Miss Matched (11 page)

A few years later, another doctor named John Harvey Kellogg and his brother, W. K. Kellogg, got into the peanut butter business and got a patent in 1895 for the “Process of Preparing Nut Meal.”

The first nut cookbook, called
The Complete Guide to Nut Cookery
, came out in 1899.

As for jelly . . . people have been eating jelly in America for hundreds of years. Colonials in the 1600s even used jelly as icing for cakes.

Nobody knows for sure when peanut butter and jelly first met. But some people think it happened during World War II. American soldiers ate a lot of peanut butter. And everybody knows that eating a lot of peanut butter can be a good thing if you like peanut butter. But after eating it for a gazillion days, it can get kind of old. So some people believe that American soldiers added jelly to their peanut
butter to make it taste better. When the war ended and the soldiers came home, peanut butter and jelly was a big hit!

Now peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are in school cafeterias, on menus at restaurants, and in vending machines. There's even a peanut butter and jelly sandwich eating contest and a peanut-butter-and-jelly-of-the-month club!

Maybe it's because jelly is so sweet. Or maybe it's because peanut butter is just flat-out nutty. Who knows? But it's just like Mrs. Miltenberger says: They are a match made in sandwich heaven.

Here are some other peanut butter and jelly facts:

1:
 It takes about 540 peanuts to make one 12-ounce jar of peanut butter.

2:
 In September 2002, the world's largest peanut butter and jelly sandwich was made. It
weighed 900 pounds and contained 350 pounds of peanut butter and 144 pounds of jelly.

3:
 Ninety-six percent of people spread the peanut butter on the bread first, and then the jelly.

4:
 The average child will eat about 1,500 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches before finishing high school.

5:
 The most common jelly used is grape (which is okay, but my favorite is crab apple). The second most common is strawberry.

There are lots of foods that you might think would be good together, but matchmaking is a lot harder than it looks. Believe me. Tune in next time to find out how spaghetti met meatballs. Well, I'll tell you this: They didn't meet at the movies, that's for sure.

T
hanks go to
my husband, Andy, first and forever foremost, for telling me that I don't stink (even when I do), for keeping me from burying my head in a pillow, and for always managing to make me laugh (even at myself). He is the mustard to my cheese sandwich on toast.

Thanks to my family, who puts the
extra
in extraordinary, for their love and encouragement. And for believing in me. And for not holding my teenage years against me. And for showing up
at my book signings even when there aren't any cupcakes.

If I had the world's biggest peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I'd share it with all my friends as thanks, and would never declare independence from: Jess Leader, Ana Tavakoli, Annemarie O'Brien, Gene Brenek, Allyson Schrier, Amy Cabrera, Ellery Scott, Jennifer Tisch, Martha Sasser, Carol Lynch Williams, Debbie Gonzalez, Sarah Aronson, Tami Lewis Brown, and Theresa Fitzgerald.

For Sarah Davies of Greenhouse Literary Agency, a brightly colored bouquet of gratitude for saying the words all writers want to hear; and for my editor, Kate Angelella, a beautifully wrapped box of appreciation and admiration for her creative guidance, wit, and most of all, patience.

Read more about Fiona's not-so-ordinary adventures in

F
iona Finkelstein was
flat-out tired. Talking to grown-ups always made her that way. Especially when their answer was NO SIRREE BOB, NO WAY JOSÉ, NOT ON YOUR LIFE YOUNG LADY. That was their answer a lot of the time lately.

It wasn't the “no” by itself that was so bad. It was all of the other stuff that always and forever came along with it.

For example, just this morning, when Fiona asked her dad if they could get a real live monkey named Mr. Funbucket that she could keep in her
room, Dad didn't just say no. He went on and on forever and ever about how monkeys are not pets and how they belong in the jungle and how speaking of jungles, had she cleaned her mess of a room yet? But what she wanted to know was, why did everything have to do with her mess of a room?

Even when she pointed this out, Dad said, “Well, if you cleaned your room more often, maybe we wouldn't have to talk about it all the time.”

“
Then
could I get a monkey?”

“Not a chance,” he said.

At school, there were more nos.

“Can we take a field trip to California?” Fiona asked her teacher, Mr. Bland. They had just started talking about the California gold rush in social studies when Fiona brought it up.

“Sure,” said Mr. Bland. “We can leave tomorrow.” Only, he didn't say it in a Fiona-you're-a-genius-that's-the-best-idea-I've-ever-heard kind of way.

“Oh, Boise Idaho!” said Harold Chutney, who
apparently didn't get that what Mr. Bland was really saying was N-O.

“He's being sarcastic,” said Milo Bridgewater. “There's no way they'd let us go to California for school.”

“Can we please get back to the gold rush?” said Mr. Bland. “If you don't mind.”

Milo raised his hand and said, “How come we don't ever get to go anywhere? In my old school in Minnesota, we used to go to the park and to the lake all the time.”

This isn't Minnesota,
Fiona wanted to say out loud.
This is Ordinary, Maryland. And nothing much happens in Ordinary.

Mr. Bland puffed out his cheeks as the mean words started filling up his mouth. Here's the thing about mean words: they want to get out. But Mr. Bland's lips must have been pretty strong because he kept those words inside until he was able to swallow them down. And when all the
puffiness left his cheeks, he cleared his throat. Then he said, “As a matter of fact, we are going somewhere.”

The whole class shouted “Where?” at the same time. Fiona gripped the sides of her desk and waited.

Mr. Bland smiled and said real slow on account of the fact that he liked kids to suffer. “To. The. Great. Ordinary. Fair.”

Fiona let go of her desk. She folded her arms across her chest. That wasn't even close to California.

Everybody else must have noticed that too, because there was a lot of moaning and huffing from all sides. Mr. Bland said, “I guess nobody wants to hear about your part in this year's fair.”

“I do,” said Milo.

Everybody quieted down after that, and Mr. Bland said, “Every year our school participates in the Great Ordinary Fair in some way or another.
It's a nice way to be a part of our community.”

“That might be fun,” said Milo, looking at Fiona for approval.

Fiona chewed on her Thinking Pencil. The fair might not be a trip to California, but it could still be okay, as long as they could be in charge of games or rides or even parking. Anything except . . .

“Maps,” said Mr. Bland. “Our class is in charge of handing out maps.”

Fiona moaned. “Not maps! Maps are just as bad as tearing tickets.” Which is what she'd had to do at last year's fair. Oh boy, the paper cuts.

“I don't want to hear any complaints,” said Mr. Bland.

“I like maps,” said Harold.

“Not these kind you don't,” said Fiona. “These aren't treasure maps, you know.”

Harold plugged his nose with his finger in a pout. “Oh.”

“What about parking attendants?” asked
Fiona. “Could some of us maybe be parking attendants instead?”

“Mrs. Weintraub's fifth grade has that covered,” he said.

“No fair.”

“Enough,” said Mr. Bland. “Now back to the gold rush.”

DON'T MISS THESE OTHER NOT-SO-ORDINARY TALES!

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This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and events are products of the author's imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or places or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

An imprint of Simon & Schuster Children's Publishing Division

1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020

www.SimonandSchuster.com

This Aladdin hardcover edition May 2013

Text copyright © 2010 by Shawn K. Stout

Illustrations copyright © 2010 by Angela Martini

Originally published as
Fiona Finkelstein Meets Her Match!!

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Designed by Jessica Handelman

The text of this book was set in Perpetua.

Library of Congress Control Number 2012946428

ISBN 978-1-4424-7405-5 (hc)

ISBN 978-1-4424-7404-8 (pbk)

ISBN 978-1-4424-7406-2 (eBook)