Marionette (30 page)

Tom leaned in and whispered, “Don’t look to your right, but Minnie is walking towards us.”

I mumbled, “Thanks.” Tugging on Jess’s jacket, I motioned with my head to the other side of the quad.

“Hi, Jake,” I heard Minnie say, and I was surprised that she had acknowledged him. However, I didn’t stay to find out more, just lowered my chin into my jacket as Jess and I made our way to the student center. I was dying for a hot chocolate.

“I gather that was Minnie.” Jess pulled my arm so she could stop briefly and glance back.

“Yes…‌and Jenna’s with her.”

“Really? The tall blonde?”

I nodded.

“She’s an Amazon.” Jess sounded impressed.

“Yep. Come on, I’m freezing.”

“Okay, you baby, it’s not even that cold out.” Jess rubbed my arms in an attempt to warm me up.

Turning around, I bumped into someone and without looking up, muttered, “I’m sorry.”

“Paige?”

I froze.

“I wasn’t expecting to see you here.”

I stared into Liddy’s face, speechless.

Jess stuck out her hand. “Hi, I’m Jess.”

Liddy shook her hand, grinning like a fool.

I still hadn’t moved. I’m not sure I had even taken a breath.

Liddy said her name and Jess knew immediately who she was.

“Oh!” Jess looked to me and then to Liddy. “Would you like a hot chocolate? We were heading in for one.”

If I could have moved, I would have given Jess the “you can’t be serious” look. But I was still pretending to be invisible, or a statue, and my brain wasn’t functioning enough to decide what course to take.

“Thanks for the offer, but my friend is speaking next.” Liddy said her goodbyes and patted my shoulder as she left.

Several seconds later, Jess said, “You can move now. Nice job imitating a statue, by the way. I don’t think she knew you were there.”

I moved my eyes slowly to the side but I couldn’t see any trace of Liddy.

“Paige,” squeaked Minnie. I looked to Jess, who was again doing her impression of a kid in a candy store. All of these people she had wanted to meet were now flocking to us like moths to a flame. Why had I thought inviting her was a good idea?

I turned around and Minnie gave me a hug. Then, not knowing what to do, I stood there, solid as an oak tree.

Minnie introduced herself.

“Hi, Audrey. I’ve heard so much about you. I’m Paige’s best friend from back home.”

I let out a silent sigh of relief.

Minnie made pleasant chitchat with Jess before she got down to business. “Paige, how is Tom doing? I still can’t believe this.” She waved a hand in the direction of the crowd.

I wasn’t sure what Minnie meant by her statement.

“I guess he’s okay, but it’s not every day you discover you’re living with a murderer.” I corrected myself, “Or attempted murderer.”

“To think Aaron is capable of such a…” she looked up at the stars, as if searching for the right word. “Atrocious act.” She sounded completely disgusted. “To beat up someone just because he’s gay…‌really, who does such a thing?” She shook her head fervently.

I wanted to remind her that she thought gays were repugnant. The words were about to leave my mouth when Jess piped up, “You never know what people are capable of.” She tapped my foot to shut me up. “Audrey, would you like some hot chocolate?”

“Thanks, Jess, but I’m meeting some classmates here. One of my teachers is offering extra credit for anyone who came tonight. I need to check in.”

I wanted to shout, “I knew it!”

“Oh, that’s nice. Good luck finding them.” Jess yanked my arm to get me away fast. When we were far enough away, she whispered, “At least she came. It’s a step. Don’t discourage her.”

Jess was right, but I wasn’t willing to admit it. Instead, I marched up to the counter and ordered two hot chocolates. Jess corrected me, and ordered five. Turning around I saw Jake, Tom, and Karen. I settled the bill and stood to the side, waiting for the next frozen dyke to place her order.

“I tried to stop her,” Karen blurted.

“What?” I wiggled my toes to get feeling back into them.

“I tried to stop Audrey, so she wouldn’t—‌” Karen didn’t know what to say, so she pointed to Jess.

“Oh, thanks. Jess told her we were just friends. I think she still believes I’m dating Tom.” The hot chocolates started to appear on the counter. No one said anything. Everyone ripped off the covers and breathed in the steam. “It’s fucking cold out.”

“I heard someone say it’s minus twelve.” Tom sipped his drink and gasped when he burned his tongue.

“Seriously, you thought it was ready to drink?” Karen shook her head. “Don’t you see the steam?” She swirled her cup in front of his face.

