Authors: Alex Tempera
Sydney, dressed in black slacks and a white blouse, walked into the dining room. “What’s all this?” she pointed to the table set with four long stem golden candles, silver trays with covers over the food, and a bottle of wine chilling with two filled wineglasses filled with white wine.
Paxton who was dressed in black trousers, a white shirt and red suspenders, walked over to her and took her hand. “I have something to tell you. I really need to say it.”
“Whatever it is, you can tell me. You know that.”
“Syd, I love you. No, wait, it’s more than that. I mean, I’ve always loved you, my entire life, but I’ve fallen in love with you,” he took a deep breath and held it as he waited for her response.
“PJ, I love you, too. You know that. I’m in love with you. Have been all my life,” she smiled.
“But?” he raised an eyebrow.
“You’re gay. How can you be in love with me?”
He took her hand and kissed the back of it. “I don’t know. I just know that I am. I have been for a while, and until today, I couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment when it happened or even admit that it happened.” He led her to the end of the dining room table, and pulled out the chair for her. “I made steak, salad and whipped potatoes.”
“Thank you, it looks delicious. It’s been a while since you’ve cooked,” she smiled. “It’s been a while since either one of us haven’t relied on servants.”
“I know and we should change that. I don’t mean get rid of Magda, but you know, make our own food. Hell, I forgot how much I loved cooking,” he leaned forward and cupped her chin. He lightly pressed his mouth against hers. “Eat up, my love.”
“So, tell me, husband,” she smiled.
“Tell you what?”
“You said until today you couldn’t pin point the moment you fell in love with me.”
“Right,” he took a sip of his wine.
“So, tell me,” she sipped her wine. “My best friend who I’ve known since third grade, who has always been gay, falls in love with his wife of ten years. How does that happen?”
“You’ve loved me, right?”
“Since the moment we met. Since that moment when you sat down at my table and we shared our snacks. Yes, as we got older, I loved you more, even though I knew you were gay and I knew you’d never feel the same way. We can’t always dictate how our heart is going to feel. We can’t even tell ourselves how to feel about someone, we just do. PJ, I love you. That’s why I would do anything for you. Especially now that we’re intimate, a lot.”
“I remember the moment we met. I remember our homecoming dances, our senior prom. I remember I was your first and you were mine, even when we both knew I was gay. Hell, baby, we had sex with each other as each other’s firsts so we knew what it was like.”
“Yes, and it was clumsy and kind of strange, but very sexy and very memorable. But that was when we were 16.”
“All right, my love. I’ll tell you. I was watching you one day. You were in the rose garden, sitting in your lounge chair reading a book. It wasn’t one of the law books you normally have when you’re reading or studying for a case, but it was just an ordinary romance novel. I think it was
The Wayward Wind
. I watched how you bit your lip, and then, I wanted those teeth to bite me. I watched how you touched your heart, it must’ve been a romantic part of the story, and I wished that you were touching me, because I instantly felt you touch my heart. Deeper than ever. I couldn’t explain what I was feeling. I was aroused by you, but it was my heart that was aroused.”
“I read that book
four
years ago.”
“You remember that it was four years ago?”
“Yes, because it’s part of a series and that was the first one that came out. You kept this from me for
four
years?”
“I wasn’t sure what I was feeling. And of course, I was gay. I always thought I was gay because I had sex with men. But I never felt anything for any of the men, except for sexual gratification.”
“Never? You never had feelings, not even for Tim?”
“No. I mean, Tim and I are friends. He’s not just my boss. He’s a friend and that’s why we had lunch earlier.”
“But you have feelings for me?”
“Yes, and I probably should’ve figured it out a long time ago.”
“Well, you know now,” she kissed his cheek. “Let’s eat, my love.”
“Syd, I want us completely be husband and wife. I swear, no other men. Not unless we are playing in our playroom.”
“I promise, too,” she smiled, sipping her wine.
Sydney looked up from her desk as he walked into her office. “I’m sorry. I have to read this file before my meeting with Judge Bishop tomorrow. The appellate court is a big deal.”
“Need help? I’m a lawyer. Not so fancy like my smart wife the judge, but still, I could help.”
“Pull up a chair,” she opened the file wider so he could read it over her shoulder. “There’s a lot of information, and in order to gain his seat on the panel, all my cases I’ve ruled on in the past five years would have to be verified for competence and unbiased rulings.”
“I’m sure you can handle that, right?”
