Mind the Gap (In Too Deep) (9 page)

Rachel: "We're passing it around the waiting room. Everyone loves it. You have fans in L.A already.
"

Me: "
Aww, that's so sweet, thanks girlie. I had so much fun."

Rachel: "Josh said he's
gonna be first in line when you play a concert down here."

I knew she
must have been joking because, for one thing, Josh would never say something like that at all, let alone about me. I knew something was fishy about the whole thing, but it didn't stop the wave of giddy excitement I felt at the thought of Josh at one of my gigs. I wondered if he was actually there, or if she was just pushing my buttons since he and I had our differences.

Me: "Is Josh really right there?"

Rachel: "I just let him read that text, and he smiled."

Me: "OMG Rachel, you did not."

Rachel: "What's wrong with that?"

Me: "I don’t know, it's embarrassing. Doesn't matter
, though. Tell everybody I said hi & congratulations."

Rachel: "Sorry, didn't
mean to embarrass you. :-/ Everyone really did love the song... including Josh."

Me: "Thanks girlie! Talk to you soon."

Chapter 10

Josh

"Brit sent me this video of her band playing last night," Rachel said
as we sat in the quiet waiting room at Sacred Heart Hospital. "You guys have to listen to this." Collin put her earbuds in his ear and stared at the screen for three full minutes before looking up.

"That's awesome," Collin said, handing her phone back to her.

"You should see it," she said, holding her hand out.

Her comment was clearly directed
to Emily who was sitting on the other side of me, but I reached out like I thought she'd been talking to me, grabbed the phone, and put the earbuds in my ear. Rachel didn't have the heart to protest, and neither did Emily. I sat back, looked at the screen, and pressed play.

For the next three and a half minutes, I was totally focused on the screen of Rachel's phone.
I turned the volume up loud and let the sound of her vulnerable, raspy voice hypnotize me just like it had the first time I heard it. I didn't recognize the song they were playing, but that didn't matter. I still felt the craziest sense of comfort and familiarity when I listened to her sing. Something about that voice just called to me in a way that no other sound ever had. I knew good and well that I couldn't sit there and watch it again without being totally obvious, so I handed the phone back to Rachel. I did, however, manage to forward the text to myself without anyone noticing. I could feel my hand shaking slightly when Rachel took the phone from me. She was a notorious matchmaker, and I felt like I was being transparent, so I said something to try and throw her off. "Pretty good for a bunch of tree huggers."

Did I feel good
about myself for saying it? No. But it was better than having her figure out how fast my heart was beating at the sound of that girl's voice. Then it dawned on me that Rachel would be able to see she'd sent me that video. I felt the blood drain from my face as I realized I had to get her phone back from her. When I handed it back to her a few seconds ago, she looked down at it and began pressing buttons. What if she'd already seen it? Shit. I had to think of something quick. I went over a few different options in my mind before deciding to send her a text.

Me: "Why you sending me this crap?"

Seconds later, Rachel's head popped up and she regarded me with a wary expression before looking back down at her screen. My phone shook and glanced down to read her response.

Rachel: "
Whaaa?"

Me: "You sent me the video of that song."

Rachel stared at her phone, lifted her eyebrows, and then started tapping out another text.

Rachel: "I guess I did t
hat by accident, but if you hand me your phone, I'll show you how to delete it."

She looked at me with a smirk and held her hand out.

The blood rushed from my face again.

"I already deleted it," I said out loud.

Rachel didn't mind stirring the pot when it came to trying to make a love connection, but she was ultimately non-confrontational, and didn't ask me for my phone to check my story. She smiled and rolled her eyes then went right back to pushing buttons on her phone.

I wondered if she was texting Brit.

Then, as if I'd just wondered it out loud, Rachel came over to me and flashed her phone so I could see the screen. The name at the top read Brit, and she'd set the screen so that I could see the last text said, "Is Josh really right there?" I looked at Rachel, confused. She didn't say anything else, just sat back in her waiting room chair and stared at her phone again.

We all got to visit with Gretchen and Joel briefly and see the baby. He was wrapped up in one of those thin baby blankets
, and although he had on a little hat, you could see he had black hair just like his dad. Gretchen had a long labor followed by surgery, so we were basically just in and out.

