Matters of the Heart (6 page)

I had hoped with intense longing that I would see Robert that morning but alas there was no sign of him. I would have to wait. I ate breakfast in solitary silence, alone with my thoughts. As I then made my way across the hall to the stairs, Mrs Dobbs crossed from the kitchen towards the library.

As she passed me, she asked, ‘Did the storm disturb you, miss?’

She looked at me almost knowingly and I suddenly felt guilty. As I made my way to the schoolroom, following Mrs Dobbs’ directions, I told myself not to be fanciful.

As I opened the door of the room, the first thing to catch my eye was a doll’s cot! It looked totally out of place amongst the desks, blackboard and easel. As I walked over to the wooden crib, I could see there was a large, porcelain doll in it, tucked up with blankets and wearing a white lacy bonnet. How strange, I thought.

‘I wonder what you are doing in here,’ I said aloud.

The four wooden desks were badly ink marked, the white china inkwells caked in ink. I lifted the lid of each desk and in the last one there was a notepad on which had been written in large capital letters, I HATE YOU. It has obviously been written with some feeling as the pencil had pressed hard on to the paper, piercing it in places.

Who would have written it and about whom? It was hard to tell if it was done years ago or quite recently. As I walked across the wooden floor to the blackboard, my boots sounded very loud. I started to write the name Felicity with the white chalk I found when I detected the smell of lavender. Turning swiftly, I came face to face with the lady who wore it.

The tall, grey-haired, gaunt-looking woman who stood in the doorway was dressed in clothes of a past age. Her hair was parted in the middle, the side hair being drawn over the front of her ears and then looped up to a small bun at the back of her head. She wore a dark blue dress with black stripes, printed at the waist, the full skirt falling gently around her, and on her head a white day-cap trimmed over the ears. She just stood there and looked at me. I felt somewhat ill-at-ease and sensed she was waiting for me to speak first.

‘Who are you?’ I uttered softly.

There was a pause before she spoke, in a Welsh accent.

‘I know who you are. You’re my Felicity’s little one. I watched you arrive from this very window and have watched you on many occasions since.’

As she spoke, she took a couple of steps into the room, her skirts swishing on the wooden floor and the waft of lavender became more apparent.

‘You are correct,’ I said, ‘but it doesn’t tell me who you are and why you had the right to enter my room without invitation, for it was you, wasn’t it, and you left me the warning note?’

My voice was unsteady and I spoke with an authority I didn’t feel.

‘Yes, it was me who entered your room, but only because of my concern for your safety.’

‘It pleases me that you admit it but I must ask you again, who are you?’

As I spoke, she moved farther towards me and picked up the china doll, gently smoothing the doll’s dress. I noticed her eyes were a fading green as she looked directly at me.

‘I am your mother’s governess, Nora Blackstone. Felicity was a good girl, so gentle and kind, to animals as well as people. I am still waiting for her return. The nursery is in readiness.’

She paused and laid the doll back in the crib.

‘But don’t you know?’ I said gently. ‘My mother died some years since.’

‘No-o-o-o.’

The word became such a wail it frightened me but then she calmed down.

‘Felicity will return to me. She promised and Miss Felicity never breaks a promise. Laura on the other hand, she is cruel and unfeeling with a harsh streak in her, like her father, Morgan Pendenna.’

She grasped me by the shoulders so suddenly I trembled.

‘It is because of Laura you must leave. She will do you harm and I want no harm to come to my Felicity’s girl.’

‘But why? Why would she harm me? She is my mother’s sister.’

Her hands relaxed their hold on my shoulders for which I was glad and I moved away from her and sat on the chair by the ink-stained desk, my knees trembling.

‘I cannot tell you why. You will learn soon enough. If you will not go then I must protect you some other way. Miss Laura only comes to see me to make sure I’ll keep my mouth shut.’

She suddenly clamped her hand over her mouth and I could see tears rolling down her cheeks.

‘You see, Jane, it is the priest’s hole. No, I cannot and will not speak of it for fear of my life.’

‘Tell me, Miss Blackstone, what is it you fear so much? I may be able to help you. I will speak to my grandmother on your behalf.’

I felt sorry for her now. She was obviously a very frightened woman.

‘I cannot tell you. Just believe me when I say there is such horror to be found in these walls and to think it is the nursery where my beloved Felicity lay so sweetly as a child, sleeping like a baby. That is how I shall see her again one day when she returns and all will be well again.’

I knew now there was something very odd about Miss Blackstone’s ramblings and tended to think I should not believe a word she told me for it was quite plain to me that she was living in the past.

