Rhiannon nodded. At least she could be of some use to him
.
“’Tis getting late,” he said.
“We should get some sleep.”
Her
heart pounded against her ribs, and she wondered if he planned to share his bed with her. William offered his arm as they walked, but she ignored it, not touching him as they crossed back to the fire she and Alice were sharing.
“I do not think I
am ready to go to sleep yet,” she said, stalling.
Alice was already wrapped up in
fleece and woven wool. Connor sat nearby. He looked up as they neared. Rhiannon walked over to him and knelt down. “You have my permission,” she said.
“For what, my lady?”
“
To marry Alice. Please, give her a good life.” Rhiannon stood and brushed herself off.
“
My lady?” Connor questioned.
“Just say thank you.”
“Thank you.”
She turned to face William.
“Rhiannon,” he said.
She pressed her eyes shut. Her heart was the consistency of a basin of gruel.
Runny, drippy, shapeless.
“William,” she
said, just for the sake of it.
Heath crunched under his boots.
She opened her eyes. William gestured at Connor and the man rose to his feet, leaving them. Rhiannon pretended to check the knotted fabric on her bound arm.
“I will
remain awake for a time yet,” she said.
“Then I will
sleep when you do.”
She
nodded and sank to the ground before the fire with her knees bent. William sat by her side. The wind blew until she was toasted in front and chilled in back. She looked at the starless sky. Something about sitting in silence next to him made her feel tight in her own skin.
Groaning,
Rhiannon struggled back to her feet. William helped her up, destroying any chance she had at dignity.
“Go
away, you daft man. I do not want you. I will sleep with Alice.”
H
e straightened, pain flashing behind his eyes.
“
I just . . .” She felt his pain at her rejection. “You don’t want . . . Just take my word for it.”
William
removed his weapons one by one and set them aside. Rhiannon eyed the pile. Sword, pistol,
sgian dubh
, and a second small knife. He was his own armory. William flexed his damaged shoulder, wincing subtly.
Tears burned Rhiannon’s eyes as she watched
him spread out the fleece. He pulled off his boots and his jerkin, leaving them with his weapons, then stretched out on the sheepskin and looked up at her. He lifted his brows in invitation.
Her breath caught and stuck in her throat
at the sight of his long muscled body. Dark chest hair showed from between the laces at the front of his shirt. His legs, bare to just above his knees, were hard and powerful. She couldn’t believe she’d actually slept next to
that
last night.
“What do you want?”
he asked.
“To feel safe
.”
“You are safe
.” He held out his hand.
Rhiannon looked at Alice,
curled up with only her nose above the covers.
His hand remained in the air
.
She took a step forward, her fingertips brushing against his.
William drew her down, careful of her injuries. He unpinned his plaid and wrapped it around the both of them, then tossed a blanket on top. Defeated, she rested her cheek against his neck.
“Why are you doing this?” she
asked.
“To keep you warm.”
“That is not what I meant.”
“Again with th
at same question. I want what you want. For you to be safe. Will you accept that as my answer?” His words rumbled in his chest.
“What if I cannot get used to you?”
What if I can never give you a child?
What if you
give up on me and set me aside in a world I know nothing about?
He rubbed his chin against the top of her head. “Just go to sleep. I will be here in the morning.”
Chapter Nine
William rolled his shoulder, glad they were almost to Ronan and Triona’s hall. He hated to admit to it, but ever since his injury, any kind of extended travel wore on him. He wondered what Rhiannon would think of his jagged scar when she finally had the courage to see it—or more specifically, the courage to see him unclothed.
He looked at her on Jeremiah. She’d grown stronger over the last few days. She laughed on occasion, and smiled with increasing frequency. He knew he was getting to her, but was it enough?
The sun shone down on her burgundy waves. He liked it when she let her hair hang loose down her back. Rhiannon glanced up, her eyes wandering over him. She did that a lot, as if she were sizing him up. Looking away, she frowned.
Jeremiah
snorted and tossed his head. Rhiannon spoke to the stallion in hushed tones. Perhaps she was right to believe the animal was now for her own personal use. Jeremiah might as well be hers, spoiling him with treats and womanly affection like she had.
