Mr. Big: A Billionaire Romance (15 page)

She wanted to look over at Alexander, but she didn’t know if she could take it. She kept her eyes on Logan.

“Are you all right? You were gone a while,” he said casually.

She nodded. “I’m fine,” she lied.

“Your friend left. He stopped by the table on his way out and told me to take good care of you,” he said with a confused smile. “I told him I would.”

He reached his left hand to his right hand and rubbed it a little. “He’s got a firm grip, that fellow.”

Mia nodded silently and forced her emotions back. She picked up her glass of water and nearly drained it. Setting the glass back down, she looked at Logan and sighed. “I’m really tired. I’m sorry, I know it isn’t that late, but I do need to get home and get to bed.”

He frowned slightly and nodded. “I understand,” he told her. It was all he told her. He rose up then and pulled her chair out again for her, helping her to her feet, and then they left the restaurant and he took her home.

As he stood outside of her door with her, he reached for her to kiss her and she turned away from him. “Logan, I think it’s best if we keep this a strictly business relationship. I know you’re interested in more with me, but I want to be honest with you, I just don’t feel like that is a good move for us. I hope you’re all right with that,” she told him quietly.

He sighed and pushed his hands down into his pockets, looking at her sadly. “The good ones always get away,” he told her softly. “I might not be able to date you, but I’m going to keep you for my business, if that’s all right,” he said, tilting his head.

She nodded. “I’d like that. Thank you for a nice evening.”

He nodded in return and then turned and walked down the hall and she closed her apartment door and went to her room. She didn’t let herself cry until her bedroom door was closed, and then she wept long and hard, crying out all of the pain, anger, guilt, and regret that she had built up in her. She cried until there were no more tears to cry, and then she washed her face, dressed for bed, and crawled into the sheets, wrapping herself up in them snugly as she buried her head into the pillow.

In her dreams, Alexander made love to her again, long and slow, and she couldn’t be sure, but somewhere in the softest whisper, she heard him say that he wanted everything about her.

Chapter10

Mia stared at her drink as Ava, Maddie, and Liam all chatted about their latest love conquests, and hum of conversation stopped and it grew quiet for a moment. She looked up and saw that all of their eyes were on her.

She blinked and looked around the table at them. “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear that last part. What was it?” she asked, feeling bad.

Maddie frowned and reached a hand out to touch her arm. “I said I wonder what it is that has you so down today. You’ve hardly been here and we’ve been talking for twenty minutes. Where is your brain? What is it that has you all tied up?”

Mia shrugged. “It’s nothing new. It’s Alexander.”

Ava sat up a bit straighter and looked at her curiously. “Is there something new?” she asked. “You were making progress before, you were getting over him. You were going to date other guys. What happened?” she asked, her eyes kind and loving for her friend.

Mia sighed. “Well, I went out to dinner with Logan Parker, and he asked me where I wanted to go. I just… I was so stupid. I was thinking of Alexander, which I have been trying not to do, and Alexander told me about his favorite restaurant; Hastings, and he said he was going to take me there, but he never did.”

Maddie nodded and whistled. “Oh… I love Hastings. Great place.”

Mia nodded back and continued. “It is a great place, except I never should have chosen it; but it was the first thing that popped into my head when Logan asked. All I could think of was Alexander, and that’s what came out, so we went there.”

Ava smiled encouragingly. “So, how was it?” she asked brightly.

Mia closed her eyes for a moment and shook her head before looking back at all of them. “Well, it probably would have been just fine, except that when we walked in the door Alexander was standing there with a gorgeous date.” She felt her stomach tighten at the memory and she swallowed the lump in her throat.

Her friends all groaned around her and their faces contorted with sympathy. “Oh no…” Ava said quietly, looking at her with a little pout.

“Yeah. Alexander was there and there was no way to avoid talking to him, so I had to introduce him to Logan, and I had to meet his date, Emily. That was so hard.” Her friends nodded in commiseration.

“So, they seated us and of course they seated us right where we would have to see each other. Thank god we were far enough away that we couldn’t hear each other. Anyway, I kept looking at him and he kept looking at me all through dinner, and Logan is sweet, but he’s not very bright. He didn’t really catch on to it, thankfully, and by the time dinner was over, I was a wreck, so I went to the bathroom, and when I came out, Alexander was right outside of the door waiting for me. I walked right into him.”

