Meagan's Marine (Halos & Horns) (13 page)

Elvinia’s
rich voice chuckled through the speaker.
“I surely can, Miss Meagan. What
time is good for you?”

“Actually, as soon as you can would be
good.”

“
Ahhh
…you
ready to choose then?”
Elvinia
crooned.

“Choose? Choose what?” Meagan didn’t
quite know what choice she referred to.

“To choose the living over the dead,
girl—flesh and blood over the ghost of a memory.”

“O-oh!” she stammered as
Niki’s
right brow rose in amusement. “I-I-d-don’t…” Her
voice trailed off as she sighed. “Just come over as soon as you can, please.”
She felt the heat of her blush clear down to the roots of her hair follicles as
Elvinia’s
chuckle reached her.

“I’m on my way, child.”

chapter
17

Disappointments and Decisions

“Mommy, somebody’s at the door!”

Buck’s call from the living room
startled Meagan as she stole a quick glance at her watch.  It had only
been ten minutes since she’d spoken to
Elvinia
. She
hurried to the front door, stepping over Buck as he lay sprawled out on the
floor watching his
Puss in Boots
video for the hundredth time. “Back up,
Buck, you’re entirely too close to that screen. You’ll ruin your eyes.” She
garnered a giggle from her son by pulling him back by the legs.

She smiled to herself, remembering how
her mother had spoken those same words to her a countless number of times over
the years. She’d been extremely close to her mother. How had they managed to
grow so far apart? Awash in the memories, she opened the door to
Elvinia
, standing as tall and regal as ever. Before she
could speak,
Elvinia’s
voice reached her.

“Oh, Miss Meagan! She’ll be a part of
your life again. Don’t worry.”

Meagan stepped aside to let her enter
but the woman stood there. “Who will?”

“Your mother, dear. You were just
thinking about her, weren’t you? And you were filled with such melancholy, but
there’s no need for that. She will come back into your life when you need her
the most.”

Meagan shook off her shock and snorted
lowly. “It’s a little late for that, isn’t it? I’ve already experienced the two
most devastating things to happen without my parents’ support. Losing my fiancé
and raising a child alone. Not to mention
this.
” She raised her arms for
emphasis.

Elvinia
reached out to place her large, brown hands on Meagan’s cheek and closed her
eyes. When she opened them, they had taken on an aura of foreboding. “God finds
ways to make us strong, Meagan. Sometimes we don’t like his ways, but he always
has good reason for it. Your strength has been tempered, tough as steel, for a
difficult time in your near future. It
will
get you through this time.”

Meagan’s eyes narrowed. “You must have
gotten your wires crossed somewhere along the line. My mother never wants to
see me again.”

Elvinia
dropped her hand to give Meagan’s arm a gentle pat. “Things aren’t always as
they seem.” She straightened and lowered her gaze to where Buck had hidden
himself behind his mother. “Who do we have here?” She squatted, her knees
popping and creaking like an antique rocker as she lowered herself to his
level.

“This is my son, Buck. Say hello to Ms.
Elvinia
, Buck.”

He stepped out from behind his mom and lifted
his hand in greeting. “Hi, I’m Buck.” He held up four fingers on one hand. “I’m
gonna
be this many soon.”

Elvinia
grinned broadly, her two gold teeth practically glowing in her dazzling white smile.
“Four years old, huh? That’s an important age, young man. But then, every age
is important, so don’t waste any of them.”

Meagan watched as her son reached out
his hand to touch the smooth, cocoa brown skin of
Elvinia’s
face. His gaze focused on her mouth.

“I like your magic
teef
,
Ms.
Evina
.”

Meagan groaned out an apology as the
large woman straightened with a chuckle. “I’m sorry
Elvinia
.
I believe he’s thinking of the golden eggs on the video he’s watching.”

“Golden eggs and gold teeth…Why, of
course! That makes all the sense in the world to me, Buck!” She turned to
Meagan with a question. “Would it be okay if I brought my little dog inside? I
just picked him up from the vet and I hate to pile more separation anxiety on
him. No fleas, I promise.”

“Sure, bring him on in.” She and Buck
watched as
Elvinia
went to her van and returned,
carrying the most adorable white puffball she’d ever seen.