William realized he was jealous
of his horse. “Och, by the saints.”
Rhiannon looked at him.
“Never mind.” He gestured to Jeremiah. “I was going to retire him as soon as he managed to produce a colt I liked.”
“You mean one that is exactly like him
?” Her green eyes caught the sun and gold flecks appeared. She was so beautiful. It was enough to slay a man where he stood.
Bean-shìdh
.
If she wanted to, she could suck a man dry, leaving nothing but an empty husk behind.
“They never do
,” she said. “You can get close, but never the same. They’re all different. I have this mare. She’s white with a charcoal muzzle and socks.” The light in her eyes dimed. “No matter how hard I try, I cannot convince her to produce a duplicate of herself.” The light in her eyes went completely out. “I suppose she’s Reginald’s now.” She shook herself. “How much longer? I have lost track.”
“Two more days.”
He hadn’t lost track. He’d gotten very little sleep. It was hard to still his mind with her next to him, nestling close in her sleep. Nightmares plagued her. When they did, he would rub her back until she settled down. Once she said his name, and then frowned.
“I’ve never been this far north before.” Rhiannon shook her waves back. “Where have you been in your travels, my laird?”
He preferred it when she called him William, but she pronounced his title like she meant to tease him and it made him smile. “I have been all over Scotland, England, Ireland, France, Spain, and Sweden. But that is all.”
“All?
” Her brows lifted. “This is the furthest I have ever been from home. Everyone I know is either in Hanover or the surrounding countryside.”
“Kin?”
“No one close. Except for the one you have already met.” She stared at the reins while he grunted an affirmative. “Most of my father’s family turned their backs on him when he married my mother. They were prejudiced.”
“Wh
y?”
“Well she was-” Rhiannon stopped cold. “
Was nothing.”
“Rhiannon?
”
“She was Scottish
.”
“
Now that does make sense.” He looked her over and lifted his brows. “Explains how an English woman could be so beautiful.” She blushed. “Where was your mother from?”
“From nowhere really . . . just someplace.” A breeze blew her hair back. “In the Highlands,” she finished, her voice squeaking.
William wondered what
was wrong with her, then something occurred to him. “Rhiannon, did she-”
“Spoke to me in it all the time,” she said in Gaelic.
It took a lot to
embarrass him, and she’d succeeded. William’s neck burned. “Why did you not tell me you spoke my tongue?” His throat was closing up on him.
“
My mother spoke to me in Gaelic, and I wanted to hear it again. I miss her.”
“
Some of the things I’ve said . . . I hadna intended for you to understand them.”
“
I know.”
“And yet
you let me?”
“Did you mean them?”
“What?”
“You heard me.”
She knew he was stalling. “Aye, I meant them. Why did you not stop me?”
“I can still hear her voice.
My mother.”
“You let me say such things to you, just to hear words in Gaelic?”
She looked at the sky, exhaling in a puff of moisture. “What do you expect from me?”
“Rhiannon.” His dapple-gray stallion danced to one side and William reined him back in. “Have you nothing else to say?”
Her eyes flashed. “It seems we are stuck together, for now. I will do my best not to shame you in front of your people. If we find my brother, then I shall leave you in peace. If we do not find my brother, then I shall still find some way to leave you in peace.”
Her guard dropped for just a moment, and he saw the fear in her eyes. This was all about her inability to trust.
“What if I dinna want peace?” he asked.
“You do not know what you ask of me.” Rhiannon turned
the reins and cantered away, her hair flowing behind her.
William signaled to Connor. “Continue on. We will catch up with you.”
He came up behind her, and Rhiannon
pulled back on the reins. Hooves skidded over stone as she came to a sudden stop. “Coming to take me back?”
“Say my name
?” he asked.
Jeremiah
, the smitten horse, pinned his ears at William. William shoved the stallion’s nose aside.
“William
. Is that what you want?” She spun Jeremiah in a circle and yelled at the top of her lungs. “William!”
