Mid-Life Crisis Diaries (5 page)

C H A P T E R  8

A
fter a day of snorkeling, both Andre and Marsha stood on top of the mountain next in line for the zip line.

“I thought I’d take you to the mountain for a change,” Andre said.

“You don’t have to go out of your way to take me anywhere. The beach itself is a treat for me.” She was surprised she said that considering that a few days ago, she hated the beach and the sun.

He put the helmet on Marsha. “You look like you need a piece of adventure.”

Was she that obvious? Was Dr. Lee trying to transform her? “What do you mean?”

Not answering her question, he tightened her seatbelt. “The trick is not to look down.”

The next thing Marsha knew, her body was gliding two hundred meters above with the forest surrounding her. Her heart almost jumped out from her chest and she almost puked, but then she remembered what Andre told her about not looking down.

Upon arrival, she tried to catch her breath. She removed her helmet and paced around trying to calm her nerves. This wasn’t her type of thing. Perhaps she should just call Dr. Lee and cancel this whole thing. Andre is a nice guy, but she wasn’t an adrenaline junkie.

Andre arrived moments later, glowing as ever. His expression changed when he saw she didn’t share the same enthusiasm. “Was it too much for you?”

“What did you mean back there?” She asked as they strode back to his
Jeep Wrangler
.

“What?” He opened the door for her.

“That I need some kind of adventure.” She stepped inside the car. “What is so wrong with keeping things simple? I like my life, I don’t need to climb a mountain and take risks to be happy. I’m happy having a glass of wine over dinner. No need of extreme sports.”

He patted her back. “I guess I was right, I’m not very good with people.”

Shaking her head, Marsha said. “I’m sorry for lashing out at you like that. It’s not your fault. In fact, I don’t even know why I’m here.”

Andre entered the car and started the engine. “You know what, let’s have a quiet dinner tonight so you can have your glass of wine. We don’t have to pretend to impress each other. Let’s just be ourselves. How does that sound?”

Marsha nodded but she wasn’t sure she could continue as planned. Dr. Lee was wrong, there’s no way a trip to Puerto Vallarta would cure a broken heart. What was she thinking?

***

Marsha was on her way out the door, when Dr. Lee called. “How’s everything going?”

“It’s going.”

“You don’t sound too happy,” Dr. Lee seemed to sense from Marsha’s tone.

“Frankly, I don’t know why I’m here. It’s like I’m forcing the issue. Yesterday, I went zip lining and the other day snorkeling. I don’t need to do this stuff to make my life worthwhile.”

“Wow, Marsha! What a change from San Francisco. Aren’t you glad you tried it?”

Marsha knew if she told her she preferred to go home, Dr. Lee would insist, so instead she cut the conversation short. “Listen, I gotta go, Andre’s waiting outside.”

“Make sure you tell me all the juicy details.”

***

At the restaurant, Marsha twirled her pasta, looking into space.

“Are you okay? You haven’t touched your food.”

“Sorry...”

“It helps to talk about it.”

Tears trickled down her cheek. She hesitated for a moment then narrated what happened to Blake and her and how Dr. Lee convinced her to spend a month in Puerto Vallarta with Andre.

He reached for her hand and she kept still. “You’ve been through a lot. I don’t blame you for being angry and frustrated.”

“Tell me something, Andre, why did you agree to do this?”

Andre pulled his hand away and leaned his body against the chair.

The waiter poured more red wine then excused himself.

“Sorry, I thought since I told you everything about my life, you would be able to share a piece of you with me,” Marsha said. “I mean, why would someone like you want to spend a month with an older woman like me?”

He faced her. “Because I was married to an
older woman
.”

Air escaped her lungs. “You were?”

“Yes...” His voice trailed off. “My ex-wife, Layla, is experiencing the same thing your husband is going through, which is why I perfectly understand your pain.”

All Marsha could say was, “Oh.” But deep inside, she knew Andre was a keeper. She blushed at the thought.
Not a keeper for you, Marsha,
she thought to herself. For someone else.

Andre swallowed hard and adjusted the neck of his shirt before raising his hand delicately in the air to signal for more wine. He cleared his throat and looked back at Marsha, who was staring at him like she was looking at a lost puppy.

“Oh no,” he laughed, flashing his wide smile. “Don’t you go feeling sorry for me. I’m just trying to let you know we aren’t really so different, you and I. It’s just that our ages are reversed a bit. And who cares about that anyway. I married Layla because I thought she was mature. And you know, I’m really not trying to boast, but I’ve always thought of myself as an old soul. A little above my age group maturity-wise, if you know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I sensed that about you right away,” Marsha nodded, mindlessly slipping a bit of buttered bread in her mouth. “I mean, from the moment I opened the door, you just looked so sure of yourself. And to be honest, that’s something I struggle with, so it was really a sexy character trait, if I may be so bold.” She regretted using the word
sexy
as soon as she said it, especially to someone so much younger than her that she’d just met. She wasn’t sure how he’d take it, but she meant it as a compliment.

When she met his eyes, his face revealed that he wasn’t affected by it in the least. That stuck with her. If someone had calmly mentioned that a trait of hers was sexy back in California, she would have immediately been offended. Unless they were this handsome, then she would have probably allowed herself to be a little flattered as well. But she would have mulled and stewed over that comment for weeks. Andre didn’t even blink when she said it. He only nodded in agreement to what she was ultimately saying.

“I know what you mean, I actually
do
feel very confident. And I was confident in our marriage, as well. Which is why it broke me so much when she said she needed a break. I mean, it tore me in two, I didn’t even see it coming.” He took a big drink of his wine and rested his hand on the stem of the glass while he thought.

