Authors: Daire St. Denis
No. He wouldn’t do that to Mary-Lynn, would he?
Except, who else would flowers be for?
Dammit, Buck
!
When Buck’s car turned back up Main Street, she counted to ten and then followed. She had to know. Only once she saw it with her own eyes, would she believe Buck capable of cheating.
Blowing a shaky breath through her tense lips, Sass didn’t know what she’d do if her worst fears came true.
Take an iron to the newly crafted car in bay two?
No.
Her heart fluttered in her throat as she caught sight of his car turning onto Railroad Ave, driving slow before making a right just after the Presbyterian church.
Suddenly, Sass realized where Buck was going and tears sprang to her eyes as she parked outside of the wrought iron gates, right next to his car. She sat in the truck, wiping away her tears, giving her father a few minutes alone before joining him. Though she came out here all the time, the last time they’d been to her mother’s grave
together
was the funeral seventeen years ago.
Chapter Twenty-nine
He must have heard her shoes crunching on the gravel walkway because he turned when she was still a few rows away and watched her approach. “I was wondering when you were going to join me.”
“You saw me following you?”
“Not too many ’59 Fargos in this town.”
She smiled, though her lips felt funny.
He turned back toward the grave where the flowers were propped, head bowed.
“What are you doing here, Buck?”
“I’ve come to say good-bye.”
“Good-bye? She’s been here for seventeen years. I would have thought you’d said good-bye a long time ago.”
He glanced down at her. His eyes were red and a big fat tear rolled down his ruddy cheek. “I’ve been angry with her.” He turned back to gaze at the stone. “And myself.”
“Is that why you never talk about her?”
He shrugged, his heavy shoulders going up and down in slow motion. “You were so young when it happened. And I…I was so lost. Sass, I had no idea what I was doing. I felt mad and guilty and overwhelmed. What the hell was I supposed to do with a daughter? I had no clue how to raise you on my own.” He shook his head. “I wanted to talk to you so many times, about what happened, about her, about how I felt. But you were just a kid and…”
“I’m not a kid anymore, Buck. Tell me now.”
He tilted his head back, gazing up at the overcast sky. “I don’t even know where to start. We had this crazy, tumultuous relationship. She had this way of bringing out the very best and the very worst in me.” He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “God, we were so young.”
Staring at the dates on the headstone, Sass experienced a familiar feeling of discord. The last memory she had of her mom was her birthday, which was September thirteenth. Her mom died on the twentieth. There was a week that was unaccounted for. A week that had always bothered Sass. “What happened on my birthday?”
“Huh?”
“When I was six. What happened? I don’t remember my party. All I remember is Mom sitting at a tableful of gifts, crying. Then I remember watching her pack. That’s my last memory of her.”
A strangled sob rumbled inside her father and he hunched over, covering his face with both hands. Sass had never seen him like this, not even at the funeral. For a second, she didn’t know what to do, and then she wrapped her arms around him and hugged as hard as she could.
“I was a terrible husband, Sass.” His big body shook in her arms. “I was always disappointing her. I didn’t mean to, I just didn’t know what the hell I was doing.”
They stayed there for a few minutes until Buck got himself under control. Sass dropped her arms, but didn’t want to give up contact so she slid her hand inside his and held on.
“Your mom had planned this big party. All your friends, their parents, your grandma. I was at the shop fixing up a…a Camaro convertible. God, that was a nice car. Anyway, I lost track of time and…”
“She left us,” Sass said quietly. She’d always known this fact. It seemed to her she might have even told someone recently. Libby? Millie? Maybe she dreamed it. But saying it out loud to Buck made it real.
He tried to let go of her hand but Sass held on. “How could she do that?”
“No. She left
me
, Sass. Not
you
. She’d spent the week in Denver, finding a place, finding a job. Getting things ready. The night of the accident, she was coming back for you. She was going to…” Buck turned his face away, maybe so that she wouldn’t see the tears that were falling, the ones she heard in the thickness of his voice. “She was going to take you away from me, and I was going to let her.” He turned back to her, no longer trying to hide his sorrow. “I’m so sorry, Sass. You lost your mom because of me and I’ve never been able to tell you how sorry I am for that.”
