Marine Under the Mistletoe (Always a Marine) (6 page)

“I’ll think about it,” Kaiden replied without missing a beat. The flare of his father’s cigar illuminated his face and the creases of Henry’s smile.

“I’ll let her know.” The silence following offered a profound statement of acceptance.

“Dad?”

“You have to do what’s right for you, Kaiden,” Henry answered without waiting for him to vocalize the question.

“What if I don’t know what’s right?”

“Then you do what you said…you consider it. You weigh what your conscience wishes against what your soul can bear, and then you make the choice that’s right for you.”

His father’s advice had been far from easy. “I have a contract and I have duty.”

“You have seven months and four days left on your contract.” Acute understanding flared in the words. “You have to give them an answer to that question when you return, and haven’t they begun the pullout? Our forces are leaving Afghanistan and Iraq.”

“There’s always another war. Another place that needs us.” Neither brought up the more recent news; they didn’t have to.

“Kaiden, you’re a grown man. So I’m going to ask you one question and I want the answer not to be about the Marines, or about our country, or even about duty. I want you to answer from your soul…what do you need?”

“It’s not that simple.” His needs came second to his unit, second to his country, and definitely second to duty.

“They never are, son. Never. It’s the hardest question in the world to ask yourself what you need—not your family, your wife—your friends. But you. You’re the kind of guy who takes care of others first. It’s why you’re here when it’s the last place you want to be.” Blunt understanding, not judgment or censure, populated his father’s words.

“I didn’t want to come.” And he knew he could tell his dad and it wouldn’t hurt his feelings. “True enough. I didn’t. I don’t think I belong among all of you anymore. But I couldn’t
not
come, either.”

“All right.”

Kaiden had told Rowan he didn’t want to taint them. He couldn’t enter a circle with clear conscience and honest feeling when he’d broken the cardinal law he’d been taught since birth—
an it harm none
. As unorthodox as his upbringing might seem to others, it was all he’d known before he enlisted in the Marines. It sustained him through basic, through deployment—through nearly everything else. Unfortunately, that changed somewhere along the way, and he didn’t know precisely when.

“I am a Marine. It’s what I’m good at.” And if he didn’t have the uniform, the assignments—the places to be—who would he be?

“Kaiden, you’re good at whatever you put your mind to.” Noise inside rose and they both glanced at the house. “You like her.”

He didn’t have to ask which her. “I’m only here for a couple of weeks.”

“It took me twenty-four minutes with your mother.” The Cheshire smile in the words tugged a laugh-groan from Kaiden.

“Dad. Way too much information.” Over-sharing—a hallmark of the Nelson family.

“No, our first time took a lot longer than twenty-four minutes, boyo.” And the man grinned. “I think it was more like twenty-four hours of….”

“Dad!” Kaiden scrubbed a hand over his face and laughed. “Good gods, man, I do not want to hear about your sex life.”

“At least I have one.” Henry sat forward, his humor turning sober. “Pay attention to what your heart is telling you. You like her. Go for it. Life is too short to sit around wondering what you’re good for. Or better—who you’re good for. Embrace the season—you’ve been in the dark for a long time. You’re home, it’s okay to let in the light.”

“And on
that
note—”

“Kaiden.” His father’s tone froze him in place and he had to resist the urge to snap to a salute. No drill sergeant he’d ever trained under could elicit the response his father could with the simple vocalization of his name.

“Sir?”

“
Live
. That’s all we want for you.” Standing, Henry extinguished the cigar and crossed to put a hand on his shoulder. “
Live
.”

Accepting the advice and his father’s embrace wasn’t hard. The door opened, letting the rise and fall of a dozen voices spill out into the darkness, and Henry gave him another pat on the shoulder.

“There you two are.” Lorraine shivered as she stepped out and closed the door behind her. Henry slid an arm around her and tugged her close. “I thought you’d try to stage an escape.”

“He wasn’t trying to escape.” Henry chuckled, but another exodus interrupted. “It’s time….” But he drew Lorraine away and tugged off his jacket to wrap around her shoulders.