“I know
that
feeling, my friend,” she laughed. It was a sad sort of laugh, and they both sat laughing together for quite some time in silence. It was the sort of silent laugh that gets swallowed up by the universe except for the two people sharing it. Two souls, sitting together in beautiful Mexico, quietly laughing about broken hearts and being taken aback by the people they thought would love them for their whole lives. Marsha couldn’t get over the oddity that was herself, sitting here with this beautiful young man, and she marveled at the small chance she had to do something different with her life from this point on. It was an actual treasure that she was here, and she would be hard-pressed to find another chance like this in her lifetime.

“So if we aren’t to sit around and feel sorry for each other, what are we to do?” Marsha asked, cutting into her salmon.

Andre smiled again, and wiped a tear from his eye. “We drink.”

They raised their glasses and clinked them together and immediately they both relaxed in their seats. Marsha enjoyed her meal, at last, and Andre ate the rest of his slowly out of respect, which did not go unnoticed. Afterward, they strolled along the beach together, walking close enough together that their arms brushed together once in a while. Marsha recognized that it didn’t seem to bother him, and she grew more comfortable with someone else being in the space around her body. This one realization, the awareness of her own body and its comfort level, was very calming to her.

Her shoulders dropped, and her hips swayed a bit as they strolled. The sounds rolling off the water were soothing, a slow whoosh of tiny waves that lapped up close to their feet. Andre had taken off his shoes and was carrying them over his shoulder. Marsha kept watching their feet as they walked, and loved how the soft sand crept between his tanned feet. She wasn’t sure how someone’s feet could be attractive, but his were, and it made her smile. For the rest of her life, she would remember what that sand looked like clinging to the sides of his strong feet, and she paused during a moment of silence.

Andre didn’t say a word as she perched herself on a nearby boulder, he only watched her as she began undoing her sandals, and when Marsha looked up at him to see if he was irritated that she’d stopped, she noticed him smiling contently. Like he was just existing, and happy to be doing so in her company. She finished by stringing the sandals onto her wrist and gathering up her skirt. Andre followed her lead as she left to walk closer to the waves.

She walked on the wet sand that had just seen a small wave wash over it, and loved the way the water felt on her bare feet. It was a completely different feeling, walking through the moist sand, fully dressed. She felt like a child, and it warmed her core. Andre fell in stride beside her and the two of them walked slowly down the shore, letting the water wash over the arches of their feet.

“So can you tell me a bit more about Layla? I understand if you don’t want to talk about it, I was just curious.”

“Yeah, sure,” he answered, no threat of tears in his eyes. “We met at a real estate convention, and I was struck by her beauty right away. She was older than me, and just breathtaking.” He dipped his head backward and laughed a little. “Actually, the first thing I noticed about her was that she seemed confident in herself. Which, you know, I could appreciate. Here was this woman,” he threw his arm out in front him, gesturing to the universe, “that was gorgeous, confident, all the things I knew I wanted in a mate. She could hold a steady job, because you know…I didn’t want anyone who just wanted to stay at home all day every day. I wanted someone who was their own person. Who was happy to be an individual, you know?”

Marsha nodded silently, watching the waves.

“And she was happy, just to be herself. We dated for what I thought was a long time, but when you date someone who you think is on your maturity level, you assume that time is irrelevant. And so I proposed. I figured that she was the one, because who else would there be? She wasn’t with anyone when we got together, it’s not like I was the other man or anything. She
wanted
to be with me. Stop me if I’m blabbering…” He looked at Marsha inquisitively.

“No, no, go on. I’m listening.”

“Okay, so it struck me as a real shocker when Layla announced that she needed a break.” He scratched his head with the hand that was holding his shoes. “I’m still not really sure from
what
, though.”

“She had a nice life, then? I mean, you guys didn’t fight a lot or anything real obvious?”

“Are you Love Guru-ing me, young lady?” He laughed and nudged her with his elbow.

“No! I mean…yeah probably. I’ll stop if you like but usually there is something that triggers these sorts of things, and we can’t ever see it in our own relationship. It takes someone stepping in to let us know where we’re going wrong, you know?” She bowed her head, afraid she’d said too much. She wanted to not chase him away, after all, he was her only friend in a place very far away from home. And she certainly didn’t want to spend the rest of her time in Mexico alone.

“I do know that, yes. And I’ve wracked my brain trying to figure out what it is. I mean, I gave her everything she wanted. This house even, the one that we’re building, it’s all to her specifications. Everything she wanted, I just let her have at it. She didn’t ask me what I wanted, or what I’d like to add. I just hooked her up with the contractor and told her to have at it. She loved that. When I first told her, there was a sparkle in her eyes the likes of which I hadn’t seen in a long time. I think I was probably trying to settle something within the marriage by building the house, maybe.”

“Like maybe trying to put down roots somewhere because that’s what she wanted? Did she not want to travel anymore?”

Andre looked at her with surprise; he stopped walking for a moment and looked up toward the sky, which was already beginning to be peppered with stars. It was beautiful, and he took a long, deep breath with his eyes closed while he soaked it in.

“Sorry,” he breathed. “You’re right on, aren’t you? She did mention that she was tired of traveling so much. But I assumed, since we were both in the same business, that that would work in our favor in the long run. Kind of like two doctors being married to each other. Or two actors. They kind of already understand the lifestyle, because they
chose
it. But she changed. Or something about her changed, what she wanted changed I guess. I don’t know really. I’ve been over and over the last three years of marriage in my mind and can’t seem to pinpoint where things started shifting for her.”

“We often aren’t aware of what someone else close to us is feeling, don’t beat yourself up about not seeing the differences until it was too late.” She giggled a sad sort of half-laugh. “Happens to the best of us.” Andre nodded and shrugged his shoulders. “It still hurts, though, huh?”