…
Sass spent at least an hour driving around Greenview trying to process the information that she’d finally unlocked, trying to understand what her dad had been feeling all these years. How she felt after all these years. But for some reason, she was numb, less than a car shell. She was empty.
Sass drove into the lot and parked, staring up at the sign for Hogan’s. A chill stole through her from the crown of her head to the base of her spine.
After a few moments, she got out and wandered through the shop, seeing it with new eyes.
Closing the door of bay two behind her, she surveyed the space. Was this where it had all begun? Had Buck been working on the Camaro in this very bay when he forgot her birthday? Was this the catalyst that forced her mom to leave?
How long she stood staring at the car, Sass didn’t know because she wasn’t seeing the car, she was seeing something else. She was six years old and she had a tableful of birthday presents. All she wanted to do was play with her toys but her mom was scaring her, the way she walked across the floor, kicking tissue paper and balloons as she went, crying and shouting and muttering and pacing. Then she was on her knees before Sass, holding her small hands in hers, gazing deep into her eyes.
Men get to do whatever the hell they want. They lie, they cheat, they break promises…
She shook her head.
I’m done, Sassy. I’m sorry but I can’t do it anymore.
Her mom let her go and then did something Sass hadn’t remembered until right now. She went straight up to the kitchen table and upended it, scattering her presents and cake all over the floor.
Sass closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When she opened them she was back in the shop standing beside her dream creation.
Oh, God. What would her life have been like if her mom had lived? Her parents would have divorced and she would have grown up in Denver. She certainly wouldn’t have spent her childhood in an auto body shop.
Sass looked down. In her hands she held a tire iron. When had she picked that up? What was she doing with it? A sudden flash of memory took her back to the parking lot at the Snake Pit and to the anger and frustration that had been behind the wielding of the iron she now held in her hands. Its weight became heavier and heavier until finally it slipped from her grasp, clunking heavily to the cement floor.
Sass backed out of the door of the bay and closed it firmly behind her. She locked up the shop just as the first drops of rain began to fall. She turned to face the biting drizzle, lifting her face to the overcast sky. The precipitation was cold but cleansing. Slowly she stepped up into her truck and rubbed her palms together to warm them. She pulled carefully out of the parking lot and started to drive as large fat drops splattered against the windshield and the low-lying clouds blocked out any moonlight and muffled her headlights. The old truck rocked and rumbled down the highway to Chesterville, blowing this way and that in the wind and rain. Sass had to keep both hands on the steering wheel to hold her steady.
There was something so fitting about the sound of sirens as they approached fast from behind her. Sass pulled the truck over and let the ambulance pass. But when the ambulance took the Chesterville turnoff a few miles up the road, a familiar emotion began to thaw inside of Sass. Fear.
Fear turned her stomach into a twisted knot as she followed the ambulance into the Willow Springs Retirement Lodge entrance. Fear made Sass park in the no-parking zone and hop out of the truck, forgetting to turn it off. She stumbled through the puddles and rain toward the entrance, her breath lodged in her throat as if her windpipe was being crushed by someone’s cruel hand.
“Excuse me, miss, you need to stay back.”
“What’s going on?” she demanded. “What happened?”
“It’s just one of our residents. Please. You need to give the paramedics room.”
Sass saw Jordan standing with some others just inside the doors. What was he doing there? She felt trapped in some confused dream. Then she remembered. It was Wednesday night. He was there teaching art. When he caught her eye, Sass’s knees buckled beneath her. His face was pale and serious. She saw his lips move but couldn’t make out the words because her eyes filled with tears.
No
. Sass shook her head in denial.
After catching sight of Millie’s face covered in an oxygen mask, she lurched blindly toward her truck. No! This could not be happening. Not when things were finally getting sorted. She couldn’t lose Millie not now. She needed her more than ever.