I went to bed that night thinking about why Brit was asking about me. Her voice singing the song I
hadn't deleted from my phone was the last thing I heard before my head hit the pillow.

****

My new job had been keeping me extremely busy, and before I knew it, we were well into fall. It was Halloween weekend, and we had a lot going on. October 31
st
fell on a Friday, and Gretchen and Joel were planning a big costume party. Their baby was over two months now, and Gretchen's mom was staying with him in the nursery where they'd be safe from the noise. It was a grown up party, but the invitation clearly stated that it would be held from 7 to 10 with everyone gone by 10PM, and not a minute later. It also said that any stragglers would be blindfolded thrown into a fiery volcano. It wasn't just because Gretchen wanted to get back to her baby at a decent hour, but also because they had a big day the next day.

Saturday November 1st
was the grand opening of Mama Tonia's—the best place in L.A. for a plate of home-cooked food. I'd been lucky enough to sample the menu during the past few months, and although the restaurant was a good thirty minutes from my house, I'd still be going there on a regular basis.

Collin and Rachel
picked me up at six o'clock on Halloween night. We had plans to hang out with Emily and Ethan before walking over to Joel and Gretchen's. Emily was still living in their guesthouse even though Ethan moved in with her not long after the Olympics were over. Ethan had plans to buy a house in L.A., but for now he was comfortable at Emily's place and everyone was fine with him being there.

We walked into the guesthouse and started checking out each other's costumes.
Most of the people I was hanging out with were married or in relationships, and so the girls had hooked them up with something to wear to the costume party. Collin and Rachel were a king and queen with crowns and capes and scepters and the whole nine yards. Collin would have never bought himself a velvet cape, but next to Rachel in her queen's dress, he looked natural in it. Ethan was a giant cigarette, and Emily a giant disco ball. I knew right away that they were dressed as
smoke and mirrors
and Emily got mad at me for solving the riddle so quickly.

I didn't have a girl to tell me what to wear, so I picked up a hockey mask and a fake bloody knife. I already had the
dirty Carhartt jacket and black pants that would complete the look. I knew it was unoriginal, but I figured every Halloween party needed a Jason or two.

"You know if you don't wear the mask, you'll just
look like a creep who showed up in your dirty work clothes," Emily said.

"
I figured that one out by myself," I said. "But I'm not gonna put on a mask till I go to the party, so you'll have to be satisfied with my dirty work clothes for now."

"Aw, come on," Ethan teased, "y
ou mean you're not comfortable wearing a hockey mask?"

"Well, I'm not comfortable inside a disco ball either," Emily defended. "Lots of people will be uncomfortable tonight, but you have to push through the pain." 

"Speaking of pain," Rachel said, cutting in, "does Brit need me to help her get zipped up? She text me and said her outfit was a little snug."

"Gretchen
and them helped her," Emily said. "She came by here a minute ago, and she looks adorable."

I wasn't really following what they were saying about her outfit because I was in
utterly shocked to hear that Brit was there in the first place. I should have known she'd be there for the restaurant opening the next day, but I hadn't heard anyone mention it, so it was the farthest thing from my mind.

"Josh." Rachel snapped her hand in front of me to get my attention. "You okay?"

"Yeah," I answered without skipping a beat. "I was just thinking about what we could do after Gretchen closes up shop tonight."

"They rented a party bus for everyone who
wants to stay out," Ethan said. "They didn't want anyone drinking and driving."

I didn't even
engage in the conversation. I was still distracted from getting the news about Brit being there. I didn't really care what would happen after the party, I'd only said that so I wasn't so obvious. All I could think about was how the next hour or so would go. I hadn't seen Brit since the night in Portland, and I figured there was a good chance it'd be tense as usual between us. As the conversation carried on around me, I absentmindedly took guesses at what Brit's costume would be. I also wondered if she'd have the skinny jeans guy with her.

"I wonder why Brit hasn't come back yet," Emily said. "She knew you guys would be here and she said she
'd be right back."

"She text me a minute ago saying she saw us pull up," Rachel said, "but she was helping Gretchen finish getting ready."

Emily laughed. "I saw their costumes the other day. They're gonna be so classic."

