My Secret Life (70 page)

Sarah now with me never disguised her wants, her lusts, or sensations. — Perhaps the feeling that she need not sham and lie to me was a luxury to her. “You’d better not have me to-night.” Or — “I don’t want it to-night.” Or “I’m just ready to spend, for I’ve not had a bit of cock I liked for three days, and Mr. F’s away” — were phrases, or like those which I often heard. She didn’t hesitate to say she should like to be bum-fucked again. “Just to try if there is any real pleasure in it. — I wonder
you
don‘t, as you say you don’t even recollect
any
pleasure in spending.” But I wouldn’t, and never did try.

About three weeks afterwards I went to her lodgings. — She had been out that evening before I called. She said, “I wanted both a man and money, I’m randy be damned to night, and have not fucked for three days — give it me, old man” — and she pulled my prick out of my trowsers. — She had been drinking. I had taken wine with me to her, and when she had drunk two or three glasses, she began talking about her bum hole. “Come, don’t be stupid, put it in there, it’s my birthday — Mary
^****
told me that her man often does to her, and both like it. Do it, bugger me and I’ll frig myself when you’re in.” — So she talked and incited me again to open her rectum. I refused resolutely, and didn’t like her persistence.

I fucked her soon afterwards. — She sucked my prick as I laid on the bed. She put her finger up my rectum whilst sucking. Immediately after, she threw herself on the bed by the side of me and frigged herself. “I’m damned randy to night,” said she. I raised myself and looked at her whilst she was masturbating, and thrust my finger up her cunt to please her more. In the middle of these operations, she stopped, went to a closet, and got out a wax candle. “If you won’t bugger me, push this up,” said she — threw herself on the bed, and again began masturbating. — Smitten with the novelty, I did as she asked; pushed it about five inches up, and watched her whilst with distended, quivering limbs and sighs she finished her pleasure, the candle up her arsehole.

“If there’s a woman who know more, or has done more than I have, I am damned,” said she, “and you — you — of all the baudy beggars in London, I think you are the baudiest.” — She did not mind what she now said or did with me.

Thinking of her expressed wishes, and the times when the young man and I used to be laying naked by the side of her, I regretted that we could not give her the double poking simultaneously in her arsehole and cunt, which perhaps we might have accomplished. I never had that delight. — She said she would try to find some one we could all trust, to try it together, but she did not.

Soon after I saw but little of her, yet for a time only fucked
her.
She began again to incite me in the other direction. “Put your thumb up a bit, Doctor, I want to spend, and that fetches me,” I did it perhaps once or twice or so, whilst she frigged herself, but disliked it, tho I did it to please her.

At a B***s**s lapunar.
—
Cunt inspections.
—
The way ladies go up stairs.
—
A large clitoris.
—
Flat fuckers.
—
Gay ladies’ letches.
—
A stercoraceous letch.
—
Another lapunar and other whores. — My habit of questioning women.
—
My lascivious questions.
—
A year later on.
—
The ocean crossed.
—
Negro and Negress copulating.
—
Her cunt and his prick.
—
I frig him.
—
A white woman’s opinion of a Negro.
—
About Negroes’ pricks.

 

I was some times that year abroad, and not being much by my self was fairly chaste. — Yet I amused myself occasionally with Paphians, who lodged in flocks in the licensed temples of Venus — I had at times for inspection six or eight of these venal fuckstresses on the same night, I have done this before in earlier years when on the continent, as I think I have told, tho possibly that part of my manuscript may have been burnt with others relating similar fugitive adventures.

I was in the month of
^***
at B
^***
s
^**
s, a well known town to me, and where as told I have had many amorous frolics. — At dusk I went to the lapunar, No.
^*
in
^*****
Street. — It was the hour when the women are just got up and dressed for the evening, and before much fucking had begun. — I went at that hour purposely. — “The price of the house is
^*****
francs,” said I. “No,” said the abbess of the unchaste nunnery. “It is
^****
” and she named exactly double the tariff of the charmers, for she saw I was a foreigner. I rose to go, denying it. “You’ve been here before?” asked she, seeing that she might lose custom. “Yes, many times.” “Très bien donc, restez.”

