My Merlin Awakening (31 page)

“Matt.”
I called.

It took a few seconds—seconds so long that every part of me tensed that there would be no reply and I would lie alone in the abyss, battered and broken.

“I’m here. You’re not alone.”
His faint words filled the void.

His presence washed over me, a salve soothing an infected mind. As if he were actually there, he pushed the sheet aside and climbed into bed. He gathered me up in his arms and pulled the cover back over us. I tucked my head into the crook of his neck.

“Hold on
,” he said.

“I will,”
I replied and finally, allowed my eyes to close. Warm tears leaked down my cheeks.
“Don’t leave me.”

“Never.”

***

“Your name is Vivane,” I said. Eight more nights had passed.

Vane frowned, but to my disappointment, had no other reaction. I looked at his dark eyes with fading hope. The green specks had disappeared. His eyes had returned to their original hazel, yet no hint of recognition filled those depths.

I almost wished for death. Like the bull, I kept being brought back. Like the bull, I felt myself turning wild. Every evening I fought Leonidas and a little bit of me died. After every fight, Vane mended my bleeding body. Every night, Matt, my only anchor, tried to do the same to my soul. Except it was getting harder and harder to hold on. Afloat in the sea of relentless brutality, darkness courted me. One injury and I would be wounded beyond repair.

Leonora pulled at the skin on my back. I winced. I watched her work at my back in an oval mirror that occupied the wall in front of me.

“Sorry,” she said quickly. Her dark hair fanned out around her shoulders. Her brow furrowed in concentration as she focused on my latest wound.

A deep cut went up from my spine to my shoulder. I was lucky the bull had not pressed too hard or I’d probably be paralyzed. I couldn’t imagine what that healing would be like. The regular ones were bad enough.

I had to admit this macabre dance Leonidas and I were locked in was doing wonders for my fighting skills. I’d been forced to move quicker, to think quicker. With each game, the two of us grew more adept. Somewhere along the way, he picked up my attack forms and I his. Of course, I still planned to kill the bastard first chance I got. I had no doubt he planned to do the same to me.

My hands shook. I lost tonight.

Leonidas pinned me to the ground with a spear pointed down at the back of my head, his foot resting on the bleeding wound on my shoulder where the bull gored me. Tonight, Leonidas chose spears as our weapon. Despite the fact that Vane had trained me on it, I’d never been very good with a spear.

A wizard lost his life tonight. The gargoyles and wizards took turns being the sacrifice. The wizard hadn’t said a word when he lost his head and I still tasted the dirt of failure on my tongue.

Vane watched Leonora’s healing. In the mirror, the emerald around her neck glowed.

“I’m surprised a charm is powerful enough to allow healing,” I said.

Leonora nodded. “King Lelex made this himself. He has been blessed with much power. But it is not simply the charm. Some mermaids have a talent for healing. The charm enhances mine.”

“Some mermaids?” I asked.

“Maidens.” She paused and met my eyes in the mirror. “I have a great gift. I would have been placed in service, but for my betrothal to Leonidas.”

I sputtered. “You want to marry him?”

She frowned. “He waits for me.”

“But
Leonidas
! He’s a brute and you’re so… not.”

Leonora colored. “He hasn’t always been so unbending. We used to be a great kingdom before Lelex brought magic to us. Now we are all scared of what’s to come. These rituals…” She shuddered. “King Lelex says they are a necessity so it must be, but it has changed us. Leonidas believes in his father and so must I. He is the prince and champion. I thought he would be forever until…” She glanced at Vane, “…all of you came.”

Vane looked at Leonora sharply. I gasped when her fingers jerked my skin. A warm trickle of blood went down my back tracing the spine.

“Why don’t you allow me to finish up?” Vane interrupted.

Leonora’s face fell. “Of course.”

