Authors: Keren Hughes
“Come for me, baby, come for me now.”
“So…close.”
I bring her up to the tip of my cock and then slam back into her. I repeat the action several times before her walls clench around me again and she calls my name as she comes hard and fast. I spill my seed inside her and it feels so good to stop holding back.
We lie side by side on the bed, both sweaty and panting heavily. Exhausted and satiated. Anna reaches her hand out and cups my face. Looking into her beautiful eyes, I can’t help but fall into them.
“I love you,” she whispers.
“I love you too, Cariad.”
I can’t believe what just happened and I have the feeling I won’t forget it in a hurry. I want so much to stay here with her all night, to take her in many different ways and have her screaming my name, but I know I must go soon. We can’t chance Ayden seeing me here in the morning, not before we have chance to talk to him.
We lie in each other’s arms for what feels like eternity, but in reality, only an hour has passed when I look at the clock on the bedside table.
Thirty-One
Annalise
I invited Drake over on a whim. I couldn’t get him out of my mind and hadn’t stopped thinking about the amazing sex we’d had just hours before. He’d come straight round and had reminded me just why he was the best lover I was ever likely to have. He finally left at about 2:00 a.m., even though neither of us had wanted to let each other go. I blurted out that I loved him, but I didn’t regret it one bit. I’d loved him from the moment we had got together, probably before that, actually. It was hard to pinpoint the moment that I first knew I loved him. He told me he loved me too and my heart leapt at the sincerity in his voice.
Sure, Drake had done things wrong. He shouldn’t have turned to drink and he should have come to me sooner, but I couldn’t just walk away from him now. I wanted to slowly bring him back into Ayden’s life. Into my life. I just didn’t want to rush into things. So I had invited him for Sunday dinner. It was a start. Hopefully Ayden would be happy to see him and this could be a fresh start for us all. But there were things Drake needed to take care of before we could move on fully with our lives.
I woke up on the Sunday morning to a text I hadn’t heard chime. I’d been too happy dreaming about my husband.
Drake: Even though we’ve been apart, I’ve realised you were never really gone. You’re part of my heart, part of my soul, and I think of you every single day. You are on my mind from the moment I wake until the moment my eyes drift closed. Looking back, I can see things more clearly now. I made mistakes, I took you for granted, and I didn’t come to you when I should have. But time has made me a better man and I’m here, begging you on my knees for a chance to make it up to you. Please, Anna, look into your heart and you’ll see there’s no escaping our love for each other. As hard as you tried to move on, to protect your heart, you know that you love me. You’re my wife and I am pleading with you for another chance to be the husband you deserve. Love D xx
That certainly wasn’t what I expected the text to say, but there it was in black and white. We hadn’t spoken about it out loud, but we both knew there was no hiding the fact we belonged together. His message spoke to my heart and I was even more convinced that we could make a second go of our marriage if he opened up and told his family the truth…if he contacted Rachel. I wanted everything to be out in the open, nothing lurking in the corners waiting to creep up on us. If he wanted another chance, he had to go about it the right way. But we still had to move slowly as far as Ayden was concerned. We had to tread lightly and see how he felt when we all had dinner together. I couldn’t get back with Drake if Ayden didn’t like the idea. I would always put my son first.
***
Ayden threw his arms around Drake the second I opened the door.
“Are you coming home now, Daddy?” he’d asked as we walked inside.
My heart lurched as he asked him that. I hoped it meant he wanted him home, so I took Drake aside and told him we needed to talk to Ayden after dinner. He agreed and I smiled at him as he leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on my cheek.
We ate together and then sat down with Ayden. We couldn’t tell him about the fact Drake had gone to rehab, he was too young and didn’t need to be burdened with the knowledge. But we also couldn’t lie to him. Instead, we said Daddy had been away for a while, but if it was okay, he’d like to come home.