Then I told her I meant to inspect the charms of many, have two at a time to see their hidden beauties but not to fuck; that the ladies would have only the tariff, excepting she who received my final adoration, and who would have her
douceur;
that none need come unless they liked that arrangement. The abbess went out, rang a bell, and soon I heard the rustle of silks and the soft shuffle of feet. Opening the door, I heard the abbess saying something about my being
“drôle”
and the women laughing. — Then in trooped a dozen. “Have you told the ladies?” “Yes, Sir.” “Come with me then,” and I selected two who pleased me.

We left the room together. “Montez, mes chères.” On they went. “Pull your clothes up above your rumps as you mount, and go not too fast.” — A pair of naked, broad backsides went up in front of me, whilst I following, looked at their handsome limbs, peeping for the shadow of the hairy valley between their thighs. The girls laughing.

Soon in the bed room I had the ladies naked on the bed, thighs apart, clefts opening. I felt and kissed their flesh all over. — This one had much hair, that one less. — One was hairy to her buttocks, the other smooth and almost hairless to her anus. One cunt with small clitoris, the other with a protuberant. — “Ah! ma chère, vous aimez les femmes.” “Hé — Heé — Hé — mais oui, pourquoi pas.” Finishing with them. “Au revoir — send me up that tall blonde, the girl with the biggest clitoris in the house.” Away they went, saying I was
“un drôle”
and directly after the two women whom I had commanded appeared. — “Non; non, monsieur, not in that room, that is Miss
^****
room, you must come into ours. — She may get engaged and want her room.” Into the room of the tall blonde I went, saw a fair haired cunt, and by its side a dark haired cunt, out of which jutted a clitoris as big as a well sucked nipple, one of the largest I ever saw, with flags falling down from it till hidden by the outer lips. — “You fuck women with that, ma belle.” “Jamais, jamais donc — I love men not women.” “Why not? — if you like women, all is fair and proper in love. — That is my motto.” — But she persisted in her love for men alone.

Then I had the troupe of Paphians sent up to me for further selection, and had another couple, and then another. — Said I, “Jeannette, she with the large clitoris, rubs cunts with you doesn’t she? — Tell, and I’ll have a bottle of champagne. You stop and I’ll fuck you.” I sent the other away. I was wrought up with the sight and the smell of so much cunt and female loveliness, and had selected my Venus. “Stop the night with me.” “How much?” She told me the tariff, and saying I would stop, champagne was brought and a cake. My Venus began at once to enjoy herself, I drank but little, she much. I sat seeing her eat and drink; and stifling my lust, amused myself by watching and studying so to speak the woman. — More and more I can do that now. I like to sit looking at them, hearing them, encouraging them to talk on, scarcely speaking myself, but thinking and contrasting them mentally with other women I have had.

Two thirds of the bottle had gone, when my Venus unasked, suddenly rose, and pulling her chemise half way up her thighs began to dance a Spanish dance. — “La — La — La — Lala — Lalala — Lala” — sang she. “I can dance — look.” “Pull your chemise higher up and show your motte.” “Non — non — that will spoil it.” Dropping her chemise she sat herself on my knee, put one arm round my neck and kissed me, with the other took my pego out of my trowsers. “Aha — it’s stiff — let’s fuck.” “You’ve been fucked before?” “Not since yesterday — fuck me — but I shall piss.” “No, wait” — I held the basin for the operation, watching the lips open, the stream issue, and then on to the bed with her. I had well nigh forgotten the big clitoris till feeling hers. — “Jeannette has a large clitoris, she rubs cunts with the women, doesn’t she.” A laugh. “Yes.” “Sometimes with you?” “With us all, we have all had her for a caprice.” “She likes then women?” “She likes all — men and women. — She’s been buggered and fucked at the same moment by two men — she is proud of it.” “Une vraie cochonne.” “There are three women who like her — I’m not one, but we all have done it with her.” — My lass was screwed.