Liam stared at her. They were all staring at her. She took a deep breath and continued. “Well, we got into a fight. He was mad that I was there, he was mad that I was with Logan, he was mad about what happened, and I was mad that he was mad, and we just kind of fought with each other, and then all of a sudden he just grabbed me and kissed me. Hard.”

All three of her friends gaped at her, and Liam gasped. Ava whispered, “He kissed you?”

Mia pursed her lips and gave her head a nod. “He did. He kissed me better than he’s ever kissed me. I thought he was going to set me on fire right there, and that’s not all. He got fresh with me and then he just backed off and let go completely and turned around and left me standing there. He went back to his date and they left the restaurant and I was stuck there with Logan. I had Logan take me home and I told him I couldn’t date him anymore, so we’re just going to keep it business.”

Maddie and Liam shook their heads, and Ava just stared at her. “My god…” she whispered.

Mia hated recounting it, but it was much better for her that she didn’t have to keep it locked up in her chest any longer. She didn’t think she could stand to hold it in; it had been hurting her since it happened.

Liam reached for her hand and squeezed it. “Have you heard from him since?” he asked softly.

She shook her head. “No. I haven’t tried to call him and he hasn’t tried to get a hold of me at all either. Maybe he was just trying to hurt me back. I don’t know.”

Liam’s eyes were filled with sadness for her. “Honey, I’m so sorry. Did he even say anything to you?”

Mia turned her eyes to Liam. “Yeah, he did.” She fought back some tears that threatened to show her friends just how hurt she truly was. “He said he wanted every part of me.”

Maddie looked at her in surprise. “He wants every part of you? What does that mean?”

Mia shook her head slowly. “No, he doesn’t still want it, he did want it. He wanted to be with me. I used him, and I hurt him, and he was letting me know just how much I had hurt him. I guess I wasn’t already riddled with enough guilt and pain.” She picked up her drink and took a sip of it. “Well, I sure as hell am now.”

Maddie sighed and reached her arm around Mia, hugging her from the side. “Lady, you are strong and you are filled with grace. You’re going to get through this. I promise. You’re going to get through it with all of us at your side.”

Mia smiled a little and nodded. “I will try.”

Liam leaned over and kissed her cheek. “You’ll do it. I know you will. We’ll help you.”

Ava tilted her head and gave Mia a smile. “Maybe you could use some time away. Perhaps it’s time for a break from all of this, right? You could use that ticket we gave you. Go to Italy. Take a break. Screw an Italian stallion. Have a bunch of orgasms and wine, and find yourself again. Right?”

Mia actually laughed out loud, she was so struck by what Ava had said. It wasn’t often, but Ava did have a good point from time to time. Mia reached across the table and took Ava’s hand in hers.

“You know what, you’re right. I could use a break, and I’m sure I would have a good time over there. I’ll see about taking that trip soon. Thank you, Ava.” Her smile spread further and she laughed, and then her friends laughed, and for a few minutes it felt like everything that should be right in the world was actually right.

She did need a break, and she had the ticket to use. She told herself that she might as well use it. When she left cocktails with her friends, she said goodbye to them at the door and decided to walk instead of taking a cab. It was a beautiful day, and the sunshine felt good on her. She wanted more of it.

Mia made her way down familiar streets, taking her time and looking in shop windows and at parks that she passed by. She let her thoughts go to Italy, thinking about where she wanted to go and what she would want to see when she got there. She had always wanted to go, and she had been to Europe a few times, but she hadn’t ever gotten to Italy, and now she was going to go. It had cost her someone she cared a great deal about, but that was over and done, and the best thing she could think of to do was to use the ticket and perhaps find some closure with all of it.

Maybe Ava was right and she would find some Italian lover to make her forget all the pain her heart had been through. She wandered along on her walk and paid little attention to where she was going, until she looked up and saw that she was standing across the street from the high rise that Alexander’s penthouse was in. She had walked right to his home without even thinking about it.

Feeling foolish, she felt her cheeks flush warm and she turned to walk back the way that she had come when she saw him. He was coming out of the front door of the building with Emily, and her hand was in his. They were laughing and talking, and if it was possible, Emily looked even more beautiful than she had in the restaurant. Her long brunette hair was hanging down her back and around her shoulders in soft waves, and she was in a pretty sundress.

Mia stared at them, watching silently as everything in her twisted hard.

