Mr. Jaguar (9 page)

“Maybe we could wait in that hideout close to the base?”

“Lead the way then.” Mike walked by him, playing with his plastic gun. The paintball armor only made him look bigger and more impressive, which reminded James of the times when he used to go sit on the bleachers by the school’s football field. He loved watching the players in their huge gear and tight pants, especially Mike, who didn’t need anything to look impressive.

“Do you still play?”

“Nah, I only work out.” Mike shrugged, his expression completely unreadable.

James swallowed hard. “You seemed to love it so much, that’s all…”

“So what? Was never good enough at it. Always fucking mediocre. Nevermind, really, you said it yourself, we don’t need to act when we’re alone.” Mike rubbed his forehead with a groan and they could already see the little wooden shack in the middle of a flat, grassy field.

James’s mouth screwed shut, and he stuffed his hands down into his pockets, glancing at the dry ground beneath his feet. Of course Mike still remembered yesterday. Who wouldn’t? The more James thought about what he’d said last night, the more he felt like crap.

They got to the small wooden hut accompanied only by the rustle of ground under their shoes and birds chirping in the trees. Mike never looked at James once. The guy was a terrific actor if he was able to perform the way he did throughout the day, fooling everyone that he was deeply in love with James. It was so convincing that even James was on the verge of believing.

“Is anyone there?” shouted James as he approached the low door to the shack.

“Oh, come on, it’s empty.” Mike kicked the door for emphasis, and it swung open with a creak. Mike walked in without a second thought, but had to turn and bow his head to fit in the tiny door.

James followed him with a sigh. There were some empty bottles and trash in the corner, but otherwise, the shack was completely theirs, so he got to his knees and started getting the uncomfortable gear off. The air had a stuffy quality to it but wasn’t unpleasant. At least they were in the shade and didn’t have to run around.

Mike sat on the floor and took off his goggles and helmet. “How long is this supposed to go on for?”

James shrugged. “No idea. I died within the first fifteen minutes last time.”

Mike looked to the ceiling, to the floor, to the wall, to his boots, anywhere but at James, like he meant even less than back at school when Mike thought it was fun to bully him.

James cleared his throat and sat cross-legged a few feet away, forcing himself to face Mike. This couldn’t go on. He needed to apologize, but if Mike wouldn’t accept, then he had every right not to.

Mike’s gaze finally fell on him. “Are we gonna be singing “Kumbaya” or something?”

“I’m sorry.” James let out a shaky breath and tangled his fingers together. “I should have never said what I said. It was inexcusable.”

The frown on Mike’s face deepened. “What? What are you on about?”

“You know what I’m talking about,” said James, looking him straight in the eyes, and it was like walking through a hot field to the only source of shade within miles. “I had no right to judge you. I was an asshole.”

Mike crossed his arms on his chest. “Whatever. You’re rich and shit. You can do whatever you want.”

James squeezed his hands on his thighs. It was so hard to stand the raw accusation in Mike’s eyes. “No, I can’t. I never wanted to be this kind of person, and I’m not this kind of person. You don’t have to forgive me, but I am really sorry. I did work a lot, but I have also been lucky.”

“Well, I didn’t have such luck. It doesn’t mean I’m never going to do shit. I was in a bad place.” Mike sucked in his bottom lip and sat there, as tense as he used to be before important football games.

James sighed, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his thighs. In the cool light inside the shack, Mike looked thoughtful and serene. “What happened?”

Mike groaned and picked at a loose thread on his knee. “I had some plans, but never had enough money to do what I wanted after high school, so I went to work and tried to save up.”

James bit his lip, relieved that Mike chose to talk to him after all. “What did you want to do?”

Mike shrugged. “Does it matter? After I came out, my family threw me out, and my brother stole all my savings, so I ended up at that fucking gas station. Doesn’t mean I’m useless.”

James stared at him, empty headed. “Your
brother
stole your money?” It was beyond James. His own family hadn’t been thrilled about his sexuality at first but they came round. No wonder Mike was so intent on showing off to his father and brother.

“Hate the motherfucker. Thinks he’s all that just because he puts his dick in a pussy,” Mike growled and clenched his fists.

“That’s hardly an achievement,” muttered James, anger bubbling up in him. “Was it the money you were making when you were at school? In Choco Panda?”

