Missing Pieces of My Forever-Heart (10 page)

“He is the spitting image of you, idiot, and you know it!” Our laughter broke any tension that was left lingering between us.

A yearning to share the little of Michael I knew with Jame, made the rest easier.  “I went to stay with my cousins in Tallahassee, one was a nurse and the other did something for the county government.  They helped me through my pregnancy and were there with me when he was born.

When the baby came out, they let me hold him for, God, what seemed like only seconds, and he was long with long legs and long hands, long fingers. When he looked up at me and opened his eyes, he was you, Jame.  He was you.”  Yeesh, would these tears ever stop?

Jame grabbed one of my hands and rubbed it as he spread out all 15 photos from “Michael, age 1’ all the way to “Michael, age 15.’

“Cath, I can’t even think straight right now.  I’m seeing so much of myself as he gets older in the pictures here.  But they stop at 15, why?”

“I don’t know.  It could be because my one cousin sold the house where his Mom sent them and they didn’t get forwarded or maybe they were returned to her so she stopped.  Or any of the crazy other reasons my mind came up with that were too hard to think about.”

“Like what?  I remember your very creative mind.  What were you thinking?”

“Oh, like he finally asked about me and she told him I was getting photos every year and he asked her to stop because he hated me…or that his mom died and no one knew what she was doing…or that something had happened to him…” 

Jame got up, came around and wrapped his arms around me. “He’s fine. Nothing happened to him.  Just some kind of mix-up.”

“Well, we’ll never know.”

“Maybe we will. I can get someone on all this stuff right away.  The newspaper clippings tell so much- his full name, where he went to high school, what he looks like.  An investigator should be able to pull it off.”

I shook my head. “No, Jame. Do not send an investigator to talk with him.  Or a lawyer either or any stranger. That would be a horrible way to disrupt his life. Promise me you won’t and you damn well better keep this promise!”

“OK. OK.  Could I have copies of these just so I can maybe have someone trace him?  Not talk with him, just trace him so we have current information about him in case…”

“In case what?”

“In case he wants to meet us.”

I knew Jame and I knew it was inevitable.  He gets so focused on something he won’t let it go.  Nothing stands in his way (including pregnant me) when he’s lasered on a goal.

He followed me into my office while I made copies of everything in Michael’s box.  While I worked the copier, he looked around my office reading my awards for various human-interest articles and a few series I had done.

“You know, I followed your career.  It wasn’t easy.  There was no Google in those days.”

“Yeah, I heard stuff about you too even though I didn’t ever want to hear your name again. Here, this pile is yours.  Keep it very safe and I’m begging you to tell no one about what you’re doing.  Nobody in your family, no friends, no one.  You hear me?”

“Just you, Cath.  Just you. I’ll let you know every little piece of progress I make.”

And then since I’m always stupid about Jame (will I ever learn?), I invited him to stay for dinner and we talked for hours over a bottle of wine.  He asked me about Sam and Erin and Kaitlin, my work, what I’m doing now, how I interview, where do my ideas come from.  

I grilled him on every step of his life from the moment he got on that plane to Texas until he came to my house that first night.  It was like we couldn’t get enough of each other.  We wanted to fill in every blank, cover every second that we lost together.

Maybe it was the wine, maybe it was my years of loneliness, maybe it was just that he was Jame and he was here. But we ended up sitting very close on the couch in front of a blazing fire.  He took the glass of wine out of my hand, put it on the table, and lifted my hand to his lips.

“Remember this?” He started kissing each of my fingers on the tips and then traced kisses over my palm and to my wrist.  I shuddered with longing and memories of all the times he had done that to me.

As the saying goes, ‘Stupid is as stupid does,’ I got stupid.  I reached up to drag his face, his lips down to mine and kissed him for all the years we never kissed.

It was exactly the same- heady, heart-jolting, sexy, hot. Jame, Jame. Jame.
Holymarymotherofgod,
it was fabulous and I didn’t want to stop.  Apparently neither did he because we melted into each other like we used to. Finally he yanked me to my feet, pulled me upstairs and frantically looked around for my bedroom.

“This one,” was all I could get out as he covered my mouth with his again and danced me into my room and over to my bed.  

No words were needed. Moans and kisses and touches and the years peeled away.  We were 18 again. We were 45, moving in such unison that we could have been together for years.  It was bliss and I didn’t want it to end.

Chapter 27

Morning sex is sometimes even better than dark of night, wine-induced sex. Waking up naked, cuddled next to Jame, snuggling deeper into him and feeling him get aroused turned me on all over again.  This time, I initiated our lovemaking but I didn’t hear any objection from him.

“Mmmmmmmm, Cath,” Jame said, as we lay spent and satiated, limbs intertwined and hearts connected.

“Mmmmmm what?”

“I feel like I’m gonna say something stupid here and totally embarrass myself…”

I put my hand over his mouth.  “Then don’t say it. No promises. No what if’s.  Just now, today, this moment.”

He started kissing my hand when I saw the clock. I jumped up.  “Yikes, gotta get up, it’s after 10!”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why do we have to get up?”

“To shower, eat, do stuff.”

“Cath, come back to bed.  We have all the time in the world. I need you.  I’ve needed you for years and now that I have you, I’m taking advantage of it.”

There were those molten, chocolate brown eyes again.  I couldn’t resist.  I didn’t want to resist.  I went back to love Jame.