‘Where is your room, Miss Blackstone?’ I ventured.

‘Why, next to the nursery, of course, where it has always been. Don’t you remember?’

She spoke to me as if I was a child.

‘Come with me, Felicity, back to the nursery, like a good girl. Lessons are over for today. We will get our coats and walk in the wood like we used to. Come, child.’

She held out her hand toward me.

‘I cannot come now, Miss Blackstone. I have to see my grandmother.’ I waited with baited breath but she seemed to accept this.

‘Later then, child. I am feeling weary now.’

So saying, she looked at her fob-watch.

‘Polly will be bringing my lunch any time now and then I will make sure everything is ready in the nursery.’

‘Miss Blackstone,’ I had to ask, ‘why is the crib and china doll in the schoolroom?’

‘Why, don’t you know? I couldn’t let Felicity’s baby lie in the nursery, poor little lamb. She will be safer here.’

Thankfully, she walked to the door then and paused and looked back.

I knew she was back in the present when she said quietly, ‘Watch out for Laura, child, but I will protect you if needs be.’

She then left the schoolroom and I could hear her skirts swishing along the corridor. To say I was confused about this meeting was very true. I was left baffled by the conversation I had just had with my mamma’s former governess. Was there really a priest’s hole or was it something conjured up by a woman not of sound mind? And while Aunt Laura had not been as affable as I would have liked, was she really so evil?

As I made my way down the stairs, along the dimly-lit corridors, determined to find Grandmother, I felt a panic rising in me and longed to escape to normality, but where? My thoughts turned to Jason Trehaine. How I wished I were at Mannamead now, in the light, airy rooms. Instead I was here, stifled by the suffocating atmosphere of Pendenna Reach. I wondered now, although no harm had yet befallen me, if I would be safe in my bed.

8

My grandmother wasn’t to be found in the drawing-room and looking out of the window I could see the rain still fell relentlessly and guessed she would not be out on the terrace either. I would seek out Mrs Dobbs, hoping she may know her whereabouts for I was anxious to talk to her about many things, Nora Blackstone being number one on my list.

Not since arriving at Pendenna had I entered the kitchen, Mrs Dobbs’ domain. I tentatively pushed open the door and was faced by an alarmed-looking, buxom woman dressed in black with a frilly white apron and mobcap. Stood beside her, up to her elbows in flour, was an equally-alarmed-looking girl, as slight as cook was buxom, tendrils of hair escaping her white cap.

‘Can I help you, miss?’ Cook asked, her rolling-pin suspended in mid-air.

As she spoke, the young girl drew one arm across her forehead leaving a smudge of white flour down one side of her plain face.

‘Agnes, how many times have I told you not to do that? Now run off and wash your hands and face.’

So saying, Cook gave her a little push with the rolling-pin and Agnes scuttled off.

‘Sorry, miss, this is what I have to put up with. Now, what can I do for you? A nice cup of tea, perhaps? I take it you are the mistress’ granddaughter, Miss Jane?’

She paused for breath and I spoke quickly.

‘Yes, I am indeed Jane Merriock. I’m sorry to intrude but was wondering if you could tell me where I may find Mrs Dobbs, please.’

Cook had gone back to rolling her pastry. She stopped long enough to indicate with her rolling-pin a door to her left. As I stepped into the large kitchen I took in the huge black range over which hung pots and pans of various shapes and sizes. The wooden table on which Cook was baking was immense and took up a third of the kitchen. Various dishes were scattered on the top of it and flour was everywhere. As I stood taking in my surroundings, Agnes returned looking much tidier and ready to immerse her arms once more into the large mixing bowl.

‘I’m Nelly, miss,’ Cook said, stopping her rolling-pin once more in mid-air. ‘It’s pleased we are to have you here. Your mother was very much loved by all. I won’t say more, miss, it’s not my place, except to say as how I don’t agree with what happened. Would’ve given me notice in but I loves the mistress and nothing will change that.’

I was lost for words but as Nelly resumed her rolling I uttered, ‘Thank you, Nelly, I understand.’

I walked to the door she had indicated, and stepped into a small corridor. I guessed it was the door opposite me which I needed for the one on the right was marked pantry. I knocked gently on the door and Mrs Dobbs’ voice called, ‘Who is it?’

Opening the door a fraction, I saw Mrs Dobbs get up from her chair and smooth her skirts.

‘Oh, it’s you, miss, come in, please.’

