More Than Words: Kissed By A Muse #3 (5 page)

Leigh pulled Ryan’s hand away from her mouth and rested it so close to her breast that for a moment, Ryan was so sensually distracted by his pinkie finger pushing through a hole in her netted shirt that he wouldn’t have been able to name the president, let alone any one he’d ever met before. But luckily, Leigh answered for him:

‘Ryan had an accident six months ago and was fished out of Niagara Gorge. The woman who saved him brought him to live with her and then died, but she named him first- Ryan Weaver. And she had to do that, because Ryan has no recollection of anything from before the accident…’ Leigh stepped away from Ryan, and he instantly missed her closeness and warmth. ‘Once we talked and I became aware of that, I realised that the similarities between your Ryan, and him, were too spooky to be a coincidence. He had to be the guy who inspired your book, or… or this Imogen woman saw the likeness that I did, and gave him that name as an inside joke- one she neglected to mention before she died- and left him an inheritance instead of a fucking clue.’

The blonde sucked in a breath and rose to her feet, staring at Leigh in amazement. ‘You think she named him like that for kicks?’ She glanced at Ryan. ‘Surely if she left you a will and stuff, she left you a note explaining your name or something? If I were you, I’d start checking every drawer for one.’

Ryan blanched. ‘Go through her stuff?’ he shook his head. ‘No I can’t even…’

Leigh sighed. ‘I was hoping that Miss Praser would see him and claim him and throw a short-cut to himself his way but…’ Leigh turned to Ryan and pressed her hands to his shoulders, looking up at him with wet, bright green eyes. ‘I’m so sorry,’ she whispered. ‘It looks like I got your hopes up for nothing.’

Ryan wanted to tell her that that was crazy- that this whole idea had been crazy all along, but the words clogged in his throat and suddenly, he realised how desperately he’d been pinning his hopes on the notion of being claimed.

I want Leigh in my future yes but… but everyone deserves a past, don’t they?

Tears clouded over his eyes but thankfully, Kathryn sank down on the half-booth seat then and sighed, and the movement broke the tension. ‘This is incredible…’ she whispered, meeting his gaze over Leigh’s head. ‘To the point where I doubt that anyone in the world would believe your claims, were they not a reader or a writer, like your friend and me...’

‘And me.’ The blonde, who Ryan now noticed was incredibly curvaceous and almost other-wordly attractive, sat down on the chair Leigh had vacated and allowed the barista to squeeze in behind their little group with a mop at the ready. She ran her eyes up and down Ryan, then Leigh, and then bit her glossy pink lip. ‘But the similarities…’ she sighed and stared at Ryan over tented fingers. ‘I can see why you were given the name, even without knowing you personally.’ She frowned. ‘But if this woman cared enough to take you in, I still vote that you go through her stuff for a confession or whatever.’

‘Sorry guys, this is Isabelle, my assistant- and you should take her advice Ryan, lord knows she’s shed a lot of light on research for me over the years.’ Kathryn turned back to Ryan and held out her hands, clearly reading the sudden anger in his eyes. ‘Look, I’m sorry about your accident, and I’m really sorry if you’ve wasted time and hopes on the idea of me being able to reunite you with your past or whatever…’ She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and wet her lips. ‘But you have to understand that even if I did know you, or if Ryan Weaver from my novel was inspired by an actual person- from a legal standpoint, there’s no way I would have used a real name to go with such a detailed description. The repercussions of such a thing-’

‘You could take her for every cent,’ Leigh muttered, turning back to face Kathryn. ‘And I’m sorry if this comes off as a bit hostile, but  I am afraid that’s what’s got you in denial here. You don’t know this guy the way I do, and I’m telling you; he’s Ryan Weaver. If you know something that could help him out and are keeping it to yourself-’

‘But you don’t know that his name is Ryan Weaver, just Ryan, right?’ Isabelle butted in, looking very protective all of a sudden. She glared at Leigh in an invidious way and for a moment, her eyes lightened from a stormy grey to a pale mauve, reminding Ryan of Imogen, whose eyes had sometimes shifted hue in the light. ‘Someone else gave him that name, and that is not Miss Praser’s fault.’

‘Call off the dogs, Izzy.’ Kathryn sat up and motioned for her assistant to sit down. ‘I can see why, um…?’

‘Leigh,’ Leigh said quickly, still glaring at Isabelle. ‘Leigh Dallas-Hone.’

