Melody (12 page)

“She's not as tall as I thought she'd be,” he said. The way he said it made me feel as if I had failed at growing properly.

“Melody, this is your Uncle Jacob,” Mommy said, her eyes on him.

“Hello,” I said, my voice cracking.

He didn't smile. He wiped his hands and stared at me. “Plenty of time for us all to meet later,” he declared. “I got to do some work on the boat right now. Sara, send Cary down as soon as he's home.” He left through the rear of the house.

“It's very important to look after the boat,” Aunt Sara explained, with another quick smile. “Well,” she continued, “I imagine you plan on staying the night, Haille.”

“No,” Mommy said quickly. “We have a tight schedule.”

“Oh.”

Why had we come so far if we were going to leave so quickly? I wondered. Mommy had talked about showing me Provincetown. Before I could ask, we heard the front door again.

“That should be Cary and May,” Aunt Sara said. A few moments later, my cousins appeared in the dining room doorway.

Cary was tall and did indeed take after his father. He had the same dark complexion as Uncle Jacob only he had a more sensitive face with much softer features. He had green eyes like Daddy, but because his hair was darker, almost coal black, his emerald eyes seemed brighter. He wore his hair rather long, almost to his shoulders. He was dressed in jeans and a dark blue shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows.

Beside him, still clinging to his hand, was my cousin May. She was small, birdlike for ten, diminutive except for her round, very bright hazel eyes. Her hair, the same chestnut shade as Aunt Sara's, was cut short in a pixie style. She wore a light blue dress with an embroidered
bodice and saddle shoes. Her feet were so small, they made her look like a doll. She smiled, but Cary kept a very serious expression on his face, his gaze quickly moving from Archie to Mommy to me. When he fixed his eyes on me, I thought his look softened.

“Well, now, say hello to everyone,” Aunt Sara said. “This is your aunt Haille, her friend Richard, and your cousin Melody.”

Cary immediately turned to May and began to move his hands. She watched him and nodded when he stopped. Then she turned to us and said, “Hello.” She stretched the syllables so that it sounded mechanical.

I couldn't help my look of surprise, but I saw it displeased Cary.

“Yes, she's deaf,” my cousin said sharply to me.

“Well, ain't that a shame,” Archie muttered. Cary threw him an angry look that, were it a knife, would have cut off Archie's head.

“How was school today, May?” Aunt Sara asked her, signing as she spoke.

May proudly held up a paper with a bright gold star at the top.

“She got a hundred on the spelling test,” Cary boasted.

“That's nice, dear,” Aunt Sara said. She seemed a bit more uncomfortable with the hand movements than her son was. “Your father wants you to go right down to the dock, Cary,” she said. He nodded. “You can visit with everyone at dinner.”

Cary turned immediately and signed something to May. She nodded and then looked at me. He glanced at me once more before heading out back.

“Go up and change your clothes, dear,” Aunt Sara signed to May. The young girl nodded and signed something back before hurrying off. “Cary takes such good care of her,” Aunt Sara remarked with a sigh.

“I didn't know she was deaf,” Mommy said softly. “I don't think Chester knew either.”

“Yes, she was born deaf. Seems like that should have been enough of a burden for us, but then . . . there was Laura.”

A heavy pall fell over the table.

Archie couldn't stand it. “Why don't we go into the town and see the sights before dinner, Haille?”

Mommy nodded.

“Can we take May along?” I asked Aunt Sara.

“Oh, I don't think we should,” Mommy said quickly. “We're still strangers to her.”

“Your mother is right, dear. It's a little soon,” Aunt Sara said. She got up and started to clear off the table.

“Let me help you, Aunt Sara,” I said. She turned with surprise.

“Why, thank you, dear, but I can manage fine. Why don't you go and get your things and I'll show you your room now.”

“My room?”

Aunt Sara smiled and went into the kitchen. I turned to Mommy.

“My room? What's wrong with her, Mommy? Didn't you say we weren't staying overnight?”

“Let's go outside, Melody,” Mommy said in a whisper.