“Oh, my goodness, he is beautiful!”
Meagan breathed.

Buck’s huge blue eyes sparkled with
wonder at the puppy. “What’s his name?”

“His name is Samurai Sam, but I call him
Sammy, for short. He’s a handsome little devil, isn’t he?”

“He looks like a baby polar bear,
Elvinia
. What breed is he?”

“Sammy, like both his parents, is a
miniature American Eskimo. I’m quite partial to them. They make wonderful
companion dogs and pets for children. This is my second
Eskie
.
My last one, a female named Sophie, lived for seventeen years.” She placed him
in Buck’s arms. “You think you could watch Sammy for me while your mom and I
take care of some business, little man?”

“Yeah! Oh, mom, he’s so soft.” Buck sat
on the floor with the puppy, breaking into a fit of giggles as Sammy’s tiny
pink tongue darted non-stop to lick the boy’s face.

Elvinia
placed her hand on Meagan’s shoulder and turned her toward the bedroom. “Now,
let’s get down to the business of the living and the dead, shall we?” She
marched Meagan into Buck’s room and closed the door behind them.

“I’m sensing a change in you, Meagan.
Have you made your choice?”

Meagan stared at the portrait of the
Marine who’d dominated her thoughts for nearly ten years of her life. She
couldn’t remember a single day of junior high or high school that she hadn’t
loved him. “He’s gone, and he’s not coming back, in any form.
Th
-this-thing, this situation, whatever it is, is not a
viable option. I need to get down to the bottom of it so I can end it, for
good. I don’t want to live like this anymore, tethered to a past I can’t
change.”

Elvinia
nodded, obviously pleased with her comment. “Good, you’ve chosen the living
over the dead. That’s the state of mind you didn’t possess during my previous
visit. Now you’re ready to ask him.”

“Ask him what?”

“What message he has for you, but you
need to be willing to listen. Just be still and really listen. You
will
hear it.” She walked to the door. “I’ll be right outside if you need me.”

Meagan grabbed at her arm. “But, I
thought you could do it for me!”

“I could, but what good would that do? I
didn’t know the boy nor the man he grew into. What could he possibly have to
tell me? Don’t worry, you’ll figure it out.” She stepped into the hallway and
pulled the door shut behind her.

Meagan turned to stare into the room,
feeling somewhat like a thirteen-year-old girl trying to break up with her
first boyfriend. She smiled at the thought, realizing that she had done that
before. Only once, and only when she realized she was crazy about Chris.

She walked over to his portrait, and
picked it up, examining the battered frame. She flipped it over and spun the
tabs holding the back in place, then removed the portrait. Returning to Buck’s
bed, she curled up on top of the spread and stared at the picture.

“Christopher.” Her mouth quivered as she
struggled to hold back threatening tears. “Do you have any idea how difficult
it’s going to be for me to let you go?” A tear traveled across the bridge of
her nose to trail its way across the opposite cheek. Shrill puppy barks,
accompanied by Buck’s high-pitched squeals of laughter came to her from two
rooms over, mingled with words spoken in
Elvinia’s
low voice. “But I have to, for Buck’s sake. You see that, don’t you?”

She wiped frantically at the fresh
onslaught of tears tracking down her face to fall freely upon the brightly
patterned bedspread.

“He’s such a good little man, Chris, and
he’s got so many of your qualities. He’s going to be super organized and neat,
just like you. I already see that.” 

She passed a hand lovingly over the face
in the portrait. “When I close my eyes I used to see you, before the Marines,
when it was just you and me in our little apartment. Remember? When we had so
little, but loved each other so much? But now, all I can see is this picture of
you. In your dress blues with your high and tight, the brim of your cover
pulled low over your brow…no smile…looking so stern and serious.” She choked
back a soft sob.

“That’s not the Chris I want to
remember, baby. This isn’t the real you, and as sad as that makes me, it’s
still better than the ‘sad man’. If we don’t stop this, that’s the only way
your son will see you.”

With a new resolve, she wiped her eyes
and sat up, determined to change things for Buck’s sake.  “It’s not fair,
Chris, not to him and not to you. It sucks that the two of you never met. It
sucks that I didn’t even get to tell you about him, to hear the joy in your
voice, the pride as you told all your friends, ‘Hey, guys! I’m
gonna
be a daddy!’ I
know
you would have been
thrilled…I know it.” 

