Authors: Jennifer Lowery
“You’re right, I wouldn’t have let you
involve your family in this and I’m still not very happy about it, but I
forgive you. I love it here, Murphy. You’re mother is wonderful.”
Something flickered across his face.
“Yeah, she’s one of a kind.”
Sara’s expression softened. “And you
have some things to work out with her that I’ve forced you to face.”
He tensed. Withdrawing from her again.
She wished he wouldn’t, but didn’t push.
“Nothing for you to worry about.”
“I do worry, Murphy. Family is all you
have in this life. Nothing else matters.”
She watched him back out of her room,
and resisted a sigh. He was such a strong man who faced things head on and
without fail, so why did he resist this?
Sara took a step toward him and watched
in amusement as he retreated another step. His gaze dropped to her legs and he
scowled. That made her smile.
“Murphy?”
“What?” he grumbled.
“I would never disgrace your mother in
her home but I would be more than happy to go sightseeing with you sometime
soon. Maybe we could pack a blanket and a picnic lunch.”
The suggestion in her tone made his
scowl turn downright surly. Butterflies erupted in her stomach at the prospect.
She wanted this more than anything.
“For God’s sake, Sara,” he muttered,
raking a hand through his hair.
Endearing, to see this big, strong man
uneasy because of her.
“No, for our sakes. I know you feel it.
Is it so wrong to act on how we feel?”
He let out a harsh breath. “Yes, it is.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m not ready to share that
part of my life with anyone.”
Sara drew back as if he’d slapped her.
“I can respect that. Goodnight, Murphy.”
She shut the door before he could see
the tears about to overflow from her eyes.
* * * *
Murphy let out a string of curses that
would put a sailor to shame, and took a step toward Sara’s door, his hand
raised, then stepped back and dropped his hand.
Damn. He’d made her cry again. He hated
seeing tears in those pretty blue eyes. It made him want to do things he
shouldn’t, like wrap his arms around her and comfort her. And if he did that,
then it would lead to other things, and they were much more dangerous than a
few tears. He wanted Sara in the worst way and he knew once he got her in his
arms, he wasn’t going to let her go.
Letting go was exactly what he had to
do. She needed a fresh start. Not a scarred, ex Army Ranger who couldn’t ever
have children. He wasn’t relationship material. Sara deserved more than what he
could give. A man without honor was a man without a soul.
After one last glance at her door, he
turned on a heel and disappeared into his own room. Tomorrow he would sit down
with James and Paul and put together a plan to protect the women from Stephen
Benchley. He would be ready and he would make it very clear to Benchley if he
ever came near Sara or Abby again, he would deal with him personally. One way
or another, he would set Sara free from her past and then he would become a
piece of it.
* * * *
Murphy’s sisters were not at all what
Sara expected. MaryAnn was tall and thin as a rail with short dark hair and her
mother’s blue eyes. She welcomed Sara with a smile and a hug and introduced her
to her husband, an ex-detective. James was MaryAnn’s height, and had a crushing
hand shake. A handsome man with a face that bespoke a difficult past life,
friendly but aloof. Their children were adorable and took to Abby right away.
Combined with Justine and Paul’s two kids, Abby was set. The five children
disappeared outside. Though Sara worried, she knew Abby was safe with Murphy’s
family.
Sara instantly took to Justine: Sara’s
age with chestnut hair and Murphy’s gray eyes. Her husband, Paul, a born and
raised rancher, walked with a cowboy’s swagger and flashed an easy smile. He
made her feel instantly at home and welcomed her with a hug. Sara had never
been hugged so much in her life, and she wasn’t complaining. This was a
genuine, openly friendly family. They lifted her spirits after the conversation
she’d had with Murphy before bed. She hadn’t been able to sleep because of what
he’d said to her. It hurt that he didn’t trust her enough to share his secrets.
He made himself scarce after having his
morning Oreos with Abby. He worked on the ranch from morning until night,
though Sara didn’t know what he did out there. She had never been on a cattle
ranch and had no idea what to do. She mostly stayed inside, helping Alice and
talking with Justine and MaryAnn. They were friendly and fun loving, always
including her in things, and helped her adjust to ranch life.
