Mistress at a Price (35 page)

She was afraid to make a sound in case she began moaning Liam
’
s name.

‘
Catherine?
’
Vanessa said more sharply.
‘
Cathy, are you there?
’

‘
Yes.
’
Her voice cracked.
‘
I
’
m happy for you, Mother, but don
’
t you think you might be
—
rushing this a little?
’

‘
Rushing it?
’
Vanessa echoed.
‘
On the contrary, I was desperately afraid that I
’
d blown it. Left it far too late.
’
She paused.
‘
I know it must be rather a shock for you, darling, but promise me that you
’
ll come.
’

The palm of Cat
’
s free hand was hurting. She unclenched it and saw a small row of red crescents where her nails had savaged her flesh.

Her voice sounded unnaturally calm.
‘
I don
’
t really know what to say. After all, the bridegroom might not be too happy to have your grown-up daughter there in attendance.
’

‘
But what nonsense. Of course we both want you,
’
Vanessa declared.
‘
You of all people.
’
She sighed.
‘
Although Liam did say you probably wouldn
’
t come.
’

Cat stiffened. He was daring her, she thought. Challenging her to watch him marry her mother. In fact, he was telling her obliquely that he didn
’
t think she had the guts to face such a thing.

And he was right. She would rather run away screaming than be a witness at his wedding, but for her own self-respect she had to prove him wrong. Or she would never be able to face him again under any circumstances.

She said crisply,
‘
Then he
’
s wrong. I
’
d be honoured to be your bridesmaid. What do you want me to wear?
’

‘
Well, I
’
ll be in a cream suit. It
’
s not new, because I haven
’
t had time to look, but I
’
ve always loved it, and it
’
s been lucky for me in the past.
’
Vanessa paused.
‘
What about that pretty turquoise and ivory dress you wore at Belinda
’
s wedding? Then you can be my
“
something blue
”
,
’
she added, inspired.

‘
Very well,
’
Cat said slowly, pain wrenching at her as she realised she was to be spared nothing.
‘
If that
’
s what you
’
d like.
’

‘
And no wedding presents,
’
Vanessa decreed.
‘
That would be silly. It
’
s just going to be a simple ceremony where we declare our love for each other.
’
She giggled breathlessly.
‘
I know it
’
s ridiculous, but I
’
m as nervous as a kitten already. I
’
ll call you tomorrow, darling, to fix the final details.
’
And she was gone.

Cat put down the phone and tried to get to her feet, but her legs would not support her so she remained where she was. Her skin felt stone-cold, and nausea churned in her stomach.

She
’
d been so proud of herself as she flew into Heathrow, she thought with dazed bitterness. She
’
d actually believed that she might be starting to rebuild her life. Taking the first steps to conquer her feelings for Liam.

Well, she knew better now. Every glimpse of him, every mention of his name, was going to be torture for her.

She loved him more than her own life, and she could not have him because, in her blind stupidity and pride, she had never let him see how she felt about him. And now it was too late.

Because in two days
’
time she would have to stand behind her own mother and smile, and pretend she was not dying inside. And it would have to be the greatest acting performance of all time if she was to get away with it.

‘
How do I look?
’
Vanessa demanded for the umpteenth time. She produced a mirror from her bag and scrutinised her flawless complexion.

‘
You look wonderful,
’
Cat, seated beside her in the taxi, reassured her quietly.
‘
And amazingly beautiful. Your
—
your husband
’
s going to be so proud,
’
she added huskily.

There were sudden tears in Vanessa
’
s eyes, and she took Cat
’
s hand and squeezed it convulsively.

‘
Thank you for this, darling,
’
she whispered.
‘
I know I don
’
t deserve it, because I
’
ve been a hellish mother. I
’
ve made so many mistakes, and now it seems as if I
’
m being forgiven for them all. Given a whole new chance at life. Real life.
’

Cat put a gentle arm round her shoulders and hugged her carefully, so as not to crush the cream suit.

And I
’
ve made one mistake, she thought unhappily. And I
’
m going to be punished for it for the rest of my days. Starting off with this dress that I
’
ve been made to wear. I should have said that I
’
d thrown it away, or that the cleaners ruined it. Something
—
anything
—
rather than have to wear it again
—
this bitter reminder of the day I first met Liam.

