Mourning Song (5 page)

It was Cassie who had consoled her. “I’ll read you a story every night.” And for a long time, she did. At least until Dani could read by herself. But by then her father was dead and Mom worked full time and both girls had to go to day care every afternoon.

Dani entered the room and walked over to her sister’s study desk. On top lay several college catalogues, including one for the University of South Florida in Tampa, where Cassie had marked the Marine Biology section. Dani’s heart ached. She recalled the times Cassie had talked of college and of her dreams about working with sea life.

On Cassie’s dresser were bows, barrettes and hair ribbons. Dani fingered them, realizing that Cassie would have no need of them now. She had no hair. Angrily, Dani yanked open the top drawer and shoved the offending hair paraphernalia inside. If only there was something she could do for her sister. Something grand and wonderful and memorable that would make her happy.

Sadly, Dani gazed about the room at her sister’s belongings—her books, posters, photos, furniture. How empty the room looked without Cassie to
bring it to life. Dani knew that Cassie’s time was short, but Cassie didn’t know it yet. She still had hopes and dreams. If only there was some way that Dani could snag one of Cassie’s dreams and make it come true for her. If only …

T
HE SEIZURE LEFT
Cassie partially paralyzed on one side, and the newest scans and X rays showed that the radiation treatments had not slowed the growth of the tumor. Dani thought both pieces of news were cruel, but seeing Cassie struggling to speak, hold a fork, even walk, seemed more terrible.

Cassie grew despondent, and nothing anyone did cheered her up. Her gait looked peculiar because she dragged her left foot. She referred to herself as Igor, like the character in old horror movies. Dani knew that no matter how much headway Cassie made, it was simply a matter
of time before the tumor’s growth would win.

The following week, Austin took Dani to see Cassie at the hospital, but when they arrived at the door of her room, they heard the sounds of Cassie retching. Upset for her sister, Dani pushed Austin backward. “Maybe you’d better wait down the hall.”

“Sure. Take as long as you want.” He backed off, and she went into Cassie’s room alone.

Two nurses were there. One held a basin, the other was helping Cassie lean forward. They spoke in encouraging voices, but Dani could hear little except Cassie’s gagging and moaning. Each sound stabbed at her heart. When it was over, the nurses helped Cassie lie back. One offered Dani a sympathetic smile and said, “It’s only a side effect. She had radiation today. She’ll be all right as soon as she adjusts.”

Only a side effect
. Dani trembled, almost sick herself from the odors in the room and a sense of helplessness. The nurses left, and Dani stood over her sister, wondering if Cassie even knew she was there. Cassie’s cheeks looked hollow, and her skin was gray. Pale blue veins shone through the thin skin of her eyelids. Dani watched as Cassie’s parched lips tried to form words. She bent closer. “I’m right here, sis.”

Cassie’s lips moved, but still Dani could hear
no sound. She leaned far down, until her ear brushed Cassie’s lips. “Tell me,” Dani begged.

“No more,” Cassie whispered. “Please. Tell them, no more.”

Dani felt as if her heart might fragment into a million pieces. “I’ll beat ’em off with a stick for you.”

Cassie tried to smile, but the shape of her mouth crumpled and tears slid slowly from the corners of her eyes. “What did I do to deserve this? Was I an evil person? Did I offend God somehow and now I’m being punished?”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Dani insisted. “This just
happened
to you.” She longed to say something encouraging to her sister, something profound and meaningful. All she could think of were cliches that sounded hollow.

Cassie turned her face toward Dani. “People say that suffering is supposed to make you a better person. That in the darkest times, a person has hope. I remember when Daddy died—how hopeless I felt. At first, I didn’t think I could go on living without him.”

“But you did. We all did.” Dani remembered the horrible sense of loss she’d felt once she realized their father was never coming home again. “You have to hang on, Cassie. You have to keep going no matter how bad it hurts.”

Cassie squeezed her eyes shut. “I’m trying,” she
whispered. “There’re so many things I want to do with my life. So much I want to see. I want to feel something besides pain and see something besides these hospital walls. There’s a whole world right outside and I can’t be a part of it. I want my life to count for something, Dani. I don’t want to die before I get to do some of the things I’ve always wanted to do. Is that so wrong?”

Dani straightened, feeling as if she were being handed a sacred mission. Tears swam in her eyes, but they were overpowered by an unbelievable calm which began to build within her heart.

“I didn’t mean to throw myself a pity party,” Cassie said.

“You’re entitled.”

“No, I’m not. Pity parties are boring. Nobody wants to come to one.”

Dani took Cassie’s hand. “I’ll come to whatever you want.” She smoothed Cassie’s cheek and came close to her sister’s ear. Through the steely calm of her new found mission, she told her, “I’ll help you out somehow. I promise.”

That night, Dani formulated a plan. She turned the details over, examining every angle, then decided what to do. Carrying out her plan wasn’t going to be easy. She would need Cassie’s permission and she would need Austin’s help in order to pull it off. She licked her lips nervously. Dani
closed her eyes and prayed for the strength and courage to pull it off.

For the next two days, as Cassie recovered some of her strength, Dani plotted. When she was certain she had considered every detail, she cut out early from school and went to visit Cassie. Her sister was sitting up in bed, her face turned so that she could gaze out at the sunlight.

“Hi,” Dani said.

“Hi, yourself.” One side of Cassie’s mouth drooped, so it was difficult for her to shape words.