She learned Murphy’s sisters lived on
the property and helped run it with Alice. Their husbands were full time
ranchers who loved the life. MaryAnn’s husband had retired from law enforcement
to work the ranch.
Sara was soon sketching like a madwoman.
She sketched Murphy’s entire family and the ranch every chance she got. Word
soon spread that she was an artist and she had everyone peeking over her
shoulder to see what she was working on. The kids posed for their pictures and
broke out in giggles every time Sara drew silly faces on them.
They took Abby under their wing and soon
all of them were signing and communicating, which brought tears to Sara’s eyes.
This was the life she had always imagined for Abby. Surrounded by a family who
accepted her. They had been here a week and already were falling in love with
this place and the people. She hated to think danger might lurk around the
corner. She would be responsible for bringing it into these nice people’s
lives. Murphy had told them everything and she suspected he had taken measures
to ensure their safety, though he did it in private. She knew him well enough
to know he had.
No matter how good she started to feel,
the past always seemed to bring her down. It hung over her like a dark cloud
and would rain on her soon. This was only a temporary fantasy.
Now, sitting in a rocking chair on the
back porch with sketchpad in hand, she drew the sunset as it colored the sky
with brilliant oranges and reds. It framed the barns in the distance and made a
stunning picture.
A hand fell softly on her shoulder and
she looked up to see Justine smiling down at her. “Hi, can I interrupt?”
Sara smiled and motioned to the chair
next to her. “Sure, please, sit,” she offered, chuckling as the kids came
running around the corner of the house with Grover barking behind them. Abby
was in the middle and looked so happy Sara wanted to cry. The smile on her
daughter’s face was wide as the sky, and she looked ready to burst with
excitement. She waved at Sara, who waved back and blew her a kiss.
“Abby’s a doll,” Justine said. “The kids
adore her.”
Sara watched Abby roll across the grass
with Grover. “She’s never been this happy.”
“What about you?”
Sara turned to look at Justine, who
watched her with tender eyes. She was going to miss her when she and Abby had
to leave.
“I love it here,” she admitted. “It’s so
quiet and peaceful. It doesn’t feel like there’s a big, bad world out there.”
Justine reached over and touched her
arm. “You know you and Abby are safe here, don’t you, Sara? Jon wouldn’t have
brought you here if he didn’t believe he could protect you.”
“I know, but you don’t know Stephen.
He’s…”
“Going to be a part of your past very
soon. I know my brother is hard to read and doesn’t like to talk much, but he
has things under control. He and James and Paul have already handled security
around the ranch and talked to the folks in town.”
That burden settled heavily on Sara’s
shoulders. The last thing she wanted to do was bring her troubles into this
beautiful place.
“He hasn’t told me anything about that.
He’s been avoiding me.”
Justine nodded in understanding. “Jon
has had a rough time since his return from Azbakastan. He hasn’t shared his
experience with us. Whatever happened pushed him away. It hurts us to see him
suffering, but until he’s ready he isn’t going to let us in. Jon has always
been tight-lipped, but not like this. Not to the point that he cuts himself off
from his family.”
“He hasn’t told me anything about his
past,” Sara said, remembering the night she went into his bedroom and ended up
almost making love to him. “The scars aren’t from a car accident?”
“No. He received those when he was
captured and held prisoner for nine months. All the military would tell us was
he survived quite an ordeal and was awarded a medal of honor before retiring. I
have to admit, I haven’t seen Jon this grouchy in a long time. I think we have
you to thank for that.”
“Me?” Sara squeaked, her mind churning
with what Justine had just told her. Murphy had been a prisoner? Those
scars…her heart squeezed.
Justine smiled. “Yeah, you have him tied
in knots and he doesn’t know what to do about it. I think you scare the breath
out of him.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re forcing him to join the
land of the living again and he’s fighting his feelings for you.”
Her cheeks heated. “I never meant to
open old wounds within the family.”
