Most of Me (16 page)

“You touched my Mom, didn’t you?”

He said, choking, “wha..what? No…no, I didn’t. Where did you here that?”

“From the burnt pieces of the letter. Its like a puzzled, but when I thought about it, I really don’t know how I didn’t see it before now.” I reached inside my back pocket and pulled out the scorched piece of paper. I read it to him.

I fell silent for a while. And then he started to laugh, then coughed. “That is ridiculous. It’s not even a whole sentence. How could you make out something like that?”

“Naivety made me blind.” I gave a shrug. “I opened my eyes, and then some others confirmed I was right.”

“Others…what others? Daniel, this is foolish of you.” Carl looked around the room. He frowned. “Where did you hide the mirror?”

“Its safe…very safe,” I convinced him. “You need not worry about the mirror.”

“Safe…right. In the basement?”

“I told you that mirror isn’t your concern.”

“It’s got you, hasn’t it? The damn thing has taken you and you have nothing left to fight back with. God damn it, Daniel. I told you…I warned to always hang on to something. Don’t allow to be consumed. But it’s too late for that, isn’t it?”

Then I put in, “There are others in this house. I think you know this.”

He shook his head and muttered, “Damn fool!”

I repeated the question. “Don’t you, Carl?”

“Oh…I do?” he queried, as if he knew but was just refusing to let on. “Where is the mirror, Daniel?”

I yelled, “Shut up about the damn mirror. Get up…get up, now.” He didn’t so I dragged him out of the chair, and forced him towards the basement door. He looked at me wide eyed, dark and sunken, full of surprise and fear. The reactions from him made me laugh inside, but I just wish he knew how much I really enjoyed his fear. I twisted the basement door knob, pulled the light chord; the bulb buzzed. I pushed him inside and ushered him down.

He wouldn’t, so I pulled him to his feet and was about to shove him down the steps when he pleaded, “Wait…Wait…I’ll go.” He threw his hands over his head as if to shield his skull. It was true…I did want to beat him. I wondered if he knew. “Just…” he gasped, “…my body hurts…the Cancer, so no more. I’ll do as you say. Just, no more…please.”

I followed him down, watching his every movement. As frail as he looked, as old and decrepit as he was, my trust in him had abandoned me. I had been betrayed once. What else was he capable of? I felt as though he still has something in his basement, something just for him. I didn’t believe for one second that he was done with me.

“Down the hole,” I told him.

Carl glanced over his shoulder as if by protest, but began to climb down. I didn’t follow him in.

I took pleasure in watching this pathetic old man struggle. “You disgust me, people like you,” I spat. “You’re perverted. You know that?”

He reached the bottom and took a few laboured breathes. “I did nothing to your Mom, Daniel…I wouldn’t. I agree with you; it is perverted.”

I shook my head. “I don’t believe you, Carl. I don’t believe you anymore. I wanted to kill you, and it would’ve been so easy, but I suppose that would not have been justice.”

“Justice for who? You? Your Mom?”

I smirked at him. “Sam and Isabelle?”

He paused and looked to be studying for an escape. He chuckled to himself and said, “The children…they’re getting into your head.” He wandered over to the chest the mirror had been removed from. He took a seat and gasped, “Okay…look, when I found the mirror, it changed me; I won’t deny that. And I did something that I can’t take back. I only hope that God forgives me.”

“What did you do, Carl? Is this another one of your lies?”

“No…no.” He heaved himself up with his hand on his knees, then support himself against the moist wall. Carl’s chin fell to his chest. His voice began to tremble as he spoke and as he fluttered a glance, I saw his eyes glisten. He wiped them dry, but more tears came. He swallowed hard. “I
did
touch her. I…I
had
raped her. And I am truly sorry. Please forgive me.”

“There’s no forgiveness here, Carl,” I admitted.

“But as soon as I had done the deed,” he protested, “I knew they needed to leave the house. It had gone too far…way too far…and I needed to do something good to rectify the horror, because I had changed and I didn’t want to hurt them anymore.” His hands were together as if he was praying, or begging. “Please forgive me.”

“I didn’t bring you down here to speak forgiveness, you old fool!”

“Then…what did you bring me down here for?”

“It didn’t stop there, did it…the abuse. You carried on.”