Alexander wrapped his arms around her and kissed her cheek, and she embraced him in return. He pulled open a cab door and she slid inside and he shut the door behind her. The cab pulled away from the curb and drove off down the street and he watched it go, waving as it disappeared. Then he stopped and turned to go back into the building, but as he did, his eyes caught sight of Mia, and his mouth fell open slightly.

He stared at her for a moment, and she could easily see the surprise on his face. Her heart nearly stopped in her chest and she felt the pace of everything in her quicken. He raised his hand, and for a moment she was sure that he was going to cross the road and go to her, and she knew she wouldn’t be able to handle it with him. She couldn’t take any more pain and sorrow. She turned on her heel and hurried down the sidewalk, rushing away from him and into the people she passed until she knew she had gone far enough that he couldn’t still be behind her.

Cautiously, she slowed down and turned to glance over her shoulder. He was not there. She went home and collapsed on the sofa in her living room, wondering what had gotten into her that would make her go to his building. She knew she had no business there. She knew that she had to let him go, and that holding on to every little scrap of him that she had, from memories and voicemails to taking another date to his favorite restaurant and walking past his home, was not going to bring him back into her life, it was not going to suddenly make her matter to him, and it was certainly not going to help her get over him.

She sighed in frustration and admitted to herself that what she needed most was to get away. Far away. As far away as Italy. She went to her room and began to pack her suitcase, not wanting to wait any longer than she absolutely had to. She was packed and ready within two hours, promising herself that she would figure out all of her Italy trip on the way to Rome. It didn’t matter where she went when she got there, just that she had left to get there. That was all that mattered. That was going to get her far enough away from Alexander Daniels that she would be able to get over him and focus on anything other than him.

She phoned the airline and made her reservation, and half an hour later, she was in a taxi on her way to the airport.

Chapter11

The closer she got to the airport, the better she felt. She was going to get away from it all. She was going to find some reprieve, and it was going to make everything in her world that much easier, better, and brighter. As she waited for her flight to take off, she looked up several cities in Italy on her phone, trying to decide where to go and how much time to spend there. She decided to begin with a few days in Rome, and then she thought that she would head down to the Amalfi Coast and stay in Positano.

There was saltwater, there were huge mountains, and there were small, seaside villages that promised peace and a world away from everything and everyone she knew. As the plane climbed higher into the sky, she felt a surge of hope welling up in her; a promise in her heart that she was going to be happy again somehow, some way, and that she was on her way to that happiness, and it was going to feel like a whole new life to her.

Mia fell asleep and before she knew it, the flight attendants were waking her, telling her that they would be landing soon, and she gathered her things together and prepared herself for one of her lifelong dreams to come true.

The plane touched down and the air crew welcomed them to Rome, Italy. Mia felt excitement mounting in her along with happiness, and it was a welcome change to all the sorrow she had carried since Alexander had walked out of her office.

She stepped foot into the airport and made her way through immigration out into the warm Italian air. All of her senses came to life, and everything in her felt more alive and awake than it had in longer than she could remember. She took the train from the airport into Rome, and the almost hour long ride gave her views of the countryside as she watched it passing by her window. She soaked it all in, every part of it, loving what she saw and relishing the way it made her feel, as if every single second was another new chance at happiness, and she grasped every one of them.

She stayed her first night in Rome at a hotel not far from the Coliseum. Mia dropped her bags at the hotel and went out to walk among the ancient ruins of the inner city. She was so enraptured with them at first that Alexander did not cross her mind, but by dinner time, when she was seated at a table on a side street near a restaurant, she began to feel the edges of sadness creeping in around her.

There seemed to be couples everywhere she looked, and in the deepest part of her heart, she felt an ache for him that she wished would go away. She tried to distract herself with everything she could; being in the Eternal City, she expected that she would be able to forget about him completely, but everywhere she looked and went, it felt as if there was a great void with her that she could not escape from.

She began to wonder if she hadn’t gotten far enough away, and after two days in Rome, wandering about the old streets, seeing all of the old sights, eating gelato and drinking cappuccinos, she decided that she needed to be a little further away and she got on a train to the Amalfi Coast.

The train took her drifting through the countryside, past small towns and little villages. It coursed over meadows and farmland and through the hearts of hills. She closed her eyes part of the way through, and fell asleep from the rhythmic rocking of the car she was riding in. A while later, she arrived in Naples and got on a ferry to head toward Sorrento; a coastal town sitting atop a long expanse of cliffs overlooking the sea.

