My Life as the Ugly Stepsister (14 page)

I glanced at Diane, but Caroline waved away my concern. “She knows you kissed him. How could you not?”

Great. I grimaced.

“Besides, Ally. This is huge. Holding hands in the mall is one thing. In a movie is a bigger deal. But at night while you sleep! That’s way intimate. He so likes you.”

The heat rose in my cheeks. It was hard enough discussing this with Caroline, but with Diane too. No thanks.

Fortunately, there hadn’t been anyone home next door when Caroline and I went over to play with Buddy after school. I wasn’t ready to face Jonathan yet. Much less his parents. And with someone, Caroline of all people, watching? It would make me way too nervous. But I was desperate to know what my dad had said to them. I’d been miserable all day that I’d gotten Jonathan in trouble.

The JV football team at Plum didn’t start games until next week. That meant this was Caroline’s last free Friday night and she’d given it up for me. Were we actually friends?

“What time am I supposed to bring Mojo over?” I asked Diane.

“As late as possible. Right before bed on school nights, and then on weekends, whenever you’re serious about going to sleep.”

She sounded resigned to the whole thing. I guess my father had put his foot down.

“I’ll sleep downstairs with you tonight,” Caroline said. “To babysit you so you don’t sneak out.” From her tone, she was kidding.

“Can you have some friends over tomorrow night, Ally?” Diane asked. “I think your father would find that reassuring. Caroline is spending the night at Haley’s.”

“Sure. MC or Madison would come.”

“Invite them both,” Diane suggested. “It will distract your father.”

I wasn’t going to argue. “I’ll go call them.”

I’d never seen my dad standing so stiffly at the grill. Usually cooking steaks made him Mr. Happy Guy. Not today. He did appear to have calmed down some, but he wasn’t back to normal by any means.

“I’d like to talk to you after dinner, Ally,” he said when I brought him a plate for the steaks. “In private.”

I pasted a smile on my face. “Sure thing, Dad.” This could not be good. I slid a look at Caroline.

She grimaced.

As I walked past her, I whispered, “Pray for me.”

She giggled.

“No, I mean it,” I hissed with a glance at Dad.

“Oh, come on. How bad could it be?”

Mojo and Buddy barked excitedly about the smell of meat in the air. They were standing in the middle of Jonathan’s yard watching us. Dad didn’t seem to even notice them.

Dad served up the steaks and removed his Grillmaster apron to sit at the table with us. Diane had cut up some fresh tomatoes and baked some potatoes.

Diane and Caroline tried to keep up the conversation during dinner, but Dad and I were no help. Finally, he pushed back his chair and nodded in my direction.

I followed Dad down to his office. He sat behind the desk and pointed to the chair. I sat. I felt like I was being interrogated by the FBI. The only thing missing was the bare lightbulb and whatever torture devices. Dads didn’t need torture devices. They already had you in their clutches. Plus, they could always use the disappointment card to manipulate you. Suspects had all kinds of rights. Teenage daughters, not so much.

Dad kept me squirming for a few minutes by just staring at me with this resigned expression.

Finally, he said, “Your mother assured me that she had taken care of discussing s—” he sputtered but couldn’t quite get the word out, “the birds and the bees.”

“She did. She has. Everything’s fine. We don’t need to have a talk.” My assurances didn’t seem to help.

“The thing is Ally, I know you are more comfortable talking about these things with your mother.” There was that vein again.

“Yes.” If I could just head him off…

“Unfortunately, your mother has never been a teenage boy. And I have. I think it would be remiss of me if I didn’t share with you exactly what goes through the mind of a teenage boy.”

Oh. No! I didn’t want to be privy to any thoughts my dad had ever had on this particular subject. “It’s really not necessary—”

“It is necessary, Ally,” he said in a firm tone. “In fact, I shouldn’t have waited this long. You see, teenage boys are base sex hounds with nothing on their minds besides getting into a girl’s panties.”

My jaw dropped. Dads should never say “sex hounds” or “panties.” Ever.

How could I make it stop? “Dad, it was innocent really.”

He held up a hand. “It’s never innocent, Ally. Boys cannot be trusted. They will say whatever they think you want to hear. They are completely controlled by hormones, and honestly almost incapable of any sort of rational thought when a girl is around. Teenage boys have no redeeming values whatsoever.”