“No…no, there were no more, Daniel,” he begged.

“Thats not what Sam and Isabelle have said.”

“The children in the wall?” he frowned.

“Yes,” I confirmed.

“Don’t listen to them. They’re mischievous and they lie. They are an essence of what the mirror brings into this house. A residue…a side effect. They’re not real, not from this side anyway.”

I laughed. “So they’re from hell?”

“Perhaps, I don’t really know. Hell or some other place just as dark. My heart gave in to them also until something didn’t feel right about them. I didn’t know for sure what it was, and I still don’t. But I eventually chose to ignore them, and,” he shrugged, “they left me alone.”

“Amazing,” I shook my head. “Still, you try to worm your way out of this. You’re just a God damn lie…and embarrassment.”

“It’s the truth, I promise you.” His voice was strained and his eyes bulged desperation. “You can’t put your trust in them. Please…don’t.”

“It’s too late for promises. I see right through you now, Carl. I see the man you really are.” I looked to the ceiling and called out, “Sam…Isabelle?”

“No…you’re wrong,” Carl gasped. “Its
them
who you can’t trust.”

“You’re a deluded old man.”

“Please, Daniel,” he shouted. “Please tell me that you don’t believe in their stories. It would break my heart if you did.”

Was this just another one of his deceptions? I could see the desperation in his face…the innocence. Was it real?

The children appeared from behind and stood at either side and took my hand, frightened. Isabelle glanced up at me and expressed, “You said we wouldn’t see him, Daniel.” She had a look like she had been betrayed. The fear in her eyes couldn’t have been rehearsed. She was truly scared of this man.

Sam squeezed my hand. “Make him go away, Daniel. Make him go, please.” His eyes were screwed shut as if this was a bad dream and he was willing it to be over.

“I’m sorry, but thats why I called you. I don’t know how to make him leave.”

“No, Daniel. Don’t listen to them. They’re feeding you lies.”

“Use the mirror,” he said. “When his blood and the mirror become one, it will take him through, like he was being offered to the darkness.”

Isabelle put in as though he had a vile taste in her mouth, “It will consume his body and soul until there is nothing left.”

“You know a lot about this?” I interrogated.

They shrugged in unison. Isabelle said, “You see things when you’re not supposed to; you hide in the walls and spy.”

Eventually, I nodded as though I understood. And I suppose it did make sense. I placed my hand on Sam’s shoulder.

“It is what you wanted, isn’t it?” Isabelle asked with a curious tone. “It will bring an end to Carl. They’ll be nothing left of him here. Hell with own him.”

“Do you mind fetching it for me?” I turned to Sam. “It’s in the refrigerator.” He agreed and took the stairs. “Keep it wrapped, though, Sam. It’s dangerous.”

“I know it is,” he muttered.

“And hold it carefully, under your arm.”

“I’ll be okay, Daniel,” he huffed.

It didn’t take him long before he returned, clunking his small feet down the wooden steps. He handed over the package. I randomly scanned the basement, searching for something sharp. I spotted a wooden workbench poking out from under the stairs. It was laden with junk and dust and crumpled old blankets. I placed the mirror where I stood and rummaged through the contents of the work table. I returned with a work knife, and although brown with rust which made the blade stick in it handle, it would serve its purpose. I collected the mirror and carefully descended the steps into the hole. I laid the relic in the centre and unwrapped the old cloth.

I got down on my knees. “Come here,” I told Carl.

He seemed distracted by the children. I looked up at them; they were watching him, expressionless, cold. They no longer seemed nervous of him. It was the other way around; Carl was scared of them. He pushed off the wall, grimacing as he did. He shuffled over to me, like a soldier with a war wound, and fell to his knees.

“I know what this is,” he expressed. “But I can’t understand why.” He looked at me, shocked. “We had a deal, you and I. A
God damn
deal!”

“Child abuse? Do you think you deserve a deal?” I muttered as I persisted to thumb out the blade.

“I’ve told you,” he pleaded. “It was only the once; there were no others.”

I looked up at the children, perhaps for a reaction. “I don’t believe you.” The children said nothing. I turned to Carl. “This is how it is, how it has to be.”

“Don’t you think this cancer is punishment enough.”