She sat in the ferry, watching the blue waters of the sea go splashing by her and she tried to focus on where she was. She tried to think only of the history of the places, the natural wonder and beauty of the area, and the fact that she was finally there, but Alexander hovered at the edge of her mind and the center of her heart, constantly tugging at her to remember him and think of him.

The ferry docked in Sorrento and she took a taxi through the beautiful old seaside town, admiring the graceful architecture, narrowing winding streets, and the charm of it all. Taking a bus, she sat beside the window and watched as the bus slowly curled along the highway, slipping past the coastline as the day grew long.

Mia loved seeing all that she saw, and she loved being in Italy, but she realized that no matter where she went, no matter how far she traveled, she was not going to be able to escape him or at least lingering thoughts of him, doing what she was doing. She decided that Ava had been right, and she needed to find herself an Italian lover to get her mind off of Alexander, and back into Italy with no distractions from where she was at all.

When the bus stopped in Positano, she stepped off of it and looked up at the massive mountain rising straight up out of the deep blue sea, and she stared at the wonder of the colorful old village sitting nearly on top of itself as it clung to the side of the hills. It was unlike anything she had ever seen, and it captured her heart immediately.

She asked for directions, and soon enough she found the little bed and breakfast where she would be staying beside the beach. The old couple who owned it also owned a restaurant that was connected to it, and they were gracious and kind to her as she settled into her room. Marco and Isabella welcomed her as if she was family, and she loved the feeling of being in a place that in some other world, maybe in some other life, might have been home to her.

Isabella took her to her room and showed her all of the aspects of the old house. Mia loved all of it.

“Bella, you are here alone?” the older woman asked her with a note of disbelief.

Mia nodded and shrugged. “I am. This holiday is just for me,” she said quietly.

Isabella looked at her and Mia felt that the old woman had the same uncanny ability to see straight through her that Alexander seemed to have. “You are here with a broken heart?” she asked as if the subject was of course up for discussion.

Sighing, Mia gave her a little smile. “I suppose so. I’m hoping to find myself here again,” she said quietly. “I kind of feel like I’ve lost myself along the way, because he is in my heart and mind so much, in places where I used to be by myself, but he is there now, and I can’t seem to make him leave me,” she tried to explain.

Isabella nodded. “I know. I had a broken heart before I met Marco; when I was in Spain. I fell in love with a man, and he was beautiful and terrible, and he broke my heart right in half, but then I came here to Positano, to heal, and I met Marco, and we fell in love, and that was fifty years ago! You will find some happiness here. You will heal again and I will help you. I will introduce you to Paolo. Paolo is a good boy. Paolo could make you happy.” The old woman winked at her and gave her a warm smile and Mia felt her cheeks warm as she laughed shyly.

Isabella seemed to make up her mind that Paolo was the answer to all of Mia’s problems, and she said, “I will tell him to come for dinner, and you can meet him then. It will all be solved!” she said as if the matter were already done and taken care of. Then she went to the doorway and looked back at Mia. “Dress pretty for dinner, and he will be here.” She gave Mia a wink and then left and Mia closed the door and heaved a deep sigh, looking around her at the room.

It was simple but sweet, and it felt more peaceful than any place she had ever been. She could see why there was such a draw to so many people to go to the Amalfi Coast. There was a tall, narrow window in her room that opened to a little balcony overlooking the beach and the water. There were long, sweeping white curtains that seemed to float on the air, and the air was something like Mia had never known.

It was almost cool, it was light, seeming to drift in and wrap its arms around her while simultaneously moving through her body and her soul. It was filled with the scents of blossoms and a hint of fresh sea without the briny smell that she found so often at the edge of the Manhattan island.

The room had a double bed and she laughed at the irony that she was trying to get away for herself and she had gotten a bed that fit two people. She raised one brow, wondering if maybe she would find someone there in the little village to share the bed with. There was a tall, old, wooden wardrobe with a mirror inset into it, and a tiny private bathroom with a shower in it.

The little tables beside the bed were set with lamps, and the little table beside the tall windows that opened out to the balcony was set with a pretty vase of flowers and bougainvillea that had brilliant shades of purple, red, and hot pink.

She stepped out onto the balcony and rested her hands on the edge of it, looking all around her at the breathtaking sea and shoreline, and what small part of the village she could see from where she was. It was like finding herself in a dream, and she hoped she could lose herself in it and then come back to herself completely.

