Miss Bennet & Mr Bingley (18 page)

 
Jane knew that her first
understanding of the situation had been the correct one. There was nothing that
Elizabeth could say to her that would convince her otherwise. It was not his
sister keeping him away, but that he was indifferent to her and would not
return any day soon. She knew this to be true. He had gone, as soon as she was
not close he had forgotten her; moved on to charm and delight a more fortunate
young lady.

Jane did her best to conceal her anxiety but knew that her sister was
aware how painful it was. By mutual consent they decided not to allude to the
subject, knowing that as the days passed there could only be one answer, and it
was that Mr Bingley had left her.

 
Unfortunately such delicacy was
not within her mother’s nature, and an hour seldom passed on which she did not
talk of Bingley, expressing impatience for his arrival. Eventually Mrs Bennet
was moved to say to Jane herself, that if he did not come back, she might think
herself very ill used.

 
* * * *

Charles found himself much preoccupied by business with his lawyers and
realized that he would not be able to return, as he had hoped, to Netherfield
until after the festive season. He decided that he would write to Jane, that
could do no harm, and let her know that he was thinking of her and would come
down to see her in the New Year.

My dear Miss Bennet

I must apologize for not calling in to see you
after the ball. There is something I most
 
particularly wish to ask you and I am intending to come down to
Netherfield in order to speak to you as soon as Christmas is over.

We are all spending the holiday season at
Pemberley, I am much looking forward to it, but would enjoy it so much more if
you were with me.

I am counting the days till we are together
again and pray that you are going to say that I am not presumptuous in my
sentiments towards you. I look forward to your earliest reply on this matter.

 
I send
you my warmest regards,

 
Charles
Bingley Esq.

He read the letter through several times but on this occasion did not
ask Mr Darcy’s advice as to its content. He knew it was tantamount to a
proposal but was determined not to lose the woman he wished to spend the rest
of his life with; if that meant going against the wishes of his family and
friends then so be it. One thing he knew he would not do, however, would be to
coerce Jane into accepting him out of duty and the expectations of her mother.

He sincerely hoped that the few weeks interim before he arrived at
Longbourn would allow the gossipmongers time to move on to something else. He
intended to arrange it so that Jane met him secretly; then if she did not wish
to marry him her family would never know that she had refused such a beneficial
offer.

He folded the letter and addressed it carefully to Longbourn and then
placed it in the silver salver on the side table adjacent to the front door.
There were already several letters waiting to be taken to the post by one of
his footmen.

Caroline was visiting him, but she had spent the entire morning trailing
around after Darcy. He believed she was getting more strident, more desperate
to attract his attention by denigrating any other young lady he might have met.
He was certain that his friend had no interest in his sister, perhaps he should
warn him of her intentions.

She appeared in the vestibule, her bonnet and pelisse were on, and as
she approached he heard her carriage pulling up outside. ‘Caroline, we have
spent little time together this morning, I am sorry I had letters to write. I
believe that we are attending a soiree at the Petersons tomorrow?’

He saw her glance at the salver. ‘Shall I take the letters for you,
Charles? I have several of my own to deliver; it will save one of your men the
journey, it is foul weather today.’

Surprised she should be concerned for the welfare of his staff, but
pleasantly surprised, he immediately agreed. ‘Thank you, sister, that is most
kind of you. Take care, and I shall see you tomorrow no doubt.’

He watched her gather up the letters and slip them into her reticule.
Raising a hand in salute he strode off to the billiard room to join his friend.

 
* * * *

 
It took all Jane’s sturdy
mildness of temperament to endure the separation from Bingley with tolerable
tranquillity
. The letter from Caroline she had
been dreading finally arrived and put an end to any doubt on the subject. The
very first sentence conveyed the assurance of the Netherfield party being all
settled in London for the winter, and concluded with her brother’s regret at
not having had time to pay his respects to his friends in Hertfordshire before
he left the country.

 
Jane was glad she read the letter
in solitude, she could not have hidden her grief. Hope was over, entirely over.
She would have to learn to live with the destruction of her happiness, to
realize that she had misinterpreted everything that had transpired between
them. It was not Mr Bingley’s fault, it was hers. He had never said he loved
her, indeed she had never said she loved him, it was a misunderstanding of the
most upsetting kind.

Elizabeth had been walking in the park and did not know the letter had
arrived until she returned. When she came in Jane handed it to her. She could
not bear to read out the contents as she had done last time. ‘I do not wish to
discuss this, Lizzy. It hurts too much. I must adjust myself to the fact that
my hopes are dashed. I am sure that very soon I shall be composed again, and
everything shall be as it was before I met him.’

 
She raised a hand as her sister
made a move to comfort her. ‘No, Lizzy, leave me be. It is better if we do not
dwell on it.’

A further two days passed before Jane had courage to speak of her
feelings to Elizabeth, she was finding it difficult to remain sanguine when her
mother was constantly referring to Netherfield and Mr Bingley.

‘Oh! How I wish my dear mother had more command over herself, Lizzy; she
can have no idea of the pain she gives me by her continuing reflection on him.
But I shall not repine. It cannot last long. He will be forgot, and we must be
as we were before.’ She could see her sister did not believe her statement. ‘Do
you doubt me? Indeed, you have no reason. He may live in my memory as the most
amiable man of my acquaintance, but that is all. I have nothing either to hope
or fear, and nothing to reproach him with. Thank God! I have not had that pain.
A little time, therefore, and I shall certainly try to be better.’