“Yes, but I’d have to undergo a deep investigation,” she sighed.
“You’re worried?”
“Not about me, but you. What if they found out the truth? It’s a deeper background check from the one you had at the public defender’s office and the District attorney’s office.”
“I’m not worried. You think me being outed would screw it up for you?”
“I don’t know. I worry for you, not for me. Some may not care and others will. I don’t think it will, especially with the new laws that support gay and lesbian rights.”
“But I’m not gay anymore.”
“You’re not?”
“Well, I’m your husband, all the way. I’ll stand by you and behind you, no matter what. I never loved a man, only fucked them, or was fucked by them. It will only ever happen in the playroom under our new rules. I remember our rule, no intercourse for you and them, or me and them. I won’t ever cheat on you.”
“I won’t cheat on you, ever,” she smiled. “I don’t want this to hurt you.”
“Do you want this appointment or do you want to stay where you are?”
“To be honest, I never thought about being on the appellate court until much later in my career. Bishop didn’t get appointed until he was 45 and now, he’s almost 70. I’m honored, but if I have to wait, I will.”
“There’s something else, isn’t there?”
“I just don’t know if someone will find out about our playroom.”
“This is why we hide things,” he said. “I don’t know why just because we work for the public, they think they need to know about our entire life.”
“Me either. I remember mother felt that way, too.” She sighed. “The damn press and what they did.”
“I’m sorry, Syd.” He put his arm around her. “It was an accident.”
“That was caused by mother trying to get away from that reporter. Ronald Hess. I’m sorry. She was mourning my father, and trying to still work with her charities, and he couldn’t leave her alone. Always wanting a comment about dad’s death or her work. I’m sorry, PJ.”
“Don’t be. I was there with you when we found out. I know how much you loved your parents and I know how much moving in here meant to you but it also haunts you sometimes.”
“I didn’t think it showed.”
“Sometimes,” he closed the folder. “You know what you need to do. When he asks, tell him you’ll think about it.”
“So, what now?”
“A movie. I have your favorite waiting to be played. I even made snacks,” he grinned.
“My favorite movie?” she smiled.
“Yup,
Breakfast at Tiffany’s.
”
“You remembered?”
“Of course,” he kissed her softly. “I remember everything.”
“What’s for our snack?” she followed him out of the office toward the living room.
“Peanut butter and cream cheese sandwich with pickles for you and banana and strawberry jelly sandwich for me.”
“I hope you’ll share,” she sat on the sofa next to him.
“Of course, my love,” he put his arm around her and pressed play on the remote control.
Sydney stood up from the table in the restaurant and smiled. “Your honor,” she smiled.
Justice Harold Bishop walked over to her, taking her hand and kissing her cheek. “Sydney, you look as radiant as ever. Please, sit.”
“You look wonderful. You sure you’re retiring in six months,” she smiled as she sat down, and then he did.
“Well, I have about four months of scheduled cases, so you may sit in my chair sooner.”
“I didn’t know you were interested in appointing me, Sir.”
“Of course. You’re my prized pupil.”
“I do appreciate your appointment, but I’m not sure if it’s what I want at this point in my life.”
“It’s already been made official.”
“Sir, I thought this was about asking me if I want the appointment? I didn’t know it was official. I still have to think about it.”
“Is this about your husband and his career plans?”
“No, it has nothing to do with Paxton.”
“Syd, everyone knows that your marriage has been rocky, no one just ever says anything.”
“We’ve had our ups and downs, but lately things have changed. We’re better and stronger than ever.”
“Well, I was gonna suggest that you divorce the cheater and take your place in my seat.”
“Divorce?”
“It’s better than the public finding out you’re married to cheater. Not just a cheater but a gay cheater.”
Her eyes widened. “Sir, where are you getting your information?”
“Scuttlebutt. You know, I hear it all the time. It comes from somewhere. It’s high time you dump your gay husband and let that damn sissy boy law clerk of yours go.”
“Sir, why am I just hearing about this now?”
“You’re a sitting judge. No one cares whom you or your husband fuck. No one cares that your clerk fucks men and women and dresses like a girl while he gets whipped at that sex club, but when you’re an appellate judge, everyone is scrutinized.”
“Sir, I’ll have to turn down your appointment.”
“Don’t screw up your career to protect those … those
so-called
men. Drop them. Man-up, Sydney. Take your career by the horns. You know if you turn this down now, you may not get another chance.”