Mia closed her eyes and breathed in the sweet and fresh salty air, letting it fill all of her in a great breath, and as it filled her, and then left her when she exhaled, she believed that she would find the peace she so desperately sought there.

She decided to go for a walk on the beach and as she walked out into the late spring afternoon, she felt grateful that she was one of the few people there in the village and on the pebble covered beach. There weren’t many people around and it enabled her to feel as if she could have the solitude that she craved.

Her phone rang, and it startled her. Looking down at it with a frown, the frown quickly changed to a wide smile as she saw who it was and answered it right away.

“Liam! How are you?” she asked with delight. “What on earth are you doing calling me?”

He laughed at her. “Well, to begin with, I’m just fine. I’m calling you to make sure that you’re fine as well. I am worried about you. You didn’t seem like you were too good a shape when you left, and I wanted to make sure that you arrived in Italia safely, because I didn’t hear from you my darling, and I wanted to know how your trip is going so far.”

She felt a huge bubble of happiness welling up in her just from the sound of her friend’s voice, and she sat down on the beach and watched the waves rolling in, holding her phone close to hear him, and to have his voice as near to her as she could.

“Well, I did make it safely, and Italy is amazing. Rome was incredible… you know, we know it’s old, but you get there, and you walk around in it and see the ruins and you see the Vatican, and then you really slowly being to realize just how old it is, and it’s kind of mind-boggling. Our country is a couple of hundred years old. That city itself is a couple of thousand years old, and the contrast is just… unbelievable. It’s kind of hard to wrap your mind around.”

He chuckled. “I felt like that in London the first time I went.” He said with a fond smile that she could hear as he spoke. “So you loved Rome. Are you still in Rome? How is the wine? How is the food? Did you meet anyone yet?”

She laughed a little and realized that she hadn’t laughed in a long time. It felt good to her, like a little release, and she wanted more of it. “Well, I was in Rome, and the wine was excellent of course, and the food was some of the best I’ve ever had. I’ll tell you something, Liam, we think we have good Italian food in the city; and it’s all right, even in little Italy there on the south side of Manhattan, we think we have good Italian…”

He chuckled, “Yes, we do…”

Mia shook her head. “We do not know anything about Italian food. It’s so much better here, and I don’t mean just a little bit. Every flavor, every texture… all of it. It’s unbelievable. I didn’t know food could taste this good. I’m going to come back heavier than I left, that’s for sure!” she laughed again and loved being able to do it.

“It is the motherland of food, that’s true,” he agreed. “So what else? Did you meet anyone? What’s going on?”

She smiled a little and looked out at the gently rolling waves that lapped into shore, washing the pebbles and making a hushing sound as if the sea was softly kissing the land over and over.

“Well, I left Rome. There were couples everywhere and it was kind of crazy and busy, not as crazy as Manhattan is, but just… it was too much. Sensory overload. I needed some peace. I needed a place to…” she paused. She wanted to be careful about how and what she said. “I needed a place to kind of regroup, I guess, and Rome was wonderful, but it wasn’t the place I needed to be.”

There was quiet at the other end of the line for a long moment. She wondered if the call had been dropped.

“Mia, I am going to ask you this and I want you to be honest with me. Are you trying to get over a certain tall, handsome, big man?” he asked quietly.

She closed her eyes and bit her lower lip. She didn’t know how Liam knew her so well. She supposed that it was because he was indeed her best friend, but she could not hold anything back from him any longer.

A hot tear found its way from her thick dark eyelashes and rolled down her cheek. “Yes…” she finally admitted.

“Mia, honey, did you fall in love with him?” he asked her quietly.

She drew a deep breath in slowly so that it would not choke her with emotion and she let the sweet air calm her before she answered. “Yes, Liam, I guess I did. I didn’t want to admit it. I didn’t want to believe it. It happened so fast! I mean, one minute I’m doing that silly challenge, trying to get him to sleep with me and then leave him, and then the next minute, he is making me wait and get to know him, he’s taking his time, and showing me parts of him that I just couldn’t resist. He is such an interesting, intelligent, good man. He sees the world like no one else does, and I can’t believe I didn’t try to hold on to him for as long as I could with everything in me. He’s a really truly good man, and I couldn’t help it… he was so romantic, so enigmatic, and oh my god was he a good lover. He’s everything all wrapped up in one incredible person, and I wrecked it. I threw it away and lost him, and now I am having to deal with that and try to get over him.” More tears stung at her eyes and she sniffed and tried to wipe them away.