It was after 11 o’clock by the time we finally showered and got downstairs for coffee and breakfast.  I had thrown on my sweats and his shirt was half buttoned.  We were both barefoot fixing our coffee and cereal when I heard the front door open.

“Mom! Hey, Mom! Surprise! I didn’t go to Boston after all.  The tickets didn’t work out so we thought we’d surprise you.  I smell coffee!”  Kaitlin rushed into the kitchen where Jame and I stood stunned and embarrassed.

“Whoa, Mom!” Kaitlin looked us both over and yelled, “Hey Erin, get in here.”

Erin walked into the room and burst out laughing.  “No wonder you didn’t mind Kait not coming home this weekend, Mom!  And we came to see you because you were so LONELY.”  

“Girls, I uh…” I looked at Jame.

“Hi Erin. Kaitlin.  Your Mom’s told me a lot about you.  Who’s who?” How could he be so calm when I was blushing from my toes up to the crown of my head?

“I’m Erin and I’m the oldest. “ Erin reached and poured two more cups of coffee, one for Kait and one for herself.  She sat down at the kitchen table and watched Jame and me expectantly, still laughing.

“So who are
you
?”  Erin asked Jame straight out with a wide grin.  “And you have to know we are shocked, absolutely shocked that our mother has a boyfriend. Ha! Mom, you’ve been keeping a secret from us!”

Kait sat down too, “Yeah sit down, Mr. Boyfriend and tell us all about yourself.”

“Girls, please.  I didn’t know you were coming home…” I stammered.

“That’s obvious, Mom.  So how long have you two been going out?” Erin asked.

Jame laughed, “Since freshman year in high school.”

“Are you kidding? Get out of here!” Kait screamed, “Mom, is this your high school boyfriend?  This is amazing!”

“Yep, she is amazing,” Jame reached over and tousled my hair.

“Stop it, all of you! Girls, I am so sorry…”

“We’re kidding, Mom.  We think it’s great. And we’re happy you’re not lonely anymore!”  That was from Kait.

“Are you living with my mom, Mr. High School Boyfriend?”  Erin grinned some more.

“I’m Jame Patterson. I’m pleased to meet such funny young ladies who obviously love their mother very much and no, I’m not living here.  Your mom and I just got reacquainted after too many years apart.”

Kait pulled the white box that still sat on the table over to her side.  “What’s this?”

I grabbed it from her, closing the lid on tight, “Nothing, just high school stuff.”

“Oh let’s see! Pictures of you guys in high school?”

“No, just stuff, I’ll show you some other time.”  I took the box with me, calling over my shoulder, “and Jame was just leaving.”

“Ok, I guess I am.  Nice meeting you girls.  Hope to see you again.”  Jame said as I reached back and pulled him into the living room.

“Where’s your pile of his stuff?” I frantically look around afraid it was out in the open where Erin and Kait would have seen it coming in.

“It’s all in your office and I’ll get it. Then I need to find my shoes since I guess I’m leaving.” Jame walked down the hall to my office.  I ran upstairs, shoved the box in the back of my closet and grabbed his shoes and socks from under my bed.

He put on his shoes and said, “Come here, Cath.”

“Why?”

“Because I want to kiss you goodbye and I don’t care that your daughters are in the kitchen. They expect us to kiss.  They’re happy for you.  Enjoy it!”  Then he thoroughly kissed me goodbye and started for the door.

“Wait! Um, Jame, will you stay in touch? Will I see you again?” God, I felt foolish asking that.

He took a few steps back to me, leaned down for another kiss and said, “You can’t get rid of me that easily, Cath.  Send them back to college fast.  I’ll be back later. We have too much to catch up on. Love you!”

Oh no! He said the L word!  That’s the way we used to end our nightly phone calls all during high school.  What was he thinking?

“That’s the stupid, embarrassing thing I wanted to say to you in bed this morning.”  He grinned as he walked out the door.

Marymotherofbabyjesus,
this is too much, too fast!  But that was also Jame as I remembered him.  He knew his mind, and wasn’t afraid to speak it.

Me, on the other hand, didn’t have time to process what just happened here with Jame because I had two super curious daughters waiting for me in the kitchen. I went in to face the Inquisition.

Chapter 28

Curiosity got the best of me. Jame said he signed up on a lot of online birth parent/adoption search websites.  So after the girls asked their million questions, we had a nice lunch at one of our favorite restaurants, and they headed back to their respective colleges that were only 20 minutes apart. I sat down at my computer and dared to hope.

The first one had all these feedback stories of adopted children finding their birth parents in 24 hours.  Another boy found his family and he was a twin.  A mother crying in her words as she thanked the site for reuniting her with a daughter given up 40 years ago.  It went on and on. 

Was this for real? Could it have been that easy? It seemed unbelievable.  And did I want to go through all this hope only to be disappointed in never finding him?  Or what if I found him and he hated me?  My fears were climbing out of control.

And then there were my daughters.  I had to consider them in this situation.  What would they think of me?  What would they think of Jame if they found out what he had done years ago?  They said they liked what they saw of him today, but they don’t know him.

Hell, I don’t really know him.  We had a crazy conversation and then fell into bed.  Maybe he will hate who I am in my 40’s.  Maybe I’ll hate him and his quirks and habits.  Arrrg! Too much on my mind. Brain overload!

I read over the site information again.  FREE REGISTRATION!  Then what? TAKE 5 MINUTES TO FILL OUT YOUR PROFILE.  I sat there for a long time debating myself.  Then I gave in and started filling in my profile.

Who are you searching for?  My child