She pushed herself off the bed and
stood, holding the photo to her chest. “But what will suck the worst is if Buck
has to grow up without a father. I mean,
Niki
and I
do our best, but it’s not the same.” She bit her lip to keep it from quivering,
knowing her time with him was ending. “He’s such a good kid, Chris. He deserves
so much more than two mothering women as role models. He deserves a dad in his
life. One who can teach him how to hit a ball, catch a fly, or throw a decent
spiral…God knows I can’t do those things.”

She wiped her eyes with the back of her
hand. “But somewhere in this world, there’s a man who might be willing to do
that, and to love him like his own. I may not find one right away. I may have
to kiss a few frogs first, but I need to start looking for one who’s right for
both of us. And I can’t start until I tell you goodbye, Chris.”

One sob managed to escape before she
reined in her emotions once more. “
Elvinia
seems to
think you had a reason for all these appearances. Some message you were trying
to get across to me.” Lifting her arms in a helpless gesture, she continued.
“I’m listening, Chris. Please, tell me…show me…somehow…please find a way to let
me know.”

Meagan smoothed off Buck’s bedspread,
yet again, then pulled out the small desk chair and sat, waiting in silence for
a full ten minutes. A soft knock preceded
Elvinia’s
entrance into the room.

“Are you all right?” She walked over to
lay a gentle touch on Meagan’s shoulder.

Meagan gave the
empath
a nod. “I’m okay.  I’ve been trying to listen
Elvinia
,
but I don’t hear anything. How’s he going to get the message to me if I can’t
make myself hear him?”

“I think that time is over.”

“What?” Meagan looked up into the
woman’s sad, dark eyes. “What do you mean?”

“He’s gone, sweetie, about ten minutes
ago…I felt this surging presence…such a feeling of goodness and love. I know
he’s where he belongs now.”

“No! He couldn’t have.”

“I thought maybe you’d seen something
and I was giving you some time to yourself.”

“I didn’t see anything. I didn’t feel
anything.” She turned to the woman, her heart breaking all over again. “Are you
telling me all of this was for nothing? No word, no sign from above, no
message.
Nothing
?”

“He must have found some way, or he
wouldn’t have left when he did, as peacefully as he did.”

Meagan gave her head a wild shake. “No!
No, I don’t think he did. He left me alone…again…with an even bigger mess than
before. How many years will Buck remember the ‘sad man’? Will his image haunt
him? Will he have nightmares or terrors about it? Will this leave him
damaged…broken psychologically in some way he’ll never get over?”

Elvinia
stared down at her. “I think Buck will be fine, but sugar, I’m just a tad
worried about you.”

Meagan turned on her, furious. “How do
you know he’ll be fine?”

“Well, I guess there are never any guarantees,
but you’re talking like it’s a given he’ll be hiding on a rooftop with a sniper
rifle, taking out one person at a time.”

“Well, he
coul
—”

“—Oh, don’t be ridiculous!”
Elvinia
snapped. “What did you ask of Chris?”

“I asked him to leave us so we could get
on with our lives.”

Elvinia
threw her hands up in the air. “Well, didn’t he do just that? Why are you so
angry?”

“Because he didn’t leave a
message
!”
she hissed. “Why would he put us through all of this if there was no purpose
behind it?”

Elvinia
stood with her head held high. “I don’t know, Meagan. But God will show you
when it’s time, if that is what is meant to be.”

Meagan took a deep breath and released
it slowly, staring up at the woman…feeling an emptiness she had never
remembered feeling, even in the days just after losing Chris. “Bullshit.”

Elvinia
took a step back. “Excuse me?”

She crossed her arms. “You heard me. I
said bullshit, and I meant it. The only thing God has to show me is the back of
his hand for daring to disobey my parents. My good, Christian, holier than thou
parents, who couldn’t find it in their hearts to forgive their own child or
reach out to their only grandchild.” She slapped her hands together as though
brushing off crumbs from a cookie. “I’m done with them, and I’m done with
him
.”
She jabbed her finger up in the air to make a point.