Jess placed a hand on Tom’s shoulder. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” He stuck his burnt tongue out at Karen.

Karen turned to me and asked, “Who was the woman you were talking to before Audrey?”

Again, I turned into a statue.

“She’s a friend of mine.” Jess saved me.

“Oh, I wondered why you didn’t speak, Paige. It looked like an awkward situation.” Karen turned to her brother and said something, but I was too busy controlling my heart rate to pay attention. Tom eyed me, and I wondered if he remembered seeing me with Liddy. Thankfully, he didn’t ask. I wasn’t sure how many more shocks I could handle.

The five of us made our way back outside just as the news crews started to arrive. At first, I didn’t see them, but when a reporter stuck a microphone in Karen’s face, I ducked away. Shit! If my parents saw me at this rally, I was done for. Screwed! Sayonara!

Jess screened me from the camera and the four of us left Karen to her fifteen minutes of fame. I was sure she was talking about Jake and his suicide attempt, and I wondered how he felt about that. Tom placed his arm on Jake’s back. I speculated that Tom was wondering the same thing.

When Karen rejoined the group, Jess asked, “Shall we head back?”

Everyone nodded, except for Karen. “I’m going to stay here tonight. I have a test tomorrow.”

Tom didn’t mention any of his finals, but surely he had some; it was finals week after all. I had one tomorrow evening. Neither Jess nor I quizzed him about it.

Later that night, I finally settled into bed after a piping hot shower. Even though I had blasted the heat in the car all the way home, I still couldn’t feel my toes.

Jess came in and sat on the bed next to me. “So, Liddy is quite beautiful.”

I was not expecting that comment.

“And I’m betting you haven’t guessed she’s gay.”

My head snapped up. “What?” I did remember Liddy once referring to a girlfriend, but I thought she just meant a friend, like older women, who often called their female friends girlfriends.

“Think about it, Paige. She noticed you were playing the pronoun game and then one of her ‘friends’ was speaking at the rally. Yep, she’s gay.”

“But she doesn’t look like a dyke.”

Jess whacked me on the shoulder. “Neither do I, and I assure you that I’m gay.”

“It seems like everyone I know is turning out to be gay.”

“Maybe your school has gay water.” Jess joked. “I wasn’t expecting Minnie to be so, well, pretty.”

I sat up. “You think Minnie’s pretty? Now, come on, I agree Liddy’s pretty, but Minnie looks like a mouse. Hence the name, Minnie Mouse. And what about her hair?” I waved her preposterous idea aside.

“That does make me feel somewhat better.”

“What do you mean?” I examined her face.

“Well, I found out that not only is your roommate hot, but so is your therapist.” Jess looked away.

“You’re serious. You are actually jealous.” I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Stop laughing. It’s hard being down here and knowing you’re up there living it up.”

“Living it up! I’m taking six classes so I can graduate early. Usually, I’m too busy studying, writing papers, or taking exams to live it up.” I crossed my arms. “Besides, you’re down here living it up.” I paused, but then decided to dive in headfirst. “What did Davie want yesterday?” For the past day I had wanted to ask the question, but wanted us to be alone. It was now or never.

She stood up and headed to the bathroom. “He heard about Santi’s fundraiser and wanted to learn how to throw one of his own.” Jess disappeared into the bathroom, and I heard her turn the shower on.

Her response didn’t sit well with me. I didn’t have proof she was lying, but I felt it. Why? What was she keeping from me? Was she trying to protect me? Or was I being completely irrational? Not everyone was out to hurt me. Not everyone was controlled by my mother.

Chapter Twenty-Three

I left Tom at Jess’s on Friday morning. Friday was one of my busier days, with three finals and then therapy. Tom was curled up on the couch, engrossed in an Agatha Christie novel. Turns out he can’t get enough of mysteries. Jess hooked him up at the used bookstore, and while I had been commuting back and forth, Tom had read two novels. Now, he was glued to
And Then There Were None
.

When it was time for my therapy appointment, I was greatly relieved. All of my finals were done, and I had a few weeks of breathing space until spring semester. Taking so many classes had its pluses and minuses.

Liddy was already sitting in the office when I rushed in. I wasn’t late; she was early. Blowing on my hands to warm them up, I asked her if everything was all right.

“I know, I’m early today. Can you believe it?” She smiled mischievously.

