Read Mealtimes and Milestones Online
Authors: Constance Barter
Mealtimes and Milestones
Constable & Robinson Ltd
3 The Lanchesters
162 Fulham Palace Road
London W6 9ER
www.constablerobinson.com
First published in the UK by Robinson,
an imprint of Constable & Robinson Ltd, 2010
Copyright © Constance Barter 2010
The right of Constance Barter to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988
Author photograph © Tessa Smith Photography,
www.tessasmithphotography.com
All rights reserved. This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, re-sold, hired out or otherwise circulated in any
form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.
A copy of the British Library Cataloguing in Publication data is available from the British Library
ISBN: 978-1-84901-323-9
Printed and bound in the EU
1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2
Contents
The Diary
Thursday 9 August 2007 to
Thursday 14 February 2008
Appendix: Useful Contacts and Further Reading
IN MEMORY OF CLIVE BARTER
Dad, you saw me through recovery, but never saw this book.
You’re the angel looking over me.
xxx
A picture that I did in my last Creative Group on my final day
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
My thanks go to my fabulous mum, who never lost her temper, but more importantly never lost her hope.
To Broo, Fritha and Phillipa and all the other amazing people involved, who believed in
Mealtimes and Milestones
and made it happen.
To my family – Granny and Granddad, Simon and Mandy. Small family. Big love.
To the professionals around me – from my tutor to my outpatient team, and all the others in between.
Finally to my friends, who definitely kept the postman busy with all their letters, cards, drawings, photographs, quotes from
Friends,
prayers, handmade bracelets, surfing books and
Sudoku puzzles! It was your plentiful words of inspiration that made me smile and helped pull me through. xxx
FOREWORD
I was very pleased and honoured to be asked to provide this foreword. It is always a pleasure to see someone beat their eating disorder, and that pleasure is all the greater
when they are able to help others do the same by sharing their experiences.
With this book, Constance has given a remarkable account of her journey to recovery. We know it takes courage, determination and great persistence – qualities that Constance has in
abundance. That she has been able to share her insights in such a forthright and honest way is particularly powerful.
Beat (the Eating Disorders Association) is the UK’s leading charity supporting people affected by eating disorders and campaigning on their behalf. We provide individuals and their
families with support, information and encouragement to seek recovery. We collaborate with leading researchers, and provide professional development for health, education and social care staff. Our
web presence is extensive, and broadcasters and journalists turn to us daily for comment and opinion.
Our message is simple: eating disorders will be beaten. They will be beaten when they are no longer misunderstood, trivialized or seen as something to be ashamed of.
Eating disorders are a serious type of mental illness that takes a tremendous toll on promising young lives. They can be deadly: 20 per cent of those who become seriously affected die as a
result. Eating disorders can affect anyone at any age, including boys and men, but girls and young women aged between 12 and 20 are most at risk.
Anorexia nervosa is the rarest of the eating disorders, accounting for only 10 per cent of cases; but it is also the most serious in terms of its potential long-term consequences for physical
health and well-being if not treated quickly and effectively.
We are learning more all the time about what causes eating disorders. The causes are complex, and it is a combination of factors that makes some people vulnerable. There is world-class research
in this field, much of it conducted in the UK, helping to build an evidence base for understanding this condition and helping effective treatments to be developed. One of the things this research
is showing is that more of the risks are ‘hard-wired’ than was previously thought. Our genetic make-up, personality type, brain chemistry and hormones all play a part.
Beat campaigns to change the way everyone thinks and talks about eating disorders, helping to overcome the stigma caused by mistaken views and outdated opinions. Explaining the scientific
knowledge we have gained is part of that.
We challenge the media to tell the truth about eating disorders. They are not a fad or a phase or a silly diet gone wrong. They are not about trying to emulate celebrities or fashion. We want
everyone with an eating disorder to truly believe they can beat it. We know that the sooner someone gets the specialist treatment they need the more likely they are to make a full recovery. We also
know that people can be very reluctant to ask for or accept that help – even once they know they need it – such are the feelings of worthlessness an eating disorder produces.
We want a message of hope – that eating disorders
can
be beaten – to reach anyone and everyone who needs to hear it. Constance’s story is a hugely powerful expression of
that message – that hope.
Susan Ringwood
Chief Executive
Beat
INTRODUCTION
It is both an honour and a privilege to have been asked to provide this introduction to
Mealtimes and Milestones.
Anorexia nervosa remains an illness that is hard to
understand, for sufferers, families and professionals alike, and misunderstandings about it abound. This is not surprising, for it is, by its nature, an illness that causes confusion,
mystification, distortion and puzzlement. It is not surprising, therefore, that its portrayal in the media often focuses on superficial and ultimately misleading issues, which in turn often
contributes to those suffering from it feeling misunderstood. As those closest to it know, it is not just about food and weight, but strikes at the very heart of a person’s selfhood and their
relationship with the world around them, and often leaves them feeling hopeless and alone.
Although there has been a considerable increase in knowledge about anorexia nervosa over the past two decades, there is still much to learn. It does not matter how many clever and highly
sophisticated scientific research studies are done, there is still no substitute for learning from those who know most about the experience of having it: that is, those who suffer from it. This
most particularly applies to the provision of treatment. Unless we are aware of the experience of people going through treatment and how it affects them, we are unlikely to develop treatments that
will be effective in the long run.
Mealtimes and Milestones
gives an astonishingly courageous and frank account of one person’s journey towards recovery. In doing this, the author
provides profound insights into the way anorexia makes young people think and into the way it can distort their perception of the world.
One of the most difficult things about suffering from anorexia nervosa, and about having a member of your family suffer from it, is the way it undermines and threatens to destroy hope. The
anorexic inner ‘voice’ is so determined not to relinquish control, so determined to maintain its grip, that any sign of hopefulness, or move towards recovery, is mercilessly attacked
from within. For me, the most important feature of this book is the way Constance describes how she moved from a position of near-hopelessness to a position in which hope was regained and then
allowed to flourish. For those who are currently stuck in a position of hopelessness, this book is likely to bring great comfort, not only to them but also to their families. It shows that whatever
you think at the time, anorexia
can
be left behind; that no matter how dark the night, the dawn will come, provided there is someone involved who is able to hold on to hope.
As I suspect all professionals know, those suffering from an illness like anorexia are much more likely to listen to those who have been through it themselves than they are to listen to
professionals. This is not surprising, indeed it is to be expected; after all, most of us find it easier to accept advice from someone if we feel they have personal experience of any particular
situation. It is therefore likely that reading this book will play a significant part in helping someone suffering from anorexia nervosa to take their courage in both hands, as Constance has done,
and allow themselves the hope that they can and will recover if they are willing to work at it.
I am extremely grateful to Constance for having the courage and generosity to share her experience with others. I suspect it could not have been an easy decision for her, particularly as her
journey is inevitably a very personal one. The fact that she has done so is a testament to how far she has come on her own journey. My hope is that those who read of her struggles, and who are in
the midst of those struggles themselves (either as a sufferer or as relative, friend or supporter of a sufferer), will be able to identify with her, and with her courage and tenacity, and that
doing so will play a significant part in enabling them to find their own way out of the darkness.
David Wood FRCPsych
Consultant Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist
Clinical Director, The Ellern Mede Centre for Eating Disorders
THE BEGINNING
July 2007
‘Constance, you’ve lost loads of weight.’