‘Right,’ Kathryn smiled shakily, ‘I see why Leigh here is upset. It’s not just the face that has me, but the accent. It’s quite a coincidence and I don’t blame Leigh for being suspicious at all.’ She held up her palms. ‘But I dreamed up my Ryan- quite literally, you might say. I mean, I was in Australia a few years ago and I saw a hot guy fronting this cute little band who gave me the idea for his looks a little originally but-’

‘How long ago?’ Ryan asked quickly, his hopes flaring again.

‘Um…’ Kathryn scratched her jaw and squinted at the ceiling. ‘Two thousand and four, I think? Yes. I’d just turned twenty-one and so had my cousin and I visited him in Australia so we could celebrate together.’

Ryan made a frustrated sound, doing the math. He would had to have been a thirteen year old then! ‘Oh,’ he said flatly, scratching his head. ‘Do you find underage guys, um, hot?’

Kathryn smirked. ‘The singer couldn’t have been underage- he looked as old as you do now, and it was in a pub so he would have had to have been at least eighteen then, making him just a bit younger than me...’

Leigh glanced up at Ryan hopefully. ‘It’s not possible that you’re really twenty-eight or more, is it?’

But Ryan shook his head. ‘Nope- they tested me every way they could; bone age, skin age, teeth… the works. I’m early twenties, easily.’

‘And men who play in bands and smoke and live under the Australian sun do not age well,’ Isabelle joked, winking at Ryan. ‘Besides, you don’t look a day under twenty-one to me as it is…’

Ryan raised an eyebrow. Was she flirting with him? Talk about shitty timing!

‘It couldn’t have been him and I didn’t write the story about that guy- he just kick started an idea in my brain; an idea I didn’t put to paper for nine years, after I had a very sexy, musician three-way dream.’ Kathryn nodded and smiled to the mortified (and underage) girl who had finished cleaning up the mess she had made, and then turned back to Ryan. ‘So I’m sorry, but I really can’t help you. It’s just a coincidence- a very cool one- if you don’t happen to be the poor bastard living it…’ she cocked her head and studied him. ‘Are you really a musician, though?’

Ryan nodded.

‘Then let me give you my card before you leave. They’re having an open casting call for Ryan in a months’ time-’

‘Thank you, but fuck no,’ he said quickly, retreating a little and holding up his hands. ‘That’s just way too close to home, thanks.’

‘Ry…’ Leigh’s voice and eyes were soft. ‘You should think about it. I know it’s hard to hear now but-’

‘No,’ he said coldly. ‘You think I’m going to let my name roll in credits? Ryan Weaver… played by Ryan Weaver? Ha. And what if I didn’t get the role? What words would you comfort me with then?’

Leigh looked taken aback. ‘I’m just saying that it could help your career and get your face out there-’

‘So people could tease me? Imprint their fantasies on me? Sort of like you have?’ he snapped, wondering if Leigh was feeling more sorry for him or herself for having her fictional bubble busted.

‘Hey if we walk in there and find out that you’re the real Ryan Weaver, my mind might change…’

Yes, those words had infused him with fresh hope but now that Leigh knew he wasn’t anyone but a coincidence… his mood darkened so that he could barely see through it.

Leigh drew back, looking stricken. ‘You think I…?’ She hugged herself and glanced over at Kathryn. ‘I’m sorry, I need to make a phone call…’

‘Go right ahead,’ Kathryn said softly. ‘We’ll be here.’

Leigh nodded, picked up the handbag he’d brought over and disappeared from view and Ryan rubbed his temples with his fingers, hating how tense the room had finally become. He hadn’t meant to offend Leigh, but he was sick of feeling like a lovesick pup being kicked in the guts by the owner who had taken it in. He didn’t want her to ask him to play Kathryn’s Ryan- he wanted to be HERS. Was it so freaking hard to decipher? How many men took strange women off the streets and spent every second with them without the expectation of sex? He didn’t want to make her cry- he wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake her while crying: ‘You want to talk hard falls? That’s me for you, dumb arse!’

But he couldn’t do that because she was in love with someone else, and had only given him the time of day because he looked like a different someone else. Now that she knew he had no ties to her favorite novel, would she make quick work of severing the remaining ties between them, starting with her date with Bruce?

‘Just give her a minute,’ Kathryn said softly. ‘I can see she’s trying to do what’s best for you here, Ryan.’