The room was small but comfortable and very warm. I felt quite stifled and was pleased when Mrs Dobbs asked if I would partake of a glass of lemonade. Seating myself on a high chair stood against the wall, I looked around me at the many ornaments placed on small tables scattered around the room. There was hardly a space left on the walls as they were covered in pictures, mainly of the sea and coastline. On a table beneath the window were small, stuffed animals which I found quite distasteful and looked quickly away at the small fire burning in the grate, listening to the rain as it splattered against the window pane.

I gratefully accepted the glass Mrs Dobbs gave to me and sipping the cool drink slowly I asked her where I could find my grandmother. As I spoke, a bell tinkled above my head. Looking up I could see three rows of bells, thirty-six in all, which I hadn’t observed before.

‘That’s the mistress now, miss. She is still in bed as she suffered one of her bad heads today and has taken a powder. She will be wanting a cup of tea, so if you would like to come with me, miss.’

‘Will that be all right?’ I asked between gulps of lemonade.

‘Of course, my dear. The mistress will be pleased to see you.’

I was glad to escape the stuffy atmosphere as I watched Mrs Dobbs place a guard in front of her small fire. In no time at all, Nelly had prepared a tray of tea for two and sandwiches and I found myself following Mrs Dobbs up the now-familiar staircase. Instead of turning right as I did to my room, we turned left and stopped outside the third door on the right. Mrs Dobbs tapped lightly on the door and entered, balancing the tray on one hand.

‘You have a visitor, madam.’

I followed Mrs Dobbs into the room and could see my grandmother sat up amongst many pillows in a huge, carved, four-poster bed which dominated the room. She was dressed in a white cotton nightdress, a white lace bed jacket covered her shoulders and arms. Her grey wavy hair fell loose around her shoulders and it was covered in a white lace cap. It seemed strange not to see her in black, and propped up against the white pillows she looked almost ethereal.

‘Why, Jane, what a delightful surprise. Come and sit by me.’

I moved across the carpet to sit on the chair at her bedside. Before seating myself I placed a kiss on her cheek.

‘I hope this isn’t an imposition, Grandmother, but I wish to talk with you.’

‘It is not an imposition and tell me, child, what is it you wish to talk about?’

I glanced at Mrs Dobbs who was busy placing a tray in front of my grandmother.

‘Pay no heed to Daisy,’ Grandmother coaxed. ‘There is nothing that can’t be said in front of my housekeeper after forty years of loyal service. Come, Jane, what troubles you, for you do look troubled? Pour the tea, please, Daisy.’

Grandmother was looking at me in anticipation of my words.

‘Well,’ I began, ‘I’d like to know more about Nora Blackstone.’

Both women looked at each other and then at me. The cup and saucer Daisy Dobbs held was suspended in mid-air. There was a pregnant pause before my grandmother spoke at last.

‘I take it you have met Miss Blackstone,’ she said quietly, ‘and where was this, pray tell me?’

‘In the schoolroom, not an hour since.’

‘And what were you doing in the schoolroom, Jane?’

I was afraid she was going to avoid the issue of Miss Blackstone.

‘I wanted to see where Mama spent her childhood and in view of the weather, I thought today a good time to explore the house. Miss Blackstone came upon me as I wrote on the blackboard. I smelled the lavender and was intrigued, as she had on occasions been in my room. The scent was the reason I knew it was her.’

‘And what did you make of our governess, Jane?’

‘Very strange in manner and very obviously living in the past.’

At this point I wondered if I should mention the priest’s hole but decided against it for some reason.

‘You are right, Jane. Nora Blackstone is indeed odd.’

Grandmother took a sip of her tea.

‘This is why we allowed her to stay here for she would never have gained another position and I felt sorry for her. I still do for she never steps outside these walls. What she finds to do with her days I cannot imagine. Laura visits her from time to time, I believe, but to gain any information from my daughter is like getting blood from a stone.’

She paused and I noticed her cheeks had become very pink and her eyes bright. ‘Will that be all, madam?’

Mrs Dobbs spoke as if to break a spell and my grandmother just waved her hand in dismissal. Mrs Dobbs looked at me and I was sure she was going to say something, but she opened the door and shut it almost silently behind her.

‘Are you all right, Grandmother?’ I asked anxiously as her whole manner had changed. ‘Please have a sandwich and sip your tea. I’m sorry if I have upset you in any way.’

She laid her hand on mine.

‘Please do not distress yourself, dear. You haven’t upset me but, Jane, please don’t believe anything Miss Blackstone says. She is muddled in the head and has been since your mother left. For some reason, she cannot bring herself into the present. If you see her again, don’t take anything she says seriously. Now tell me, how are you getting on with Robert?’

