I hesitated.
"See here. We have no time for foolishness. If you are going to waste time with social amenities, we'll never get down to the real work. If you want to assist me, you must immediately drop all conditioning and understand that sex is a tool, a function of your consciousness. If you confuse it with personality and social roles, we'll just be playing silly games."
It was the first time I had been given a lecture while sitting with an erection in front of a moaning girl who was imploring me to give it to her in the mouth. But, of course, he was right. And upon realizing that, I felt a sudden lightheartedness. I was in the presence of peers, people such as I had been looking for a long time. At last there was someone who could help me with the problem of fantasy fucking. I stood up, unzipped my fly, and let a seven-inch, gnarled, competent, wise, gentle, ruthless, purple-crowned cock flip out.
Tocco looked at it for a few seconds with professional admiration. "Excellent," he said. "Now to the girl."
He walked behind Susan and pulled the dress up completely over her head so that she was totally naked. "She has achieved only a middle-level mindlessness, but is progressing well. From her accounts she has attained four actual instances of sexual satori, but as well we know, enlightenment is only a sign-post to let us know how much harder we have to work." He bent over her and whispered, "Lie down, Susan, take it on your back," She keeled over with a sob, and lay writhing on the floor. Her mouth was working more convulsively than ever. She began licking the air with her tongue.
"Much of this is role actualization," he said, "and it's interesting that . . ." But I was transfixed, watching her. "Oh," he said, "excuse me. By all means, help yourself."
I was past all attempts to figure it out. My only focus was to get my cock into her mouth. I kneeled down with my knees on either side of her head, and leaned forward. Immediately she reached up and took it as far as it would go into her mouth, and then made a gulping movement which drove it down into her throat. At that her legs kicked up and a look of unbearable pain and ecstasy came over her face. She pulled back just as quickly and lay there gasping. She seemed helpless, and that very helplessness made me want to violate her further. This time I drove into her throat until I could feel her gulping on the head of my cock. She fought free and turned her head aside. I wondered whether I had hurt her, but she turned back and pushed herself lower, until she had taken my balls in her mouth. She began a frantic licking deep between my thighs until, with a deep cry, she took my asshole full onto her mouth, and then started working her tongue into it.
I looked up. The doctor was smiling. "It's quite astonishing. She will lick, suck, swallow, kiss, or nibble on anything you put into her mouth. Toes, urine, feces. Would you like to pee in her mouth, my young friend?"
Simultaneously, Susan moved forward and was taking the head of my cock onto her tongue as waves of paranoia were emanating from Doctor Tocco. I was torn between a sense of infinitely sickening ugliness and profound release. The thin line between insanity and holiness was stretched to the breaking point, and I had either to drop all labels and all preconceptions and dive into the mix, or else deal with the frightening judgements which were beginning to swim up from my social conscience.
"You see," Tocco went on relentlessly, "It is a very complex affair. And we have just begun. Are you sure you want to go on, to pursue this knowledge, into the mysteries of sex and its partner, death, to follow the terrifying paths of beauty and terror to their final end?"
And as all the shades of ambivalence raced through my mind like great spectral horses, Susan began panting and slobbering and crying greedily, "Fuck me, fuck me in the mouth, give it to me, anything, feed me, anything, in my mouth, open, shoot it, suck it, me, oh, oohhh, ohhh! Her breasts were crushed between my thighs, her body writhing beneath, me. Her open wet red mouth crying to be filled grabbed me from the horns of my metaphysical dilemma, and I sank, halfway between longing and disgust, into her throat. She sucked at my cock like a whirlpool, and I could feel myself being drawn out from my asshole and the pit of my stomach and my chest. I looked down and saw her now-wild face pressed full against the black pubic hair and every last inch of cock was totally imbedded deep in the recesses of her mouth. Everything cut loose inside me, and my orgasm boiled over; I shot spasm after spasm of hot sperm into her, crying: "Yes, yes, yes!"
I rode it for many long seconds and then fell forward on my elbows. She lay quiet, and as my cock grew smaller she lapped it gently with her tongue, licking off the last drops of sperm which dribbled out and then sucking it clean.