“Question, Sir.”
“What’s that?” he crossed his arms.
“What do you think would happen if the world did find out that my husband used to cheat on me but I forgave him? Yes, you see, my gay husband fell in love with his wife.”
“Oh, no one would believe that.”
“So, if the world found out that my husband is gay and that allegedly my law clerk, who will graduate law school next year and move on to something more prestigious, likes to wear women’s clothes, the world wouldn’t allow
me
to sit on the appellate court?”
“Not sure, but it would and could destroy them. You wouldn’t want that,
would
you?”
“No, of course not. So, the background investigation is more concerned about what does or doesn’t happen in my bedroom than my life on the bench? I was a fucking criminal attorney and I gave that up when I was nominated to sit on the bench. No one cared six years ago. Why do they care now?”
“You’re saying your husband was gay five years ago?”
“He was gay 20 years ago,” she sighed. “You know, I don’t want my husband hurt. He’s always been by my side. And don’t you dare think of exposing whatever secrets about John Remington. I’d rather go back to private practice or hell, even be a legal aid attorney than deal with this bullshit.” She grabbed her purse and stood up. “Enjoy your brunch, alone, your honor.” She was about to storm passed him when he grabbed her arm.
“Sydney, think about what you’re doing. I’ll give you until Monday to make the right decision.”
She pulled her arm away. “Enjoy the weekend, your honor. I will.” She stormed out of the restaurant and when she hit the sidewalk, she leaned back against the cement wall of the building. She took a deep breath and gulped the tears back. After she caught her breath, she hailed a cab.
Sydney sat on the worn marble bench in front of the two large gravestones that lay in the middle of the
Lady of Angels
cemetery. She gazed up upon the words etched in the granite,
Loretta Cynthia Jennings, beloved mother
and
Daniel Edward Jennings
,
beloved father and husband.
“Mom, I don’t know what to do. I feel so lost. My life with Paxton is so much better than I ever dreamed it could possibly be, but now he could be ruined. Hurt because of my career aspirations. I don’t even know what I want anymore. I just don’t know. Well, I do know that I want my husband. I don’t want him hurt. I finally have my husband, completely and I’m terrified some ass is gonna take him away from me.” She buried her face in her hands as she dropped to her knees in front of the stone. “I love him as much as you loved daddy. What do I do now?”
Be true to yourself,
she could almost hear her mother’s voice echo in her head.
Be true to you and your husband, the rest will come with time.
Paxton knocked on the door to Sydney’s chambers. John answered. “Is she here?”
“No, she had brunch but didn’t return. She texted me said she would be in later.”
“Oh, I had to file a motion downstairs and I thought I’d stop by. She didn’t say how the brunch went, did she?”
“She would be better off without you two,” a voice said from behind Paxton.
He turned around and stood next to John. “Your honor. Sydney hasn’t come back yet.”
“That’s because she’s pissed at me but she’ll get over it. You two,
you’re
holding her back.”
“Us?” Paxton asked. “We do nothing but support her.”
“Bullshit. She puts up with a philandering faggot husband and sissy-boy clerk. She can do better and somehow she doesn’t see it, but she will. I won’t let you screw up her career. Tell her 48 hours and counting.” He stormed down the hall, and disappeared around the corner quickly, as he was quite agile for an elderly man.
Paxton and John headed into her chambers, closing the door behind them. Paxton looked at John. “I love my wife and I will not let my secret hurt her. I’ll tell the fucking world what I did. I can’t lose her. I can’t lose my wife. I just figured out how I feel about her and I can’t lose her. The problem is that she wouldn’t divulge our secrets to further her career.”
“How could what I do on my own private time, hurt her? I would never hurt her. She saw something in me that no one else did.”
“I know. She’s good that way. The best. I don’t want her to give up her dreams.”
“I’m not,” Sydney walked into her chambers. “Am I interrupting something in my office?”
Paxton kissed her cheek. “I had to file some motions and thought I’d see how brunch went. But the Honorable Judge Bishop isn’t so honorable, is he?”
“No, he told me to dump the both of you. Now, I don’t know how he found out your secrets, but he did. I don’t know if he’s going to use them or what he has planned. I already turned down the appointment.”
“He said you had 48 hours.” John said. “Ma’am, if the world needs to know that I wear a dress so that you can be a higher judge, I’ll tell them myself.”
“No, nonsense. I already stopped by the committee and officially withdrew my name.”
