Miss Me When the Sun Goes Down (21 page)

It was painful to watch the way I lunged at his hand, feeling like the biggest geek imaginable. I’d never thrown a punch in my life.  My hand somehow didn’t line up with his and I missed him by a mile, throwing myself off balance in the process. 

“Connect with my hand now.  Don’t worry, you won’t hurt me.” 

Easier said than done.
  “Hit you like this?”  I completed the move at half speed, hitting his hand as slow as a lumbering bear. 

“Yeah, just like that, only put some power into it.  Your hand is an extension of your arm, see?”  He grabbed my forearm and tugged it the rest of the way into the motion so that my hand hit his with a harder smack.  Do you feel it up through your arm all the way to your shoulder?” 

“I think so,” I replied dubiously, trying it again. 

“That’s it
. Only go a little harder now, and don’t forget to keep your balance.” 

I went through the motions again and again, becoming more comfortable with the movement.  What started out as a light smack,
gradually became a resounding smack as I practiced, but I still wasn’t even up to half speed.  Still, at least I was hitting his hand every time now. 

In an effort to impress, I tried it again, pushing for speed as well as accuracy this time,
but I miscalculated the amount I had to lean forward and fell completely off balance.  I careened into him, my shoulder hitting his chest hard enough to knock the air out of us both, but Rob caught me easily, keeping me from falling to the mat.   

“I’ve got you,” he breathed after greedily sucking in a rush of air. 

“I guess I need more practice, huh?”  I looked up at him with a loopy smile, more embarrassed than anything else, but he didn’t show the slightest speck of amusement at my blunder.  Instead he stared down at me with an inscrutable expression on his face.  If forced to guess, I might say wonder – as if he’d found an alien life form on his doorstep and she’d toppled into his arms.

“You’re perfect.”

“My position here says otherwise, but it’s nice of you to say so,” I smiled wider, more pleased than I could say from the soft words of praise.

Rob’s face clouded, and he set me up on my feet, waiting a few seconds for me to regain my balance before he released me.  “That’s enough for today.  Keep practicing the motions on your own
. We’ll pick up with it again tomorrow night.”

“Wait, that’s it?” I blinked at the sudden dismissal.  “But I’m not even tired.”

“Yeah well, I’m knackered,” he replied, bending to scoop up his shoes and shirt.  “Time to hit the showers.”

“Oh
, right.”  How thoughtless of me not to have realized how tough it must be to be used as target practice.  “Thanks, Rob,” I called out.  “I learned a lot today.”

Rob paused at the top of the stairs, his gaze meeting mine.  “You’re welcome, miss,” he said softly.  But this time… this time the “miss” didn’t feel so cold.  This time, I thought I saw my old Rob looking back at me before he descended the stairs.

It was early yet by vampire standards, but a little late for casual visitors when the doorbell rang a few minutes later.  Rob was down in the shower and I wasn’t sure where anybody else was, so I called out, “I’ll get it,” and went to the door. 

Through the
leaded glass I could tell it was someone blonde and feminine, but you could have knocked me over with a feather when I opened the door to see Jenessa standing there.  I hadn’t seen her since my brief stay at the Order’s headquarters (a stay I never wanted to repeat), even though she was responsible for saving my life. 

I’d never seen her in anything other than a lab coat, but that night she wore a silky blouse and tailored trousers, both in a winter white.  Her flaxen hair was pulled up into a chic twist, revealing gray pearls at her ears and throat.  Her make-up was soft and demure, the very picture of refined elegance.

I felt like a troll in my pj’s and messy ponytail.  Jenessa stood there, a flawless beauty with her intelligent blue eyes and peaches and cream complexion, her smile radiant when I answered the door and did my best to hide behind it. 

“Oh, hi Jenessa.  I didn’t expect to see you here tonight.  What brings you out to my neck of the woods?” 

“I came to see you, to see how you’re getting on,” she replied with a warm smile.  “I’m sorry I missed your party the other night. I hear it was quite a success.”

“Oh, well that’s nice,” I replied, not quite sure I could take her at her word.  Though she wasn’t an official member, she did work closely with the Order.  “Would you like to come in for a while?” I asked, remembering my manners.

“That’s very gracious of you, thanks.  I’m sorry I stopped by without calling first, but I realized I don’t actually know your phone number,” she said stepping into the entryway.

“Couldn’t you have gotten it from Mason or…”
don’t say Bishop…
“someone else?”

“I could have, I suppose, but that might have invited all manner of questions.”  Her smil
e dimmed, and now I knew there was something to her visit beyond a casual desire to drop by.

“Come on in and have a seat
.” I waved her into the front parlor, taking a seat on one end of the sofa.  “Would you like something to drink?  I think we have just about everything known to man after the party.”

