Miriam and the Stranger (41 page)

Daett
says to tell you that he also is disappointed
that the relationship with Mose didn’t work out. He understands a little better now after he read Fannie’s letter. Mose was the one who cut off the relationship, so don’t blame yourself, Miriam. This will all work out for the best. The Lord has something better in mind for you. We will continue to pray and keep you in our thoughts. For my part, I can’t wait until you return in May and I can see your face again. I hope this hasn’t aged you too much, because I still can’t imagine how awful a week in the
bann
must have been. I don’t think I could take it, myself.

With all our love and affection,

Your
mamm

Miriam turned to Aunt Fannie. “What did you tell
Mamm
anyway?”

“I only said what needed saying.” Aunt Fannie sent Miriam a kind look. “And how sorry I was that we didn’t understand what was going on sooner.”

“Mose…” Miriam stopped. She wasn’t going to defend the man any longer. He was gone from her life, and there was no doubt she felt better about that—guilty at times for the relief, but definitely better.

“Tyler will be at the hymn singing again tonight,” Aunt Fannie said with a smile. “You shouldn’t be afraid to speak with him if you want to.”

Miriam was silent for a moment, and then said, “I don’t understand any of this… but one thing I do know is that I’m not going to marry an
Englisha
man.”

“That’s a
gut
point,” Uncle William spoke up. “And if Tyler doesn’t plan to join the community, you shouldn’t have anything to do with him.”

“He’s not going to join,” Miriam said dropping her gaze. “I don’t know what’s gotten into both of you that you actually think that could happen.”

“I agree that Tyler has to prove himself,” Uncle William said. “But Deacon Phillips thinks he’s genuine, so we’ll have to see.”

“Just trust the Lord,” Aunt Fannie said, smiling weakly.

In the silence that followed, Miriam picked up Shirley’s letter and tried to focus, but the words blurred. The recent events had worked out so strangely, so unexpectedly. She knew for sure that her chance to marry Mose was over. If there was any doubt, there had been whispers at church this morning that Mose was already promised to someone else.

“It wouldn’t surprise me if their wedding was planned for late this spring,” Katie had said.

There had been no admiration in Katie’s voice for Mose’s quick change of affection. Why there wasn’t a wholesale condemnation of her by the community, Miriam still couldn’t understand. She had transgressed by kissing Tyler. They all knew that marriage to a bishop was an esteemed accomplishment. A woman who failed to keep such a relationship was usually pitied. Yet she felt nothing but support and kindness from all of the community’s women.

Even Bishop Mullet’s
frau
, Ellen, had given her a hug this morning and whispered in Miriam’s ear, “We’re all praying for you.”

That everyone in the community seemed to care moved her deeply, but their acceptance of Tyler was another matter. That was the surprise. Was Aunt Fannie now trying to push her into Tyler’s arms? Even Deacon Phillips and Katie seemed in on the effort. But how was such a thing to happen? She couldn’t open
her heart again, not after yet another disappointment with Mose. Ivan, Wayne, and now Mose. It was too much!

Miriam sighed, and Aunt Fannie reached over to put her arm around her. “It’ll be okay. Just talk with Tyler tonight if he wants to talk with you.”

Miriam didn’t answer. She would have to see about that, if and when the time came.

Miriam focused again on Shirley’s letter, and this time the words stayed in place.

My dear, dear sister,

What horrors have you been through! When I heard the news, I was so angry that Glen had to work for an hour to calm me down. I was ready to make a trip up to Wayne County and have it out with Mose myself. But Glen prevailed and talked some
gut
sense into me. He’s much more understanding of Mose, and of Mose’s despicable actions, than I am. I don’t care if you did kiss that
Englisha
man. Mose had no right to throw you into the
bann
for a week. Or even for a day. The nerve! Friends are often so unlike each other. With how kind and thoughtful Glen is, I assumed Mose would be that way too. Was I wrong! What a nasty man, Miriam. I don’t care if Mose is a bishop. He had no right to use you like that.

Miriam smiled in spite of herself. As usual, Shirley didn’t hold back her feelings. Glen was
gut
for Shirley, though. He could handle her. What a sight that would have been if one of the Yoder girls had driven her buggy up to Wayne County and chewed Bishop Stoll’s ears off. They would never have lived down that scandal.
Thankfully, Shirley had listened to her husband. That was the decent attitude for any
frau
to have, and look how much embarrassment Shirley had saved herself and the rest of the family.

Miriam folded the pages and rose to her feet. “I guess I’d better get going to the hymn singing. Deacon Phillips is serving supper tonight for the young folks.”

“William’s gone to get Star ready for you,” Aunt Fannie said.

“Oh.” Miriam stopped to stare at the empty rocker. “I didn’t even see him leave. I’m so distractible these days.”

“
Yah
, but you’re doing so much better,” Aunt Fannie assured her. “And you’re happy again. You’re just not ready to admit it.”

Miriam pressed back the tears. Her aunt did understand her. There was no question about that. “I guess I should be going,” she whispered.

Aunt Fannie’s kind look followed Miriam out the front door. Uncle William had hitched Star to the buggy and held his bridle at the end of the walk.

“You didn’t have to do this,” Miriam said. “But thank you.”

Uncle William grinned. “You have a
gut
evening now. And behave yourself.”