I wanted to shake my head. Leonora took every criticism Vane gave like a knife to the chest, even though mermaid-Vane was only matter-of-fact with her. He was matter-of-fact with everything. I should have been irritated by her crush on my boyfriend, but I didn’t actually know what we were anymore. She’d never survive the real Vane—the abrasive Vane, the Vane who pushed at every step and demanded more than it was possible to give. I missed that Vane.

In the mirror, I saw him bend his head to look at my wound. He splayed his fingers on my bare skin. I almost closed my eyes as pleasure shot through me. Usually mermaid-Vane was all business. Soothing fingers created welcome numbness after Leonora’s heinous healing. This was pure mastery… almost worth living for.

Leonora watched us enviously. “I wish I had as much ability to heal.”

A soft glow of warmth started at the base of my spine and expanded. His fingers traveled up the cords of my vertebrae. They paused just below my neck. The first time he’d seen the blistered bruises he’d paused. The mermaid transformation had made them worse. It would have taken a second of healing at the most for Vane to erase the blue-black marks, but for some reason he didn’t. The fact that he didn’t meant something. I had no idea what it meant but I reached for the carrot of hope it offered.

“Matt is even better at healing,” I said.

Vane’s expression remained placid.

Leonora’s eyes widened. “Him. He must be very powerful. The King has him under heavy guard. Hardly anyone is allowed to go near him. One of the servants says he’s been chained to the walls.”

My heart squeezed at this revelation. Matt never showed me anything beyond himself when I spoke to him.

Leonora watched me closely. “Do you wait for him also?”

I frowned. “Wait? Why do you say that?”

Leonora blushed. “I was here when the bathers came a few nights ago. You were half-asleep. You kept muttering his name.”

A faint tremor went through Vane’s fingers. So imperceptible, I wouldn’t have felt it if my every nerve hadn’t been engaged. My heart nearly stopped. The tendril of hope I’d been holding in check unfurled. It flared and bloomed with astonishing speed. I strove to keep calm.

“Matt and I have a special connection,” I told Leonora, trying to bait Vane. “He asked me to wait for him.”

It was nothing less than the truth. Vane’s bland expression didn’t change, but the tone of the healing did. Instead of pleasure, an edge of pain reentered. I winced when he yanked my shredded skin together.

“I haven’t given him my reply,” I continued.
Total lie.
“What do you think, Leonora? Should I?”

Leonora smiled. “He is handsome. Well worth dreaming of.”

“Very,” I said cheerfully. Vane’s fingers fisted and the torn tissue on my back sealed with a stinging burn that caused my eyes to water. I inhaled sharply. Sweat broke out across my forehead.

“He waits for you too,” Leonora said.

“His ears are not pointed,” Vane said.

Leonora looked at him in surprise. It was the most he’d ever spoken on a subject not directly related to healing. She said slowly, “No, but that does not mean he has experienced love. Maybe he does not want it to be known. You can choose.” She pushed back her dark hair. Her pointed ear shrunk so that it looked normal. She elongated it again. “It takes a bit of effort, so most don’t bother, and besides, most consider it an honor. A way to show true devotion.”

“Only if you’re in a time warp,” I muttered. Not that I wanted to jump into bed with just anyone to get rid of my virginal state, but it wasn’t exactly a banner item I wanted displayed. I tried to twitch my ears. Nothing. My ears stayed pointed.

Leonora laughed. “It takes practice.” Her eyes fixed on Vane’s decidedly flat ears. She looked away, as if embarrassed. I tried not to roll my eyes.
Experienced love
.
Bah!

Vane finished the healing and stepped away from me, very quickly I thought. I wracked my brain for something else to say, anything to pry open the small chink in his armor.

“Let’s go,” Vane said gruffly. A guard stepped forward with the diamond necklace. His expression neutral as the necklace went back on, he said to Leonora, “We must still heal the bull.”

Leonora nodded and waved the guard back.

“Sleep well,” Leonora said to me.

“I will and I’ll dream,” I winked, “of him.”