I followed her and Archie out. He headed for the trunk of the car.

“Let me talk to her first, Richard,” Mommy told him.

He paused and shrugged. Then he dug a cigarette from his pocket and leaned against the car.

“What's going on, Mommy?”

“Nothing terrible,” she replied quickly. “Isn't it pretty here? Look at the view of the ocean you get from the house, and it's not too far from the town, is it?”

“Mommy, what is happening?” I demanded.

“Now just listen carefully, Melody, and don't go into a tantrum.” She glanced over at Archie. He looked at his watch. “Let's take a little walk by ourselves,” Mommy suggested. She started away. I followed, but I was
stretched like a tight wire inside, so taut I thought I might snap in two.

“It really wasn't right for the family to be separated for so long,” Mommy began. “It wasn't right that you never met your cousins until now, and it certainly wasn't right for you never to have met your grandparents,” she recited. It sounded like something she had memorized.

“So? I thought that was why you wanted us to come here first,” I said.

“It was. It is. I mean, yes.” She took a deep breath and pressed her lips together. Tears came to her eyes.

“What's wrong, Mommy? What is it?”

“Oh Melody, you know that I love you, that I will always love you.”

“I know that, Mommy.”

“You know that even though I love you, I always thought it was a mistake for me to have had a child so early in my life. I want to warn you about that,” she said sternly. “Don't have children until you're at least thirty-five.”

“Thirty-five!”

“Yes. If you're smart, you'll remember that. Anyway, you know that I've tried to be a good mother. I know I'm not the best mother.”

“I'm not complaining, Mommy,” I said. There were burning tears coming to my eyes now, too. “We'll be all right.”

“Oh, I know we will, honey, but first I have to do things. I have to try, don't I? You wouldn't want me to feel I never tried when I had the chance. You wouldn't want me frustrated and shut up in another place like Sewell, would you? Because if I'm not happy, Melody, I can't make you happy, can I? Can I?” she repeated.

“No,” I said. I tried to take a deep breath, but my lungs felt as if ice had entered them and shriveled them with constricting pain.

“Good. So you understand why I've got to go places and meet people and do auditions and learn things,” she said.

“You already told me all this, Mommy.”

“I know, but. . . well, it's not the kind of life I can put you through right now. You're still in school and you need stability. You need friends and boyfriends and to go to parties and—”

“So, why can't I do that wherever we are, Mommy?”

“Because I'm not going to be anyplace for a while, maybe a long while. I'll have to travel around. If I get an opportunity, I have to pick right up and go. You can't turn down good opportunities, not at my age,” she emphasized. “And what would life be like for you under such circumstances, huh?”

“But Mommy—”

“Listen, honey. Imagine just having made some new friends or starting out with a new boyfriend, and me coming home and saying, we're leaving tomorrow. You know now how hard that was this time, how terrible you felt? How would it be feeling that all the time? And then having to sleep in cheap motels and eat on the road and . . . everything. After a while you're just going to hate me, and then I would hate myself, and then I wouldn't try to be someone,” she explained. “We would both be unhappy.”

She smiled. “I don't want you to be unhappy, honey.”

“What are we going to do, Mommy?” I asked and held my breath.

“Well, now here's where everything worked out for us. After your daddy died, I called Uncle Jacob and Aunt Sara and told them, of course, and then I explained what I was going to do with my life now. It was Aunt Sara who suggested it.”

“Suggested what, Mommy?”

“Suggested you stay here while I'm off making a career change,” she said. “She's very happy to have you and this is a wonderful place to live. You'll make so many new and interesting friends, I'm sure.”

“You can't leave me here.” I shook my head.

“Just for a while, honey. I'll call constantly and I'll
come back for you as soon as I'm established some place. But for now I've got to go off with Archie and I know you're not crazy about traveling with us.”

“You mean Richard,” I said dryly. “And I know he's not happy about having me travel with you.”

“It's not because of Richard.”

“Are you going to marry him, Mommy?”