Miriam clutched the reins as Star took off down the lane. She let go with one hand for a quick wave. Uncle William teased her more these days. He seemed to pay more attention to her, and she appreciated his effort. Still, she needed to get fully well so all these
wunderbah
people could go on with their lives. She couldn’t depend on others to carry her as they had of late.

Star set a brisk pace down Highway 48, and Miriam let her thoughts drift. Things would never be quite the same again. She could feel that. The ideal would be if she could return to being the satisfied girl she had been early last fall. Her schoolteaching job had fulfilled her. She really felt as though she needed nothing
more to complete her life. Now she couldn’t imagine a return to the girl she had once been.

She was no longer the old Miriam, but was it possible the woman she was now might share a life with someone like Tyler? The thought left Miriam weak. Unless he did join the community… which she still couldn’t believe… that would mean she would have to leave the community. Had she changed that much? Nay, she knew she had not.

Miriam slowed Star for the turn onto the side road leading toward the hymn singing. Darkness threatened to creep into her soul again, but Miriam rallied herself. Aunt Fannie prayed for her each day, and the Lord answered such selfless prayers. She would have to believe this.

With a lighter heart Miriam approached Deacon Phillips’s place. She was a little early, and only a few buggies were parked beside the barn.

“Whoa,” Miriam called out as she brought Star to a stop.

Just then Tyler came toward her, apparently planning to help her unhitch Star. Miriam shuddered. She doubted her legs would hold her if she tried to climb down the buggy steps. Tyler looked so handsome in his Amish suit and black hat, she couldn’t breathe.

“Hi,” Tyler chirped. “If it isn’t Miriam Yoder herself.”

“I heard you might be here.”

“Yes, I am. Or rather,
yah
, I am,” Tyler teased. “Don’t I look handsome tonight?” He gestured toward his outfit. “Only wore them today for the second time.”

“Well, you at least look decent,” Miriam allowed. Her legs seemed to work now, so she climbed down from the buggy.

Tyler patted Star on the neck and then bent forward to loosen one of the tugs. Miriam was impressed that he seemed to have learned how to unhitch a horse, but he would not charm her
again regardless of what happened. She glanced around at the empty barn lot before she spoke. “Tyler, you know it’s true that my engagement to Mose is off, but that doesn’t change anything between you and me. I can’t come out to your world, and my world involves more than just wearing a set of Amish clothing.”

Tyler’s face was sober as he answered. “I understand that, Miriam. And I wouldn’t dream of luring you into my world. I’m sorry I ever suggested that—and I’m sorry for my flippant attitude and for the things I said about this Mose fellow. I hope you can forgive me.”

Miriam swallowed hard before the words would come out. “
Yah
,” she said. “Of course I forgive you, but that doesn’t change anything. For my own sanity, I can’t let my heart stray into something that’s not possible.”

“So it did stray?” he teased. She realized he had stepped much too close. “Or maybe it was beginning to stray?”

Miriam felt streaks of fire flame into her face. “You know it did, Tyler. I’m not going to lie. But…”

He silenced her with an upraised finger. “Don’t say anything, okay? Just let me find my way through this, Miriam. I’m working with your deacon on this matter, and he’s providing me guidance. I want to do this right.”

“Tyler, I can’t be hurt again.” Miriam forced the words out. “I
can’t
.”

Tyler studied Miriam for a moment, and his face softened. He reached out for her hand. “I won’t lead you on, I promise. If I can’t do this right, I’ll leave and you’ll never see me again.”

Miriam tried to breathe as her fingers lingered in Tyler’s hand. Before either of them could speak again, another buggy turned in the lane, followed by two more behind that. Tyler let go of her hand, and they unhitched Star from the buggy.

“I love you, Miriam,” Tyler whispered before he led Star toward the barn. “You would be worth going to the ends of the world.”

Miriam turned around and pretended to look for something on the floor of the buggy until she could collect herself. Feelings of sorrow and joy rushed through her together. Never in all the weeks Mose had courted her or written letters from Wayne County had he said such words. But the fact remained, Tyler was still an
Englisha
man.

Chapter Forty-One

S
everal Sunday evenings later, Miriam opened the front door to Aunt Fannie’s living room and motioned for Tyler to enter. A kerosene lamp flickered on the desk. Tyler turned to Miriam and grinned. “Very romantic!”

“Don’t say that,” Miriam whispered. “Aunt Fannie left it burning for us before she went to bed.”

She was jittery, and had been ever since Tyler had asked whether he could drive her home. He’d made the request at the youth gathering last week, apparently intending to court her according to the community’s
Ordnung
. With that in mind she had consented, and now she was in Aunt Fannie’s house on an official date with an
Englisha
man. Well, a former
Englisha
man who planned to join the Amish community.

Tyler peered around the living room. He had been here before, so the place should have been familiar to him, but Uncle William and Aunt Fannie had always been present. Miriam closed
the front door behind her. She knew she was acting worse than a schoolgirl with her first crush. Yet in many ways, this was all new. At least the idea of Tyler as a suitor without her feeling guilty was new. Aunt Fannie and Uncle William had already signaled their approval of the date, and so had Deacon Phillips and half of the community, it seemed.

Miriam made her way to the couch and sat down, her stomach all aflutter. She would have to catch her breath before she could serve Tyler any food.

“Yep, right romantic,” Tyler repeated as he came over to sit beside Miriam, giving her a kind glance. “My, you’re lovely tonight.”

The words made Miriam wonder if she might actually pass out. She hadn’t heard words like that since before Wayne had died.