His insides recoiled
as his name echoed in his own ears. Her rage, her pain, had become his. He wanted to rescue her from it, like he’d freed her from Geoffrey and Reginald, but there was nothing he could do.
“If
we’d met before all of this began, it would have been perfect,” she said. “I can picture it in my head. A past that never happened. A future that can never be.” Her fingers trembled. “I am a fool.”
“You’re no fool.”
He slid off his horse, then helped her down. “I canna make your parents come back. I wish I had known you before. I wish I was there that night and that I could’ve protected you from all of it.” He shifted closer, and she let him tuck her face against his neck.
“I fail
ed my parents,” she said. “I failed myself. I failed you.”
“You failed me?”
She pushed away. “You think you want me, but you do not. Not really.”
“
We are a lot alike,” he said.
“How is that?”
“We are both diminished in the eyes of men.”
“I . . .
Oh . . .” She opened her mouth, then closed it again. “How long have you known?” she asked finally.
“All along.
”
She
winced, then brushed her hair out of her face with shaking fingers. “I am such a fool.”
“
The fear in your eyes,” he said. “The nature of your bruises. There is no way I could not have known what had happened to you.”
“Yet you married me?”
“Aye, lassie.” William drew his claymore, holding it in his hands. “You do not have to judge yourself by what you cannot change.” Angling his sword, he drove it into the lumpy ground, stone scraping against the blade.
She
shook her head, confused.
William slipped out of his
sword harness and tossed it aside.
“William
?” she warned, backing up a step.
He
unbuckled his leather jerkin and pulled his shirt over his head.
“William!”
He turned his back to her.
And
waited.
Rhiannon
came up behind him, her shoes slowly crunching on browning ferns. He looked over his shoulder.
“Oh my.”
Her hand covered her mouth.
“’Tis ugly, I know.”
“C-cauterized?”
“Aye.”
“The pain . . .”
“I didna ask for pity.” Vulnerable wasn’t his favorite position. Lives depended on his strength.
“I wasn’t . . .” She took a deep breath. “You lived.”
“Barely.”
“I am glad you lived.”
He straightened, watching her face. She was glad he
’d lived. He didn’t know what else to say. “It happened in Sweden,” he managed. “I was working as a mercenary. My people, they are not wealthy. I wanted to help them.”
“
I am sure you did.” She brushed moisture from her eyes. “I just wished you could have found me before . . . before
he
did.”
“We canna do anything about that.”
He pulled his shirt back on, then donned his jerkin and sword harness. He yanked his sword out of the ground and sheathed it at his back.
“Why do you still carry your sword in your right hand?”
“So no one knows.”
“No one?”
“Connor, and a few others. Many remember when I was wounded, but they believe I have completely recovered.”
“But you have not.”
“Nay. I compensate for it in other ways. Swordplay is more than brute strength.”
“I’m n
ot sure how that makes us alike. I am a lady. My value lies in my purity.”
William held out his hand. She hesitated, then placed her cold, slender fingers into his. He urged her closer. “You are more than you believe yourself to be.”
Rhiannon closed her eyes and swallowed. He didn’t dare touch her face, so he tucked his fingers into her hair at the back of her head and tipped her face back. Her eyes were still closed. Her lips parted. The stitch in her lower lip kept him from lowering his mouth over hers. He wasn’t sure how she would react if he kissed her face, so he tucked her close instead, his chin against her temple.
Carefully, as if unsure of herself, she felt her way up his sleeve, until her good arm was cradled around his neck. He didn’t dare move, lest she lose her nerve and back away. Her fingers worked into his hair, kneading the back of his neck. It would have been very bad form to groan, but any attention from her was ecstasy.
William wasn’t sure how long they’d remained like that. But he was aware of his new stallion wandering out of sight. He scooped Rhiannon up and placed her onto Jeremiah, then mounted behind her.
“We better go find my horse before he steps into a bog hole.”
William turned the reins in the direction he last saw Jamie.
Aye, h
e was chipping away at the shell around Rhiannon’s heart, but it was slow going. He wanted so much more of her than she was able to give.
All
of her, actually.
With a fierce possessiveness that
was beginning to scare him.