Now he had to be exaggerating.

But the lecture was just beginning, and thirty minutes later I stumbled from the room in a daze. Pregnancy, disease, lies… Boys were apparently the antichrist. What would he have said if I’d been a boy? Or if I had a brother?

One thing was for sure. I was really lucky those chastity belts weren’t around anymore.

Caroline was sitting on my bed when I got upstairs.

“Did you survive?” she asked.

I just nodded. “It was a close call.” I shut my door and sat at my desk. “Does your father give you lectures on how teenage boys are the spawn of Satan?”

The corner of her lip quirked. “Not exactly. I don’t think he’d say that because of my stepbrothers. But he has given me the whole, ‘boys only want one thing’ lecture.”

“Do our fathers think we’re stupid?”

“No. I think they just worry.”

“My mom worries about everything, but this is the first time Dad’s really gotten involved.”

“Yeah. I think you’re right. Moms worry about everything we do. Dads just worry about us having sex.”

“So what does your dad do when you bring a guy home?” I asked.

She shrugged. “It hasn’t really happened. I moved up here before I started really dating. I had boyfriends at school, but we just ate lunch together and stuff.”

“Does my dad act weird when you have a guy here?”

She thought about it for a minute. “I don’t think he’s really ever here. Plus, my mom and Ted have a deal. He doesn’t interfere with her parenting decisions and she doesn’t interfere with his.”

“Really? How weird.”

With a shrug, she said, “Whatever works.” She uncrossed her legs and climbed off the bed. “Let’s head downstairs for the night. We’ll bring Mojo in early.”

I think I was starting to like this having a sister thing.

When I reached the gate to Jonathan’s yard, it hit me that I’d never be alone with him again. I knew it was ridiculous to be nostalgic about our time together, but that didn’t stop the sentimental yearning.

“What’s wrong?” Caroline asked from behind me.

With a shake of my head, I answered, “Nothing.” No reason to tell her what a total dork I was.

Buddy and Mojo bounded over immediately, jumping all over us.

I realized we couldn’t just grab Mojo and leave. Jonathan would need to know that Buddy was alone out here. Otherwise he’d bark. They’d probably let Buddy in if I took my dog.

“I think we have to knock on the door,” I told Caroline and explained the situation.

With one look, Caroline took in my trepidation. “I’ll do it. You can just wait with the dogs.”

“No. I’ll do it. I’ll just look like a wimp if I don’t.” I just hoped his mother wouldn’t answer. I didn’t know if I could face her after my father had talked to them. No telling what he’d said. I hoped he’d at least omitted the part about holding hands.

“Ally,” Caroline said. “You aren’t moving. Are you sure?”

“Yes.” I started off toward the patio door as fast as I could. Don’t think about what Dad may have said. Don’t think about Jonathan’s mom’s reaction. I was so busy talking myself through this encounter that I forgot to watch where I was stepping.

I sank into the grass a little farther than I expected, and when I looked down, I saw my malodorous mistake. I’d stepped into a pile of dog doo.

Caroline, of course, had noticed. She rushed over. “Oh my God, Ally. I’m so sorry.” But then she cracked up.

I glared at her, then turned my attention to wiping the bulk of the offensive substance on the grass.

“I know it’s not funny, I just can’t— ” Caroline almost collapsed with her giggles.

I fought the urge to grab her and wipe my shoe on her sandal. Okay, so I did snatch her arm and try to, but she wiggled away to safety.

“You really do have the worst luck,” Caroline said from a safe distance. “I’ve never seen anything like it.”

“I prefer to think of it as just having a really bad day,” I said. I kept walking around the yard, scraping the dog crap from my shoe. I’d never get it all off, but I was really hoping for most of it.

“Yeah, but it hasn’t been that good a month for you either,” Caroline started.

“Caro!” I yelled, calling her that for the first time. “Please stop. I don’t want to think about it.”

I thought I had most of it off now. Ignoring Caroline’s laughter…Geez! Would she never stop? I started for the patio again.

The door slid open and Jonathan appeared with his mother close behind.

I guess we’d been making some noise between the laughing and hopping around the yard. My heart skipped a beat. Jonathan looked really good in his jeans. I’d never seen him in jeans before.

Whoever invented jeans deserved my thanks.