“Yeah, and at Walmart after that. I wasn’t earning a lot, but I saved up a good chunk throughout the years. I didn’t, like, hate you at school or anything. I was just… I didn’t know how to approach you. I’m still shit at all this gay stuff.” He sighed and put his face in his hands.

James blinked, leaning back with air tiredly sliding through his windpipe as if it were blocked. “What does that mean? You and your friends did your best to turn my life into hell. I was this fucking close to leaving school because of you!” he growled, showing Mike his pinched fingers.

Mike’s gaze finally focused on him. “Huh? Because of a little teasing? Come on… I kept trying to get you alone.” He actually laughed. “This sounds so pathetic.”

James frowned. “It wasn’t ‘teasing’, okay? I didn’t care about being called names, but when guys like you actually approached me, I had no idea what you were gonna do. I’ve had my stuff taken, I’ve been knocked to the ground, I’ve been thrown into the trash, I’ve been kicked, and crowded.” He took a long breath when he ran out of air. It was all still there, buried deep in his mind but always ready to creep back into consciousness in the worst moment. Cold fear paralyzing his legs, nausea, and all the hate he felt when he hadn’t been able to do anything. “You don’t know how it is for a guy like me.”

Mike slowly reached out to him and hooked his finger on James’s. “I don’t. I’m sorry.”

The gesture was so surprising that James zeroed his eyes on their intertwined hands. Gradually, his heart was changing its pace to a gallop when the warmth from Mike’s single finger spread all over James’s bloodstream. “You made me feel like shit so many times.”

“I kinda… we did that to each other with the guys on the team, you know? It was normal.” Mike swallowed. “I think it just escalated for you because of that presentation. You were the only gay guy I knew, and I was so horny all the time. I didn’t even mind your hair, the glasses… I didn’t care.”

Something squeezed around James’s chest like a giant fist. “So you just wanted to fuck anyone, and you thought that I would do?”

Mike sighed and inched closer on his ass. “No, I thought that you’d want me. Don’t judge me. I was seventeen, all I could think of was cocks, and asses, and fucking. I would have done a lot to get your plump lips around my dick.” Mike pouted and squeezed James’s hand as if it was a romantic compliment he was making.

James exhaled, surprised that in the weirdest way, it did make him feel better. “I can’t believe I’m saying this but that’s actually… quite sweet,” he whispered, watching Mike’s big, veiny hand over his. After a year of extensive training, James’s wasn’t all that slim either. He wasn’t that nerdy kid anymore, but in his mind Mike would always be that big jock who had enough strength to take him down.

“I’m sorry for the nickname. It was kinda douchey,” Mike admitted and sat closer, so their thighs touched.

James nodded. “It was. That photo was never supposed to get into that stupid presentation.” He did his best to keep his breath even but to this day, he checked every single thing he showed in a slideshow or sent to someone else, at least three times. He re-read his e-mails after pressing ‘send’ out of fear that something incriminating somehow found its way in. He would never forget the roar of laughter and booing when his class saw that obscene photo on the screen. His feet were screwed to the floor. So much so that it was the teacher who closed the presentation for him.

Mike bowed his head and whispered into James’s ear. “I got so hard in class when I saw it…”

James inhaled a bit of air. Mike’s breath was like the desert air, circling around his ear like a viper. He turned his head, brushing his nose over Mike’s stubbly cheek. Shame was the only thing that kept him from tracing the tiny needles with his tongue.

“I think that was why I came up with that nickname. I was obsessed with the idea.” Mike sighed and slid his hand to the back of James’s neck.

Was this really happening? James closed his eyes, breathing in the smell of dried leaves, paint, and fresh sweat that stuck to their coveralls. “And now you’re calling me Jamie.”

“I’m not seventeen anymore. This weekend was actually the first time I’ve ever been out in public. I thought I was gonna have a stroke or something.” Mike laughed and… licked the side of James’s face. A deep shudder went all the way from the tip of James’s head to his toes, and he leaned closer, clutching his hands on the fabric at Mike’s back. It was as if his skin came alive, waiting for any and all sensations it could get a hold of.

“Was it? You chose not to come out in public because of the plans you had?”