Ayden was thrilled at the prospect of Drake being home. So much for moving slowly. But life waits for no man. You have to do what feels right. Drake coming back to us felt right, so I told him that as soon as he had told his family he was back, he could come home.
I could have made things harder for him. I could have made him work to come home. But when you love someone, you don’t really want to put them through that pain. So I was going to allow him to come home on the proviso that he would spend time making it up to Ayden and me.
Thirty-Two
Drake
I can’t believe I’m packing my things up and moving back home. I hadn’t expected Anna to allow it to happen so easily, but sometimes life surprises you and those are the moments worth living for. I’m just packing my last box and sealing it with parcel tape when Anna honks her horn outside. I open the door and my little boy comes running into my arms. There’s no better feeling than knowing he wants me home. That they
both
want me home.
Anna walks in and starts to take boxes out to the car. When the car is loaded, I stand in the doorway of the house I had been renting and I smile. It was never home, it was just somewhere to rest my head while I got my life in order.
We told my family two weeks ago the whole truth about my situation. I’m working towards my nine month sobriety chip. I’m not far off it now, only another couple of months to go. I know I can do it. Not just for Anna or Ayden or even my family…I can do this for
me
. Somebody told me to take one day at a time as far as my drinking goes. That’s exactly what I do. I aim to reach the nine month marker and beyond, but I congratulate myself for each and every day I remain dry.
My Cariad is by my side in every way thinkable. She quit her job at Lust—which I hadn’t known much about, other than that she’d taken a job to make ends meet. She said that her being around alcohol would make it too tempting for me. I tried telling her that if she enjoyed the job, she should stay, but she said she’d rather spend the extra evenings with her two favourite boys. She also cleaned the house out of all traces of alcohol. The only vice she had left was smoking, but she was working on giving that up too.
The family had all been amazing. It was hard, initially, to open up to them, but I’d done it and Anna was proud of me. I told them everything, including the stuff about Morgana, and although they wished I was in her life and they had her in their lives, they didn’t give me the grief I expected. My mom wished that my dad was still around to know he had a grand-daughter. But I told her that wherever he may be, I’m sure he’s watching over us and he knows. I still don’t believe so much in heaven or hell, I’ve not suddenly become religious, but the rosary beads have been in my pocket or close to hand at all times. When I want to talk to my dad, I hold them tightly and talk to him as though he were in the room.
I haven’t contacted Rachel yet, but Anna isn’t rushing me into it. She says she understands my reticence and that she will be by my side whenever I am ready.
***
Anna and my family are here today to see me get my nine month sobriety chip. I never thought I’d make it so far, not back when I was drinking my problems away. I thought the answers lay at the bottom of a bottle, but they didn’t. They never have. All I needed to do was open my eyes and see what was as plain as day in front of me. Still, my family is proud of me and I am proud of myself. I’m working up the courage to contact Rachel, though she’ll probably want nothing to do with me now, considering she made contact nine months ago. That doesn’t mean I won’t try, though.
After I received my chip, Anna drove us home and we had a movie night with Ayden to celebrate. We haven’t told Ayden what the chip is for, he’s still too young, but he’ll know one day. I won’t keep secrets from my son, just as I’ll no longer keep them from my wife or my family.
Popcorn flies everywhere as Anna and Ayden race into the lounge, one chasing the other for the treats in their hands. The pair of them land on the settee, Anna to my side and Ayden snuggled in between us. This is what life is all about. The laughter that fills the air in our home, the love that shines in my wife and son’s eyes. There are moments you never forget and this is one of them.
Thirty-Three
Annalise
Drake received his nine month chip and the whole family was there to see him. They were so proud of him for coming so far. They’d been shocked, of course, when he first told them the truth, but they’d done nothing but support him since. He’d been home for a couple of months, and though some people had warned me to take things slower and not let him back in so quickly, they didn’t know the full extent of what had gone on. The only people that knew about his addiction and recovery, other than his family, were Jade and Nicky. They were nothing but supportive of me and told me that it doesn’t matter what other people think as long as I’m happy.