“No, thanks, I’m fine,” she replied, smoothing out
non-existent wrinkles in her pants before she looked up at me again.  “How are you feeling?  Any trouble since we last spoke?”

“No, no symptoms at all.  Of course I’ve been sticking to the live stuff instead of the bagged blood, and I find it helps not to have someone trying to kill me,” I quipped, wondering if she’d pull out a stethoscope next.  Or had Doc Winter called her from England?  Had he shared his theories on my heritage after I’d compelled him to forget it?  “Is there some reason I should be having any trouble?” I asked, more than a little anxiety creeping into my voice.

“No, no, of course not,” she replied hurriedly.  “I’m sorry, that wasn’t my main reason for coming at all.” 

“It’s not?”

“I hear things, and you struck me as a fairly straightforward person, so I wanted to be open with you.”

That didn’t sound so good.  “Open about what?”

“As I said, there’s talk.  I’ve heard rumblings around the HQ because there are those in the Order who’re concerned what you might do with your new position as Jarl.”

Being talked about by the Order – why did that make my lips numb just thinking about it?  “What do they think I’m going to do?”

“It’s said you’re actively campaigning to have the Order’s powers stripped.”

“Whoa, I wouldn’t put it that way,” I leapt up to defend myself.  “Sure, I’ve spoken out about revamping the laws to revisit what does and doesn’t work these days.  I don’t think of it as stripping the Order’s powers so much as changing their focus back to the original intent.  But I’m not anti-Order, some of my good friends are in the Order.  I sort of hoped we’d be the same.”   

“I’d like that too,” she smiled before dropping her gaze as well as her voice.  “It’s also said you’re sympathetic to those who would try to circumvent the law.”

What was she up to?  “No offense, Jenessa, but as much as I’d love to be your friend, you
are
with the Order.  Wouldn’t it sort of be suicide for me to admit anything like that to you?”

“Oh, I’m not looking for you to admit to anything, more the opposite.”

I wasn’t getting it, and I waited for her to continue.

“I thought maybe I could help.”

“You want to help me speak out against the laws?”

“No, I meant something more practical than that.  I thought, that is… I’m in a unique position where I might be of some service to you.”

I stared at her like she had chipmunks crawling out of her ears.  “You want to help me,” I said carefully, not wanting to put any words in her mouth. 

“I thought maybe, I might be able to help you forge
you know what
for those who need it.”

Wow, and I thought I was hesitant to jump in.  “That’s really sweet of you to offer, Jenessa, but I’m pretty sure you can’t do it if you can’t say it out loud.”

“I’m sorry, it’s just… this is the first time I’ve ever done anything like this. I haven’t got your nerve,” she replied with a self-deprecating laugh. 

“Who says I’m looking for forged documents?”  Everything about her made me want to trust her, but then again, that might be why the Order had sent her to entrap me.

“I don’t only hear things at HQ,” she admitted.  “I heard, in a roundabout way, that you recently helped two men who were targeted for elimination by the Order over a matter of licensing.” 

“Who did you hear that from?”  I’d been extremely vague in what I’d told Leander when I’d sought his help in trying to find a forger, but I had no idea who he’d talked to. 

“I’m sorry, I promised not to speak of him directly.”

“T
hen, I’m sorry, I don’t think I can have this conversation with you.”  No matter what trusty vibes I got off of her, it was far too dangerous to admit to, and I rose to my feet, ready to show her the door. 

“I have proof you can trust me.”

This oughta be good.
  “Okay, go ahead and prove it then.”

“I know the truth about your identity and I’ve never said a word.” 

“What?”  I’m not sure I even made a sound, I was so taken aback.

“I’ve known it for weeks.  Ever since I…”

“Let’s go for a walk.”  I pulled her off the couch by the elbow, cutting her off.  She had to have figured it out from all the blood work, the same as Winter.  I had to suss out what she really knew and how much she only thought she knew, but I couldn’t do it in the house.  There were too many prying ears.

“Alright,” she replied,
puzzled, but going with it.  “Do you need to change first?”

“Eh, my pride’s already shot for the day, why bother with it now?” I waved it away, but pulled on a long cableknit sweater from the coat closet in case I ran into one of my neighbors. 
It was easier not to have to explain my bare shoulders in the middle of winter.  I took her around the side of the house to the rose garden.  It was less overgrown now, thanks to Gunnar’s efforts, but still too choked with weeds to be considered impressive.  I chose it because I could see anyone coming from either the house or the front or back gates. 

“Why did you want to come out here?” Jenessa asked, once we reached the wrought iron benches, the paint flaking, but still sound. 

“Because I never quite know who might be listening around here, and you’re talking about things that I’d rather keep quiet.”