“You didn’t. You brought Jon home so we
can finally have him back. After he was released from the hospital, he
disappeared. He packed his things, apologized and drove away. We’ve hardly
heard from him since.”
“Maybe he just needed time to heal.” The
thought of someone hurting Murphy made her heart ache. “He’s very proud.”
“Well, now that he’s back we aren’t
going to let him go again.”
“He’s very lucky to have all of you.”
“You have us too,” Justine murmured. “So,
tell me about how you happened to find my brother clear up in the mountains. I
know there’s a good story in there somewhere.”
“He didn’t tell you?” Sara asked,
grateful for the change in subject.
“Oh, he told us all right, in his own,
edited way. I want to hear your version.”
Sara smiled and leaned in. She and
Murphy did have a story, she supposed. If she hadn’t stumbled across his cabin
that night, she would have lost Abby forever.
Chapter
12
Justine’s words haunted her at
dinnertime. Sara stared at Murphy and his scar and thought of the cruelties
done to him. He didn’t deserve such brutal treatment. No one did.
He looked up and met her eyes. She had
seen so little of him since their arrival, the intensity of his gaze made her
stomach flip-flop. She wanted to get him alone so they could talk. They needed
to discuss so many things, she didn’t know where to begin. She wished he would
confide in her about his scars and make amends with his family. They cared
about him, just wanted to help him through it, and so did she. She missed him.
Conversation continued around them, but
Sara didn’t notice. She was caught in Murphy’s stare and he didn’t seem to be
in any hurry to let her go. She couldn’t read his thoughts, but she did notice
the heat that suddenly flared and dropped her fork on her plate with a loud
clatter. Heat crept up her neck into her cheeks as she forced her eyes away and
took a drink of iced tea. She glanced up to see Alice looking from her to
Murphy and wanted to crawl under the table. Had Murphy’s mother seen the look
he gave her? She certainly hoped not.
“Jon, why don’t you saddle up a couple
horses and take Sara out for a ride,” Alice suggested. “She hasn’t seen the
rest of the ranch yet.”
“I was going to ride out to the north
fence and do some repairs. She can ride along.”
Her face flamed beneath Murphy’s direct
gaze. “No, that’s okay. I’ve never been on a horse in my life. I wouldn’t want
to slow you down.” Maybe he’d let the subject drop.
“Nonsense, dear, you can ride Maude.
She’s as gentle as they come. She’ll give you a good ride. Abby and I have a
date with
Candy Land
and a bowl of homemade ice cream tonight.”
Sara had planned on playing with them.
Maybe Alice hadn’t noticed the heat between her and Murphy. She wouldn’t be
pushing them together if she had.
Murphy pushed his empty plate away and
stood. “You coming?” he asked her, with a hint of challenge.
Meeting his challenge, she said, “Yes.”
“Be at the barns in fifteen minutes.”
Alice smiled after he strode out of the
room. “It’ll do you good to get out of the house for awhile. And don’t worry
about Abby, she’ll be in good hands.”
“Let me help clean up--”
“Nope, you go on down. The girls can
help me with dishes.”
MaryAnn and Justine shooed her out of
the room and Sara got the feeling they were all in cahoots. Even James and Paul
were grinning when she walked out of the dining room. They couldn’t possibly
see her attraction for Murphy, could they? No, she and Murphy steered clear of
each other, there was nothing to see.
Worried now they had gotten the wrong
impression, Sara walked slowly toward the barns. She was almost there when
Murphy rode up on an enormous black horse, towing a docile-looking gray mare.
He dismounted with the grace of a man born in the saddle.
With mounting tension, Sara allowed him
to help her into the saddle.
He handed her the reins and gave her a
crash course in riding. “Generally, Maude will follow along without fail, so
just sit back and relax,” Murphy instructed, looking up at her from where he
stood beside her leg.
“Relax?” Sara repeated in dismay. She
felt awkward and uncomfortable. She was a long way from the ground and had no
control over the animal beneath her. Relaxed was the last thing she felt.
Murphy laid a hand on her thigh and she
jumped. His touch only made her more nervous because it burned through the
denim of her jeans.
