Matadora (18 page)

Dirisha nodded. She had seen the paths, while setting her sensors. They were beautiful, even where the flowers had gone wild and the underbrush had begun to encroach on the once carefully-tended grounds.

They walked. The pathways were laid out in gentle curves, winding among the trees and bushes so that a viewer could behold as much of the beauty as possible even on a short trip.

Dirisha was more interested in watching Carlos than in the scenery. For the first time in months, he seemed to relax. The lines of tension in his face smoothed a little, his shoulders sagged from their normally tight set. It made her feel good to see it; at the same time, Dirisha felt that tiny stab of fear that she could care so much.

Ah, this was why she could never let it go. It was why she had never been able to relax fully with a lover, not even Geneva. It would mean being naked emotionally, being vulnerable. It would mean taking a risk, to trust somebody that much. She didn't know if she could do that, not after all the years of holding to herself. Her greatest strength, Mayli Wu had said. And her greatest weakness. She could see that, now. But she couldn't see how to get past it-

Something rustled the flowery bush just ahead and to their right. Instantly, Dirisha stepped ahead of Carlos and blocked his body with her own. Her right spetsdod came up, an automatic motion, to point at the bush.

"Come out careful, Deuce, or spend the next six months locked!"

A small creature with long ears darted across the path, and Dirisha tracked it with her spetsdod. She held her fire at the last instant.

Behind her, Carlos laughed.

She turned to face him.

"A rabbit," he said. "Or the local version of it. A herbivore, and harmless."

Dirisha raised from her crouch. Her sensors were designed to pick up anything massing more than ten kilos moving around in the brush, so that explained why the robit, or whatever he'd called it, didn't register. Well, okay, it was harmless, but she didn't know that, the background sphere hadn't said anything about small animals running wild-

"Thank you," Carlos said, his face grave.

"For what?" She was puzzled. "It wasn't a threat."

Carlos stepped closer to her, so that they were nearly touching. "It could have been. You were willing to let it take you rather than me."

Dirisha looked up at his face. Tall as she was, Carlos was half a head taller.

And he probably had twenty kilos on her, he was a big man. Not as big as Bork, but big. "It's my job, Rajeem."

He raised his hands and touched her shoulders, sliding his palms down to her arms. "Yes."

What Dirisha saw in his face then was desire. He wanted her, as she wanted him. Was it only sex? Spurred by the imagined danger they'd just faced? Or was it more?

He leaned down and kissed her. Softly, gently, a press and joining of parted lips, so tender there was almost no sensation of physically touching him. But there was no mistaking the feeling of being joined. Dirisha had read and seen stories all of her life of the electric jolt that passed between lovers, but she had never felt it. Until now.

He pulled away, to look at her.

She had seen the look before, she realized. Bork had worn it, after Mayli Wu had asked him to kiss her. After that kiss, Bork had looked at Mayli just like Carlos looked at her now. It shocked her into a stunned silence.

Dirisha sucked in a quick breath, and felt her pulse quicken. He called to her, his essence called to hers, and all the days past of feeling drawn to him came to this moment-he wanted her, as well. Had it been that way all along?

She had wanted him from the beginning though she refused it, never thinking or hoping he might feel the same way.

The lifetime of a god passed. Dirisha grew from a child to a woman in that time, her life formed a parade past her stunned gaze, showing her herself, as she had been, as she was, as she might be. Multiple paths lay before her, and she had to choose which one she would walk.

From the depths of her mind a small thought spiraled up, a tiny thing which had lain buried for so long it almost could not free itself. She watched it idly as the thought rose, and was shattered as she understood what it meant: she didn't have to give up anything, she would lose no part of herself if she gave in and loved this man, let him love her. You'll be more, not less! But how could it happen? She was supposed to protect her client, no more.

She could almost hear Pen laughing as she understood finally what it was he had done, what she had so stupidly failed to see before: he had set her up, just as he had set Geneva up. Pen, the cosmic matchmaker!