“Of course not,” she said, but not with a great deal of firmness. “Anyway,” she said, gesturing toward the house, “this will be fine for a while. You'll be staying with family.”

“I don't want to stay here, Mommy. I don't want to be away from you,” I moaned.

“Oh, you won't be, not for long anyway. I promise.” She stroked my hair and smiled and then kissed my forehead. “I just need this chance, honey, and I can't go off and get it worrying about you, too. It wouldn't be fair to you. I'd neglect you even worse than I have in the past. And you're so very smart. You understand, don't you? I have no fear that you'll do well here, too. Everyone likes you, Melody.”

I lowered my head slowly like a flag of defeat and stared at my feet. A southern breeze blew, caressing my cheek, making strands of my hair dance around my face. I heard the cry of nearby terns and the roar of the ocean.

Daddy was the glue that had held our little family together. Now that he was gone, we were coming apart.

“I'd rather have stayed home with Papa George and Mama Arlene, Mommy.”

“I know. I thought of that, but Papa George is a very sick man. Mama Arlene can't be responsible for a young girl, too. It wouldn't be fair to dump you on her, honey.”

I looked up sharply.

“So instead you want to dump me here?”

“No, Melody. Living with your own family for a while isn't the same thing as dumping you some place, is it?”

“These people . . . I don't know them, Mommy, and they don't know me.”

“An even better reason to stay with them, Melody. You should get to know them, right? Aren't I right about that?” She waited for the answer she wanted.

“I don't know, maybe. But why didn't we ever speak to them before? Why was Daddy so upset with them?”

“Because they didn't want him to marry me, Melody. I told you. They looked down on me because I was an orphan, adopted. I wasn't one of their bluebloods and your grandparents—your father's parents—wanted him to marry someone else, someone they had chosen. He refused. Chester Logan fell in love with
me
and we got married. Then they wouldn't talk to him and he wouldn't talk to them. Now everyone realizes how foolish they were, I'm sure. They want to make it up to your father, but it's too late for that. The only way they could make up for their bitterness and unpleasantness is to care for you. That's why they were so anxious to do it and why I agreed. I only wish you'd see the logic in it and let me leave with a happy heart.

“Because if I feel happy about you, I will be able to concentrate on my new career and I'll be able to do things for us faster, Melody,” she added.

“What are you going to do, Mommy? You don't even have a specific plan.”

“Sure I do. I'm going to be a model and an actress,” she said firmly. Then she laughed and spun on her heels. “Did you ever see anyone who is more qualified, anyone prettier?”

“No, Mommy.”

“Won't it be wonderful seeing me in magazines or in the movies? Can you imagine telling your friends that's your mother?” She laughed and twirled her hair. She was beautiful. Maybe she would become a model and be in magazines. If I went into a tantrum and stopped her from going without me, she would blame me for failing, I thought. I didn't want Mommy to hate me.

I looked back at the house. Archie paced behind the car impatiently. At least I wouldn't have to be with him any longer. I was the eternal cockeyed optimist, always looking for a rainbow after any sorrowful storm.

“Well?” Mommy said. “Will you stay with the family a while? Will you, Melody?”

“If that's what you want me to do, Mommy,” I said in a tired, defeated voice. She clapped her hands together.

“Oh, thank you, honey. Thank you. Thank you for giving me my chance. I won't let you down. I promise, honey.”

I nodded and took a deep breath. When I looked at the house again, I saw May come out and look our way. She had a ball and paddle and began to play with them, her eyes trained on me and Mommy.

“What happened to Laura, Mommy?”

“She went sailing one day with a boy and they got caught in a storm.”

“She drowned in the ocean?”

Mommy nodded.

“We didn't find out about it until months afterward. Daddy decided to call your uncle then, but he still wouldn't speak to Chester. This house has seen a lot of sadness, just like ours. But they'll be lucky for a while,” Mommy added. I looked up at her.

“Why?”

“They'll have you,” she said. She put her arm around me and we started back toward the driveway. Archie looked up expectantly and Mommy nodded. Then he hurried to the trunk to unload my bags.