason.” That is the truth. I wasn't completely sure of my feelings for Elijah when he was fallen. The weight of my love for him didn't sink in completely until I woke up from the attack on New Year’s Day when we were in Amorous. Elijah had his grace back and my heart, all in one fell swoop. “He makes me feel safe Sam.”

“
And with me, you'll always wonder if I'll hurt you again?”

It's more like the other way around, but I don't say that. I simply nod and watch as he gets up and
begins to walk away. He can't promise me that it would never happen again and he won't because he's wholly good that way. He's putting my feelings above his own, and it's taking every ounce of strength he has to leave me right now.

I have to let her go. I did this to her. She’s afraid of my hands. All I’ve ever wanted was to shower her with affection, caress her with these hands – she will always see me as a monster. But still, I can’t believe she looked me in the eye and lied to me about him. Cousins!

“I'm sorry I ever hurt you Brennen.” He walks away but then he stops only after a few steps turning back and reaching out for me as if he’s not conscious of his movement. He glances down at his outstretched hand and turns away.

“
I'm sorry I kept Elijah from you.”

He nods once as if he is drained of all his physical strength to do so. He doesn’t turn back. I watch as he disappears into the crowded streets and out of my life. I wanted to say more. I wanted to ease his suffering, but I know there is not a string of words that could have lessened the blow. I should have done this the day I told him about the attack. I should have ended things then. Instead I led us down a path of destruction that will forever scar our hearts.

Over time I hope he will heal. If I know Sam, he’ll focus on swimming and school and cut himself off from everything else. Maybe one day, he’ll find a girl who will pull him out from that slumber, that she will become his everything. I close my eyes and pray for Sam to find his soul mate in this lifetime. Destiny threw us together for some reason. If it’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that there are no coincidences in life. The people in our lives are placed there for a reason. I pray that he stays true to his path, and finds the cure despite his heartache.

Elijah quietly sits down beside me and holds my ice-cold hands. The adrenaline must have numbed me. I can’t feel the cold any longer.  I stare off down the street half expecting Sam to come running back to me, but I know he won’t. He lifted me up on
a pedestal that I never deserved to be on, and I fell a long, long way down.

“
Do you want to go to the In-Between for a couple of days to reflect?” he asks lowering his head while looking up at me from a set of thick lashes. Elijah is so understanding. I caress his cheek and run my thumb across the drop of blood on his lip to clean him up.

“
Yes I do, but not to reflect. Amorous is our home. Sam has no place there. I just want to be in your arms for days – to heal.” Elijah gaze washes over my face and a look of longing filters through after a long moment, mingling with his own guilt, guilt for stealing my heart, for helping to deceive Sam? I don’t know which.

I’m filled with an overwhelming feeling of love for this man who holds my heart and deserves so much more from me than to be the one to carry what should be my guilt. I won’t let my crushing Sam’s heart ruin this day for us.  Elijah is not going to pay for my transgressions.  It’s Valentine’s Day, and I still have my secret surprise…
 
I will still follow through with my gift for Elijah.  It is his turn to be on the receiving end for once
.

Five months late
r

Sam

My truck speeds down the highway as if it too is excited to be getting back home – that Texas heat is baking its tires once again. I’m just glad to get out of Connecticut and put Brennen as far behind me as I can. Maybe I should keep driving, reach California, and plunge this beast into the Pacific along with what’s left of my heart. Mia’s face lights up on my phone as if she knew what I was thinking. It dances in the cup holder for a few seconds before I finally shake off the bad mood enough to answer it. “Yeah sis, what’s up?”

“
Oh nothing much, just chatting up the new ranch manager Maci hired a couple weeks back at the start of summer.” My father allowed the girls to have the final say on who gets the manager position since the last one turned out to be mistreating the horses, something we do not tolerate in the least bit. 

“
So? What is he older than Moses? No wait, knowing Maci, does he have Wrangler branded on his ass and a barely justifiable tank top?” They just turned thirteen and have a borderline unhealthy obsession with One Direction and as of lately, young wanna-be bull riders.

Mia giggles out and warms my heart like only she can.
“No. Sheee, is sweet and pretty and actually pretty darn funny. I think she’ll fit right in around this side show.” The way she draws out the word she, lets me know that Mia is in match maker mode– again.

“
I know what you’re thinking and don’t even go there sis.”

My sisters have both been trying to fix me up since they heard about the break up, but I can’t deal with anymore drama in my life right now. They don’t know it, but I’ve been fighting to keep my scholarship because I let my grades fall to hell after Brennen decimated me.
On the bright side Coach said I gained two seconds on my time, my best yet. He thinks I must be running on fury. I think he may be right. I barely squeaked by this year. I let swimming consume my life. Its vital distraction kept her from consuming my every thought.  I’d better use this summer to wipe Brennen from my mind all together, or next year I’ll be bailing hay for the rest of my natural life.

I have resigned myself to the fact that I did this to her. I pushed her into Elijah’s arms when I hurt her even though I have no recollection of it. Which damn well sucks! I’d give anything to erase whatever ef’d up thing happened to me that day, all the times I blacked out for that matter.