“I won’t let anything happen to you.
Just sit back and enjoy the ride.”
Sara took a deep breath and let it out
slowly, then nodded. “Okay. Let’s do this.”
Murphy swung into the saddle. Her horse
suddenly started moving and Sara grabbed the saddle horn to stay seated. She
held on for dear life and prayed the animal was as gentle as Alice said.
Murphy led the way through a lush
pasture and began following the fence line. Sara eventually relaxed and
breathed in the cedar- and sage-scented air. The land around her seemed to
stretch for miles, the sky above her so blue it hurt her eyes. She soon forgot
her fear of the animal beneath her and was photographing scenery in her mind to
draw later. It was beautiful and wild and rugged out here. Like Murphy. He was
in his element and it made her realize how different they were. He had
everything she wanted and he’d turned it away.
An hour later, stiff as a board and
suffering friction sores on the inside of her thighs and knees, she longed to
feel terra firma beneath her feet.
Blessedly, ten minutes later Murphy
swung down from his horse to inspect a downed fence. Her horse halted of its
own accord, thank goodness, because she had no idea how to get the animal to
stop. She bit down on her lip and tried to figure out which side to get off.
Murphy must have realized her dilemma because he strode over, gripped her waist
and lifted her out of the saddle. When her feet touched the ground, Sara let
out a groan as muscles protested. She gripped Murphy’s arms and used him for
support until her muscles decided to work again.
“You didn’t tell me riding would cripple
me,” she said with a small, embarrassed smile.
“It takes some getting used to.”
She worked the cramps out of her calves
and straightened so she could look up and meet Murphy’s eyes. His hands were
still on her waist, holding her upright.
“I think I can stand on my own now,” she
murmured at the same time her fingers curled around the muscles in his forearms.
Murphy didn’t let her go like she
expected. His arms slipped around her waist and hauled her against him. Her
stomach flip-flopped and her throat went dry. She had almost forgotten how good
he felt, all muscle and strength.
“What the hell are you doing to me?” he
growled, seconds before he claimed her lips.
Sara melted beneath his kiss. She wanted
this, missed this. At night she lay awake dreaming about Murphy’s kisses but
they were nothing compared to the real thing.
Her arms slipped around his neck at the
same time he lifted her off the ground and nestled her against him. They fit
together like pieces of a puzzle and Sara felt the Earth tilting around her.
Murphy’s tongue slipped past her lips and stroked her to madness. The
uncontrollable urge to let loose drove her to lift her protesting legs and wrap
them around Murphy’s waist. She’d never felt these urges with Kent. Murphy did
something to her that she had no control over.
The kiss turned demanding. Hungry. Sara
held on tight as Murphy made love to her mouth. She had to have everything he
was willing to give her. If it was only one time, she would take it and make it
last a lifetime, because she never wanted to let him go.
Murphy walked backward. He took the
rolled blanket from his saddle and spread it haphazardly on the ground. She
smiled against his mouth and sighed when he lowered himself on top of her.
“Oh, Murphy,” she murmured, working the
buttons of his shirt.
“You drive me crazy.” He lifted her so
he could pull her shirt off and toss it aside.
“I’m not sorry for that.”
He removed her bra and tossed it aside,
then let out a groan when he looked at her. “God, you’re beautiful,” he
breathed. “If you want to stop this you better do it now. Once I touch you, I’m
not going to be able to stop.”
Sara cupped his cheek. “I’ve never
wanted anything more in my life.”
He met her eyes with a fierceness that
had her squirming beneath him. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
Her face burned. She wasn’t sure how
they were going to fit together either; he was much bigger than Kent and she’d
had a hard time with him.
“I can live with a little…discomfort.”
Something flickered in his eyes. “That’s
not what I meant.”
“What then?”
“I’m not the man you’re looking for,
Sara.”
“I’m not looking.”
His eyes darkened as she finished
unbuttoning his shirt and pushed it off his muscular shoulders.
“There’s something else.”
