Murder of Crows (Book One of The Icarus Trilogy) (21 page)

“I’m sorry, Ryan.  It seems like I always have to play a part in your pain,” she said, not really understanding why she said it.  It was something the man probably didn’t want to hear.  Jenkins returned her sad smile and shrugged with his good shoulder.

“You can’t help it, Doc.  It’s this world.  It just gets into everything,” he said before his eyes started to glisten.  He sniffed as he held the tears back along with all his emotions.  He wanted to head into that room without the world breaking him.  He wanted to face death with his head held high.  He looked at the ground as he mustered his courage.

“I’ll try to make it as painless as I can.  I’ll try to make it better,” Charlotte said; her voice nearly faltering at the end.  Her eyes started to moisten as well and she did her best to keep her tears to herself.  Jenkins looked up at her and could see that she was already feeling terrible for what she was about to do.  He broke and a single tear rolled down his right cheek.  Charlotte was able to keep back her own, but that didn’t stop her from feeling for the man.

“It’s ok, Doc.  I know how it is,” he said before picking himself up.  The good doctor tried to reach out and help him but he warded off her hands with his left.  He stood up to his full height and looked her in the face.  There were no more tears. 

“Charlotte,” she said as she led him to the prep room.  Jenkins looked at her with a puzzled look before realizing she was letting him know her name.

“It’s pretty,” Jenkins said as she pointed to a table in front of him.  He laid down and looked at her.  Jenkins tried to ignore the EOSF guard that had led him to this room.  He was there in case Jenkins tried to attack the doctors as they euthanized him, but Jenkins had no intention of hurting the woman in front of him.

Hawkins came in with the medications and needles which would kill Jenkins.  He seemed to have a nervous glee about him.  Charlotte glared at him as he started to hum while filling the syringes with sedatives and poisons.  Jenkins closed his eyes and tried to mentally prepare himself for what came next. 

An anxious quiet overtook the room and suddenly Albert felt even more out of place.  If he wanted he could stop this from happening.  He could save a largely innocent man from getting killed by a mad scientist.  At least, that was the impression that Hawkins gave to the guard.  Albert could tell the man had his secrets and that none of them were for the good of mankind.  No one should take such pleasure from killing a man.

Albert could reach out and squeeze the life out of the scientist.  He could watch as the man took his last breath and he could make a mad dash with Jenkins out of the Crows’ headquarters.  Maybe he could convince Laurence to make a run with him, steal a space transport and fly back to Earth.  He realized that it was all foolish; it was all illogical.  They would all die in the process and their sacrifice would be in vain.  The best thing for him to do was watch the man die and then head back to guard duty with Laurence.

He still didn’t have to like it.

Dr. Kane prepared Jenkins’ body for the procedure and strapped him onto the clinic table.  Hawkins brought the syringes and medicine nearby and started attaching the IV drips to Jenkins’ support system.  He then waited a few minutes for the residual drugs to kick in for Jenkins and then offered the final syringe to Charlotte.

“You want this one?  I know you two are pretty close now,
Charlotte
,” he said with a very obvious dose of disdain.  He was not one to connect with his patients.  Charlotte looked at him with fury and narrowed her eyes.

“You can have it,
Peter
.  And while you’re at it, burn in hell,” she said before laying her hand onto the top of Jenkins’ head and running it through his hair.  The medication swirling through his veins stopped him from being able to speak, but the soldier looked grateful for the comforting touch.

“You’re so touchy.  You’re going to see him in a couple of hours, Kane,” he said before inserting the syringe into the man’s arm and pushing the plunger.  He then looked to the computer display as Jenkins’ vitals began to drop.  The soldier’s body convulsed but soon enough the display read no vitals coming from the soldier.  His time of death was recorded by the system automatically and Hawkins started packing up the euthanasia materials.  He had the appearance of a man who was just barely satisfied.  He exited the room quickly and called the janitorial staff on the intercom so that they could remove the body.

Albert continued to stand there in the doorway as the woman doctor felt the dead soldier’s cheek and stood back up.  She turned to him and saw that he was still standing there.  Albert could see the anger that was brewing behind her eyes.

