MENDING FENCES

            Maria Miller had never been so scared in her life.  Sure, there had been times when someone had sneaked up on her while she was working in the kitchen.  At those times, she jumped, turned around, and then laughed at herself for startling so easily.  Other than those times, Maria had not really had the opportunity to be scared.  She lived a sheltered, charmed life and she liked it that way.

            And now here she was, somewhere completely new and utterly different.  She wasn’t sure what to do with herself.

            When Maria’s parents first brought up Rumspringa, Maria had been 14.  She simply shook her head no and they dropped the subject.  All of the teens in her community went through it, but Maria simply wasn’t ready and her parents accepted that.

            Rumspringa was something Maria heard about all of her life.  Teens would go off into the so-called “real world” for a time and then they would come back.  Their stories made Maria wonder what was so great about the other world, that anyone would leave the peace that they had in the community.  But she believed it was a good idea that the Amish youth experience what the outside world had to offer before they fully committed to life within the community.  And that was what Rumspringa was all about.

            The short break from the community allowed the teens to see what they were missing in the other world.  They would then make a conscious decision whether or not they wanted to stay with the life in which they had been raised or depart and live another way.  It made sense to Maria.  Otherwise, the near adults would not know what they were committing themselves to in the end.  It would be what they had always known.

            Maria understood Rumspringa and its importance to the Amish youth, but that did not make it any easier.  She was able to put her parents off when she turned 15 and she even shook them off at age 16.  By that time, most of her fellow teens were going out into the world, running around, and then returning.

            Maria watched countless baptisms and prayed that someday it would be her turn.  She wanted to be baptized more than anything, but she knew it would not be allowed until she was able to make the choice.  She would not be able to make the choice until she saw what the world had to offer.

            Maria had always been settled and calm in their ways.  Some children got restless and begged their parents to take them into town so they could see the way the outsiders dressed and acted.  Some were enthralled with the stores, the TV sets they saw in windows, and even the streetlights.  Maria, on the other hand, had never cared about any of that.  She liked their quiet, peaceful life.  She couldn’t imagine a dinner table that wasn’t filled with relatives, friends, and neighbors.  And she couldn’t imagine cooking for just one.

            Women within the community were trained from a very young age and each of them had a variety of skills.  They mended, cooked, cleaned, sewed, cared for one another’s children, and even did some gardening.  They were also in charge of the teaching and many other areas of daily life.

            Maria understood that there were modern conveniences to be enjoyed.  The community did not have to knead bread dough by hand for hours on end or wash clothing with the metal washboard.  Those things they did by choice.  It was part of living a simple life and Maria could not imagine it any other way.

            But now that Maria was 18, her parents would wait no longer.  In the outside world, she was legally an adult.  It was time for her to make her decision.  Though Maria was certain she knew what that decision would be, no one in the community would listen to her until she went through the Rumspringa process.  The worst part was that Maria had waited so long that she now had to go alone.

            All of her friends had gone and come back, though a few of them stayed on the other side.  Maria wondered if she would see any of them, but she doubted that she would.  Once someone left the community, they rarely returned and they hardly ever stayed nearby.  When they fled, they wanted to get as far away as they could to start a fresh new life. 

            Maria packed a small suitcase with a few belongings.  She didn’t plan to be gone long so she wouldn’t need much.  She had a few extra dresses and bonnets as well as her favorite pair of black shoes.  She also packed a small sewing kit in case she needed to do any mending while she was out.  If she got really desperate, she could find fabric somewhere and make a new dress for herself.  It wouldn’t be hard, it was what she had been doing her whole life.

            Though Maria had always enjoyed sewing and mending, her real flair was in the kitchen.  People always commented on how the bread was extra fluffy and light when Maria had been in charge of that aspect of the meal.  And when you cooked for dozens at a time, it was a big compliment.  Maria knew that once she decided to stay with the community, her assignment to kitchen duty would be solidified. 

            Everyone within the community took part in nearly every role, but when there were obvious talents in one area, that person might be rotated into that position more frequently.  Maria’s mother was often on kitchen duty and Maria was following closely in her footsteps.  Part of the reason that Maria wanted to be in the kitchen was to be near her mother.  She didn’t understand why some children wanted to get away from their parents.  To her, her parents were wise and the best people she knew.      