Why? Was it just to make sure Rajeem Carlos got the best bodyguard possible, according to Pen's theory of subjective/objective? Or was there more? Had he been trying to complete something lacking in her, as he had done in Geneva? Damn him! Did he think he was a god, to twist people to his whims? Dammit, she didn't have to do it his way! She could turn and walk!

But....

But. Dirisha felt it within her, the desire for Carlos, something beyond simple sex, beyond wanting to do a good job. It was powerful, the attraction, the most powerful thing she had felt in years, an emotion which gripped her like steel clamps and refused to let go, even though she knew she had been led to it like one blind. The word was slow in coming, and it didn't feel as she had always thought it would, but it came: love. More powerful than fanaticism, Pen had said. Dirisha knew it was true; it would not be denied.

A microsecond, a god's lifetime, the space of it passed, leaving behind the realization. Her greatest strength was her greatest weakness, Mayli had said.

And once she realized it, it was no more. Dirisha cast away her fear of losing herself, along with her anger at Pen, with as little effort as smiling.

She watched Rajeem see it, saw his face light with an answering glow, as he bent to kiss her again.

Dirisha put her arms around his neck, and the kiss flowered with passion.

Suddenly she wanted this man, like she had never wanted another. His hands stroked her back and buttocks, urging her to him, and she pressed against his body as though trying to fuse into it.

His lips and tongue moved against her neck. Dirisha laughed into the air of the forest. Rajeem moved lower, tugging at her clothes. He untabbed her tunic, pulled her pants down, and bent to kiss her breasts, her belly, her mons. She felt his flickering tongue dart against her clitoris, followed by his lips, sucking her inner labia gently. Ah, yes! Her knees trembled, but she continued to stand, moving her fingers in his hair as he kissed her. He held her buttocks with one hand and pulled her against his face. She knew she couldn't let go, it was too dangerous out here, and even through the passion, she was aware of her surroundings.

She allowed him to continue for awhile more, then urged him to stand again. "Wait," she said. She repeated his earlier actions, sliding down his body. She opened his pants, and took his penis into her mouth. She moved on him, lips and tongue working. He groaned again, and bent to catch her under the arms. He lifted her, as easily, it seemed to Dirisha, as a man lifting a child. He cupped her buttocks with both hands and raised her until her chin was over his head. Then, slowly and carefully, he lowered her, entering her until they were joined in that most ancient of man and woman connections. He began to thrust, holding her, and she in turn thrust against him.

She thought he would fall when he came, and he shook, but held his stance. She could feel him pulsing within her, and she kissed his neck and hugged him, wanting to keep him inside her forever. He stood that way for a long time.

After a while, Dirisha laughed.

"What?"

She leaned back so she could see his face. "Pen," she said. "He knew this would happen. That you and I would find each other, that we would get to this point." Then she laughed again. It didn't matter. She would kiss him and thank him for his twisted machinations the next time she saw him. The son of a bezel wart. She loved him.

Carlos laughed, too. "Yes, he and Beel would probably get along fine."

Dirisha felt a stab of something in her gut. Fear? What would Beel think?

What kind of relationship did they have, was it monogamous?

Carlos said, "Yes, indeed. With all the pillow-plumping she was doing, she'll be most pleased."

Dirisha leaned back, still joined to Carlos at the pubis. "What?"

"Why do you think she sent us off here together, alone? She knows me, and she likes you-a lot. I could tell that the first time you two met." He squeezed her buttocks, still grinning widely. "You have anything against women lovers'' Or triads?" "No."

"Good. I have a feeling you and I and Beel are going to get along just fine."

Still riding his hips, Dirisha smiled. "What say we go inside? It'd be a lot easier for me to relax without having to worry about something coming out of the bushes while your mad tongue works." She was amazed at herself. Pen was right, once again. She was no less a pro now than she had been before.

Objectivity? Subjectivity? Words, they didn't mean anything. Her skills hadn't disappeared because she unbound a part of herself which had been strapped down tightly all of her life.

"Anything you say." He began to walk, carrying Dirisha still wrapped around him.

She laughed, and knew how it was going to be.