“No, I can’t. Are you sure I’m not late?”

Instead of answering, she gestured to a cup. “I picked up some hot chocolate. I can’t believe how cold it’s been this week. I nearly froze at the rally.”

The mere reference to the rally stilled my heart.

Liddy continued casually, “Jess is a lovely woman.”

I picked up the hot chocolate and cupped it with both hands, refusing to speak.

“I’ll be honest, Paige, I wasn’t expecting to see you there with Jess. That was bold and I’m proud of you.”

“It’s a little more complicated than that. I wasn’t proclaiming anything. I was supporting some friends.”

She watched me curiously. “How so?”

I explained about Tom, Aaron, Karen and her brother. “As long as we’re being honest, I wasn’t expecting to see you there, either. I thought I would be perfectly safe bringing Jess. I didn’t expect to run into you, or my homophobic roommate.”

She laughed. “I wish I could have seen your face when your roommate showed up. I know how you reacted to me.”

“Didn’t your mom teach you not to laugh at people? Or don’t they teach that in shrink school?” I tried to sound defensive.

“I’m not laughing at you, but with you. How’s Tom? Is he the guy I saw you with at the student center weeks ago?”

“Yes. I wondered if you’d noticed. Why didn’t you ask before now?” I sipped the hot chocolate, which burned pleasantly all the way down until I felt the cold dissipating from my fingertips. “Thanks for this.” I raised the cup.

“You’re welcome. I felt bad about rushing off the other night.”

“Does that mean you lied about your friend speaking?” I saw a ray of light. Maybe Jess was wrong. I was tired of her being right all of the time.

“She spoke, but I would have preferred going someplace warm. However, I didn’t want you to go into cardiac arrest.” She winked. “And you didn’t know Tom was gay?”

I threw my arms up in the air, nearly spilling my hot chocolate. “Am I the only one who didn’t know? I didn’t know you were gay either!” As soon as the words slipped out, I sucked in air hoping to retrieve them, which only made Liddy laugh.

She pulled her notepad out from under her leg.

“Time to get down to business?” I said.

“Not unless you want to talk about me being gay, but I was hoping to talk about your sister Abbie.” Her eyes sparkled.

“Abbie? Why? We aren’t that close. Besides, didn’t we cover that already?” I fidgeted in my chair.

“I’m curious. Do you think she ever had an inkling about Alex?”

I thought for a moment. “Huh, I guess I never thought about it. Now that I know, it seems so obvious. All three of us look so much alike. And we all resemble our father more than our mothers.”

“You don’t think your mom ever slipped up around her?”

“As much as my mom hates me, I don’t think she’s that much closer to Abbie. I don’t know how to explain it.” I leaned forward and placed my palms together, as if in prayer. “No one in our home likes any other person. There’s no alliance, no friendship, no camaraderie. It’s all-out war. As much as I despise my father, I hate my mother more.”

“For what she did to Alex?”

“Yes! And to me.”

“Can you explain that?” Her face urged me to say it out loud, not just drop hints.

“A Lego incident ruined my life. When my mom stepped on that damn piece, my life became a virtual hell. She not only held it against me and turned me into a slave, but she convinced me that I was a worthless piece of shit that didn’t matter to anyone.”

“Did you hate Abbie for not coming forward?”

“Damn right I did!”

Liddy winced some. I had said the words much louder than I’d planned on. “Good,” she responded finally.

“Good?” I stood up and leaned against the wall, my arms crossed. “What’s good about it? How Abbie could watch me suffer everyday for something I didn’t do still baffles me. To be so unfeeling. So selfish. So…‌I don’t even know the right words for it. God, what a fucking cunt!”

Liddy started to speak, but I cut her off. “Don’t say
good
again. I don’t care if you think it’s good that I’m getting in touch with my feelings.”

She nodded once and gestured for me to continue.

I slumped back down in my chair. “And for my mother to seize on something to torture me, just to get back at my dad, what a monster. Not that he even noticed. For years, I was the pariah in the family. Still am, but now I know why. I was the only one who didn’t do anything wrong. Abbie lied. My father lied. My mother—‌she’s the worst of the bunch. She lies, manipulates—‌kills. I’m sure, though, she has my father’s help.”

“Does that make it easier? Finally knowing the truth?”

“No.” My voice came out in a whisper—‌puny, ineffectual. I rubbed my forehead. “I wish I had it back.”