She stared down at the posy of cream roses she was to carry for the ceremony, her eyes blurring. She
’
d done her best with concealer, blusher, and even eyedrops, but she still looked pale and hollow-eyed through lack of sleep and sheer misery.

Hopefully, she thought, she might be able to hide behind Vanessa
’
s radiance.

Liam was the first person she saw as she walked behind her mother into the foyer of the registry office, and her heart seemed to stop.

He was wearing a dark grey suit with a blue silk tie, and a single rosebud in his buttonhole, and she stood, helpless and wretched, as Vanessa walked towards him, smiling, her hands outstretched.

He was going to take her hands and draw her close and kiss her. Cat knew it. Knew too that any attempt to camouflage her longing and devastation would be all in vain. That anyone could read how she felt for him in her white anguished face.

That here, finally, there was nowhere for her to hide.

She turned and headed blindly for the nearest door. It had to be the waiting room, because there were chairs round the walls and magazines on a central table. And as she closed the door behind her and leaned against it she realised that the room was already occupied. That her father was rising from one of the hard-looking chairs and coming to meet her.

‘
Darling, what are you doing in here?
’

She drew a sharp breath, staring at him in disbelief.
‘
Shouldn
’
t that be my question?
’

He gave her a rueful grin.
‘
Naturally, I
’
m keeping a low profile.
’
He paused.
‘
But surely your place is with your mother?
’

Cat said in a low voice,
‘
Yes, I suppose it is. But
—
unlike you, apparently
—
I
’
ve realised I can
’
t go through with it. That I can
’
t stand there and witness this marriage when it
’
s breaking my heart.
’
She choked out the words.

David stopped and looked at her, his smile fading into anxiety. He said,
‘
I hoped you
’
d be pleased. That you
’
d see it was right
—
and even wonderful.
’
He hesitated, his hands moving in the first awkward gesture of his career.
‘
That although you might find it a shock you
’
d still give it your blessing.
’

‘
No,
’
she said.
‘
That
’
s just not possible.
’
She shook her head.
‘
You
’
ll have to make some excuse for me, Daddy. Pretend I
’
m ill and have had to leave. Because I don
’
t want to hurt Mummy and spoil her special day.
’

‘
And what about my feelings?
’
David Adamson said sharply.
‘
Or don
’
t they count?
’

‘
Of course they do. How can you ask?
’
Cat could taste the acid of tears in her throat.
‘
That
’
s why I find it so hard to understand why you
’
re here. How you can bear it.
’

‘
Well,
’
her father said, with a wry twist of the lips,
‘
it wouldn
’
t be much of a marriage without the groom.
’
He paused.
‘
And I won
’
t pretend I
’
m not disappointed, Cathy,
’
he added with a touch of heaviness.
‘
But if you really find the whole idea so unacceptable, then I
’
ll make up some story to pacify your mother.
’
He sighed.
‘
Liam, of course, will be a different problem. He has a lot riding on this wedding. I don
’
t know how he
’
s going to take your walking out on him.
’

There was a strange buzzing in Cat
’
s ears. Her lips moved, but no sound emerged.

David looked at her with real concern.
‘
My dear child, are you all right?
’

A voice she did not recognise as hers said in a husky whisper,
‘
I don
’
t understand what you
’
re saying
—
what
’
s happening here…
’

‘
Your mother and I are getting married again.
’
He took both her hands in his.
‘
Please try to be happy for us.
’

‘
But it can
’
t be true,
’
Cat said hoarsely.
‘
You love Sharine
—
you can
’
t bear life without her. You told me so…
’

‘
I told you?
’
David shook his head in disbelief.
‘
Darling, I wasn
’
t talking about Sharine. She was window-dressing, like all the others. Someone to bolster my ego. You see, I
’
ve known for a long time that my divorce from your mother was the biggest mistake I
’
d ever made. I
’
ve been through hell, thinking that some other man might make her happier than I had, but I was too proud to let her see it in case she didn
’
t feel the same.
’