It was going to be great.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

CARLOS WAS STILL asleep as Dirisha arose nude from the bed. She grinned at him and walked quietly away, into the communications room.

Dawn was beginning, faint and feathery blue light came through the window as Dirisha padded toward the security com board. The sensors were silent.

The night team's in-checks were identical: no suspicious activity.

Dirisha kneeled on the backless orthopedic form and stroked the external communications module into glowing life. She had a message she wanted to send. To Geneva.

The computer blinked and lit the air.

READY TO TRANSMIT. ACCESS CODE?

Geneva was on Earth by now, protecting an ambassador. Dirisha didn't know those codes, but she did know how to send to Matador Villa. Pen would get the message to Geneva. Dirisha didn't doubt that he was expecting her to call.

There were a million things she could say, but they weren't necessary, the essence could be distilled to a few simple lines. She punched in the access code for Pen at the Villa, but rather than type the words of the message itself, Dirisha wanted to say it aloud. "This is for Geneva, Pen. But I want to say something to you, too: Thanks. It took me a while, but I got it.

"Hi, Brat. I know I'm slow to catch on sometimes, but even though you're light years away, you need to know I've finally figured it out. I love you, Geneva. It took somebody else to show me how locked up I've been all my life, and I love him, too, but I've discovered that love isn't limited that way. So you take care until I can tell it to you in person."

Dirisha smiled at the computer, and used her hands to close the communication.

ACKNOWLEDGED, the computer flashed. HARD COPY?

"Negative," Dirisha said. She didn't need to see it.

Carlos came into the room behind her, Dirisha heard his soft footfalls on the spunsilk carpet. He came to stand behind her, and slid his hand over her shoulders to cup her bare breasts.

"Morning, Rish. What's up?" He yawned.

She twisted to look up at him. "Taking care of some old business," she said.

"Making a couple of connections clear."

"Urn. Good. What about coming back to bed? I have a connection you might like."

"Yeah?"

"Well. You won't know unless you try it."

"How can I resist such brilliant logic?"

Carlos bent and kissed her on the neck.

Dirisha was staring happily at Carlos's tousled red hair when the bedroom communicator chimed.

"Yes?" Carlos said.

"Good day, husband," came Beel's voice. The holoproj screen lit with her face, smiling. "Got something against visual this morning?"

Carlos glanced at Dirisha next to him in the bed. She smiled and shook her head. Carlos said, "Visual on."

Beel's face broke into a wide grin as she saw Carlos and Dirisha together.

Dirisha sat up, and the sheet fell to her waist, to reveal her nudity.

"Oh, my," Beel said, her voice filled with mock horror.

Carlos laughed. "Shit. Now tell me it never crossed your mind."

Beel tried to keep a straight face. "Why, it never crossed my mind-" then she began to laugh. When she finished, she said, "I gather you've been able to keep him from working too hard, Dirisha?"

"We've been relaxing some, yes."

"Good. I've finished my business offworld. The children are back in school; would you two mind company?"

Carlos looked at Dirisha again; she smiled. He turned back toward the screen. "We'd love company, especially yours."

"I'll see you this evening, then."

After the communication ended, Dirisha said, "Just to satisfy my curiosity, do you two do this often?"

"No. We're particular whom we share each other with. You are very special, Dirisha. There are few people I feel safe or comfortable with, fewer still I can trust and love. It's the same with Beel. We're stingy with ourselves, and with our time. It's too valuable to waste on just anybody."

"Thank you," Dirisha said, bending to kiss his shoulder.

"Oh, you can do better than that!"

He giggled, and Dirisha kissed him again. It wasn't so awful, being able to let go with somebody. How could she have ever been afraid of it? Pen had been-as usual, dammit-right. She understood fully now what he had meant when he's said that Geneva could give the galaxy a run for its money for somebody she loved. There was a new dimension Dirisha had never seen before, and it was a good place to be. Too, she understood something about Pen which she had wondered about: he treated his students differently. Not everyone would get what she had gotten, for not everyone had her particular strengths and weaknesses. Like a man raising unique and exotic plants, Pen watered and fed each one what he thought best to allow it to grow properly.