            It was why Maria was agreeing to go off on her Rumspringa trip.  On one hand, she didn’t feel like she really had a choice.  The community would not allow her to officially join until she was able to make an informed decision.  Plus, she was 18 now and she had already pushed her limits.  On the other hand, she respected her parents and she knew they only wanted what was best for her.  Seeing the world would help her understand what their life was like in the community versus what it was like outside.  She would then be able to be happy with what she had for all the right reasons.

            Maria was one of the few who had never been off community land.  Most children rode the buggy into town from time to time, taking it all in with their wide eyes and open mouths.  Maria, however, was always satisfied with the stories they told when they turned.  And really, she wasn’t all that interested in those.  She was content with what she had and she wanted no more.

            As Maria closed her small suitcase, she hoped that it would be the last time she would ever use it.  Until she was married, of course.  But that was a whole different scenario.  Getting married would be hard too.  She would have to leave her parent’s home and live with her husband.  With any luck, she would marry someone within the community so she could work side by side with her mother all the rest of their days.  If Maria married someone from another community, she would have to move to his home and live her life there.  It would be a large sacrifice, but Maria took comfort in the fact that she would still have family around her…or at least people that would soon feel like family. 

            Maria shook her head.  She shouldn’t be worrying about marriage.  There were plenty of young men within her own community and she had plenty of time.  First, she needed to become an official member.  Then she could worry about marriage and what the rest of her life would bring.

            Maria smoothed her hair beneath her white bonnet and ran her hands down her dress.  She picked up the suitcase and held it with both hands in front of her.  Her father was waiting.  He had been patient over the years, but his patience was running thin.  She could not make him wait another minute, much less another year.

            She edged her way to the front of the small house silently as her younger siblings watched.  She was not the first in her family to go out into the world and come back and she would not be the last, but she was certainly the most resistant.  Maria’s older sister had gone out the first day she was allowed at the age of 14.  She had come back two short weeks later with quite a few tales to tell.  Her brother waited until 16 and he only stayed a week.  It had been long enough for both of them.

            Now, Maria had to put on a brave face.  She didn’t want her youngest sister to have the type of fear in her heart that Maria had now.  She wanted to go out bravely and return with entertaining stories.  She wanted to commit her life to the community, be baptized, and move on.  And she would do it with a smile on her face because it was what God was asking of her.

            Maria forced a smile.  “I’ll see you soon,” she said as she turned to say good-bye to her family.  She didn’t want to go around giving out hugs or spouting off long speeches.  She had to leave, but she would be back.  It was just a matter of a few days.  A week at most.

            Maria’s mother stood by the front door, wringing a towel in her hands.  Maria knew that she loved all of her children equally, but she also felt like she and her mother had the most in common.  After all, they both had a flair for the kitchen while her older sister was more fit for mending and her younger was most definitely going to end up a teacher.

            “Remember what I told you,” her mother said, her eyes damp with tears.

            “Yes, I won’t forget,” Maria said, nodding her head.  “God is with me even when I am all alone.”

            Her mother shook her head slightly.  “You are never alone.”

            Maria lowered her eyes.  She had bumbled the phrase a bit.  “I am never alone because God is always with me.”

            “Right,” her mother said, tossing the towel over her shoulder and taking Maria’s cheeks in her hands.  She looked deeply into her eyes.  “My child,” she began, holding her firmly, “I thank God every day that He has allowed me to raise you.  In the end,” she paused and took a deep breath, “you are His.  You always have been and you always will be.  I commit you to His care during this time of Rumspringa.  May He lead you on the path He wants you to take.”

            Maria knew that path would lead her right back to the peace and safety of her parents’ home, but she knew better than to talk back to her mother now.  It wouldn’t be permitted.  So she simply said, “Yes mother,” and allowed her mother to give her a long, tight hug.

            When her mother released her, Maria held on for a few extra beats, planting her cheek on her mother’s shoulder and allowing one final tear to drip from the corner of her eye onto her mother’s dress.  She couldn’t bear the thought of leaving her, but she understood it must have been hard on her mother as well.  The difference was that her mother had other children to care for while Maria was gone.  Not to mention the entire community to support her during Maria’s absence.  Maria, when in the other world, would have no one.