I got used to my grandmother changing the topic of conversation but this question brought Robert to my mind and I could feel the colour suffuse my cheeks and I felt transparent under my grandmother’s close scrutiny.

To prove the fact she said, ‘Ah, Jane, I see you have succumbed to Robert’s charm. Not surprising, and to say I am pleased is barely sufficient. I must be honest and say I have high hopes of a match of my lovely granddaughter and Mr Thornton. He is a good match for you, Jane, and you for him as you have spirit, the Pendenna spirit.’

I just sat and listened nonplussed at her words and when I left her some time later I was walking on air to think my grandmother would give her blessing to a match between Robert and myself. My heart sang with joy.

* * *

Three weeks passed without incident since that eventful day when Robert kissed me and I had met Nora Blackstone. October turned to November, the trees laid bare, their branches and the sky and sea merged into one, a dull uninteresting grey. Gone was the sun sparkling on the blue sea and in place of small waves chasing each other to shore the sea now crashed on to the shingle.

I’d seen Robert most days but never alone. I’d noticed that gone was the mocking smile and in its place had appeared an almost gentle, disarming one which melted my heart. It was Sunday and I awoke to the sound of Molly drawing back the curtains to reveal a watery sun and I realised that the incessant rain of the past weeks had at last stopped.

‘Good morning, miss,’ Molly said in her cheery voice. ‘Looks like being a nice day, sun and all.’

As she spoke, she placed a lump or two of coal on the fire which was already burning in the grate. How cheerful it all looked. It was then I decided to accompany Grandmother to church. To Molly’s amazement I got quickly out of bed.

‘You haven’t had your breakfast, miss.’

‘Leave it on the table, please, Molly, and I shall sit by the fire to eat it. What is the time?’

I glanced at the small, tortoiseshell clock on the mantle.

‘Nine o’clock! I shall have to be swift as I intend to go to church.’

‘Right, miss, I shall lay out your clothes if you tell me what you’d like to wear.’

I got to my feet and looked through my wardrobe.

‘I think the royal blue skirt and jacket with the fur trim.’

It was wool and I knew it would keep me warm. For prudence sake I would wear my black bonnet and gloves which were trimmed with blue to match my outfit.

I sat back at the table and poured myself a cup of strong tea and buttered toast. It had always been a ritual for Molly to bring me breakfast on a Sunday unless Grandmother requested my presence in the dining-room.

‘Miss?’ Molly’s eager voice cut into my thoughts. ‘I’ve got something to tell you, miss, which is really important and I can contain myself no longer.’

‘Why, Molly,’ I began and turned to look at her smiling face. ‘Please, do tell me.’

‘It’s Jack, miss. He says he wants us to get wed and I am so happy to but won’t give him an answer until I have your blessing.’

Molly looked at me expectantly and I stood and gathered her in my arms. I could sense the joy she felt and tried to feel how I would react if Robert asked me to marry him. I looked down at her as I released her, smiling at her obvious happiness.

‘Molly, did you doubt that you would have my blessing? I am overjoyed for you and Jack. You must give him your answer today.’

Had I lost her, I wondered. Dear Molly, who had been the biggest part of my life since Mamma and Papa had died. As if in answer to my silent question Molly took my hand.

‘I won’t leave you, miss, but I cannot go back to London.’

She looked at me now, anxiety on her pretty face.

‘I have grown to love it here, miss, and if Jack and I are blessed with children, the countryside is so much nicer than the city to bring them up.’

‘Don’t fret, Molly, I understand fully, and anyway I may stay at Pendenna myself. London does not hold much appeal for me anymore except, of course, for dear Amy. I just want you to be happy, Molly, and whatever happens we must not lose touch.’

‘Never, miss, I promise. Now I must help you, for it is nine-fifteen and I believe Mrs Pendenna usually leaves for church at ten, or so my Jack has told me.’

It was a rush but at five minutes to ten, I was stood in the hall attired in my Sunday best, waiting for my grandmother. I knew she would be pleased, as on other occasions I declined to accompany her on a Sunday to Pendenna church, but she had never pressed me. To go on my own volition was good. Since Mamma’s and Papa’s funeral, I had not stepped through a church gate. As I stood with my thoughts Mrs Dobbs interrupted them.

‘There is a letter for you, Miss Jane. It is on the silver plate behind you.’

I looked behind me and picked up the letter she’d mentioned. It was from Amy. I tucked it safely into my black beaded reticule, thanking Mrs Dobbs just as my grandmother reached the bottom of the staircase with Aunt Laura by her side.

‘My dear Jane, how lovely. I assume you are accompanying us?’