Ryan stuffed his hands in his pockets and allowed Isabelle to pull him onto the chair across from him, wondering if he was hot enough to get a third, blonde female caretaker to pick up the slack once Leigh flew off to Australia.

The tear rolled down his face unbidden, and as though she truly did know him, Kathryn Praser pressed the napkin in his hand just in time for him to catch it before it dripped onto his copy of her book.

Five

L
eigh’s hands were shaking as she ended the call with Bruce, but her tears had dried up and for that small miracle, she was grateful. She leaned against the wall beside the pay phone and pulled out her pocket watch, checking the time.

Forty-five minutes… just stall for forty-five minutes and then you’re free and clear.

Leigh leaned forward and peered into the main room of the coffee shop, relieved to see that Kathryn, her all-eyes assistant Isabelle and Ryan had managed to find some common ground to chat over and seemed oblivious to her nervous breakdown in the back room, and tucked a few strands of hair back into her braid, ordering herself to get it together and taking another moment to wipe her glasses clean.

Our drinks haven’t even arrived yet… I can keep Ryan here long enough for Bruce to make it here, can’t I? Even if those two leave?

But Leigh cringed at the idea of having to keep Ryan’s company for even five minutes alone. He was so angry with her and the worst part was that he had every reason to be. He was absolutely right in accusing her of pretending with him, wasn’t he? After all, she knew that she wouldn’t have gone back to his house if he’d looked like Justin, or sparkled like Edward Cullen! She’d done so, because he’d looked like Ryan.

But he’s NOT Ryan! I’ve been living a fantasy and telling myself that if I helped him, even just a little, it would be a karmic wash. But I haven’t helped him, not one little bit! All he knows for sure now is that his only friend took advantage of him too!

But he’d taken advantage of Leigh right back, and now she was angry as well. It took a certain amount of cockiness to flat-out tell a woman that she could have what she clearly desired, but only if she left her expectations at the door. So if he was allowed to fake a relationship with her, so he could cop a feel, why couldn’t she pretend that he was a romantic hero, instead of a lonely opportunist?

And how sad it is that I’m in love with him regardless of who he is and now that he knows I can’t connect him with his past or satisfy him sexually, he’s beginning to hate me?

When she was angry enough to know that she’d be able to keep her tears at bay, Leigh sauntered back to the table across from Kathryn’s and settled in front of the coffee that Ryan passed her, taking pains to make sure that their fingers didn’t touch. Ryan didn’t look at her- he was apparently too invested in whatever Isabelle was saying in her syrupy-sweet voice to break eye contact.

‘… Why waste your life acting as an architect for your past? You need to, excuse the pun: ‘Forget’ your amnesia and focus on making new memories.’

‘You get a hold of whoever you were after?’ Kathryn asked.

‘Yeah.’ Leigh reached for a few packets of sugar, but then put them back when she saw the two already used packets on the saucer beside the cup- Ryan had already taken care of that for her. ‘I have a few protective people who require me to check-in constantly…’ It wasn’t exactly a lie, but it wasn’t the truth either and she heard her mother ‘Tsk tsk’ her in her sub conscious.

Much to Leigh’s relief and then, her annoyance, Ryan continued to ignore her, seemingly taking to Isabelle like a bee with a big stinger to blonde, plastic honey, leaving Kathryn to Leigh.

They chatted about books- well, Kathryn chatted about her lack of inspiration to write her next, while Leigh listened adoringly, albeit half-heartedly. And when she realised that she was only really hearing every other word her favorite authoress uttered, Leigh’s anger tripled. One of her dreams was coming true but Ryan’s attitude and ignorance was detracting from it! She wanted to dump her too-hot coffee over his head and demand that he pay attention to her and stop leaning so close to Isabelle’s plump cleavage in her clingy blue sweater-dress, but what right did she have do stand between him and a possible love interest while he was nursing blue balls on Leigh’s account?

After they’d talked shop, Leigh gingerly pulled out her iPad and Kathryn laughed and applied lip gloss before posing for a few photos and then to Leigh’s delight- signing both the inner cover of the paperback and the back of Leigh’s iPad with permanent marker- making it Leigh’s most prized possession. After that, Kathryn suddenly leaned back, glancing from Ryan to her, and then raised her eyebrows.

‘So… you two only just met the other day? You seemed so close when you first walked in.’

Silence fell over the table, and Leigh wiped her sweaty palms on her new jeans. ‘Yeah,’ she said, trying to sound casual. ‘He was the first person I met when I got off the bus. His likeness to Ryan actually made me drop my iPad.’