The wine and talk, and perhaps a fancy for the man who had seen eight other women’s cunts and had selected hers for fucking or perhaps a sudden sting of lust, a recurrence of her daily desires [for gay women have lewed moments, enjoy fucking as much as other women. With them a spend daily is a necessity, and I believe they always spend once daily if not twice], now made her grasp, and squeeze, and frig my prick, kissing me lustfully all the time. — The next minute I was between her thighs, the hair of our mottes entwining, my prick moving in and out and probing her cunt to its utmost depths. — Then we died away in each other’s arms, and lay tranquilly coupled in spermy slobber, till the prick left her. She washed out the sperm, and again we sat and talked, and both smoked.

I talked about the other women’s cunts. My caprice in seeing so many amused her. I must be rich, she thought. Men had strange whims. Nothing surprised her. — There was a gentleman came there, who laid down on the floor, and one of the girls whom he
loved,
and whom he always wrote to the day before, to tell her to hold herself in readiness, then sat over him, and bogged in his mouth. She swore it was true. He always gave her a hundred francs for this stercoraceous amusement. — [I didn’t believe it, but now after more knowledge of male whims, think it likely enough to be true. — There is no oddity, no bestiality, no sanguinary deeds that are not pleasurable to the lust of men — each has his letch if he likes women at all — so have women.]

After another poke we parted, for I did not stop the night, tho I paid her the price of one. — No doubt she was just as well if not better pleased with my absence than with my company. It left her free to get others, and more money.

A few nights after I was there again and repeated my amusement. I think I must have seen all the cunts in that establishment, and one or two of them twice, including her with the big clitoris. — [Tho I didn’t think much about tribadism then. — I was beginning to think more about it, and its reality came more strongly to me a few years later on, as I grew older, and I grew still more curious about the ways of women with women, and the voluptuous pleasures they could get without the aid of a man.]

It was my letch for the time, I was in the vein for cunt inspection and the night following went to another lapunar, not of the highest class. I had not much want for female aid or conjunction, but an overwhelming, insatiable desire to see all that the women had hidden of their bodies, to compare and note differences, and ask every one of them questions about their sexual tastes, sensations, and habits. I have done that for many many years, have asked scores of times on first acquaintance, expecting more frequently lies than the truth, yet still I asked. — It is delightful in itself to put the lascivious questions, searching for the most hidden thoughts, feelings, and deeds of these lovely creatures. — When I have known a woman or girl a short time, I have nearly always got their confidence, and then over a bottle of wine, when its generous influence has been felt, I have but little doubt that I got in the main truthful replies.

Long before this period I prepared a set of questions, of which I knew the order pretty well by heart, through repetition. — At about this time I bethought me of additional questions about tribadism, of cunt to cunt rubbing, or as it is called flat fucking; but to which amusement it is only of recent years that I gave attention, or that these feminine games gave me much sensual pleasure to think about, or had roused my curiosity. — From hundreds of answers to these questions, coupled with my own experience in facts, I think I have as good a knowledge of the sexual tastes and habits of men and women as most; excepting old baudy priests, who know all through confession. — The replies of many of the females, particularly of the young ones, I know already have been given in various parts of this history.

I have had many servants. All had been poor, and in their youth had nursed their brothers if they had any. Many had been nursemaids when they left their homes. — Some were nursemaids when I fucked them. They enjoyed my talk on sexualities. It is one of the additional pleasures which servant girls, and women who are not gay, give me. — It adds to the physical pleasure which they always give and always have with me, for a servant if she will take money, and gifts (and all women will, for that is my experience) have met me, and surrendered to me, for the pleasure of fucking, and not for money.