…
Jordan pushed his way through the crowd at the door, catching only a fleeting glimpse of Millie on the stretcher with oxygen tubes running up her nose. He gave her hand a brief squeeze in passing and then tore outside to follow Sass. She was driving the old truck and she was driving fast and erratically out of the parking lot.
With a horrible sense of déjà vu, Jordan peeled out of the parking lot in hot pursuit. Just as he turned onto the secondary highway, the skies really opened up and through the heavy rain he could barely make out the red pinpricks of light that were Sass’s taillights. But her ’59 Dodge was no match for his 2005 Thunderbird. With the pedal to the metal, Jordan quickly gained on her.
“Come on, Sass, slow down,” he muttered as he blinked his high beams at her. But Sass didn’t slow down. If anything, she sped up. Just then a big semitrailer truck passed him going the other direction and Jordan’s windshield was drenched in the spray from the truck. When his windshield was clear, he cursed and then slammed on his brakes.
The back of Sass’s truck was fishtailing wildly across the highway where she’d hit a low spot that was full of water. She careened toward oncoming traffic, corrected too hard, and headed straight for the ditch. Thank God the truck didn’t flip but only slid sideways into a barbed-wire fence. Jordan jumped out of his car and raced toward the truck, wrenching the driver’s side door open and breathing a huge sigh of relief to find Sass sitting there with only a cut on her forehead.
He unbuckled her from her seat belt and pulled her out of the truck and into his arms. Stooping, he picked her up and carried her back to his car. After opening the passenger door, he went in first and settled Sass on his lap, holding her close and whispering, “It’s okay. You’re okay.”
With wide eyes she turned to Jordan and said, “She didn’t leave me.”
“Of course she didn’t. Millie just had a stroke. It was a small one; that’s all. They just needed to take her into the hospital for observation.”
Sass blinked at Jordan in confusion. Then she shook her head. “No. My mom. She was coming back for me.”
“Sassy?” Jordan stroked her hair, feeling for any lumps, wondering if she was more injured than she appeared and was hallucinating about seeing her mother. “What are you talking about, sweetheart?”
“The night she died,” Sass said softly, gazing up at him with wide eyes. She wrapped her arms around his neck and held him tight. “I always thought she left me on purpose. But she didn’t. She didn’t leave me. She was coming to get me, but she never made it. She loved me.”
Jordan held Sass’s head against his shoulder and took a deep steadying breath. He had no idea where this revelation came from but he’d worry about that later. All he cared about was that Sass was okay. Everything was going to be okay. He held her close, stroking her hair and looking out the window. He shuddered when he realized what it was that had caught his attention. In the ditch, a few yards away from the truck, was a small white cross with a weathered wreath, illuminated by the truck’s headlights.
Chapter Thirty
Sass stared at herself in the mirror. She didn’t recognize the person staring back. Probably because the girl in the mirror wore some pink, knee-length number with spaghetti straps and a how-low-can-you-go neckline.
“It’s not pink. It’s coral. The color complements your skin tone,” Mary-Lynn had said. Who knew she’d look good in this color? Certainly not her. She’d never worn
coral
before in her life.
“Oh, Sass. You look beautiful.”
Libby stood behind her, a beatific expression on her face.
“I guess I look okay.”
“Better than okay. Stunning.”
“Thanks for doing my hair and makeup. I didn’t know what the hell I was doing.”
“What are friends for?”
Sass turned from her reflection and tried to smile at Libby, but because her eyes suddenly filled with moisture, Sass shifted her gaze down to the low-heeled, strappy sandals she wore. “I guess these shoes aren’t too bad.”
“Those shoes are so cute,” Libby gushed. “Mary-Lynn has really good taste.”
Sass thought about that as she stared at her feet. She took a couple of steps in the shoes. They were more comfortable than she’d thought they’d be. Totally impractical, but then, Sass supposed, so was a ’69 Corvette coupe. However, that didn’t stop her from wanting to drive one.
She studied herself again in the full-length mirror. The shoes and dress kind of made her legs long and, well, hell…feminine. She glanced up at Libby who was smiling at her like some mother of the bride, with two parts pride and one part melancholy. Her damn eyes welled up again and Sass blinked hard to clear them.