Kathryn chuckled. ‘What a meet-cute. And you’ve been hanging out since?’

Leigh nodded, but Ryan bluntly said: ‘She’s been staying with me, actually.’

Naw geez… now they’re gonna think...

Isabelle relaxed back in her own chair, examining Leigh with fresh interest. ‘In his house?’

Leigh nodded quickly. ‘Yeah. Well, last night was the first night but…’

‘Ahhh.’ Kathryn winked at Ryan. ‘So she’s a fan of yours now too, hmm?’

Leigh flushed hotly, but Ryan’s derisive snort chilled her. ‘No. Just yours, apparently.’ He glanced at Leigh then and lifted his eyebrows. ‘Speaking of which… when do I have to have you back for your date?’

‘You have a date?’ Kathryn asked suddenly, glancing at Ryan then back to Leigh with a pout. ‘Naw that’s a shame- while you were on the phone, Isabelle and I asked Ryan if you two would like to come back to my place to see my father’s guitar collection when we’ve finished here.’ She smiled proudly at Leigh. ‘My dad was quite the rock-god in his day, you know- I thought you and Ry here might get a kick out of seeing the collection.’

Leigh nodded. She did know- she’d read up everything about Kathryn Praser that she could get her hands on, and the idea that she was going to have to pass on the opportunity to go to her house was crushing. ‘That would be so wonderful,’ she said honestly. ‘But yeah, I’ve made plans so…’

And I just called my ‘plan’ and asked him to come rescue me from a lonely drive home with Ryan and there’s no way I can cancel now!

‘Yep…’ Ryan drawled. ‘Hot date… can’t be late…’ and Leigh gave him a sharp look. She didn’t want to publicly rip him a new one, but she was tempted to!

Isabelle blinked at Leigh. ‘You have this guy-’ she jerked her thumb towards Ryan, ‘all alone in this beautiful big house, but you’re going out on a date with someone else?’ The blonde leaned forward, her eyes shifting colors in the dim light. ‘Girl, are you crazy, or just blind?’

Ryan chuckled and Leigh shot him another look. ‘You know it’s not a date.’ She turned back to Kathryn. ‘The concierge at my hotel did me a huge favor by tracking down this coffee shop- and you.’ She paused. ‘I promised him that I’d go out with him if he could find you so…’

Kathryn threw back her head and laughed. ‘Great! There are eyes everywhere- taking blonde bribes!’ She glanced at Isabelle. ‘We need a new café now, you know.’

‘Gosh, think we can find one in Toronto?’ Isabelle winked at her boss and again, her eyes sparkled almost ethereally. Leigh glanced up at the lights overhead and wondered if grey eyes just reacted with fluro lightning that way, but then exhaled through her nose and stared mournfully down at her coffee cup, forgetting how pretty she’d felt earlier now that she was sitting in a room with an actual goddess- one whose interest in Ryan was plain.

Maybe I should write a book- about a plain girl who catches the attention of a beautiful man who is out of her league only to lose him every single time another woman looks his way… Oh wait, that’s been written! A million times already!

‘I still say that he thinks it’s a date,’ Ryan said bluntly, and all heads turned to him. ‘Preppy little shit is probably oiling up his hands real good…’

Leigh stared at him, aghast. ‘And so what if he is?’ she demanded hotly. ‘Are you the only guy in Niagara Falls who’s allowed to use me for a good time under the pretense of friendship?’

‘Use you?’ Ryan pushed his coffee cup out of the way so he could lean toward her aggressively. ‘Look who’s talking!’

‘Argh, that’s it!’ Leigh checked her watch again and got to her feet. She still had five minutes until she could expect Bruce to show up, but she knew she’d feel a lot less of a chill out on the windy sidewalk than in Ryan’s company. She turned to Kathryn and tried to apologize with her eyes. ‘I am so sorry- clearly Ryan and I need a time-out and luckily for both of us, I have someone coming to get me now, so we won’t make any more of a scene in front of you than we already have.’ She pressed her hands together in front of her chest. ‘You’re amazing, truly amazing, and I will remember an edited version of this afternoon forever.’ She shot Ryan another dirty look and collected her bag off the ground. ‘But I have to go- now.’ She nodded to Isabelle. ‘Thanks again.’ And then she turned on her heel and stalked out the door, not leaving time for Kathryn to say anything or even look at Leigh in a way that she’d be unable to forget- with pity or annoyance.