"I haven't seen the costumes, but
she told me they were going to be Sandy and Danny from Grease," Rachel said.

Gretchen AKA Sandy greeted us when we walked into her house. It was dark-
ish in there, all decorated with glowsticks and black lights. Gretchen had a big family, and they all beat us there, so it already felt like a party when arrived, even though we were five minutes early. There was a spread of finger foods attended by servers in skeleton bodysuits. The decorations were all really cool looking, and I couldn't wait to see all the costumes that would turn up. Joel came up and put his arm around Gretchen who kissed him on the cheek just like Sandy would have done.

"I'm glad you're Sandy in black," Rachel said.

"Yeah, I thought about Sandy in the yellow dress, or cheerleader Sandy, but I think black's a given on Halloween."

"Totally," Rachel said, "You guys look amazing." She reached out to hug them.

"You do too, all of you!" Gretchen said. She looked around, taking in our costumes.

"That you Josh?" she asked, squinting as if it might help her see through my mask.

"I killed Josh," I said in the scariest voice I could do. It was pretty creepy. I had a really deep voice to begin with, and I made it sound creepy. My little comment had the girls squealing and covering their ears. I hadn't expected that kind of reaction. "Jesus," I laughed, plucking the mask from my face and settling it on top of my head, "I thought I was supposed to be scary."

"Not
that
scary," Gretchen said. "We're lightweights." She pointed at my mask. "But you need to put your mask on because my brother Garret wore his real-life cop uniform, and he's locking up anyone who gets out of character."

"Where's he locking them?" I asked, pulling my mask back into position on my face. "In Halloween jail?"

"Yeah," Gretchen said with a serious expression. She gestured toward the other side of the living room, and I looked across the huge, open space. It was dark, but I could clearly see the cage on the far wall. It was a big box of bars and bones like something you'd see on Pirates of the Caribbean.

"You guys talking about Garret's jail?" a voice said. I knew it was Brit's voice. There was no way you could mistake that voice. I hesitated to turn and look at her even though she couldn't see my face behind the mask.

"Oh my God. You're so beautiful!" I heard Rachel squeal as we all turned to look at Brit. I was so thankful my face couldn't be seen because it's possible my jaw literally fell open. She was wearing a white dress that fit tight around the top, but had a huge skirt that went all the way to the floor. I had no idea who she was supposed to be, but she looked like some storybook princess or something.

"The most gorgeous Cinderella I've ever seen," Rachel said, unintentionally answering my question.
The sleeveless dress sparkled like a million diamonds, and Brit was wearing long white gloves, and carrying an eye mask on a stick. Up until then, she'd been holding the mask up to her face, but she dropped it to look at all of us.

"This bodice is so tight, she said, her eyes stopping on Rachel.
She made a super silly face, complete with crossed eyes. "If I pass out at some point, just unzip me and let me get some oxygen."

"Where in the world did you get such a dress?" Rachel asked. "I might want to try it on just because it's
that
beautiful."

"Isn't it a dream?" Brit said
, shifting from side to side so Rachel could inspect it. "I heisted it from the theater department. Okay, I had permission, but it's more fun to say heist." She paused and looked around, taking in our costumes. "Who's Jason? Josh or Zack?" she gestured at me with her free hand.

She looked so beautiful in that white dress. Maybe that's why
I was a little disappointed at the level of disinterest she showed when she asked the question. She'd said our names as if she would be totally unaffected by the answer to the question. I wanted so badly to be next to her. Before I could stop myself, I closed the four feet of space that separated us and came up behind her with my plastic knife pressed to her neck. I bent so my mask was right next to her ear. I could smell her. She smelled like the place where I get a massage, like lavender and citrus and other comfortable smells.

"
Don't try to act like you don't know who I am," I half-whispered in her ear. I was using the voice I'd just tried out on the rest of them. She stayed perfectly still except for the rise and fall of her chest. Her hair was pinned up and I leaned over her breathing in the clean smell. I struggled to catch a glimpse of the bare skin of her shoulders and chest through the tiny holes of the mask. Suddenly, I wished I were dressed as a vampire instead of Jason. I stared down at that bare neck and cursed the thick plastic mask that separated my mouth from it.