She frowned at the seriousness of his
tone. “Talk to me,” she urged.
“I haven’t been with anyone in over two
years.”
“Okay, so you’re clean. Me too, it’s
been five for me.” She lifted up to press a kiss to his chest.
“I’m sterile.”
Sara froze. “Oh, my God, what happened?”
“Sure you want to hear this now?”
Settling back against the blanket, she
urged him down beside her. Then she curled into his side and placed a hand over
his heart.
“Now is a perfect time,” she said and
waited.
He released a deep shuddering breath.
“Fifteen months ago I was sent into Azbakastan on a covert, deep reconnaissance
mission. That mission was compromised when I went to the aid of a woman being
beaten in the street by her husband, who happened to be a member of the
organization I was gathering info on. He would have beaten her to death if I
hadn’t intervened. I was taken hostage for my efforts. Once the terrorist group
discovered I was an American soldier, they put me in a six-by-six wooden cage
and kept me there for nine months.”
Sara felt tears well in her eyes. He was
telling her his story, the reason behind the nightmares and scars. It meant
more to her than she could admit. At the same time, her heart broke.
“They tortured me for nine months,
moving me from one location to another to prevent the Army from finding me. But
I knew the Rangers would find me. We lived by a strict code and leaving a man
behind was not part of it. I just had to be patient and stick it out.”
Sara buried her face in his chest. “And
you did, didn’t you? You endured for nine months until they found you?”
He went tense beside her and she knew
the worst part was yet to come. She wrapped her arms around him and waited for
him to continue.
“They tortured, starved, administered
psych ops, but never broke me. They used every method they had to get me to
tell them what they wanted to know, but I never betrayed my country until the
ninth month when the bastards brought in the first girl.”
Sara felt his pain as if it were her
own. She knew she wasn’t going to like what came next and tried to brace
herself for it.
“They raped and beat her in front of me
and told me that if I didn’t tell them what they wanted to know, then they would
bring a girl every hour and do the same.”
Sara bit down on a sob and waited
silently for him to finish. She couldn’t imagine what that had been like, and
she hated the men who’d done those horrible acts. She had a feeling she knew
what Murphy was going to say. He wouldn’t let them hurt any more girls.
“I cracked,” he said in an angry voice
filled with anguish. “I was prepared to tell them everything in order to save
those girls. I failed as a Ranger and as my father’s son when I gave them my
name. I was about to give them more when my comrades found me and busted me out
of there. From that moment on, I was finished.” Murphy’s voice had dropped to a
painful whisper.
“I was no longer fit to be a Ranger or a
brother or a son. I betrayed country and family and I couldn’t live with that,
so I bought a cabin in the mountains. The beatings I endured made me sterile. I
can’t ever have children because of what they did to me.”
Tears flowed down her cheeks. She cried
for everything Murphy had endured and lost and for the girls who were being
hurt over there. Now she knew why he couldn’t face his family. He believed he’d
let them down when he gave up his name to save those girls, even though what
he’d done was heroic. He’d saved those girls from a fate that would have
destroyed their lives. He had endured more than any soldier should have to. His
guilt was unwarranted. But not to him. He’d pushed his family away because he
thought himself a failure. How wrong he was. Murphy held her and let her cry
until there were no tears left, then he handed her bra and shirt and sat up to
shrug back into his.
Sitting up, she wrapped her arms around
him from behind. “Are you sure? Did the doctors run tests?”
“I told them not to bother. I already
knew the answer. No one could survive that kind of trauma and not be affected.”
Sara squeezed her eyes shut and pushed
on. He had bared his soul to her and she wanted the rest of him. She needed to
be part of him right now, and she wasn’t going to let him withdraw from her.
They had been through too much to part like this.
She pressed her lips to the back of his
neck.
Murphy’s hands stilled on the bottom
button of his shirt.
“Sara--”
She wasn’t about to be deterred. “I need
you, Murphy, and I think you need me too. Make love to me.”
She sensed his hesitation and circled
him until she straddled his lap with her legs wrapped around his waist. She
looped her arms around his neck and met his dark gaze.