She knew her voice betrayed her misery and she made an effort to sound
more positive. ‘I have this comfort immediately, that it has not been more than
error of fancy on my side, but it has done no harm to anyone but myself.’

Her sister would have none of this. ‘Dear Jane! You are too good, your
sweetness and unselfishness are really angelic; I do not know what to say to
you. I feel as if I had never done you justice, or loved you as you deserve.’

‘Lizzy, you must not say such things about me. I do nothing out of the
ordinary, I assure you. I can only behave as I do because I know that you love
me dearly.’

‘Jane, this is not fair. You wish to think all the world respectable,
and not to speak ill of anybody. I only want to think you perfect, and you set
yourself against it. There are few people whom I really love, and still fewer
of whom I think well. The more I see of the world, the more I am dissatisfied
with it. Every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human
characters. I have met with two instances lately; one I will not mention; the
other is Charlotte’s marriage. It is unaccountable! In every view it is
unaccountable!’

‘My dear Lizzy, do not give way to such feelings as these. They will
ruin your happiness. You do not make allowance enough for the difference in
situation and temper. Consider Mr Collins’ respectability and of Charlotte’s
prudent, steady character. Remember that she is one of a large family; and as
to fortune, it is a most eligible match. Be ready to believe, for everybody’s
sake, that she may feel something like regard and real esteem for our cousin.’

Elizabeth was not to be diverted and spoke most strongly about both
Charlotte and Mr Collins.

 
‘I must think your language,
Lizzy, too strong when you speak of them both, and I hope you will be convinced
of it, when you see them living happily together. But enough of this. You
alluded to something else. You mentioned two instances. I cannot misunderstand
you, but I entreat you, dear Lizzy, not to dismay me by thinking of
that
person to blame, and saying your opinion of
him
is sunk. We must not be
so ready to fancy ourselves intentionally injured. We must not expect a lively
young man to be always so guarded and circumspect. It is very often nothing but
our own vanity that deceives. Women sometimes find their attention means more
than it does.’

Her sister snorted inelegantly. ‘They take care that they should.’

‘If this is done by design, then it cannot be justified. I have no idea
of there being so much design in the world as some persons imagine.’

‘I am far from believing any part of Mr Bingley’s desertion done by
design,’ her sister said. ‘I do not believe he schemed to do wrong, or to make
you so unhappy; there may be error and there may be misery. Thoughtlessness,
want of attention to other people’s feelings, and want of resolution will do
the business.’

 
‘And do you impute it to be
either of those?’

‘Yes: to the last. If I go on, I shall displease you by saying what I
think of persons who you still hold in esteem. Stop me whilst you can.’

‘You persist then, in your comments, supposing his sisters have
influenced him?’

‘Yes, in conjunction with his friend, Mr Darcy.’

Jane shook her head. ‘I cannot believe that. Why should they try to
influence him? They can only wish him to find happiness, and if he is attached
to me, no other woman can secure it for him.’

‘That position is false; they may wish many things besides his
happiness; they may wish him to increase his wealth and consequence; they may
wish Mr Bingley to marry a girl who has all the importance of money,
connections and pride.’

‘Beyond a doubt, they do wish him to choose Miss Darcy.’ Jane was
finding it increasingly difficult to talk about these things. ‘But this may be
from better feelings than you are supposing.

They have known her much longer than they have known me; no wonder if
they love her better. Whatever may be their own wishes, it is very unlikely
they should have opposed their brother’s.

What sister would think herself at liberty to do it, less his choice was
something very objectionable?

If they believed him attached to me, they would not try to part us; if
he was so, they could not have succeeded. I suppose in such a situation, you
see everybody acting unnaturally and wrong, and me most horribly unhappy. Do
not distress me by the idea. I am not ashamed of having been mistaken, or, at
least it is slight; it is nothing in comparison with what I should feel to
think ill of him or his sisters. Let me take it in the best light, in the light
in which it may be understood.’

Elizabeth came over and they embraced fondly. ‘I cannot go against you
in this, Jane. I promise, from this point on, I shall not mention
his
name again.’

Jane made every effort to appear unmoved by his having departed from the
neighbourhood. She left it to her sister to convince Mrs Bennet that they had
all been mistaken in what had taken place between herself and Mr Bingley. Mr
Wickham’s society was of material service in dispelling the gloom into which
the late perverse occurrences had thrown everyone at Longbourn. They saw him
often, and added to his

other recommendations that of general
unreserve.

Jane could not be happy that what he had told Elizabeth privately was
now common knowledge. Now that the Netherfield party had gone the whole of
Meryton appeared to openly acknowledge that Mr Darcy was the wrongdoer. And he
was condemned as the worst of man by everyone apart from herself. Whatever they
thought, she could still not believe ill of any of them, even when the evidence
was so compelling to the contrary.

Mr Collins duly arrived on his second visit but this time spent most of
his time at the Lucas house. Her mother was heard to lament on many occasions
that it would have been better for him to have stayed there and not put her to
all this trouble. When Saturday arrived, he took his leave of his relations
with as much solemnity as before, and wished his cousin’s health and happiness
and promised he would write another letter of thanks to Mr Bennet.

 
Jane had found his visit, this time,
more trying to her nerves; outwardly she appeared as calm and unruffled as
ever, and even to Elizabeth she did not reveal the depth of her suffering. Just
the thought of spending time with others who were celebrating their happiness
made her more aware of her own loss.