He wasn’t ready to contact Rachel but we surmised that if it was a matter of urgency, she would have been back in contact herself. Though he was working towards being courageous enough to take that first step and contact her, he wasn’t quite there and I supported him as much as I could. He didn’t talk about it much, but when he did, he said it wasn’t a matter of
if
he would contact her, but
when
. The feelings it stirred up in him were apparent on his face, I could read him like a book. I knew there wasn’t such a thing as the
right
time to reach out, he had to make the opportunity instead of waiting for it to arise. Drake agreed with me on that and knew the time was approaching. He’d had other things to get in order first, he couldn’t let whatever she had to say derail him from his sobriety. I knew that’s what scared him most, that whatever she had to say would drive him to drink. So he’d been working through his tangled emotions and making sure he would never touch another drop of alcohol, no matter what she said or what came of their impending conversation.
I’d been feeling off colour and Drake had been taking care of me. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, but I had never felt so ill. Drake made sure I drank plenty of water to keep hydrated. He also walked Ayden to school if I wasn’t up to driving. I hadn’t transferred back to the same office as Drake for work and I wasn’t sure I ever would. I liked the people where I was, which was more than could be said for the old office. He understood I wasn’t going to just up and move back just to be with him. We didn’t need to be together 24/7 for our marriage to work and this only solidified that knowledge.
One morning, I woke feeling particularly under the weather and called in sick to work. Nicky texted me to see if there was anything she could do for me, but I told her it was just the flu and Drake was looking after me as much as possible. He had gone in to work, but came home at lunchtime to see how I was. He had just gone back to work when I had to run to the bathroom. I only just made it in time to throw up what little I’d managed to eat for breakfast.
I returned to the couch and slumped down, wrapping an afghan blanket around me. There was nothing but mindless TV to keep me company until Drake and Ayden returned later on. I heard my phone chime and assumed it was Drake checking up on me. I was wrong.
Nicky: Have you thought about taking a test?
My mind was foggy and I wasn’t sure what she meant by that.
Anna: A test?
Nicky: Yeah, you know, a pregnancy test.
It hit me like a truck. The only other time I had felt so ill was when I was pregnant with Ayden. I had taken a lot of time off work because of how poorly I had been.
Anna: Shit! No. Haven’t got the energy to go out and get one and don’t want Drake to in case it’s negative.
Nicky: Don’t stress your pretty head. I’m actually on my way over.
Shit. What? She was coming over? I looked a mess and felt truly awful.
A little while after, there was a knock at the door. I managed to get up and let her in.
“Oh my god, girl, you look like hell chewed you up and spat you out.”
Well, that was a greeting!
“Gee, don’t hold back with the compliments, Nic.” I still had the energy for sarcasm, obviously.
“Here, take this.” She thrust a paper bag in my hand. I looked inside and saw the pregnancy test staring at me. Did I want to do this? Was it really going to be positive? There was only one way to find out.
***
Nicky had gone back to work, leaving me to do the test on my own. She insisted on staying, but I didn’t want anyone but Drake to be the first to know if it was positive.
I’d done the test and waited for the result. I didn’t know what to do with myself, so I flicked the coffee machine on and tidied round the kitchen, just to keep my mind busy. When I couldn’t wait any longer, I walked back to the bathroom, where I had left the test stick and picked it up.
The moment I picked the stick up, I dropped it. Call it shock, I guess.
I pulled my phone from my pocket and sent Drake a text.
Anna: What time are you working until? Xx
It was a few minutes before I got a reply.
Drake: 4 o’clock, Cariad. Why? Xx
That was too long for me to wait, but I couldn’t say what needed to be said over the phone.
Anna: Is there any chance you can finish early? We need to talk. Xx
Drake: I can’t finish any earlier than 3, Cariad. But I’ll be home as soon as I can. xx