The room resounded with a great silence, and Tocco cleared his throat to speak.
"Good. I like to see the young people enjoy themselves." And he laughed in a deep baritone which couldn't help but make one feel that all had to be right with the world.
I stood up, and for a moment felt awkward. Tocco had already gone back to some paperwork at his desk, and it was as though I had been dismissed. There was a stirring under me and Susan got to her feet. I was almost afraid to look at her, but when I did I was greeted by a warm, appreciative smile, and a pair of intelligent and lively grey eyes.
"Hello," she said. "I'm glad you'll be working with us. I think we'll get along very well." She reached down and threw her dress over herself once more. "Come on," she said, walking out, "I'll show you to your room."
TWO
THE ROOM WAS indistinguishable from any you might find in a modern motel. I was somewhat worried about clothing, but the closet held a number of shirts and pants and jackets of various sizes. I felt as though I were entering a monastery, ready to throw off all vestiges of my old life, and I decided on the spot not even to go back to tie up loose ends on the "outside".
Susan showed me around and then left. I undressed, showered, and settled down for a good night's sleep. On the table next to the bed was a small pamphlet which seemed be privately published. The cover bore the simple inscription: ISM. I flipped it open at random, and found it to be a dense philosophical polemic on the nature of reality and illusion, and the role of sex in man's attainment of cosmic consciousness. It had illustrations from some ancient Tibetan tracts on Tantrie Yoga. I was in the middle of deciding whether I should go seek other reading material, when I heard a light knock at the door.
"Come in," I yelled, expecting Tocco or Susan. The door swung open and there stood a perfectly beautiful young girl of about nineteen. She was quite thin, with almost nonexistent breasts, narrow hips, and a boyish cast to her posture. Her hair was long to her waist and a shimmering golden brown. She had eyes like almonds, and a wide, full mouth. She wore a totally transparent negligee, and the dark of her nipples and pubic hair were like shadows at the bottom of a fish pond. She shifted one leg, and I saw she had that rare quality in a woman's body where the thighs do not join snugly at the crotch, but rise like pillars into the torso and leave a space between them of several inches. That yawning gap, hanging like a stone bridge across a chasm, was her cunt, made by nature to be wide and open and accessible.
"Come in," I said again, more quietly this time. She smiled and her face was total mockery. "You would like that, wouldn't you?" she taunted. I looked again and ran my tongue over my lips. "More than you can imagine," I said.
"Well, let's leave imagination out of it. What are you willing to do?"
For a moment I missed the intent of her words, and then I remembered what the scene was in the building. This must be some sort of test, I thought. Deliberately, and without removing my eyes from hers, I threw back the covers on the bed and exposed my body. I reached down with my right hand and grabbed my cock. Slowly, languorously, I began stroking it. It stirred gently, and then began to get hard. I pulled on it more purposefully, and it came to its full length and width. I looked down at the hard tool, and then back at her. "It's not what I am willing to do to let you in, but what are you willing to do for me to allow you in." She turned sideways and made as if to go, but stopped, and looked down and back over her shoulder. I followed the line of sight and beheld perhaps the most perfectly-formed ass I had ever seen in my life. It lay in perfect proportion to the rest of her body, and then was just a little larger than scale. The buttocks broke right at the tops of her thighs and rounded out in full globes. A deep, rich cleft offered an eternity of exploration. She arched her back, and her ass rose high and away, inviting, opening. Simultaneously she ran her tongue over her lips and brought one hand down between her legs. With great delicacy she put one finger into her cunt, bringing the material of her gown with it.
Clearly she had more ammunition than I did for this war of the nerves, but I had more muscle. I got out of bed, walked slowly over to her, and before she could react, grabbed her and swung her up over my shoulders. She started to kick and protest, but I threw her ungracefully down on the bed and landed on top of her. We wrestled furiously. Her anger was genuine, and matched my lust.