“Ally,” Jonathan’s mother said, drawing my attention from her son’s hot bod. “I’m so glad to see you.”

“Mrs. Coleman, I’m so sorry.”

She interrupted my apology. “Nothing to be sorry about, Ally. I know your father was upset, but Jonathan has explained everything to me. You’re welcome here any time.”

He has? What exactly had he said? “Thank you,” I said to his mother. “I’m glad you aren’t angry.”

With a wave, she said, “Nothing to be upset about. Mojo is welcome to stay here as long as you need him to. As for the nights, he’ll probably be happier inside anyway.” Then, she turned to give Caroline an energetic hello. “Would you girls like to come in?”

“I don’t know if we should,” Caroline said.

Her answer was much better than mine. I said, “I stepped in dog doo.” Totally cool, huh.

Jonathan grinned. “When you have a bad day, you really have a bad day.”

“Yeah.” I couldn’t help smiling too. “Sorry about my dad,” I told him.

“It’s okay,” he said. “He just cares about you.”

The weird thing was that until a week ago, I hadn’t been sure he did care about me. I met Jonathan’s warm gaze. “I know.”

“Well, I’m going back inside now.” His mother motioned to Caroline, “I see you’re well chaperoned.”

“I think the dog poop will take care of that problem,” Caroline quipped.

I sent her a withering glare.

When I turned back to Jonathan, I saw him making a face at Caroline as well.

Something struck me as hilarious, I guess, because I just started giggling. And I couldn’t stop. It was probably stress or whatever.

I bent over and put my hands on my knees. I was laughing so hard. When I glanced up, Caroline was looking at me like I was nuts.

“Are you okay?” Jonathan asked.

“Yes,” I said. “Great.”

“Maybe I should get her home,” Caroline said, concern evident in her voice. “I think she’s having some sort of breakdown.”

“No.” I stood up, suddenly much more serious. “I’m okay.” It wasn’t time for my breakdown yet. I had at least another week or two. Maybe a month. “I’m sorry about my Dad, Jonathan. I hope he wasn’t too awful.”

Jonathan shook his head. “It’s fine. No big deal.”

“So what’s the scoop, Jonathan? Did you get in trouble?” Caroline obviously had no tact.

“Uh.” He shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “No. My parents understood.”

“So they didn’t research chastity belt on the Internet?” Caroline asked. “Did they make them for boys?”

“Shut up!” I told Caroline. “You are not helping.” To Jonathan, I said, “I’m glad things are okay. I guess we should take Mojo and get back before they miss us.”

Jonathan’s eyes darted toward my house. I just hoped my father hadn’t traumatized him.

“Come here, Mojo,” Caroline called and held out the leash. She made a big show of hooking it on his collar, as if she were trying to let us know she wasn’t watching.

“I should go,” I said.

Jonathan took a step toward me. Then he leaned in and gave me a peck on the cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Stinky.”

I smacked him on the shoulder. “Yeah. Tomorrow.”

Chapter Eleven

Life is just one big pile of dog doo after another, lying in wait in the grass in the backyard.

—Ally’s Brutal Teen Truths

I stumbled across the lawn towards my stepsister. I couldn’t quite comprehend what had happened. He’d kissed me! Like a totally boyfriend to girlfriend casual kind of kiss. In front of Caroline.

“So?” Caroline said as we slipped out the gate.

“I think he might like me.”

“Well, duh,” she said, like any good sister would.

I know it was lame, but I really didn’t want to ever wash that cheek again. I mean, Jonathan’s lips had touched it. Without the special middle of the night magic. Maybe he really did like me.

I kicked off my shoes on our patio hoping that offensive substance would disintegrate overnight. We went in the back door, but there really wasn’t any sneaking about it. Dad and Diane were sitting on the family room couches waiting for us when we walked in.

“Caroline was with me,” I stammered. I didn’t do this defensive thing very well.

“We just came down to say goodnight,” Diane said. She stepped aside to avoid Mojo while Dad gave him a quick pat on the head.

“We’re turning in. We’ll be watching television in our room if you need us.” My Dad’s face hardened as he said, “Don’t leave the house.”

“What if there’s a fire?” Caroline asked in an angelic voice.

“Caro!” Diane warned.

“Just kidding,” Caroline called as they went up the stairs.