“No, I just… I’m not that comfortable with the whole gay idea.” Mike didn’t hesitate to trace James’s cheek with his lips though. “Vega wouldn’t have employed me if he’d known, either.”

“But you
are
gay,” whispered James, hugging him even closer.

“Well, yeah. I’m a mess though. I’ve never had a boyfriend or anything. Pretending to be yours is actually quite funny. I get to say all sorts of shit I’d be nervous about otherwise.”

“That
is
funny because the guy you pretend to be is the best boyfriend I’ve had,” whispered James, sliding his hands to Mike’s shoulders, and then down his chest. There, he said it.

Mike petted James’s ear with his fingers. “It got me thinking that if I’m to be out in Vegas, I’m gonna be super-gay. No apologies to anyone.”

“I know. I wouldn’t ever want to change, even with all the bad stuff that happened after I outed myself.” James sighed, enjoying the shape of Mike’s pecs beneath his hands. They were so warm, even through the fabric.

“So what was your last boyfriend like?” Mike tensed, but never moved away.

James chuckled, moving even closer. “Very serious, very… proper.” James didn’t really miss him. He’d never really missed him.

“Oh yeah? A surgeon or some shit?” Mike petted James’s hair and kissed the side of his face, but then slowly pushed James down to the dusty wooden floor.

There was no trace of resistance in James as he lay back and looked up at Mike’s gorgeous chest, arms, face, all towering over him. “No, a physicist. He… didn’t like it much when I started doing much better than him.”

Mike grinned at him, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes. “Ah, so that’s why you picked up a piece of trash at a gas station.” He didn’t have any qualms against taking off the plastic vest and crawling on top of James with his whole weight. It took James right to the edge between safety and threat. Hair bristled at the back of his neck when he looked into Mike’s eyes.

He shook his head. “No! I took you with me because you are hotter than any of their wives,” he whispered breathlessly. There had been the pleasure of having Mike Miller under his heel, but it wasn’t even close to being the main reason.

“So I’m not just ‘a hot fish’ after all?” Mike put his hands next to James’s face, then slowly ground into his body.

James opened his eyes wide and shook his head. He spread his thighs wider to accommodate Mike. This confidence, this strength, the intensity in those green eyes was something he never got over. There would never be another Mike Miller for him. “Would you kiss me?” he whispered.

Mike’s smile widened. “Would I ever…” He went for the kiss like there was no tomorrow, spreading James’s lips with his tongue and grinding his erection against James’s cock. The kiss pushed James’s head to the ground and left him breathless as Mike’s tongue explored every last inch of his mouth, forcing it open any time James wanted to close it. The experience only got him imagining if it would be the same to have Mike’s cock thrust in.

He clutched at Mike’s shoulders and wrapped his ankles over the small of his back. The molten lava that spread all over his body made him forget he needed air, but eventually he had to break the kiss. “Oh, wow…”

Mike groaned, steadily rubbing himself against James’s ass. It was the sweetest massage in James’s life. “I’ve wanted to fuck you so bad since the moment I laid eyes on you. I wanna be naked with you, see you come.”

The declaration fueled a wave of lust in James, which he expressed with a deep moan he didn’t even know he was holding back. It was as if he couldn’t recognize his own body anymore. He nodded, clutching his hands in Mike’s hair.

“Yeah? Can I do you here?” Mike rasped, staring into James’s eyes like he was on fire.

That was a wakeup call if James ever heard one. He shook his head. “N-no lube,” he whispered, moving his hands to Mike’s cheeks. He still wanted to lick them.

“Fuck my life,” Mike groaned. “Do you have some at the hotel?”

James shook his head. His hands were moving over Mike’s face and neck like he was petting an animal.

“Well, we need to get some then. I want my
anal
.” Mike whispered the last word with a silly grin.

James chuckled as his face heated up. “You’re so filthy.”

“And you seem to love it. Then again, I’m not the filthy scum bag who pays guys to watch them jerk off.” He grabbed James’s bottom lip with his teeth and pulled on it.

James whined and tightened his thighs around Mike. “I’ve waited ages to see that cock. How can you blame me?”

“I can’t really. If I were you, I’d want to see my cock too.” Mike sucked on James’s lip. Pleasure turned into shock when Mike’s teeth bit into James’s flesh at the sound of a gunshot.