“I want to ask you something.” Dani came closer. She picked up Cassie’s hand and held it. Since Cassie was able to keep food down, they’d removed her intravenous equipment, but Dani could see ugly bruises from the IVs.

“I’ve thought of some way to spend that money, if it’s all right with you.” Dani took a deep breath. “How would you like a trip to Florida? To the beach. To the same place your senior class went.”

“That would be wonderful.”

“I think we should use some of that One Last Wish money to take you there.”

“You and me and Mom? No doctors?”

Dani plucked at the bed covers, searching for just the right words to explain. “Not Mom. At least, not at first.”

“But we can’t go without Mom.”

“I’m telling you, Cassie, Mom won’t allow it. She has a long list of reasons why we should stay here. So, I figure that you and I should just go, and once we get there, we’ll call her and send her a ticket to fly down and stay with us.” Dani spoke so rapidly that she was out of breath.

Cassie simply stared at her, wide-eyed. “Dani, that’s crazy. But is it possible?”

She hadn’t refused the idea
. The realization propelled Dani to reveal more of her scheme. “We can do it! We won’t stay long. We don’t have to do anything you don’t feel like doing. We can see the ocean and lie around the beach all day.”

“How can we go to Florida without telling Mom?”

“We’ll have to sneak away.” Dani dropped her gaze because this was the truly tricky part of her plan.

“Sneak? But how?”

“We’ll walk right out of the hospital together, late at night, between nurses’ rounds. I’ve stayed here at night with you. I know how they schedule things, and I know we can do it.”

Cassie frowned. “But then what? How will we get to Florida? You can’t drive, and if we try to take a plane—well, I just think we’ll get caught.”

Dani thought so, too. Also, she wasn’t sure she could handle buying plane tickets covertly. Anyway,
even if she could, the airlines would have a record of where they went, and their mother would probably be waiting at the airport to catch them as soon as their plane touched the ground. And even though her plan was to call and tell Mom where they were once they got there, she didn’t want to risk her goal of having Cassie see the ocean and walk the beach as she’d always dreamed of doing. “No. Flying’s out,” she told her sister. “Austin’s driving us.”

“Really?”

Dani took a deep breath. “Really. It’s all arranged.” She was lying, but knew that Cassie had to go along with the plan before she could beg Austin. “I told him we’ll pay for everything—gas, food, whatever. All he has to do is get us there.”

Cassie boosted herself up, awkwardly because she was still weak and uncoordinated on one side. For the first time in weeks, Dani saw color in her cheeks and brightness in her amber-brown eyes. “Can we really go? You’re not just playing a trick on me?”

“Oh, sis, I’d never do anything so mean! I’m telling you, it’s all worked out. All I need to do is cash the check for you, and we’re out of here.”

Cassie smiled like a conspiratorial child. “It’ll have to be a secret, won’t it?”

“The best-kept secret.”

Cassie’s expression clouded momentarily.
“What if I get sick while we’re driving down there?”

Dani was pleased with herself, because she’d thought of that contingency, too. “Since it takes about a day and a half to drive, I figured we could leave between your radiation treatments, when you feel your best.”

“What about my headaches?”

Dani knew how debilitating the attacks were, and as the tumor grew, Dr. Phillips warned, the headaches would get worse. “You have plenty of pain pills in the medicine cabinet at home. I’ll bring them. And if things get unmanageable, we’ll stop at the closest hospital. There are lots of big cities on the way to Florida. How hard can it be?”

“You’re serious, aren’t you?”

Cassie’s question hardened Dani’s resolve. “I know we can do it. It’ll be a little tricky, but once we’re on our way, it’ll be a cinch.”

“I don’t feel right about Mom—”

“Look, I know she’s going to be steamed, at first. But we’ll leave her letters explaining that we had to go, and that we’ll be fine, and that we’ll call her once we get to where we’re going. I think once she joins us and sees what a great time we can all have, she’ll be okay about it. Mom’s reasonable. She knows how much your senior trip meant to you.”

Dani had rehearsed the speech so many times
that even she was beginning to believe it. “It’s as if you’re supposed to do this. While we don’t know who gave you the money for a wish, I think you should use it to get something you’ve always wanted. Listen, even a trillion dollars can’t make you well, but the money you’ve gotten
can
help you have some fun. I say let’s go for it! You deserve to see the ocean, whether Mom agrees or not. I’m going to help you make your wish come true.”

T
HE
F
RIDAY THAT
school let out, Dani asked Austin to a movie. He picked her up that night, and although she sat through the entire feature, she didn’t watch anything. Her mind was on other things. Afterward, she asked him to take her for a walk in a park that stretched along the Ohio River.

“So, what’s on your mind?” he asked, startling her out of her contemplative mood.

“What makes you think I have something on my mind?” She tossed her mane of red hair.

“You’ve been a million miles away all night,” he told her.

No use trying to stall, she told herself. She stopped walking and turned to face him. His face was in shadow, but his blond hair gleamed in the moonlight. Her heart thudded, and her palms began to perspire. “I’m going to take Cassie to Florida,” she said softly. “To the beach.”

“When did your mom change her mind about quitting the treatments?”

“She didn’t.”

“So, how …?”

“I’m just taking her. That’s all.”

“Let me get this straight. You’re going to take your dying sister on a trip that your mother doesn’t know about and would never approve of?”