***

Night filled the room. The moon sat bright in the sky outside. Everyday I waited for it to swell to its maximum size. It was almost there. I wondered what would happen when it did. Part of me couldn’t wait. My body begged for release from the relentless cycle of the games. Yet another part of me dreaded whatever was going to happen next. The blood moon was in two days.

Through my tiny window, a few rays of the moon penetrated. Shadows danced. I lay in bed and watched. I waited. I hoped. The night stretched out and soon enough, my eyes started to flutter close. I almost didn’t hear the door creak open.

Suddenly wide awake, I didn’t move; I didn’t dare. The door closed. Feet moved swiftly across the marble floor. Moonlight illuminated the the armored breast-plate and red leather skirt uniform of a palace guard. A diamond on a gold chain hung around his neck. Its luminance flitted across Vane’s face before he ducked into the shadows. He climbed into the bed and on top of me.

His fingers tangled in my hair. “You’re awake.”

“You came.” I stared up at him. In the dark, I could barely see him. The
Dragon’s Eye
gemstone winked against my neck. Vane watched it, fixated. I leaned up to whisper in his ear, “See something you like?”

His fingers tightened in my hair, pulling strands until I winced. “Is he here?”

The breath I’d been holding came out of me in a whoosh. I grabbed his shoulders and flipped him so I sat on top, looking down. My mouth crashed on his. It didn’t take long for him to respond. Rough palms cradled my face while my fingers gripped the pillow on either side of his. Lips, teeth, tongue, mingled together. I ate him up and didn’t let go until I had to come up for air.

I sat back, panting a little. I looked down at Vane. Tiger’s eyes glittered in the dark. I said, “You are no mermaid.”

White teeth flashed. “No.”

“How long?” I demanded.

“It took a few days—”

“A f-few days,” I sputtered. “You knew a few days after?”

He put a hand over my mouth, drowning out any other epithets. “The guards are still outside. I was able to slip past, but they’ll come if you’re too loud.”

I quieted.

He lowered his hand. “Yes, a few days after. It all came back in pieces.”

“All those times you came. Why didn’t you
say
anything?”

“I was never alone, and you needed to believe so they would.”

My nostrils flared. The real answer was that he didn’t trust me. I grabbed a fallen pillow and smacked him with it. Admittedly, a halfhearted response, considering what a bastard he’d been.

Vane grabbed my wrist and knocked the pillow aside. He cleared his throat and said the one thing I thought I’d never hear, “I’m sorry. It took longer than I thought.”

The fight went out of me. I was tired of resisting. So incredibly tired. I put my hands flat on his chest and stared at them. Hard. A tear leaked out anyway.

Vane dried it without a thought. “Lelex underestimated my magic. I was able to hold off a complete mind-wipe and make it more like temporary amnesia. But it took me days upon days to remember again.” He touched the diamond necklace. “This didn’t help. Only when it was taken off could I make any real progress.” His fingers tightened in my hair. “Only when I was healing you. I fought to remember myself. You were the anchor I held onto.”

His words almost echoed my own. Expect my anchor was Matt. My fingers slid over the strange smooth metal on his chest. I said, “You better have a plan. We’ve been in this hole for a month.”

In the shadows, an arrogant brow rose. “Fourteen days. The blood moon is almost here and I think I’ve figured out what that means. It’s taken me this long after following every command to get Theras to trust me enough to move around the palace with minimal supervision.”

“So you could train Leonidas?”

He grinned. “You figured it out.”

I snorted. “Of course, you trained me. I recognized the forms. Did you think I wasn’t paying attention?”

“I knew you would and be able to defend against them.”

I smacked my hand against my forehead. “Right! You were
helping
me by training the enemy.”

“You needed the help,” he observed. “Ever since you pulled Excalibur, you’ve been hiding behind me. Behind Merlin. Did you think I hadn’t noticed?”

My body went cold. “So you decided to train me by making it easier for me to get slashed every night. What a master plan.”