“What are you still doing here?” she asked violently.  Albert was taken off guard by the woman’s emotion.

“I was just… uh, confirming that Ryan was dead,” he said, instantly cursing himself for using the soldier’s first name.  He wasn’t supposed to know that.  The mention of his name did not have a good effect on Dr. Kane’s countenance.

“You’ve done enough, I think.  You should leave.  He’ll be back on his feet in no time,” she said as her eyes narrowed.  She seemed to punctuate every word.  Albert could take the hint and turned towards the door.

“You’re a monster, you know that?  Just like us.  You shouldn’t judge me like that.  You might not kill them, but you’re a monster,” he heard her say as he headed to the door.  Albert wanted to turn and tell her everything.  He wanted to tell her that he didn’t want any of this.  He wanted to tell her that he was just waiting for the right moment.

But he felt like a monster.  Albert left the clinic without saying a thing.

-

Jenkins opened his eyes and quickly told himself that he was just stuck in his resurrection cell.  It was a certainty this time.  Three resurrections were enough to realize that this was just more of the same.  He did what he could do gather his patience and started to wait for Charlotte and Hawkins to bring him back to the world of the living.

After what seemed like a few minutes, Jenkins remembered what Carver had told him about his experiences.  How the old Crow had eventually figured out that he could start getting his body used to the outside world while trapped in the darkness.  Jenkins flexed his arms and curled his fingers; he tried to hum and felt the re-breather resonating with him.  It hurt a small amount, but the feeling was enough to make the soldier smile.  It allowed him the certainty that he was really alive; he was inside another one of his clones.

He continued on like that for a great deal of time.  The exercise was not enough to occupy himself fully, so his mind started to wander.  He tried to think about how they slipped in the first resurrection without him noticing.  He tried to remember his second birth and found that it was completely absent from his mind.  Jenkins wondered what they did to repress the memory or why he hadn’t woken up in that resurrection cell screaming.  He thought that maybe it was just a different procedure.  Maybe there was no such thing as an early adoption with the first resurrection.

The young Crow thought about Carver and his endless struggle on the battlefield.  Jenkins held visions of himself at the same age directing a band of young soldiers who had been fooled into his lifestyle.  What disturbed him was that it seemed like a very likely scenario.  The two soldiers did have a lot in common and the veteran seemed strangely content.  Carver certainly wasn’t happy, but the man made do with his surroundings.  Jenkins found it enviable, but he thought that it was the course of a lost soul.

He wondered how Feldman was able to live with all of it.  Jenkins still knew little about the man, but he knew enough to realize that the soldier didn’t belong on Eris.  The thought started to itch the back of his mind as he considered how out-of-place the giant really was.  The man was kind; he was intelligent.  He spent his days reading books when he wasn’t training for war.  He used a weapon he hated.  Jenkins' brow furrowed in the darkness as he realized that the giant was an outlier.  Most of the soldiers carried themselves with guilt or with the resolve of a soldier.  Feldman held hope for the future while the rest muddied themselves with earthly pursuits.  Jenkins realized he would have to talk to his new friend.  There should not be silence of this kind between them.

The light cracked the wall of darkness in front of him and soon Jenkins’ cell was moving forward along the line.  He curled his toes and stretched out his fingers.  Soon he would see how much difference all of this preparation would make for his therapy.

-

Charlotte Kane sped up the retrieval process for Jenkins’ cell.  She knew that the man had likely suffered another early adoption and that he would just be hanging there in the darkness otherwise.  She couldn’t bear to think that she could be responsible for that, as well, so she tapped the display in the main control room and set the railway in motion. 

Charlotte made herself drink the coffee in front of her.  It had already been a long day and her conscience had been battered.  She pinched her brow as a stress headache started to spread to the front of her brain and sighed as she looked over at Hawkins’ desk.  The man had disappeared and Kane was grateful for it.  The guard had left thirty minutes ago without a word.  She wondered how the oafish man lived with himself.

The loading bay opened in front of her and after a few minutes Jenkins’ cell emerged from the darkness.  She tapped a few buttons and the resurrection equipment broke from its mooring in the wall and started to surround the landing area.  Charlotte took another gulp of coffee and steeled herself for the coming interaction.  She was responsible for the life and death of this man today.

