My Earl the Spy (17 page)

Chapter 21

Edmund found Clara in the drawing room writing a letter. She put down the quill when her husband entered and turned to greet him. “Lord Grinstead is hoping to persuade Milly to eat and drink something. He is turning into the perfect nurse!”

Edmund looked a little concerned. “Until he loses interest. I’ve seen it happen before, although not under quite the same circumstances.”

“Don’t be so harsh! He seems to dote on her.”

“Remember the Henry we knew before all this? He wouldn’t be seen within ten miles of a sick bed. He probably feels guilty that he involved your cousin in his irresponsible schemes,” Edmund responded, believing the cold, hard Henry to never be far from the surface. He had seen Henry turn on the charm when needed; he presumed one of those occasions was happening here.

“He should feel guilty. He was wrong to involve her, but it does seem as if he’s making amends. I truly believe his being beside her helped her regain consciousness.”

“That says more about your cousin’s feelings than Grinstead’s,” Edmund pointed out.

“The only way to prove it to you is to show you what he is like with her. We’ll visit tonight. I did promise to leave them alone today; I don’t think constant comings and goings would do Milly any good.”

*

Edmund walked into his wife’s bedchamber and paused mid-stride. Henry was sitting on the side of the bed near the window, a pillow on his lap. Milly had her head resting on the pillow while Henry gently brushed Milly’s hair.

Henry looked up and indicated that Edmund and Clara should remain silent. He gently removed himself from underneath Milly and, kissing her head, he moved away. He probably should not be so openly affectionate in front of everyone, but he really did not care what anyone else thought.

“How is she?” Clara whispered when Henry approached them.

“Falling in and out of sleep constantly. She has eaten something and continues to drink, so I’m happy about her progress. I’d like you to take a look at her wound. When I first arrived, you told me it was angry and swollen; I think check it before sending for the doctor unnecessarily, if it is improving, we’ll just continue with what we are doing at the moment.”

“If you both leave me, I shall have a look,” Clara said, moving over to Milly.

Henry and Edmund left the bedchamber softly closing the door behind them.

“I never had you for a nurse,” Edmund opened the conversation.

“Nor I,” Henry admitted.

“When do you intend leaving us?”

“Do you wish me to leave? Are you still upset with me about what happened in Dorset?” Henry asked, a little surprised. Edmund had been as angry as he had ever seen him when he thought Clara was in danger, but that time had passed and was never going to occur again.

“No! Although I will curse you for it until my dying day,” Edmund admitted. “I just presumed you would be wishing to return to the social whirl that is your life.”

Henry’s expression was unreadable, but he glanced at the door as if he could see through the wood into the bedroom beyond. “I’d like to stay, if it’s all the same to you.”

“Don’t give her false hope. It wouldn’t be fair.”

“I think you’ll find it’s the other way around.”

“How so?” Edmund asked in surprise at the words.

“I’m the fool who asked her to marry me, and she turned me down.”

“I’m only a little surprised at that; I always thought Miss Holland was no one’s fool.”

“Thanks for the glowing recommendation,” Henry said drily. “I’m almost glad she’s incapacitated; that way she can’t send me away, and I can delay the inevitability of never seeing her again.”

“Only you could find a positive in a life and death situation!”

“You know what I mean. I’m fully aware that I’m a besotted fool just as you are.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to stay here, with your consent obviously, for as long as she’ll have me.”

“Is it your intent to wear down her defences? I’d have to object if that’s your plan; the poor woman has been through enough. She doesn’t deserve the onslaught of Grinstead charm that I’ve been unfortunate enough to witness in the past.”

“No one else has ever complained.”

“I don’t think they realised what had hit them until you’d moved on to your next victim,” Edmund responded, enjoying actually having the upper hand with Henry for once.

Henry smiled. “Everything’s different now.”

“Until you tire of her.”

“She said something similar once, and I believed at that time it was true, but even then I’m not sure how much was just my automatic reaction to life. The thought of being faithful and loving to one person was beyond my comprehension, but that woman in there has done something to me, and I don’t think I’ll ever recover if I can’t persuade her to marry me.”

“Don’t put her under any pressure,” Edmund warned.

“I won’t. My own pride won’t let me do that. If she is to marry me, it will be because she wants to, not because I want her to. I promise you that.”

Edmund inclined his head to show he was reassured. Clara came out of the bedchamber preventing any further private conversation between the pair.

“How is she?” Edmund asked.

“Her wound is not as red or swollen as it was. It was leaking puss until yesterday, but now it has closed, and she is not is in as much pain when that area is touched. I think we can leave the doctor for now.”

“Is she awake?” Henry asked, already opening the door.

“Yes,” Clara responded and smiled at her husband. “He didn’t hear me at all, then, did he?”

“No. I think the great Lord Grinstead has actually been brought to his knees by your cousin.”

“I would expect nothing else. He’d better treasure her because only the best will do for my sweet Milly,” Clara said with feeling, linking her arm through her husband’s as they headed to their shared bedchamber.

*

It was a week before anything like Milly’s former strength returned and, even then, only partially. Henry had been persuaded to send home for the personal items he needed, although he refused the use of the room made available for him, still insisting on curling around her every night and sleeping in what was now an inappropriate situation.

Henry certainly was not going to change the situation unless forced to, and Clara and Edmund did not wish Milly to suffer a relapse. She seemed so reliant on Henry that they worried about the time when the pair were parted, which seemed inevitable at some point.

