Melt (11 page)

Part Three

The Great Oz

“The four travelers walked up to the great gate of Emerald City and rang the bell. After ringing several times, it was opened by the same Guardian of the Gates they had met before.

‘What! Are you back again?' he asked, in surprise.

‘Do you not see us?' answered the Scarecrow.

‘But I thought you had gone to visit the Wicked Witch of the West.'

‘We did visit her,' said the Scarecrow.

‘And she let you go again?' asked the man, in wonder.

‘She could not help it, for she is melted,' explained the Scarecrow.”

—From
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz
by L. Frank Baum

Nine

Dorothy

      I tell him, “I love you, Joey, and it doesn't have to be this way.”

      He stares at me. His energy shifts. I feel it moving, shuffling. A coolness surrounds him, hardens over his skin like a shell. He says, “And how do you know how it has to be?”

      The words sting like he slapped me with them. Instinctively I turn away, face the bars on his banister across from us.

      “Love.” He doesn't say it, he spits it. “What's love? Shoving someone headfirst into a wall? Smashing a fist in their eye? Vowing to cherish someone forever and then cocking a goddamn gun down their throat?”

      He touches my shoulder, I flinch. “Look at me,” he says, and I don't want to but I do, ‘cause god help me I love him and I brought this on. I look at him and I'm trying not to cry but it's no use. He says, ”See my face? This is love, Doll. This is what love does.” His eyes … oh god, his eyes they're cold, they're almost like his dad's right now. He says, “Love, hate, love, hate …. Can't you see how they blend?”

      We stare at each other now, me crying, him causing it. If I could, maybe I'd leave, but I can't go home like this. Then his eyes change. Just as quick as they chilled they melt, they're the warm eyes I know, and they're sad, so sad. He says slowly, “Just don't say you love me, okay?” His voice sticks on these last words, like he's holding back something. Maybe more tears, maybe something else entirely. He says softly, “There's no such thing as love, Doll.” His voice is a murmur. “Love's just hate wrapped with a bow, dressed up all pretty in pink ‘cause we can't take seeing the naked truth.”

      And I'm still crying, but not for me. For him. For the life he's had that's made him say this, believe this. Part of me wants to argue, part of me wants even to yell, but I can't expect him to go against what he's been taught his whole life.

      I can't walk away, either.

      I take him in my arms, hold him tight. He wants the love he doesn't believe in, so badly he wants it, his body's begging for it right now. This is where we are, this is where we're stopping for today, so be it.

      “Okay,” I tell him, I whisper in his ear. Then I kiss him there, on his lobe, it's the one spot untouched by his dad. “Okay, I won't say that.”

      He lets out a long, crazed moan and then he cries again.

      He weeps into my shoulder.

Joey

      I finally stop

finally

I get myself

together she's still

here.

She's still

here she's got me in her

arms even though I'm such an

asshole.

I can't believe she's

still

here

with all that's happened

with the way I talked to her

with the mess I am

she's still here.

But she can't exactly

go home looking like

this.

Maybe she should tell her parents she should

spill it all out

at least then she'll be safe from

Pop

from me.

      Me I'll go back to being dead it's what I do

best.

      She deserves so much better than

this they oughta arrest me

all right not for statutory rape but for statutory

hell I brought her to

hell tossed her right in the

fire I delivered her to my

demon like a

sacrifice.

Yeah she consented to come she

pushed to come but she's too

young to know better too

innocent too

unaware

she was so goddamn unaware

look

what I did to her

look

what

I

did.

      I should say something but

what? Everything's so

jumbled so

scattered all I know is I hurt her but I

can't take back

what I said

it's all I got to

hold

onto

I can't let go or I'll head right

off

the

cliff.

      Without my tears I feel

hollow there's an

echo in my

soul. I wonder if there's

anything

else in me

good or

bad is anything left inside me at

all?

      Doll

she's been holding me

so

long.

I pick my head up strings of

snot stretch from my nose they

snap they fall

back on her shoulder.

I been crying on my Led Zeppelin shirt it's my

favorite. I face her and I have to say

something

anything but I just can't I'm too

tired.

Then she looks at me and just like that it's

okay.

I don't have to tell her anything she

knows.

She knows

it's all there in her face

she gets everything I'd say if only I had the

strength

she gets it all she

      knows.

      She strokes my hair feels so

good like

relief after my

release

then she says she needs to go.

She says she needs to

clean up

go home

her parents expect her for dinner. It's almost dinnertime we came here at 9 a.m. and look at us now

me with my bashed in

face

her with her bashed in

innocence what a

difference a day makes.

      Part of me wants to rush her

out send her safely on her way but the other part the

selfish part

it wants to

keep her by me ‘cause I'm so

scared.

      I'm scared to be

alone here

I'm scared to shut my

eyes tonight.

I'm scared if she leaves I'll never

see her

again

and I'm scared that's the way it

needs

to be.

      I say, Let's get you in the shower.

Dorothy

      I want Joey to leave, too. “What if he comes back?” I ask.

      He shakes his head slowly, painfully. “Pop ain't coming home soon,” he says. “No way he's cooking for himself, and if he's eating out no doubt he's drinking out too. He'll be out late.”

      “But eventually ….” I can't bear the thought of Joey alone here, a target waiting.

      It's like he reads my mind. “Jimmy'll be home, probably.”

      “Even if he is, what's Jimmy going to do against your dad's gun…”

      “He's done with me for today, Doll,” he says. “I'll be okay.”