“Why?” Paxton touched her face.
“Because I would never leave my family behind while I moved forward. You and I are in a better place than we have been in quite a while, if ever.” She turned to John. “You have a bright career ahead of you. I would be honored if when you graduate and pass the bar that you work for me.”
“Ma’am?”
“I’ve made a decision,” she walked over to her chair and sat down behind her desk. “I wasn’t gonna say anything until later. Mother helped me decide.”
Paxton sat on her desk in front of her. “Your mother is dead.”
“I know, but after I left the restaurant, I went to the cemetery. I haven’t been there in quite a while, but I sat there and talked to mother. I almost wished for her to tell me what to do, and then, I felt that I already knew what to do. Something that I’ve been thinking about for a while.”
“Sydney?”
“I want you to have the best career you can. I like my job, and I have always done my best, but I want to go back to practicing law, not judging it. I want to open my own practice. Not just help the wealthy criminals I used to represent, but also do pro-bono work. I want to help with the charities that my mother used to. I also want to do whatever I want to do in our own home without worrying that our decisions about our private life, sex life or otherwise, will decide what we can or can’t do for a living.”
Paxton looked at John, “Can we have a few minutes?”
“Of course,” John stood up. “Ma’am, I’d be glad to work for you, anytime as anything.” He bowed slightly and then left the office.
Paxton focused on his wife. “Is that what you really want to do?”
“Yes, after listening to his hate, I couldn’t believe a man I admired for so long was this bigoted asshole.”
“Yeah, I discovered that when he called me a faggot.”
“PJ, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what he’ll try to do, maybe try to expose our lives. Now, it won’t affect me, but it could affect you. I know you were planning on running for DA in four years.”
“I was, yes, but I don’t want to run against Reynolds. If he stays, DA, that’s fine. I’ve also thought about applying for Bureau Chief, but I have to wait for another year. I have time. There have been gay DA’s in the past, and I’m sure there will be in the future. But, Sydney, I’m
not
gay.”
“You were, and now you’re not?”
“OK, yeah, I was and have sexual desires, but I’m in love with my wife. Everything about my wife. Hell, I might want to go into private practice. Maybe private practice with you.”
“You aren’t serious,” she smiled.
“I’m very serious.”
“Well,” she stood up and wrapped her arms around his neck. “I don’t want Bishop to hurt you.”
“He can’t. Not when I have you.” He licked her lips and kissed her softly. “I love you, wife. And know that when I say it, I mean it from deep down in my heart, deep in my soul.”
“I know we planned on playing with John and Tim tonight, but if you don’t want to.”
“Oh, I do. I really do. I think they both need it, and you and I do, too.”
“Remember your mine, and they’re ours.”
“I know,” he smiled. “I have to get back to the office. What time will you be home?”
“I just have a couple things to do here and then I’m going home.”
He kissed her softly again. “See you soon.” He headed out of the office, as John walked back in. “John, tonight, at eight?”
“I’ll be there,” John sat down in front of Sydney’s desk. “Ma’am, I have your schedule for next week.”
“Good, but first, we should talk.”
Paxton walked into his office when Evelyn looked up. “Sir, Mr. Reynolds needs to see you.”
“Oh, thanks,” he sighed, turning on his heels. He headed down the hall and when he saw that the receptionist wasn’t at her desk, he knocked on the door labeled
Timothy Reynolds District Attorney.
“Sir?”
“Come in. Marjorie left for the day. Have a seat,” he said when he opened the door. “You OK?”
“What? Oh, yeah, sure, what did you need to see me about?”
“I heard that she withdrew her name from the appointment.”
“News travels fast,” he muttered. “Yes, she did. She’s making some changes in her career.”
“Paxton, what’s wrong?”
“She withdrew to protect me and John.”
“Protect you two from
what
?”
“Bishop. Harold fucking Bishop. He said he knew that I was cheating on her, called me a faggot, and then called John a sissy-boy. He insinuated that she should leave us behind. Divorce me and fire John.”
“How dare he! After the secrets he keeps, he fucking says that shit?”
“His secrets?”
“Do you know how he knows this stuff about you and John?”
“No, figured someone gossiped or whatever.”
“That could be part of it, but let me show you how.”
“Show me?”
“Yeah, can we postpone our playtime and the four of us go out tonight, instead?”
“Sure. I just have to call Sydney and John. Tim, what’s this about?”
“Oh, you’ll see.”