One morning before they were disturbed by the maid coming in to light the fire, Henry was still holding Milly, and he raised the subject of what had happened.

“You shouldn’t have stepped in to save Mack,” he gently chided, lessening the tone of the words by kissing her head.

“I couldn’t let him be killed; he had been so good to me in the circumstances. It wasn’t so bad in the first place I was held, but that second room,” Milly shuddered. “I couldn’t have borne it without Mack’s help.”

“He knew the risks; you could’ve been killed.”

“But I wasn’t.”

“Thank God,” Henry muttered into her hair. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if you had.”

Milly kissed the arm that was encircling her. “I’m here and well.”

“I know.”

“What do you feel about Joshua now?” It was the first time his name had been mentioned since the fateful day.

“Because of what happened to you, I didn’t consider the implications for a few days. When it sank in though, it just felt as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. All those years trying to deliver what he deserved, and it finally happened.”

“You did kill a man.”

“I know and when I die I will face whatever retribution is dealt out, but for now I can only think that he got what he deserved. He had no remorse about what he had done to her or anyone else. Goodness knows how many lives he destroyed as he went through life without a conscience.

“A bit like you and your spying?” Milly asked. She was fully aware of how Henry had used people.

Henry paused. There were similarities between himself and Joshua, and he did not like to reflect on it. “I’ve done things I’m no longer proud of, but the difference is that I was doing most things for King and country, and revenging Mabel of course.” Henry sighed into Milly’s hair. “I hope I’m a better man than he is, but I’m not the one to be the judge of that.”

“You are,” Milly reassured him. “The way you helped me when we were confined, I will never forget.”

“You are a strong person, Milly. You were coping well without me, Mack told me that.”

“Maybe, but more so when you are nearby.”

Milly was feeling stronger physically, but mentally her thoughts ranged from completely content when she was wrapped in Henry’s embrace to desolate when she considered leaving Edmund’s house, and she knew that she had to.

One morning when Henry returned to the bedchamber, he was surprised to see Milly sitting at the small Davenport desk that was in the bay window overlooking the square in the street.

“What’s this?” Henry asked, walking over to the desk and gently rubbing Milly’s back. That was the type of thing that Milly would miss the most; he seemed to need to be in actual contact with her, and she loved it.

“I’m finally writing to my mother,” she explained. “Clara explained that she didn’t want to worry mother unnecessarily, so she has not as yet informed Mother of what happened. I’m not going to tell her everything, just enough to explain why I haven’t yet secured a position and, hopefully, she will allow me to stay until I’m well enough to continue my search. Even I’m not foolish enough to start employment now; I would be returning to my sick bed before the week was out.”

“That’s the best decision you’ve made in a long time,” Henry responded, but his voice was empty of emotion. The thought of her leaving was like no other sensation he had ever felt, a mixture between panic and desolation.

Milly smiled slightly. “You’ve just seen me at my worse; I’m known for being sensible and pragmatic.”

Henry moved away and sat on the chaise longue. “Do you intend to contact the lady you were meeting in Guildford?”

“No, I think I will send a letter of apology, but I doubt she would be willing to give me a second chance; I must seem very flighty.”

“Everyone deserves a second chance to prove themselves.”

Milly’s heart sank; he was encouraging her to go to Ireland. She had missed the chance to have him in her life forever and, although he would have tired of her and had mistresses, at least she would have been able to see him every day. The thought of never being in contact with him almost made her relapse.

“Are you so keen to see me in Ireland?” she said, trying to sound light-hearted yet sounding anything but.

Henry paused. If he revealed himself, he risked a further rejection, and they had been so close these last weeks. But he could not let her leave him without saying something. For once, he had to gamble and face the possibility of rejection.

“If you do go to Ireland, you need to be aware of something.”

“Oh?”

“I will be close behind, Milly. I couldn’t stay in England if you were so far away from me,” Henry said quietly, his usual confidence deserting him.

“You’d follow me?” Milly’s heart had begun to pound at the words; she was not sure she understood their meaning.

“I would. On every afternoon off, I would be there to take you out, to court you if you gave me the slightest indication that I could ever be the man for you.”

“Oh!”

“Is that all? I know you refused me and, in some respects, I understand why, but you see, Milly, so much has changed between us.”

“Please don’t feel guilty about what happened. You could never have predicted what would happen by asking me to draw the picture,” Milly said quickly.

“Feel guilty? Yes, I do feel guilty for putting you in such a dangerous position, for leaving you alone while I stewed in a temper because you had said no. But that isn’t why I’m speaking now. I can understand why you refused me; I was a wastrel, a cad who would’ve hurt you.”

“That was only a few weeks ago,” Milly said reasonably.

“Yes, and I would never have believed that so much change could happen in such a short time. Milly these past few weeks have shown me what’s important, what type of man I want to be, which woman I want to be with.”

Henry crossed over to Milly and crouched before her, holding her hands in his. “Milly, please give me a second chance. I can’t promise to be the perfect husband; I’m a fool who’s only learning how to be worthy. I’m bound to make mistakes, we both know I will. But I promise you this: I have never felt like this before, and I want to cherish the feelings and watch them grow. I cannot look at anyone else because you are my ideal.”

“Don’t say things that aren’t true!” Milly said, a little distressed. “I don’t want false flattery.”

“My darling girl, it isn’t! I promise you. How could it be? You’re beautiful to me; you deal with everything in a quiet, confident way; you dealt with the worst of life with dignity and calmness. I want you by my side, facing everything this life throws at me, knowing that I have your love and commitment.”