      Okay is one thing he's not. “Come home with me. We'll tell my parents. They'll call the police, and he'll be arrested. All they have to do is look at your face ….”

      “Forget it. He'll say I attacked him or something, and he did it in self-defense. He's a cop and I'm a criminal. Cops believe their own,” he says.

      “I'll tell them what he did to me, they'll have to do something.”

      “I'll be arrested. Statutory rape, remember?”

      “My parents aren't going to press charges.”

      “Even if they don't, they ain't gonna let us see each other no more, that's for sure.”

      I say nothing. He's got me there.

      He folds me in his arms again and I suck in his scent. It soothes me a little, but not enough. I say, “I'm afraid he's going to kill you.”

      He says, “He ain't gonna kill me.”

      He says, “He ain't gonna kill me tonight.”

Joey

      So she cleans up she showers off my blood and both our snot and tears she's good

to

go.

‘Cept for a few wrinkles in her blouse she looks the

same as when she came in

look at that

she passes

too.

      She fixes me up too she insists even though I tell her not to waste her time. She pats at my face with a washcloth trying not to

hurt me

and me

I try not to show it

hurts. She dabs on this antibiotic ointment she found in the medicine cabinet. Then she gets a London broil from the freezer she says to hold it to my lips.

      I walk her

home

icy steak pressed to my mouth with one hand

her hand in the other.

I don't wanna take a chance on her parents seeing me like this so I

stop at the end of her street

I let go of her

hand.

She starts crying

again I wipe her tears

away I tell her

don't

cry

‘cause her parents will see and they'll ask

questions and she nods and she sniffs and she

stops.

      I move my meat from my mouth

kiss her

it don't hurt so much my lips they're cold they're

numb

then I say she

better

go.

She nods again and she

does it.

She heads off

down her block with her

head

down

and I watch with my prime cut of beef

against my face

I wonder if her

head'll ever

pick

up

again

I watch her turn

right

into her driveway.

      Good.

      She's

safe inside them

gates that's where she

belongs on the other side of them

bars thank god they're nice and

thick she's

safe.

      Goodnight Doll.

Dorothy

      Halfway up my driveway I decide to tell them.

      I decide to tell my parents everything.

      They've been better, they've been coming around. And they're shrinks, they have to have compassion for Joey with everything he's been through, right?

      They'll let us see each other, they've got to. Maybe not at first, but they'll realize we belong together. They'll realize what a great guy Joey is, especially if he gets away from his dad.

      That's the important thing, he has to get away from his dad.

      No matter what else happens. Even if they do keep us apart.

      He needs to get away from his dad, and the rest will work itself out.

      Somehow it'll all work out.

      

      I step inside my door and click the lock behind me. When I turn around, they're there.

      Right there, side by side, arms crossed, glaring.

      Practically breathing down my neck.

      “Oh, you scared me,” I say. “What's going on?”

      “Where were you today?” my dad says in a quite pissed voice.

      Shit! They know I ditched school. “Uh ….” I struggle to come up with something.

      “We've been calling your phone,” Mom snaps. Damn. I had it on silent and never put the ringer back on.

      “Umm ….” I'm thinking and thinking and then I realize it really doesn't matter ‘cause I'm going to tell them anyway. This is just more proof that I need to. So I start. “Well, it's like this—”

      Mom cuts me off. “That's the last time you'll go anywhere near that Joey Riley, I'll tell you that much.” Whoa. This isn't good, for her to have this reaction before she even hears what happened. “Why?”

      “I have a good mind to have him arrested.”

      “For what?”

      “Kidnapping.”

      “Are you crazy? He didn't kidnap me ….”

      “Unlawful imprisonment.”

      “Do you think I was chained up somewhere?” Funny, I was locked up, but not by Joey.

      I guess it's not funny.

      I'd tell them if they'd let me. “Listen ….”

      “Statutory rape.”

      There it is again. It stops me; it's the one truth we can't escape. Why'd he have to turn eighteen? It's like playing tag with no safe zone.

      “You're having sex, aren't you?”

      I face the golden-brown Spanish tile paving our hall because I can't face them. I nod.

      “Oh my god, my baby,” Mom shrieks. She's practically hyperventilating. Wow, this is getting way dramatic and I haven't even gotten my story out yet. Aren't shrinks supposed to be reasonable?

      My dad says, “Your mother dropped off your book bag at school—she saw you forgot it in your room.”

      I didn't forget it, I just didn't need it. Stupid, stupid. I should've taken it with me anyway. I'm not savvy at the art of cutting.

      He says, “But surprise, you weren't there. And even bigger surprise, they said I'd called to say you were sick. So I gather your boyfriend impersonated me on the phone?”

      He did. “I have to tell you something important …,” I say, but now Dad cuts me off. Now, he's got a lot to say.

      He takes a breath in, goes on. “Your mother canceled her sessions for today so she could search for you. Who knew—you might have been abducted.”

      Big breath. Then, “The people at the school said you were probably skipping school, that your mother shouldn't worry about things like abduction. But she insisted that you wouldn't do anything like that. She said she trusted you.”

      He sucks air in, blows out. “She looked up your boyfriend's address and went over, but no one answered.” I heard nothing, no doorbell—but then, I'd been a little preoccupied. “And then she called Amy's mother, who was absolutely appalled when she heard you were dating Joey Riley. She told her all about him ….” Shit. Amy's mom is PTA president, and just like her daughter she knows everything about everyone. “About his drinking and drug use, his violence, his arrests, his jail time ….”