Kaiden let his father deal with his mother and watched as friends, old and new, came out in clusters of two and three, but he waited on one person in particular. Rowan followed the stragglers, herding the children out before pulling her jacket closed and shutting the door behind her. Patiently letting everyone else head down the steps and begin the long walk down the path to where they planned the vigil, he caught Rowan’s gaze.

She pulled her ponytail out from beneath the collar of her jacket and gave him a questioning look. He couldn’t blame her since he’d behaved in a confusing manner since he’d arrived.

“Are you coming with us?” She paused next to him. He liked her height, and her stance. The way she spoke to him, without demand or heat—yet the liquid warmth in her voice soothed all the cold, cracked places inside.

Curious, he opened his arms. Rowan set her bag down and stepped right into them and gave him a hug. Bracketing her slender form to him, he gave her a gentle squeeze. He wanted to say yes, he’d go with her, but instead asked, “Would you sit vigil with me alone?”

She tightened her grip, and pressed her cheek to his jacket. “If you’d like.”

“Really?” Surprise burst through him. He’d half-expected her to say no, they had to join the others.

“You really need to stop that.” She drew back, but didn’t try to escape his arms.

“What?”

“You’ve decided—in your mind—exactly how everyone will respond to you and what we’ll say and how we’ll say it. Stop.”

Had he been doing that? “Not intentionally.” Still, she rested in the circle created by his hands clasped on her lower back, the weight nearly as comforting as her hug.

“All right. Do you want to sit vigil outside or in?”

He considered the request. The majority of the coven would be at the circle, lighting the bonfire and telling stories through the night. At least the weather had held. Yes, it was colder, but no storm threatened and the bonfire and blankets would keep the cold away as they waited for sunrise.

“You planned to spend it with everyone else….” Was it really fair to ask her to give up her plans for his?

“And I’m choosing to say yes to you.” She pinched him. “Pay attention.”

“Ow.” Not that it hurt, but saying it was worth her laugh. “All right, I’d like to go make our own camp down by the lake.”

“Grab the bag, and we can go. I have everything we need, except firewood. We’ll have to find some at the lake.”

To pick up the bag, he had to let her go. When he held out his hand, she took it as easily as she had the first night.

“I do have one question for you,” Rowan said as they headed for the lake path.

“And that is?”

“Why?”

“Why, what?” He wasn’t sure what part puzzled her.

“Why do you want to sit vigil with me?”

Squeezing her hand, he didn’t give himself time to think about the answer. “Because I want to live.”

Kaiden refused to let her help build the fire. Instead, she had to sit, chin propped on her palm, elbow on her knee, and watch him. Not that watching him was a terrific hardship. “You know it would go faster if we were both gathering wood.”

“It will go slower if you wrench your ankle—which you tried to do twice on the way down here.” The man didn’t miss a beat.

“So, you’ve learned my awful secret.” She sighed mournfully.

“Yep, you have terrible night vision. So sit there, nice and safe, and I’ll get our fire started.” The flash of his smile sent a tingle right through her.

Of course, she might spoil it by pushing. “Kaiden?”

“Yes?”

“Why did you want to come down here alone with me?” In some ways, she was so comfortable with him—he was almost too familiar. And in others, they remained relative strangers. She believed in reincarnation, always had, but she’d never been confronted by such utter familiarity before. Except the first time she’d come to an
Esbat
circle with the coven—but Kaiden hadn’t been there. Of course, mentioning that might make her appear crazy.
Crazier than greeting him with a kiss and a hug and spending time fantasizing about him naked, Rowan, really?

He paused in mid-stack of wood, and she didn’t have to see his eyes to know he stared at her. “Did you not want to come down here?”

“Didn’t say that, but I am curious.” Particularly after his
I want to live
comment.

Instead of answering, he continued to stack the wood into a triangle with an almost OCD attention to detail. Finally, he sat back on his heels, rested his hands on his thighs and his gaze on her. “I like being with you. I relax.”

“Okay.” It was a hell of a lot more of an answer than she’d expected to get. A chill wind rolled off the lake and she pulled her jacket tighter.

