Milk and Honey (4 page)

my name sounds so good
french kissing your tongue

you wrap your fingers
around my hair
and pull
this
is how you make
music out of me

- foreplay

on days
like this
i need you to
run your fingers
through my hair
and speak softly

- you

i want your hands
to hold
not my hands
your lips
to kiss
not my lips
but other places

i need someone
who knows struggle
as well as i do
someone
willing to hold my feet in their lap
on days it is too difficult to stand
the type of person who gives
exactly what i need
before i even know i need it
the type of lover who hears me
even when i do not speak
is the type of understanding
i demand

- the type of lover i need

you move my hand
between my legs
and whisper
make those pretty little fingers dance for me

- solo performance

we’ve been arguing more than we ought to. about things
neither of us remember or care about cause that’s how
we avoid the bigger questions. instead of asking why we
don’t say
i love you
to one another as often as we used to.
we fight about things like: who was supposed to get up
and turn the lights off first. or who was supposed to pop
the frozen pizza in the oven after work. taking hits at the
most vulnerable parts of one another. we’re like fingers on
thorns honey. we know exactly where it hurts.

and everything is on the table tonight. like that one time
you whispered a name i’m pretty sure wasn’t mine in your
sleep. or last week when you said you were working late.
so i called work but they said you’d already left a couple
hours ago. where were you for those couple hours.

i know. i know. your excuses make all the sense in the
world. and i get a little carried away for no good reason
and eventually begin crying. but what else do you expect
baby. i love you so much. i’m sorry i thought you were
lying.

that’s when you hold your head with your hands in
frustration. half begging me to stop. half tired and sick of
it. the toxin in our mouths has burnt holes in our cheeks.
we look less alive than we used to. less color in our faces.
but don’t kid yourself. no matter how bad it gets we both
know you still wanna nail me to the ground.

especially when i’m screaming so loud our fighting wakes
the neighbors. and they come running to the door to save
us. baby don’t open it.

instead. lie me down. lay me open like a map. and with
your finger trace the places you still want to **** out of
me. kiss me like i am the center point of gravity and you
are falling into me like my soul is the focal point of yours.
and when your mouth is kissing not my mouth
but other places. my legs will split apart out of habit. and
that’s when. i pull you in. welcome you. home.

when the entire street is looking out their windows
wondering what all the commotion is. and the fire trucks
come rolling in to save us but they can’t distinguish
whether these flames began with our anger or our passion.
i will smile. throw my head back. arch my body like a
mountain you want to split in half. baby lick me.

like your mouth has the gift of reading and i’m your
favorite book. find your favorite page in the soft spot
between my legs and read it carefully. fluently. vividly.
don’t you dare leave a single word untouched. and i swear
my ending will be so good. the last few words will come.
running to your mouth. and when you’re done. take a
seat. cause it’s my turn to make music with my knees
pressed to the ground.

sweet baby. this. is how we pull language out of one
another with the flick of our tongues. this is how we have
the conversation. this. is how we make up.

- how we make up

when my mother says i deserve better
i snap to your defense out of habit
he still loves me
i shout
she looks at me with defeated eyes
the way a parent looks at their child
when they know this is the type of pain
even they can’t fix
and says
it means nothing to me if he loves you
if he can’t do a single wretched thing about it

you were so distant
i forgot you were there at all

you said. if it is meant to be. fate will bring us back
together. for a second i wonder if you are really
that naive. if you really believe fate works like
that. as if it lives in the sky staring down at us. as
if it has five fingers and spends its time placing us
like pieces of chess. as if it is not the choices we
make. who taught you that. tell me. who
convinced you. you’ve been given a heart and
a mind that isn’t yours to use. that your actions
do not define what will become of you. i want to
scream and shout
it’s us you fool. we’re the only
ones that can bring us back together
. but
instead i sit quietly. smiling softly through
quivering lips thinking. isn’t it such a tragic thing.
when you can see it so clearly but the other person
doesn’t.

don’t mistake
salt for sugar
if he wants to
be with you
he will
it’s that simple

he only whispers
i love you
as he slips his hands
down the waistband
of your pants
this is where you must
understand the difference
between want and need
you may want that boy
but you certainly
don’t need him

you were temptingly beautiful
but stung when i got close

the woman who comes after me will be a bootleg
version of who i am. she will try and write poems
for you to erase the ones i’ve left memorized on
your lips but her lines could never punch you in
the stomach the way mine did. she will then try to
make love to your body. but she will never
lick, caress, or suck like me. she will be a sad
replacement of the woman you let slip. nothing she
does will excite you and this will break her. when
she is tired of falling apart for a man that doesn’t
give back what he takes she will recognize me in
your eyelids staring at her with pity and it’ll hit her.
how can she love a man who is busy loving
someone he can never get his hands on again.