Gradually my weight began to wear her down, and in a few moments she lay exhausted and panting under me. Holding both her wrists together with one hand, I reached down and ripped the negligee off. She was even more breathtaking up close. Her skin was dimensional; to touch her lightly was to sink into a pool of sensations. I relaxed and just drank it all in. The breasts lay flattened against her rib cage, and from the waist up she might have been a boy. The thought inflamed me and for a moment I felt a spark fly from her mind to mine. Without thinking I reached forward and took one nipple in my mouth. The effect was electrifying. All her bravado melted away instantaneously and she twisted her torso up to force the nipple deeper into my mouth. I cupped her breast and bunched it together, making it seem larger than it was, and then took the entire thing in my mouth as though it were a small peach. Gently I dug my teeth into her and lapped with my tongue at the warm flesh which filled my mouth. She grabbed my hair and pulled my head down, forcing me to go even more deeply into her.
We stayed locked like that for a long moment, and then I pulled back. At the same time she let go, and we lay for a while unmoving, my head on her chest, listening to the pounding of her heart. In a while there was within us both some kind of stirring. And once again I began to move, but now I went toward her mouth. She reached for me greedily, and before my lips reached hers she began licking my mouth and face. Her tongue was sensitive and quick, and I closed my eyes and let it roam over my eyes and forehead and cheeks. Finally she reached around and inserted the tip of her tongue into my ear, something which is like pushing the red alert inside me. I moved on reflex and reached down to plant my hand square between her thighs in the space between cunt and asshole. I grabbed her hard and perhaps hurt her a little bit, but she moaned and fell back writhing. I moved down and sat directly between her legs. I pushed her thighs apart and looked long and lovingly at the already wet cunt before me.
It was a heartbreakingly beautiful picture. Dark matted hair, red-violet lips, white flesh, and dark folds underneath where the buttocks met. And the entire thing resting on a firm globular ass, the curves of which peeked out from under as she lay there. To make it even more heady, the pungent aroma of cunt was already beginning to fill the air.
I reached forward with both hands and parted the outer lips. The inner lips were still stuck together, pink and closed, and gently I ran my finger down between them until they too fell open. She responded with a deep, ecstatic sigh and I saw a shudder of acceptance go through her entire body. I leaned forward and peered at the very heart of her cunt, at the rosebud opening which lay buried under all the protective layers. I inserted my middle finger and was immediately plunged into a different world, a world where variations in heat and texture were the only language. My feelings varied between the clinical and the poetic. At one point I was touching and identifying all the anatomical parts, and suddenly I was only deep in wet, pulsating cunt, with an exquisite young woman reacting to my every touch with silent implorings to have me do more.
I reached the cervix and touched the very entrance to the womb. She gasped and I pulled out my finger, only to insert my hand. I put all four fingers from thumb to ring finger into the cunt opening. At first she resisted, but I moved in without hurting her, and soon I was in her as far as anatomy would allow. I let my hand loose and just walked and stroked and pinched every inch of her now-stretched cunt. She reached down and, kicking up her legs, grabbed her ankles so that she was completely split apart, totally exposed. The juices were running very freely and dribbling down between her buttocks. I twisted my hand enough to allow me to put my pinky into her asshole, now lubricated by her own secretions. All the barriers broke at once, and I found myself in a frenzy of movement, pushing and pulling and twisting and pummeling her cunt and ass, not knowing whether I was hurting her or giving her pleasure, and hearing from a distance her cries of desire, screaming for more and more, until the spasms began deep in her cunt and moved down into her belly, and she rocked and came and came.
She fell back, eyes closed, and didn't move. I slowly pulled my hand out of her, and looked at the thin wild body now lying so still. For an instant she seemed dead, and the thought excited me beyond my expectations. That was one trip it seemed I would never enjoy. But she was alive, and I could pretend she was dead. Thus have my cake and talk to it too. I moved up and stretched myself out over her. "Don't move," I said. "I want you to lie perfectly still. Don't make a sound. I'm going to shove my cock into you, and fuck you until I come. And you're going to lie there and take it. I don't care whether you like it or not. I'm not interested in anything except your cunt right now."