He laughed. The low sound, husky and very masculine, sent an entirely different kind of shiver racing over her skin. “And that is why I like being with you.”

“I suppose I feel a little guilty,” she admitted.

A spark and flare of light started the kindling burning. The flickering flames sent shadows dancing over Kaiden’s face. “What do you have to feel guilty about?”

Chewing her lower lip, she considered how to phrase her next words. “I didn’t know you before. Everyone else has been looking so forward to you being here, I feel guilty about their disappointment.”

“Odd. You told me they didn’t have expectations.”

“Of course they have some, even when they try not to have them. I, however, feel a tad guilty and selfish.” But she couldn’t stop the smile curving the corners of her mouth.

The flames continued to lick over the wood and offered an illusion of warmth. Walking around the fire, Kaiden came over to sit on the blanket next to her, close enough their shoulders brushed. “You have nothing to feel guilty about. But if it bothers you, we can go to the main circle with the others.”

Despite the offer, she knew it was the last place he wanted to be. Leaning her head on his shoulder, she smiled at the flames. “No, this is fine. But you may have to cuddle so I don’t freeze to death. I don’t really see us dancing rounds out here.”

Sliding his arm around her obediently, he snugged her closer. “You wouldn’t be dancing tonight, anyway. We’re all sitting vigil.”

“I know I said I wouldn’t ask, but I do have a couple of questions.” Overhead, the scattering of stars seemed to expand, as more and more appeared across the velvety carpet of the sky.

“How about we play a game then?” The cool, playful note in his voice intrigued her.

“All right. Does it have rules?”

“Of course it does.” He traced slow pattern along her bicep with his thumb.

When he added nothing further, she twisted to glance up at him. “Are you going to share the rules?”

“Maybe.” He grinned. “Or maybe one of the rules is you don’t get to know the rules.”

“It’s very hard to play if you don’t know the rules,” she said, delighted with the game he made out of figuring them out.

“Possibly.” His gaze dipped to her mouth and then up again. “How about rewards and penalties?”

“Sounds exciting—unless one of the penalties is ending up in the lake, then it’s just mean.” Still, she couldn’t suppress a third shiver and this one had nothing to do with the lake or the chill and everything to do with his nearness.

“Damn. You saw right through me.” The note of teasing in the words denied any truth in them. “What do you want to know?”

“We can play.” She nudged him. “But, tell me the rules before we start.”

“All right, answer for answer.” His breath brushed the curve of her ear and she closed her eyes at the contact. “Fair?”

“Very fair. I get to go first, though.” She blew out a breath and watched the flames in front of her.

“Absolutely. Ladies first.”

With the opportunity right in front of her, she drew a complete blank on what to ask first. The wood popped and crackled as the fire continued to consume the logs. Kaiden leaned away from her and picked up another log and added it to the blaze, blocking the breeze so the heat could build.

“What was it like to grow up with pagan parents?” It wasn’t her first question, but she did wonder. Her Episcopalian family had taken her conversion pretty well—they ignored it for the most part.

“Huh.”

Apparently she’d surprised him with her choice of questions.
Good
.

He settled back into place next to her and drew up the second blanket to wrap around her shoulders before tucking her under his arm again. “I don’t really have a basis for comparison. Though I knew attending skyclad circles and drum circles weren’t the norm for other kids—my parents were my parents. They grounded me when I was stupid. Let me stay up all night to figure out my limits when I fought back on bedtimes. Took me camping a lot more than others—and I know how to make my own soda bread.” The last rode a laugh. “They liked freedom and independence and they believed in leaving a place or a person better than when they found them.”

“No one ever gave you a hard time?” She found that difficult to believe.

“That’s two questions, but I’ll answer anyway. Yeah, they did. We had CPS out more than once, when someone reported them. I learned to keep quiet around people who didn’t know. The trust of the circle lies not only in worship, but in protection and self-preservation. That’s what they taught me, and I couldn’t figure out why my religion would bother other people until I was in my senior year of high school.”

Rowan had her own ideas on the subject, but she kept quiet and let him tell the story.