The biotic fluid emptied out of the cell and the apparatus was loaded into its mooring.  It hissed open and soon she was face-to-face with the newborn Jenkins.  The man’s eyes were wide open and showed the sadness that lied underneath.  Charlotte sighed as she tapped the display to start the sedation process.  She was about to confirm the operation when she saw Jenkins shaking his head.  Her hand wavered and she walked over to the soldier.

“You don’t want the sedatives?” she asked.  She had completely forgotten the proper protocol and only regretted it slightly.  She had just seen this man alive and she had been caught up in the moment.   The soldier nodded and weakly pointed at the re-breather.  Charlotte nodded and undid the straps around his head and grabbed at the machine.  She looked back at Jenkins, who blinked and huffed out of his nose.  She took that as assent and pulled out the plastic tube.

Jenkins clearly felt pain as the machine was pulled out of his throat.  He groaned and gasped for air once the tube was out of his body.  He breathed with labor for an agonizing few moments and Charlotte thought that she had made a terrible mistake.  The last thing she wanted to do was cause the man further pain.  Soon enough Jenkins was able to calm down and then turned to look at her with grateful eyes.

“Thank you, Charlotte.  I… didn’t want to feel the drugs this time,” he said before trying to sit up.  The good doctor jerked out her hands to help him up and the man was suddenly looking at her face-to-face.  She backed up slightly and looked worriedly at the man.  It made her smile on the inside that he didn’t seem to be angry at her.

“You’re speaking much better this time around,” she said, not knowing how to broach any of the subjects she wanted to talk about.

“I was practicing in there.  Carver told me it helps out.  Seems like he’s right,” Jenkins said before looking around the room.  He lifted his arm and grabbed the back of his neck.  All the wires and electrodes attached to his arm fell around him.  Charlotte laughed anxiously and started to remove the things from the soldier’s body.  Jenkins laughed, too, though it hurt his new throat.  He felt like it was a good idea to just ignore that kind of pain this time around.  He knew it would disappear after a day or two.

Charlotte Kane took the last of the electrodes off the man’s body and gestured for him to lower his feet to the floor.  Jenkins breathed heavily and then turned his body so that he could drop his legs down.  He felt the cold tiles as he lowered them down and then tried to place his weight on them.  The legs responded well and with a little pain Jenkins was standing in a brand new body.  Charlotte looked him over and then turned back to the display nearby so that she could run down a checklist to clear Jenkins for duty.  Meanwhile, Jenkins sat back down on the table and started swinging his legs.

“Hey, doc, I have a question for you,” he said while looking down at the floor.  Charlotte turned to look at the man and pursed her lips.

“What do you want to know?” she asked before turning back to her checklist.  Jenkins looked at her and cleared his throat.

“Well, why do my legs work at all with this body?  Shouldn’t the legs be all atrophied?” he asked.  It had always bugged him.  He had always seen in movies that coma patients wouldn’t be able to move if they woke up.  Charlotte continued tapping away at the screen and just shrugged.

“Modern science, Ryan,” she said as she slightly turned and gave him a smile.  “All those wires and electrodes I pulled off you were giving your muscles electronic pulses so that they could still be used when you woke up,” she said as she hit a few more buttons and finished with the checklist.  She turned and looked at her patient.  The man looked expectantly back.  Charlotte found that she couldn’t look him in the eye; Jenkins noticed.

“It’s ok, Charlotte.  Really.  I’m not mad at you,” he said as he started to get to his feet.  He grunted through the pain and crossed his arms.  “You’re just doing your job.”  Charlotte looked up at him and suddenly couldn’t take it anymore.  Tears welled up in her eyes and she didn’t care if they fell down her cheeks.

“Yeah, well that’s my choice, isn’t it?  I’m a doctor yet all I do is keep people in a living hell.  And I just
killed
you, or at least I was part of it.  How can you not be angry at me?” she asked as the tears streamed down her face.  She was sick of all of the death and pain around her.  She was almost grateful for Hawkins.  He always volunteered to kill the men when they came in wounded.