Leigh pushed open the door of the café and strode out onto the sidewalk, her boots clunking against the ground beneath her. The tears were threatening again but she looked up at the sky and blinked them back, knowing she was too stupid to get away with tears of self-pity. Hadn’t she known this was coming?

‘Leigh!’ Ryan’s haggard breath rushed to meet her ears from behind her and then he roughly spun her around. ‘What the fuck? Who’s coming for you?’

‘Bruce, okay? I called him almost an hour ago, and he’ll be here soon.’

‘But why?’ Ryan pulled a packet of cigarettes out of the inside of his jacket and lit one quickly. ‘This is our thing, isn’t it?’

‘Because you’re pissed at me! Because you’ve had a rough day and the last thing either of us needs is to be trapped alone in a car together for the trip back to Niagara.’

‘Is my company so terrible?’ he asked, exhaling a thin spike of smoke and looking wounded. He ran his free hand through his hair, messing it up. ‘Leigh, I know today has been weird and I’m sorry if I’ve crossed some line again but I don’t want you to take off on me. Why can’t we talk it out?’

Leigh stared at him, amazed that anyone could swing from one mood to another so seamlessly. ‘Talk about how you think I’m using you? Yeah… sounds like a fun conversation…’

Please, don’t lose your anger now I need it between us!

‘I don’t think that- well, I don’t think I think that.’ Ryan’s anger had vanished from his face, and as he took another drag from his cigarette, anguished blue eyes bored into hers. ‘Leigh I was just…’ he exhaled again. ‘All day I’ve been waiting for something that hasn’t happened and I’m confused and-’

‘Well don’t be, because you’re right,’ Leigh said sharply. ‘I am using you.’

Ryan’s eyes slanted. ‘What?’

Leigh hugged her handbag to her chest. ‘I have been pretending... I just didn’t see it before.’

Ryan scowled and flicked his cigarette into the gutter. ‘And now that you know I’m not that Ryan Weaver, you can’t pretend anymore?’

Leigh’s heart twisted. ‘No,’ she said in a hollow voice. ‘Now that I know how ridiculously wrong this is-’

‘Because of the other guy?’ Ryan blew out the rest of his smoke. ‘Were you only able to fool around behind his back, when you could convince yourself that it was all a dream?’

Leigh’s throat began to constrict around emotion, choking her. ‘Other guy?’ She stepped into Ryan and tugged on his jacket with both hands. ‘Wake up Ry, there is no other guy. The other guy is you.’

Ryan’s glossy black brows pulled together. ‘What does that even mean?’

‘I’m in love with Ryan Weaver,’ the admission burned her throat and tongue. ‘I have been in love with him for a year- which is precisely how long it’s been since I went out with anyone else.’ She released Ryan and stepped back. ‘I haven’t read The Hardest fall a couple of times- I’ve read it dozens of times. And since it came out on audio… I’ve listened to it instead of music every damn day… not because of Kathryn or Kylie or Justin, but because of Ryan. Because he’s my ideal.’

Ryan had turned white. ‘There’s no ex? No hot boss with a wife and kids?’ Leigh shook her head, and Ryan rubbed his brow. ‘All this time, you’ve been saving yourself for a fucking figment of that woman’s-’ he pointed back to the café, ‘imagination?’

Leigh nodded and the tears fell free. ‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered. ‘If I’d thought that I was even capable of hurting you-’

Ryan barked out a laugh. ‘You wouldn’t have what?’ He stepped toward her, stuffing his hands in his pockets. ‘Spoken to me? Come to apologize? Let me crash in your room…’ he bent his head towards hers. ‘Or lead me to believe that maybe I had a shot in hell?’

Leigh winced and stepped back. His rage was boiling down to his chances of getting laid after all? And he had the nerve to act like she was the manipulative one?

‘I’m so sorry that I gave you the impression that you were stealing a heart you don’t even want,’ she managed to croak out. ‘But maybe now you have an idea of how I felt last night when you were in my arms- and calling out to her again.’

Ryan reeled back. ‘To who?’

‘To HER,’ Leigh said through gritted teeth. ‘The one with the voice of an angel, you said. The one you called baby- the one you swore to return to… THAT her, Ryan.’ Leigh shook her head. ‘Do you have any idea how I would have felt if I’d slept with you before hearing that? I can’t even…’ Leigh’s heart popped like a burst bubble, just remembering.