“Shut up, Carl.” The blade finally released and, although the blade was corroded, it would cut him. “Give your hand to me.”

“No, Daniel,” he refused. “I’m your Grandfather; we’re family. Does that not mean a thing to you? You believe in these children, but they are
evil
.”

I looked up at the children again.
Were doubts creeping into my mind?
I could feel the damp from the soil soaking into my knees and sighed, not because it was wet, but because I really didn’t know who to trust. Eventually, I said, “Your hand?”

But he was still reluctant. “They are evil, Daniel! Please don’t place your trust in them. They’re parasites!”

I grabbed his wrist, as though I wanted to rip his whole arm out of its socket. “So are you!” I turned over his hand, and cut the corroded blade in the centre of his palm. It was a hasty move where the cut was more of a stab than a slice. It bled out as expected, but I was still taken back by the volume of blood. It absorbed into the dry soil, awarding its first drink.

“No, Daniel,” Carl pleaded again. “You must not do this.” He knew where he was going, where the mirror would take him. He knew the horrors in which he would live with. He would awake in a nightmare and sleep in a nightmare. He cried. In fact, he sobbed. “You must not do this,” his voice broke.

I pulled him close and wrapped my hands around his thin neck. I squeezed as if I needed to kill him now, because I was now having second thoughts. He was all I had left in the world. Take him away and I had nothing. He was family. But he was sick and evil. So I needed to end this. I needed to end this sentimentality. I tightened my grip, and I imagined hearing an audible snap, his neck cracking. But I let go with a frustrated scream, and took his bleeding hand again, stared him in the eye and said, “No more lies from you. No more touching little children. You make me sick!”

“No, you’ve got it all wrong,” he urged. “I did nothing to these children! They lie to you! But I did do something to your Mother!” He started trembling and his voice was uneven. Tears glazed his blotchy cheeks. “I did something to her; she was only young…too young. Five months later, they left this house.” He sobbed. “But it was too late. I feel so ashamed, Daniel. Please forgive me.” He pulled at my hands, smearing me with his blood.

I pushed him away. “Too late for what?”

“I’m so very sorry. I am a bad man. Do what you will.”

“Too late for what, Carl?” I shouted.

“
To get rid of you! To have you aborted!
”

I dropped the blade.

Isabelle said, “Use the mirror. If his blood dries then its useless.”

“Then I’ll cut the other hand,” I yelled at her.

She took hold of Sam’s hand.

“You disgust me,” I told Carl. I wiped the sweat from my face, but his blood on my hands coloured my skin red. I spat in his face and stared in disgust. I screamed, turned and punched the mud walls; I punched them until I hit stone, and still, continued to crack my knuckles.

“Stop!” Isabelle said in a petite voice. “Please, Daniel, stop this.”

I cooled my forehead against the dirt and took a few deep breathes.

Carl uttered, “Daniel? Daniel?” He said a little louder, “Its different, isn’t it? We’re more…don’t you see?”

I spun around and stared at his feeble body. “
More?
” I said. “There is no ‘
more
’ to this!” His eyes, this shining beacon to see into his inner self, were dark and soulless. I could see no innocence in them. Compassion was vacant and sentiment had gone for a long walk.

“I’m dead anyway,” he sighed. “Have been for years. Thats what I never told you, Daniel. When you take on the mirror, you’re already dead.”

“So…what are you saying?”

“What am I saying?” He laughed. “I’m saying, Daniel, that you can’t kill a dead man. When your time comes, and it will, you’ll be telling the same truth. You are dead…you were as soon as you looked into that damn mirror.”

“Old fool!” I wrapped my soiled hands around his wrists and thrust his bleeding hand onto the blackness of the cold mirror. His eyes shined to a glistening black. He groaned to paralyses as saliva fell from his mouth and sizzled onto the mirror. But then he managed to moved closer to me and I moved away as though he was contagious, and he breathed something that I didn’t expect him to say.

Carl slurred, “You’re wrong, Daniel. But I forgive you. Don’t trust the children!” And as soon as he had finished his final words, life in his face faded. The blackness of the mirror enveloped his hand and then his arm as if by consumption.

I thrust myself off the ground and climbed the ladders. I stood between the children. They held my hand tightly.