“
That’s sad in your own home, isn’t it?”  Her face clouded with sympathy, but I shrugged it away. 

“That’s the price I pay for becoming a public figure, I guess.”  There wasn’t much I could do about it on the path I’d chosen.  “So… about my identity.”

“You needn’t worry, I’ll keep your secret.  As I said, I’ve known for some time now.”

“Just so we’re on the same page, what is it you think you know?”

“I know you’re not the age you claim to be.  There’s no way the lineage on your chip can explain the antibodies in your blood.”

I had to start being more careful who I gave access to my blood.  “How old do you think I am?” I asked out of curiosity.

“It’s hard to pinpoint it, but I’m thinking you couldn’t have been turned more than fifty years ago, tops.”

“Try a couple of months ago,” I snorted, amused when her eyes flew wide.

“But… how is that possible?  Your Sire has to be very old, maybe even first generation for you to give such a false reading. I’ve never heard of that much of an error before.”

“You’re right there, he’s plenty old, but I can’t get into the exact circumstances.  Let’s just say I’m precocious in certain areas and leave it at that.”  I didn’t feel right talking about Jakob’s involvement, even if I was fairly sure I could trust her.  It wasn’t my secret to tell. 

“In that case, I must say you’re doing remarkably well.  I never would’ve guessed you’re so new at this.” 

“That’s good to hear, because most of the time I feel like I’m flying by the seat of my pants,” I admitted with a laugh.

“You know, for a while I thought it was Bishop who was your Sire.”

Bishop. 

“No, I don’t think his sense of honor could take having an illegitimate child like me.  You don’t think it’s him anymore though?”

Jenessa shook her head.  “You share some of the same markers, but it’s not close enough for a match.  Plus, there’s the fact that he came to me to try and trace your lineage when you first came to town.  Or, I guess, not came to town, but became a vampire,” she corrected herself. 

“It’s not him, just for the record.  No, Bishop and I had one of those chance meetings and things… evolved from there.” 

“May I ask what happened between the two of you?” she asked gently.  “It’s no secret things ended badly.  I take it he’s been a real bear to work for since you left England.”

I could imagine.  “We had a lot of trust issues, I guess you could say,” I replied vaguely.  Seeing as how she knew both of us, I wanted to keep some things private.  “In the end it drove us apart.”

“But you still care for him.”

“I’ll always love him, but I have to accept the fact that it doesn’t necessarily mean we can be together again.”  The words still hurt, but the more I said them out loud, the easier they got to accept. 

“Maybe someday you’ll find your way back to each other.” 

“I hope so.  Then again, I’m so new at this.  For all I know, part of what we had was because we shared blood.  Is that possible?  Is it possible to feel something purely based on a biological connection to someone through their blood?”  I asked not just for my complicated relationship with Bishop, but because of the muddle of feelings I had for Jakob.  More than anything, I wanted to know how much of it all was real and how much was tied to instincts out of my control. 

“There is a measurable connection to a person once you share blood, but we usually see that between vampires and humans,” she
said, speaking from clinical experience.  “Then again, there are far less studies done between vampire counterparts, as many vampires are cautious over who they allow to have access to their blood.”

I could understand that.  I’d already been betrayed by my blood twice.  “But there is a connection between vamps when you share blood, right?  What about with your Sire?”

“Oh, especially with your Sire, I’d say,” she nodded.  “That’s an established fact.  Your Sire’s blood alters your body on a genetic level when you become a vampire, that’s how we’re able to trace certain markers and determine lineage.  Part of that change is a natural affinity for your Sire.  You are naturally more drawn to them, and more inclined to obey them without question.”

“Hm, I wonder why I have such a streak of stubbornness in me when it comes to him then?  By all accounts I should be wound around his little finger.”  Yet every time he did something I didn’t like, I had no trouble telling him off.

Jenessa considered it for long moments.  “Were you estranged for any period of time in the weeks after you were turned?  Or did you spend an adequate amount of time together?”

“I’d say estranged.  I had no idea who he even was for the longest time.”

“That might have something to do with it then.  The ties would still be there on a physical level, but the psychological bonds wouldn’t be as strong.”      

That explained it alright.  “And could I have fixated on Bishop then, as a sort of surrogate when he was there for me?”

“How close were you?”

“He was the one who got me through my transition.”

She let out a long breath.  “It’s certainly possible you might have imprinted on him the way a baby duck will find a new mother when abandoned.” 

“Cripes, so you’re saying my feelings for Bishop might not be real either
?”

“No, that’s not what I’m saying at all,” she hurried to reassure me.  “I only meant it could account for why the bond between you
became so strong so quickly.  It wouldn’t have made your feelings materialize out of nowhere.  Those originate with you, and there are factors that can make them stronger.”